AN: I read Susan Kay version of Phantom and absolutely loved it. An hour after I finished reading it, Istill felt like I was swimming through music.If anyone wants me to send them the file (a friendsent it to me on rtf! free bookness!) email me at thank you again toeveryone who's reviewed and convinced me to keep on writing more diaries, because now that I did, I'm having so much fun with these...
The Very Secret Diary of Larry Firmin, Evil Twin and Stunt Double Extraordinare
Day 1: Have determined that it is time to break out of this cruel bondage of stunt duplication and alter egotism and reach out and grasp life with both hands! But... how, I wonder?
Day 2: The oppression continues. Have been forced to attend 62nd birthday party of Giles Andre and wasn't even given a piece of cake! This does it. No longer shall I put up with this treatment. Am a person with all the rights of any human! Deserve cake.
Later that night: Have stolen Richard's handkerchief. So there.
Day 3: Am sitting here writing this wearing a lavender dress coat with mauve embroidery on the sleeves. See how they torment me! It's unethical, it's not right. And the worst has yet to be told.
Richard bought an opera house, draining money from our joint bank account to do so, which might as well be called his bank account because I never get any of that money, nope, the good twin gets to be in charge of all financial matters, even when he just buggers off and leaves all the work to his stunt double while he goes and gets a manicure.
Am really getting sick of this. The time has come for drastic measures. Tonight, I shall begin my clever plan to steal the identity of Richard Firmin.
Later that Night: Richard and Giles left to attend the opera. No danger implied in evening, so not needed there. Intend to take advantage of this evening off. So far, have found documents with Richard's signature, learned to forge it, taken out a loan in his name, and then used the money for the following errands: gone to illegal arms dealer and put name down to receive an assault rifle with a scope, a dozen rounds of ammunition, and a small bomb. Then headed to shady part of town, bought large amount of cocaine, and stashed it in Richard's coat pocket.
Feel proud of self.
Surely harm will result.
Day 4: Cocaine still in jacket pocket, apparently unnoticed. Weapons have not yet arrived. Richard hanging about opera house all day, fretting about notes. Have taken to popping up behind Giles at odd moments and making disturbing commentsabout death. All this opera business a great distraction for them and makes it even easier to work my mischief.
Later that Night: Replaced soy milk with regular milk. Shall make poor, lactose intolerant Richarddeathly sickwhen he eats his morning cereal tomorrow.
Day 5: Curses. They ate bacon for breakfast. Bacon!
Weapons arrived in unmarked box. Richard assumed that box contained mother's old sewing machine that she promised to send and stored it in closet without opening it. Damn! Hate Mondays.
Day 6: Did something quite appalling with Richard's favorite pair of silk stockings. Can't wait until he finds them.
Later that Night: He was so upset he actually called me and asked me to take his place at masquerade tonight! Cannot believe my fantastic timing of this.
Brought three slightly different masks and kept switching them around whenever Giles looked away. Altered voice each time. By end of the night, poor little fellow must have thought he was having a nervous breakdown. Started twitching and giving me odd sidelong glances. Great fun. Left when party crasher started getting violent, but made Giles wait in the car so I could go back and watch the mayhem.
On a diabolical inspiration, found red wine among the refreshments, poured some over my hands, and came back into carriage wiping it off my hands in a casual manner. Wish I'd had a camera, the look on his face…
Day 7: Took day off and spent it reading. Found the most perfect idea in this one book. Locking a person in a wine cellar. V. nice wine cellar in opera.
Later that Night: Have purchased rag and cloroform in preparation for carrying out of dastardly plan. Now at the next opportunity, I shall strike! And then, his life and identity shall be mine! No longer shall I be bossed around and degraded. Soon shall be the hour of reckoning…
Day 8: Chandelier's unusually strict adherence to the laws of gravity gave perfect time to make the switch. Richard now harmlessly out of the way in wine cellar. Gone forever. No, not gone, merely… replaced.
Awww, Richard's so formal. You can call me Firmin. Hehe.
Later that Night: Giles has disappeared. Didn't end up shoving him in wine cellar too, did I? Don't think I did. Hmm. Perhaps he ran away with one of the chorus boys. No matter. Glad to have him gone. Never really understood what Richard saw in him anyway.
Wait a second. If both of them are gone, then the opera house is MINE! Haha. Ahaha. Muahahahahahahahahaaaa!
I'm gonna make a fortune selling that thing on e-bay.