Chapter Thirty-Seven

Emma lay in her husband's hammock letting the gentle sway lull her. Her hair was matted to her face by her tear dampened cheeks. I am a widow before I became a wife. Emma's chest burst with a choked sob and she buried her face in the soft pillow, inhaling the distinctive scent that was Horatio's alone.

What would become of her now? And why did Emma no longer care? Pellew could decide to toss her overboard and she wouldn't so much as cry out in protest. On the contrary. To die now would bring her closer to her beloved husband. Beloved. And I never said so to him. I love you. I love you, my darling husband. And now it was too late. Ironic that she should be able to name that giddy, powerful emotion that welled up inside of her only now.

How unfair. To lose both her father and her husband in the space of a week. Her father might as well be lost to her, though not dead. She was well and truly alone now. Her father gone. Her husband dead. Even her dear friend Archie. Poor Archie, who died never knowing anything but the fear of one man. Jack Simpson. The icy grip of rage brought Emma upright on the cot. She knew now, the murderous thoughts she'd recognized in Archie's eyes because she was sure if Emma held up a mirror to herself, she'd see the same.

Emma trembled with the force of her rage. Mercy, she had to clear her head. Somehow she had to steer her thoughts away from Jack Simpson or she would kill him and be glad of it. Horatio would not want her to forfeit her own life by killing Jack Simpson. Emma swung her legs over the side and lifted herself out of Horatio's hammock.

It would be dawn soon, and Emma could not sleep. They would be meeting with Doctor Hornblower, bringing him news of his son's death and the responsibility of his son's widow. Emma shivered and wrapped herself in her cloak of numbness. There was a significant hole in it now. The raw pain of loss drummed in her chest, preventing her from burying herself in that place where she could be efficient and busy but she had hours to kill.

The morale in the sick room was significantly diminished. The men had looked up to Horatio and enjoyed Archie's bright demeanor and the loss of both men saddened them considerably. It also softened them towards Emma in a small way. Matthews patted her hand sympathetically when she examined the wound in his thigh.

'E was a good man, Mrs. H. They both were. If you be needin' anything, all you need do is to say so."

Emma swallowed down a sob and nodded. "Thank you, Matthews." When she rose from his side, Oldroyd was sitting on her examination table.

"Reckon it needs to be changed." He said simply pointing to the bandage around his arm. Emma cleared her throat and gave him a small smile, gratitude shining in her eyes. All the men were now well on the road to recovery and out of respect for her loss, they didn't protest as she went from man to man, trying to lose herself in small tasks. And yet again ironic that she was in too much pain to appreciate the change in attitude toward her. She would be glad to leave The Indefatigable come morning. The ship was filled with Horatio. To be here would be much too painful for her and she welcomed the chance to start over some place new. The only two men that had accepted her dreams were both gone.

Perhaps Dr Hornblower would be open to letting Emma assist him in his practice. Horatio's open mind could have come from the good doctor and Emma hoped that her father in law would be as open as his son had been.

Captain Pellew came to escort her off the ship when they docked. He was so kind and considerate to her that Emma wanted to scream. She resisted the urge to hit him in the nose just to have him angry at her again, so that things could return as they were when he was stiff and uncomfortable with her and her husband was alive.

Even Styles was carrying her trunk for her without her having to ask him to help her.

Doctor Hornblower was there to meet them as Captain Pellew and Emma stepped off the ship, followed by Styles. Captain Pellew would be staying with Emma to help her settle in while the Indefatigable underwent repairs, scheduled to set sail at the end of the month.

The first thing that Emma noticed about the tall middle aged man before her was that he had the same warm brown eyes as Horatio. Emma's eyes filled with tears as he took her hand and pressed his lips to her fingers in greeting.

"Doctor Hornblower, it is with great regret that I must introduce your son's wife with a heavy heart. It grieves me to inform you that your son fell while capturing a French ship last night." Captain Pellew informed him. The doctor's face paled and he dropped Emma's hand.

"My son is dead?" He asked looking both from the captain to Emma.

"I'm afraid so, Sir." Captain Pellew affirmed, stepping aside as the rest of the crew began to disembark. The doctor's eyes closed in reflex against the pain and his hand went up to cover his mouth.

"This is Emma." Captain Pellew announced. Doctor Hornblower glanced down at Emma once again. He had Horatio's unruly curls, though his was peppered grey with age. He was tall as her husband had been. But his mouth was thin where Horatio had been full lipped. Emma swayed slightly, remembering the feel of that soft mouth on hers. Captain Pellew held on to her elbow, supportively. Emma imagined her husband's mouth had come from his deceased mother, as did his long lashes. Pulling her out of her revelry, Doctor Hornblower took Emma's hand again. His eyes glistening and his nose red.

"My dear child. What a tragic means of introduction. My son spoke quite fondly of you. Come, both of you, inside and we will speak at our leisure." Emma found her fingers held tight against the man's side as he took her arm and led her through the crowd of seamen and merchants to his waiting carriage. Though his step never wavered and he walked with his head held high, Emma could feel the shiver of his skin and got the impression that her father in law was taking as much comfort from having her close as she was from being led.

The good doctor lived within his means, which was considerably less than Emma was used to, and yet it seemed to suit him. His house was one story, white wood trimmed with green window and door paneling and topped with intricate white lace trimmed wood along the roof. It was the sign on the porch that drew her attention. A green painted rectangle with white lettering reading: Doctor Henry Malcolm Hornblower, M.D.

Would she ever have a sign like that? The desire for one was dimmed inside of her. What did it matter now? What did anything matter now?

Emma let herself be led into the small house. Though it was small and simply furnished, it was welcoming. Captain Pellew and Doctor Hornblower spoke around her, making arrangements but Emma found she couldn't focus her attention. She imagined Horatio walking through the corridor. Hanging up his coat. Or as a child climbing up onto the sofa or onto the pillowed rocking chair by the hearth, onto his mother's lap. Did the woman read to him as a child? Horatio never told her. Emma felt her heart squeeze with the realization that there was so much about her husband that she did not know. Would never know.

AN: Sorry for the delay with this chapter, I meant to get it out sooner.

Camreyn: Fear not, Simpson will get his, that I promise. (smiles) Thank you so much for your kick ass feedback. You make my day! We get to meet Daddy Hornblower in this chapter, he's a cool Doc-Pop-In-Law. (smiles)

Tianis: I'm glad you're enjoying this story and took the time to review! It is appreciated muchly and hopefully you'll always let me know what ya think as ya read on. Now I could tell you what happens with our boys, but do you really wanna know just yet? (laughs)