ROBIN AND THE TITAN'S LAMP
Hey, everybody! This is my first fanfic ever! And it's an Aladdin parody, mmmhhh… I'm pretty sure there was another Teen Titans/Aladdin parody around here…Can't remember the author, but it was pretty funny… I gotta find it… Oh, well! On with the story! I love Teen Titans, and since I re-watched Aladdin, it came stuck in my head, so I decided to do this. You might notice some changes in the Aladdin storie, 'cause I've added some things that were cutted from the final movie, and others were just to make it funnier (look for Monty Python references). Woah, that's a big author's note.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Titans… yet…
CHAPTER 1: A Tamarean Tale.
We're looking at a desert full of dunes. The sand seems to be bright red, and three big suns shine fiercely in the purple sky, that is, however, a little bit dark and full with stars. There's no one here, but then, a strange figure appears, walking slowly: it looks kind of like a yak, but its fur is dark blue and the legs are as long as giraffe legs, with two big and twisted gray horns coming out of its head, and big, yellow eyes that stand out in the middle of the face, and a huge hunch coming out of its back. On the beast's hunch, another creature is sitting, riding it. It looks like a tiny, little man with a huge, pretty tall back pack. Whatever it is, it starts singing in a deep, hypnotizing voice:
"Oh, I come from a land
In a far away place,
Full of fear from the threat of a war.
Where they take off your eyes
If they don't like your face,
Yes I know, their manners are not so nice.
It's a miserable place
Where you can no one trust,
And all hopes had already been lost.
So go on, grab your cape,
Take your mask, fly away
And escape the Tamerean Night."
As the camera (eh, the camera) passes over a big dune, the city of Tamaran is seen: it first looks like a beautiful place, a big, shiny mass of buildings crowned by the huge tower of the Castle that stands in the center of the city, against the dark sky, where the three suns are already setting. But as the camera goes closer and pass through the big walls of the city, we discover that the lands that surround the Great Palace are actually full of misery and sadness. There's almost no one in the streets, just some weird animals and homeless people sleeping against the old stone houses. The little guy and his beast have disappeared, but the song can still be heard:
"Tamarean Nights,
Like Tamarean Days,
Are so full of gloom,
Light just has no room
In this dark alley maze.
Tamarean Nights,
With their six silver moons,
So barbaric and mad
That more than one man
Has found here his doom…"
As the song ends, the yak-like creature and its rider are re-spotted coming out of an alley. The beast, however, looks sick and tired, and it soon collapses in the floor, exhaling its last breath- and also, a raspberry-like noise comes out apparently of its rare end, while its horse-like tail is lifted by an unpleasant wind. The rider, indifferent to all this, jumps off of the animal's hunch and approaches to the camera. It's a man, a stubby and really short one. He's wearing an over-sized black coat with silver buttons, and the sleeves are long enough to almost touch the ground. His belt, with a big, silver buckle, is made of the same brown leather than his giant back pack, which seems too big to make it possible for the little man to carry it himself-yet he does. His hands and feet are hidden by the coat, and also is hidden big part of his head: on the top of it lies a big, black cowboy hat with a purple band, from under which falls a big amount of long, light brown hair that partially covers the face and all of the back side of the head, stopping right under the shoulders. There's also a big purple kerchief ,with white eye-like symbols, covering the man's mouth and nose. His eyes, finally, are also covered by a black mask. Then, the man speaks to the camera:
"Ah, good evening, fellas. Don't be afraid, I'm just a silly merchant." His voice seems too deep for a man of his size. As he speaks, he reveals his hands, which are covered with black gloves with holes for the fingers. "However, we have to be precautious. This land is no longer safe… not since good old King got himself a new advisor…But that's another story! Now, what I'm about to show you today, is something not many people have seen… Are you ready? Yes? Here it goes, then…"
"PEEK-A-BOO!" The merchant opens his coat, revealing his belt to be fake, and what is seen now is the merchant's full naked body… well, almost naked. He is wearing, however, a tiny purple speedo with symbols matching the ones in his kerchief, and a pair of black boots with pointy, metallic endings. What calls everyone's attention is not the merchant's big belly, but the great amount of strange items attached to his coat's interior part.
"Go on, you can look all the time you want!" Says the merchant, not stating if he's referring to the weird looking articles or his semi-nudeness. "I'm pretty sure all of you would like to have one of this in your homes." He says, grabbing what looks like a silver jar with big green precious stones incrusted on it. "It's an antique. A real one. Pretty old, at least. And it makes some great glorg!" He then puts the jar upside-down on a table and presses it hard. When he lifts it again, there's a big amount of the nauseating tamarean dish known as glorg coming out of the jar. "And I tell you, this baby won't break!" The merchant starts tapping the jar on the table. "Will not-" Suddenly, the jar breaks. "It broke." He tosses the ruined kitchen marvel aside.
The merchant then pulls out what looks like a pink bladder with metallic pipes coming out of it. "Say, are you interested in folklore music? Perhaps you would like to purchase one of my brand new gorka pipes!" He blows at the instrument and a horrible, loud disturbing noise comes out of it. The camera then starts leaving, but the merchant hurries to catch it. "NOW WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Even with his face fully covered, is easy to tell he's really pissed of. He's grabbing what looks like a golden handgun with a huge cannon, and he's pointing in towards the camera. "I came ALL the way from my home to this DANGEROUS place, JUST to meet you…" He then points at the dead yak-like creature. "Poor old Winky DIED just to BRING ME here…" He's suddenly interrupted by another fart coming out of the supposedly dead Winky's butt. He glares at the beast for a few seconds and then continues: "And now you wanna LEAVE? I don't think so! You're not leaving 'till you buy something, so you better SIT DOWN!" The camera obeys, standing there motionless, yet a little bit shaky.
"Alrighty, then…" The merchant adds in a more joyful tone. "Oh, look at this!" He then pulls something out of his sleeve. It looks like a golden lava-lamp, with its fluid changing color constantly yet slowly. "Don't let its common appearance trick you, lads. This is a really rare item that possesses unique qualities, I assure you. It even changed the course of a boy's life once. A boy that, like this lamp, was much more than he seemed…he was a…diamond in the rough. Would you like to hear the full story?" The camera, then, tries to leave again, slower this time, but again, the merchant hurries to catch it, the golden gun pointed towards the camera once more. "Would you like to hear the full story?" He asks again, this time in a tone that is a little bit too polite. The camera nods nervously, and the gun goes down once more. "Very well… here we go…" He pulls out a bunch of pictures, and while he shows them, he starts singing again:
"In the Palace, right here, (He shows a picture of the Great Palace.)
Lived a wicked sir,
The Great Vizier of Tamaran. (He shows a picture of a tall man hidden in the shadows.)
And this part-time magician,
This amateur seer
Wished to see the good old King die."
He shows a third picture, which is actually a very bad drawing of an angry guy with horns saying "DIE!" to a scared guy with a crown. The merchant then tosses the pictures away and continues singing:
"He wasn't charming, nor slick,
Neither evil and wise,
Just disturbed, perverted and sick.
And with this dark, eerie man
Is how my tale begins
In the dangerous Tamarean Night…"
The merchant's voice fades, while the set changes. We're again at the desert from the beginning, but now is fully night, with a bunch of white moons replacing the three suns in the now black sky, filled with stars and red clouds. On the top of a dune stands another yak-like creature, yet this one looks stronger and younger than Winky. Its horns are even bigger, and its fur is of a darker blue. In the glowing yellow eyes, the big, blood-red pupils stand out. Its rider is a tall man, who keeps certain resemblance to the one shown by the merchant in the picture. His face is still hidden in the dark, yet his deep blue eyes can be seen. His hair is short and white, and his body is totally covered by a blood-red robe with black symbols on it. On his left shoulder is perched a decrepit vulture. The bird, even as being pretty scary, doesn't show the same magnificence than its master. Suddenly, a motor-like noise is heard, and in the horizon appears a dark figure riding what looks like a motorbike, yet not exactly. The bike stops right in front of the yak-like animal, which glares menacingly at both the weird bike and its rider.
"You're late." Speaks the tall man, the look in his eyes very similar to the one in his beast's ones.
"Well, what do you know, at least I'm here, am I not?" Replied the other guy, who under the moons light is revealed as Johny Rancid.
"Did you bring it?"
"I got it right here…" Rancid pulls out what looks like the half of a golden medallion with symbols on its surface. As the tall man stretches his arm to grab the rare piece, Rancid yanks it back. "First, I want the reward…" All of a sudden, the aging vulture flies from its master's shoulder and grabs the medallion, hurting Rancid with its claws in the process. "Ouch! What the fu-"
"Thanks, Wintergreen" Says the tall man as the vulture gently gives him the stolen item. "And as to you…" He adds, now talking to Rancid again. "Don't worry, you will get what you deserve…at the end." He then takes from his pocket the second half of the medallion. As he puts both pieces together, they become one again, shining with a blinding light, a pair of silver wings sprouting out of the medallion. Finally, it flies away at a great speed.
"Quickly! Follow it!" Yells the tall man as he makes his beast run behind the gliding golden piece, the vulture flying next to him. Rancid obeys, rides his bike and follows. Even being the bike a really fast one, it cannot catch to the speed of the yak-like creature, with its four long legs.
After a while, the medallion divides again, and each half buries itself in the sand. Suddenly, a big mass of earth starts growing from that same spot, and when it finishes, there's a giant head of a creature that looks like a combination of a dog and a dinosaur, made completely of sand, with the two shining halves of the medallion serving as eyes, and its huge mouth open as if it was an entrance to the center of the earth itself.
"At last, after all this years… the Cave of Wonder bras!" Says the tall man, astonished.
"Holly…" Johny Rancid has finally arrived, and he's not able to believe what he sees.
"Now go, Rancid. Bring me the lamp" Orders the tall man. "The treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!" As Rancid approaches the entrance of the cave, both the man and the vulture fix their eyes on him. After a while, the vulture talks:
"With all the due wethpect, my lowd, whewe did you find thith athhole?"
The man just shushes the bird, as Rancid finally reaches the entrance. But, when he's about to set his foot inside the fang-lined mouth, the cave starts moving, and it speaks with a deep, mighty voice:
"Who disturbs my slumber?"
"It is I, Johny Rancid, the criminal"
"Know that not anyone can enter this cave. Only the diamond in the rough will be able to." Says the cave, before staying still again. A little bit nervous, Rancid turns to see the tall man, waiting for indications. But the tall man just shots him a glare that obviously means 'go on', so he does. Full with fear, Rancid puts his foot inside the cave… and nothing happens. Rancid then laughs with triumph and proceeds to walk down the sand stairs inside the mouth… but as he does so, the cave's entrance starts shaking and the huge mouth starts closing. Rancid tries to run away, but a giant tongue made of fire comes out of the cave's mouth grabbing Rancid by one foot and swallowing him. The monster's face starts disappearing, as it delivers a final message to the tall man: "Find the diamond in the rough…" At the end, all that's left are the two pieces of the medallion lying over the sand.
"Well, what a pity" Says the vulture after a while. "It lookth like we will have to thuwendew, my lowd. Thewe'th no way to get that lamp."
"Not necessarily, Wintergreen. All we have to do is find that diamond in the rough…"
Well, that was the first chapter! It turned out to be longer than I though… eh, what can I say? I love describing things to the most minimum detail. Oh, and The-destined-one, I already found your fic! (it took me quite a while to write this chappie, and I found it while a little break.) I must admit, it was your story the one that inspired me to write this one, but please don't sue me! Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase! (Jeez, that's lame). Anyway, I'm not gonna tell you which character plays what role, that's something you gotta find out (keep reading). But in case you haven't find out, Robin's our hero and Starfire's the princess. And about the 'bad guy with multiple personalities' stuff… well, that's something you will get towards the end of the story (Again, keep reading!). REVIEW, people! But no flames... Please, what's a flame? (sorry, I'm new at this).