Chapter Thirty-Nine

There would be a funeral mass said for Midshipman Horatio Hornblower at the end of the week where at such time, Emma was required to file for a death certificate from the registrar's office. All of this information was supplied by Captain Pellew and Horatio's father when, Emma lost herself and dissolved into tears at the sight of the small chapel. She could not make herself go inside no matter how much she mentally scolded herself. To walk into the church and discuss a memorial mass was to make it real. So Emma was allowed to stay in the carriage.

Logically, Emma knew Horatio was gone and it was her duty as his wife to see to his memorial but Emma simply could not. As long as she did not enter that church. Did not discuss bible readings or eulogies than she could keep the fanciful hope alive that her husband had not died and that it was all just some terrible dream. A childish fancy that would have normally caused Emma no end of embarrassment but at the moment, with her cloak around her to ward off the biting English wind, Emma didn't care. There was no room in her heavy heart for mortification.

As Doctor Hornblower ordered the driver back to the house, Emma suddenly spoke, after being silent for most of the time since the doctor and captain's return.

"I would like to return to the Indy this afternoon. To see to the wounded men, if that's all right with you, Captain. Before they are moved to the hospital." Emma asked, turning to Captain Pellew. He must have seen the desperation in her eyes, the need for some kind of normalcy, routine in that horror of the past two days. He nodded, his eyes full of sympathy for her.

"Oh, and I shall accompany you, of course." Henry injected.

Emma closed her eyes against her burst of insulted anger. She did not need anyone coming along to second guess her work. Instead, Emma clenched her small fists tight beneath her cloak.

Captain Pellew saw the irritated set of her jaw but wisely said nothing. Emma had the most powerful urge to hit something. Anything. She never recalled feeling so angry. To stop herself from screaming, Emma pressed her nails into her palm. How on earth did she end up here? Bumping along in a carriage towards a ship full of men who despised her. The only men who had cared for her were gone. Her father, forced to abandon her to a stranger who was now dead. She'd begged her father to take her with him! Pleaded. Once again, Emma had been rejected. No, not quite the same, was it? Her mother had left by choice. Her father had left to save her, Emma reminded herself guiltily.

And then there was Horatio. If he was alive and across from her now, she'd box his ears! How many times had she begged him to expose Jack Simpson for the evil spawn of the devil that he was? But no. And now his pride had gotten he and Archie killed. Truth be told, if Archie was across from her along with Horatio she'd knock both their heads together 'till their ears were ringing. How dare they leave her alone? She hated them, Emma decided, tears streaming down her cheeks, hated them both and hoped that Horatio and Archie found no peace in whatever great beyond there was as Emma had already convinced herself that there was no God.

"My dear, are you certain you wouldn't rather go home and rest?" Henry asked concerned as he handed her his handkerchief. Emma resisted the urge to push the fine piece of linen down her father in law's condescending throat. Goodness, she was being rather unreasonable! Emma realized it, but could not help herself. The anger at everybody simmered deep in her stomach and she was afraid if she spoke it would be a terrible scream of rage.

She was alternately glad and heartbroken when the carriage pulled up to the Indefatigable. Repairmen and sailors dotted the decks in various duties. She followed Henry and the Captain up onto the ship and down into the sick room.

The men were surprised to see Emma, Matthews pleasantly so. But they were even more surprised to see Doctor Hornblower and eagerly complained of various pains to him. Emma gritted her teeth in annoyance that the men so easily accepted Horatio's father when to her, they had to be near death to let her examine them.

She was relegated to handing Doctor Hornblower bandages and scissors and filling the wash basins.

If she were a child, she'd stand in the middle of the room she jump up and down screaming bloody murder in the most furious tantrum these men had ever seen.

"Aye, Mrs. H patched us up all good like. 'T was lucky for us she was on board." Matthews said giving Emma a sympathetic sad smile.

And now she wanted to cry. Before Emma lost control of her whirl of emotions, she begged a need for air and left the room. She rushed above deck and gripped the railing, taking in great gulps of salty air. She glanced down at the rolling green water and briefly entertained the notion of jumping in. What did she really have to live for anymore? Her husband was gone. Her father off in hiding, possibly dead himself. A burden to a father in law she didn't know. A dream she would never see fulfilled. What was left for her? Possibly remarriage to the first available gentleman as soon as Doctor Hornblower could arrange it. Probably some loathsome old man for what would be the chances fate would give her some one as beautiful and kind hearted as Horatio again? The fates had never been overly kind to her as evidenced by her current situation. No, she'd probably end up married to some man who insisted that a woman's opinions were of no value and her dreams should consist of simply running a household and bearing children.

Jumping into the water was looking more and more inviting by the second.

Then a thought came to Emma. Archie's books. They were to inform the Kennedy's that their youngest son had been lost in the line of duty and Emma felt her friend's belongings should be turned over to the family. She would see to it. Though she wasn't relishing being reminded of all the things that had brought a smile to that cherubic face. Though remembering Archie's face in it's happier times was easing the pain in her chest somewhat and she even felt herself smiling a bit in memory. Perhaps going through his things would make her feel a little better. Emma certainly hoped so because she imagined the Atlantic Ocean was bloody damn cold this time of year.

When she made her way into the cabin Archie had occupied, she was stopped short by the sight before her. Jack Simpson sat in his hammock, books piled on his lap and against his thigh. He was flipping through one and grinning gleefully as he tore out pages and let them drift to the floorboards.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked with a growing sense of dread. Jack looked over at her and smiled smugly. "Ah, hello Madame Snotty. Missed me, did you?"

Emma bent her self down and picked up one of the sheets of paper off the floor. Her suspicions were confirmed. The pages were from one of Archie's play books. She wasn't all that familiar with the work, having spent most of her free time studying medical texts instead of Shakespeare. The top of the page was titled Hamlet, Act Two. Another page came down and fluttered onto her hair.

"Stop that, you evil son of a whore!" Emma shouted straightening and grabbing at the books on his lap. "Give me them! You have no right to destroy property that doesn't belong to you!" She cried as Jack Simpson pulled at the books along with her. Some of them tumbled onto the floor.

With lightening quick speed, Jack Simpson was out of the hammock and had her pressed on her back against the floor boards.

"Get off of me, you monster!" Emma struggled beneath his heavy weight.

"Speaking of property. Seeing as Kennedy and Hornblower are no here to stop me. I say I lay claim to you myself, hmm?" Jack said, his breath hot against her face. Emma stopped struggling and stared up at him.

"Do you really think you could do anything to me, now?" She asked softly. "You took away two of the only people I cared about on this damn ship. I have nothing left." Emma said shaking her head. "So go ahead. Do what you will to me." Jack scowled at her. She noticed that the hard evidence of his intention was now no longer detectable to her. He wanted her struggling beneath him. He wanted her afraid and crying and begging him for mercy. He lowered his head closer, to show her his intention was a real one.

"Do what you will to me, you are considerably stronger than I am and I will not bother fighting you. But let me warn you now, Mr. Simpson. Before this ship sets sail again, I'm sure you will be on my table once more and even if I am merely assisting Doctor Hornblower, by my hands I swear you will meet your end." Emma seethed at him, knowing at that moment that she was no longer a child anymore. She would gladly kill him. Ridding the world of this monster would be her vengeance.

Jack Simpson backed up slightly, warily staring down at her. He seemed to be gauging the seriousness of her threat when there was a commotion above decks that diverted his attention. Stopping, he lifted himself off of Emma and her heart began pounding again when he left her alone to go check what the shouting and cheering was about outside.

AN: I just realized that I had a brain fart and left you hanging with whether Emma told Pellew about her father or not. (shakes head) I'm a ding bat. Forgive me. I will tie up that end in the next chapter and will keep it as a conversation that took place 'off-screen' HH is known for that, the whole Horatio/Archie non "Oh by the way, Simpson is dead now" conversation. The whole non 'Why, Mr Kennedy, I thought you were dead, welcome back to the Indy' conversation. I guess I'm pretty film canon in forgetting the Pellew-Emma conversation. (laughs)

Camreyn: I didn't add a Horatio chapter in here cause I wanted to keep the suspense in the chapters for this book. Though I do plan on giving some chapters from Horatio's point of view next time I 'kill' him off. (laughs) Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Only a handful of chapters left in this book!