I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was inspired completely by a picture of Folken unwillingly getting his hair cut by a midget and a night of no sleep.
Stay tuned after this chapter for previews on upcoming works.
And now for the fic. Bon apetite.
Entry 450
I have calmed slightly. I will try my best to help. I suppose it isn't so bad a job. And with how some of these others are Namely Astantio, if living subjects must be worked with, I suppose it would be better for someone with a gentle hand to keep them calm rather than someone cold and distant to traumatize them.
Perhaps I can do this after all. If I set my mind to it, I can do most anything. We are all of us stronger than we believe, if only we will have sense enough to drop our chains when we fight.
I suppose an apology to Lord Korrade would normally be in order. Or...no, I suppose not. I've done precious little wrong. I have my convictions and I am sticking to them. He must understand and respect this. Any sensible mentor would appreciate such a quality in a student. Unless, of course, that mentor is not interested in teaching as my last mentor had been.
I shall speak to him, at any rate, to make mention of my change of heart and renewed sense of motivation. He will be pleased, I should hope.
Entry 464
Though pain, I know, is merely a sign that something must be rectified, the sizable presence of it in every day life is hardly a benign symbol. We are hardly doing enough to combat it, I feel. We need to do so much more. More than what these feeble experiments could accomplish.
I can not help but wonder at why we have so many short assistants. Why we have so many young soldiers and workers here. They'll die young. If they don't, they'll die completely without heart. It should not be that way. They do not dream and do not wish to. They are hardly living, yet think that life could not be anything more than what they have.
Do they ever even wonder what lies behind those gates?
Entry 467
I suppose I will always regret leaving my brother behind. I have not been able to get any news of how things are progressing in Fanelia. I should at least like to know whether or not he is doing well.
Perhaps I could borrow one of the messengers to find some information.
Or maybe an advisor. They do keep stock of what other nations are doing.
Entry 468
You need to let it go.
-Astantio
Entry 469
Damnit! I leave my journal alone for one moment and Astantio feels he has found his chance to get ahead! This is my only measure of keeping a bit of privacy, as I have told Lord Korrade many, many times. I need something which I can keep to myself. If I can not do that, I can not work things out. One tires of always talking in one's own head. One requires something to map that vast battleground out with.
And here he is again. Wonderful. He asks me if I am writing again. I should think that would be rather obvious, what with the pen and the book and the wonderfully peaceful silence which he had just shattered.
I
Entry 470
I should like to continue where I was previously, as I don't like leaving things so abruptly ended. However, the way the subject matter had progressed...well,I just don't know.
I suppose I'll just get a lock for this journal. I do not wish to have anyone who is curious to have access to my thoughts any longer. They interpret them incorrectly and try to help me without ability, like a doctor trying to cure a cold with amputation.
He has been warned to distance himself from me. If he can not keep himself away willingly, I can just as easily push him. I do try to be kind, but to no purpose. Simple things I ask for, those which ought to be common decency, are denied and met with hatred for the mere action of requesting.
And he has absolutely no right to tell me how to feel about my past. An empty void can not be destroyed or subdued. It must be filled. Otherwise it is always there.
He has not experienced loss.
He's had nothing to hold to in the first place.
I'm not sure which is the more tragic.
Entry 471
Ah, the fresh pages of a new journal. How comforting their crinkling sound is. I suppose I ought to just leave the previous journal to the rubbish pile. It is filled with many things which I would rather forget, I suppose. However, accuracy begs that I keep it. And what else do I have in this place, anyway?
I am glad to have once again been able to speak with the Emperor. He was very patient with me, with my requests. I must admit that I was not in the best of temperaments during our recent meeting. He, however, was perhaps the only one who did not think me mad. Rather, I should like to think he saw my point of view.
At any rate, I have recieved a transfer. I shall now be able to work as lead Strategist for Zaibach, overseeing weapons production and the art of war. It is a far cry from what I have been doing for the past few years. The change will do me good.
As I stay calmly seated in the recesses of this transport, I can't help but have hope that the future will perhaps overshadow the past, so as to make everything more worthwhile in the end.
Entry 475
Everything is in such a state of...well, disorder would be an interesting phrase for it. It isn't the ranks or the supplies that are out of order. It is the opinions of the other officials. While everyone agrees that peace must be brought about and that the Emperor is a man worthy of honor, no one can agree on how peace should be brought about or what the Emperor's words mean.
And any advice from myself is promptly sneered at and ignored.
I am not certain, but there seems to be a pattern developing with my relations to other people.
Entry 481
I should keep a log of the enemies I have acquired. The latest is my taylor. He holds no love for the needs which must be met with my clothing. While taking my measurements, he could not help but make several mentions of the 'fucking toga.' He has also made several mentions of the fact that if I ruin any of the outfits that he makes for me, he will not be responsible for his actions.
From this, I infer that a toga is a difficult thing to make. Either that or he has no talent for modifying patterns. The latter seems more likely, as there are precious few around here who are not in nearly perfect health Mental health excluded.
I suppose I shan't be doing anything to harm these creations of his. No one wants to have their throat slit with sewing shears while they are sleeping.
Entry 490
We have finally managed to coordinate and agree enough to have a meeting. At present, several representatives, advisors and politicians are gathering at this meeting table. I suppose I ought to be nervous at my first chance to be able to talk with them.
But what is the worry for me? I know the outcome already. They hate me. They disagree with me and see no merit in any ideas that I have. This is a given, a stagnant variable. It is the control factor in that logic problem known as my life.
And as the glares come in my direction, I suppose they will now pretend to hear what I have to say. This ought to be fun.
Entry 491
The meeting was not so unsuccessful as I feared. I get along with the politicians fairly well. Their only concern, of course, is the economical aspect of war. I have placated them in this, hopefully putting across that I do understand the severity of Zaibach's poverty. Though I am not certain they appreciated my remark that Austerity had put her fine touch upon most everything here.
Advisors are a little more difficult, as they always feel they are right. It is hard to argue with someone like that, as many people remark about arguing with myself.
I believe the best way I will have to deal with them is to ignore them. Seeing as they will think whatever they wish no matter what I say, I will say what I feel and to hell with them.
As for the representatives...what can be said of them? They are soldiers chosen to represent officers. They shall be my worst problem, and it is easy to see why. Soldiers only wish to be controlled by other soldiers. My past has not caught up with me here, and so they know nothing of where I come from. It will, doubtless, catch up with me in the future. I would rather not bring it up to others, for I am enjoying this little reprieve. As far as they know, I am merely a student of politics and have never been in a training hall, let alone in battle.
As such, they feel assured that they will be forgotten in my plans and that I will be a rope about their necks, to hang them if they dare step too far.
They were the only ones to argue blatantly with me. They have no shame and no fear. And of course they have no tact. Perfect soldiers, yes?
I think I can manage to get along with the others, but I feel these soldiers shall be no end of trouble to me.
Entry 530
Another meeting gone by and nothing accomplished. Several battles were planned, but that is it. These meetings could accomplish so much more if their were more cooperation.
Too much to hope for, I suppose.
I have taken to wandering about again. This is still not highly looked upon down here. However, there is something wonderful that I have discovered in this new position which makes everything better.
I am in charge.
This short phrase makes the hateful looks and dissagreements go along so much smoother. In fact, it provides a lot of amusement for me, which has previously been in short supply. Nothing exasperates someone so set in their ways as a Zaibach native than to have some strange foreign idiot being bolder than they could hope for. They don't seem able to handle it.
Entry 535
My short excursions become less and less well-recieved. I suppose I will stop having so many of them, lest others think that I am doing no work. I could not help myself, however. With how long I went without any break at all, I could not help spending more time out in the sunlight. No one here seems to understand what it is like to be without sunlight. They have spent their lives indoors. And they are so unforgiving about it.
There is also some annoyance over my habit of 'picking up strays', as they call it. No one knows what to make of this. I should think it obvious. I am simply extending a little kindness to those in need. That is all. Those two girls I found, for example, are two very good reasons why we must accomplish our goals. Their world ended so abruptly, so violently, and with precious little reason but prejudice and greed. This is what we must stop. This is what we work for.
Entry 590
I know I have mentioned this several times, but I must once more make mention of the fact that I detest soldiers.
They are waging their own personal war against me. They grudgingly take my advice and my orders, but their resentment is a little more than obvious.
I finally have the experience of addressing a general. That was...pleasant. I must write down some of his comments, lest I forget them. They are far too amusing to let pass into the abyss.
"You have too much personality for a servant of our Emperor"
-I am convinced that a smile is the equivalent of an insult to these people. Everyone becomes unbelievably incensed when I do even slightly smile. I ought just never smile again, I suppose.
"Your haircut is far from regulation"
-The general had quite a few things to say about my appearance. He showed that he actually had a slight sense of humor in this instance when he mentioned that 'Dignitaries, by their very nature, should at least know how to exhibit some dignity."
"Of course, if you were under my command, you would be on restriction for the rest of your life"
-Might I ask where this reputation of being wild and recklass came from? I did a few things to defend myself, that was it. I try to be quiet and do my job.
And it isn't as if a soldier of such high rank has never killed anyone or struck another man in anger. I don't do it when I am able to be myself. I only do it when placed in a situation I can not abide by. I suppose no one else will ever understand that..
"I really don't like you"
-I must commend him on his mildly named abhorrence. Very tactful for a soldier.
"You have absolutely no sense of respect"
-I'll never understand why anyone despises a person writing while they are talking. It helps me think, and so it is a sign that I am truly considering a person's words, not the other way around. Not to mention it helps to keep a person from making some very tactless remarks. Really, everyone ought to try it. (Then again, because I am writing these down to insult him, I suppose he is justified in this statement.)
"I see that you will be a lot of work"
-Because apparently he feels that he'll have to train...well, whatever it is that aggravates him..out of me. I suppose this will provide for some very interesting conversations.
At this point, he seems to have become so fed up with me that he excused himself to his ship.
All in all, he's not that bad a person to converse with. And the business of his wanting to have me executed really adds to the relationship, I think.
Entry 608
I've had enough. They listen to none of my plans, but have plenty to say when it comes to criticizing me! They worry about my behavior, namely my taking care of my two girls. Why should they worry? The girls don't take up any ungodly amount of my time. I take care of all my duties and care for them in my spare time. It should be no concern of theirs whatsoever.
And let us not forget that these men take so much stock in my appearance and demeanor. Never in what I have to say.
This foolishness will come to an end. They will listen to me. This next meeting will be made use of or there will be consequences. I will see to it.
Entry 610
It was such a lovely change of pace to have a good meeting for a change! I accomplished everything I had hoped to and had no trouble being heard this time. I shall have to make a formula for how to have all these meetings go from now on.
I was purposely late to this meeting. Everyone else always shows up later than I, and I am forced to do something to take away the boredom. This leaves me in an unguarded position, one which all others can attack as a sign of disrespect and lack of work. Being late is seen as a sign of a busy schedule. It also allowed for a wonderful interruption.
And I had, after much annoyance and brooding, decided to give in to their demands about a change in appearance. Though I feel, or at least hope, that they were dissapointed in how it was changed. I decided on the most outlandish cut I could think of. I couldn't tell if it was more displeasure or mere shock at the site of it.
Most likely I won't keep it this way. However, if they ever feel the need to make mention of my appearance again, the dreaded mullet awaits them in the deep dark shadows.
I made mention of the decision to send my girls off to training. I had spoken to them about it the night before. They will be sad to leave me, however they are excited. They have always been interested in swordsmanship. This will be a wonderful opportunity for them.
After that introduction, I stated the business of this meeting. I also stated, quite coldly, that there would be no interruptions. I was able to present my plan with ease.
To prevent anyone from engaging me in useless arguments, as had occured in all previous meetings, I excused myself and instructed all questions to be sent via messenger to my quarters.
I left some bewildered men in that room. Bewildered and angry.
And, honestly? I don't care.
Entry 640
This job is far too easy, I am finding. And without the girls here, I find myself without anything of much interest to do. The weather has not been very good and so I have been a little discouraged about traveling outside.
I suppose a man should not curse his efficiency, but I would appreciate it if some of my work were to overlap in my personal life.
I have requizitioned a large journal for myself. I tire of re-reading the books that I have in stock, and so I felt I ought to write my own. I've titled it "A Brief Look at Philosophy." I am certain that no one else will ever wish to read it. However, it should at least amuse me for a little while.
I have also been studying the Alseides units. I've discovered several modifications that could be added to these to improve their efficiency and safety. And a very neglected thing is the level of comfort. If a person is to be trapped in a guymelef for hours or even days at a time, comfort will be an issue.
The mechanics are very friendly towards me, I have found. They love anything that could help to make their work easier, or at the very least more interesting. I am thankful that at least some people here do not hate me.
Entry 651
I haven't been writing much in here lately. My book is taking up more of my freetime, which I suppose is best. I've not had much to add to introspection and that is what I would prefer to have right now.
I have managed to write five volumes on the subject. I suppose one thing I can not fault my arm for is the fact that with it, I can write nearly as fast as I think. That prevents the usual hardship of having too many ideas to write them out at once.
Meetings are going well as usual, but we are having some difficulty in regards to new recruits. There simply are not enough children of Zaibach to fill the ranks. I have mentioned numerous times in the past that it might be wise to contract soldiers from other countries, but the patriotic natives as usual despised the idea.
Well, despise it or not, we're doing it. It is not a strategic move to have our troops dwindle. They will integrate or there will be consequences.
I have been studying the current status of other countries lately. Asturia seems the most likely candidate for an ally. While they enjoy a hefty amount of free will and normally would never sign an agreement with something they view as a third-world country, we have something in our favor. Asturia is ruled by two things: Fear and Greed. And Fear will always outweigh Greed.
I have scheduled negotiations with Asturia's king. Simple negotiations. Nothing too malicious. That is certainly not necessary for now. I will first appeal to their greed. Though we do not have much in material goods to trade, there is always creativity and technology, something that Asturia lacks. I believe the easiest thing will be to convince them that we can help them to prosper economically. I haven't got an idea as to how yet, but I will by the time the meeting comes.
In the future it may become necessary to use intimidation and force to keep them with us. Asturia is country. However, it behaves more like an alliance of merchants. As such, it has no great sense of pride. This is a fair-weather country, one which will tire of an alliance eventually.
It does sadden me that no one ever cooperates. However, there is a task that must be done. And just as these meetings can only be conducted properly using intimidation, so must our foreign policy be carried out.
Entry 653
I recieved a message from Lord Korrade. I was a bit surprised, to say the least. And not at all pleased.
He was worried about me, thanks to messages and reports he had recieved (As many people view him as my superior, and wish to have him help get me away from them.). He mentioned that I could always come back to my old position, so long as I would follow the rules.
He also voiced his dissaproval about my plans for Asturia.
The second message, written in reply to my reply, was much more amusing.
"I fear for my country"
I can not help but laugh at this. If I can frighten him, it is worth everything. I had told him that I had not truthfully considered his opinion of value ever since he started mistreating and misjudging me. I also made it clear I had no intention of going back.
And, of course, I made mention that no sorcerer has the right to try and influence Zaibach's foreign policy. That was a different department altogether, one which he would never understand.
I did it only to aggravate him and for that I am certain to recieve many angry messages from him in the future.
Ah, well.
Perhaps he ought to learn to calm down. People may think him insanely belligerent and lock him up.
And perhaps I shall mention that in my next note, along with a statement of my fear for personal safety in regards to him. He, of all people, should know how easy it is to get someone locked up with statements like that.
Entry 659
Lord Korrade and I have been waging message war. We seem to have gotten off of the subject of my 'erratic' behavior (finally) and on to a subject of actual business. The latest experiment in his group is finally set for use. His problem, however, is in making the other soldiers accept this one. I do intend to help with this problem, but I could not resist telling him that this is not my problem. We fought about that for awhile. He finally resorted to his biggest weapon: A threat to report me to the Emperor.
"Which will gain you what, exactly"
He had to concede in the next message that he could not win. After all, everyone knows that the Emperor listens to me far more than he does the other sorcerers.
After I had enjoyed the satisfaction of winning, I told him I would take care of the problem for him. This did not prove as easy as I had originally planned. No one wanted a soldier from the sorcerers, let alone a foreign one. However, if I sit with a problem long enough, I can find an answer. It takes a bit of logic, that's all.
I paid General Adelphus a visit. We spoke civilly for a few minutes, which I think is our highest record. (Normally it only takes half a minute for him to dole out his frustrated insults and for myself to resort to petty mindgames)
I commended him on his recent victory and questioned him about his training methods, as well as the groups under his command. He admitted to having open spaces for some new groups. Perfect!
I then informed him that he would be taking this soldier on. He was not happy about this, of course. However, I did not intend to back down upon this. I have also been well schooled in the art of blackmail. (Royals tend to be.)
After thoroughly convincing him that this was a good idea, I wrote back to dear Lord Korrade that the situation was under control and he could send the soldier to Adelphus at his earliest convenience.
All in all, I think today was the best day I've had in quite some time. I am thankful. There is no doubt that I needed the rest.
Yay for tie-ins! There were two in this chapter. One for "Healers in Shadow" and another for "In a Cup of Tea."
In case you haven't read that one, or in case my dear Shelly has not updated the fic to that point, there is mention of "A Brief Look at Philosophy"
This is a running joke that started in a thread at a forum I visit, in which we named off titles of books that Escaflowne characters might right.
The full title is "A Brief Look at Philosophy: Vol. 1-35." It was assumed that Folken would find that many volumes to be very brief indeed, most definitely not long enough to hold any indepth knowledge on the subject.
I would also have this tie in to Weapon of War, but...eh...I want to try something different because I think it will be more fun.
I thought about writing in something about Folken's stylist, however I decided I'd rather leave that for when I can scan the picture that inspired this chapter. The stylist is very very small. Twas amusing.
I had hoped to put across that Folken has matured more in how he interracts with others. I think of him like a three-act play. Happy and perky Folken, happy disturbed Folken and ice-water Folken. We are leaving happy disturbed Folken now and starting to get into the ice water. However, I am hoping to show that he is still essentially the same in all this. All he wants is to do something useful and to help bring about good change. He can't very well do that with everyone aggravating him, so he drops every vestige of personality and pushes people away. He can't do it without people cooperating, so he becomes slightly dictatorial. These are all just factors of logic.
And that transition leads to the Folken that I like best. My sarcastic and bored Folken. He is the most amusing to write for, I think. And it also provides for fun ways that he can influence Dirandau later on. Which is the reason why I think it would be more fun not to tie this in with Weapon of War.
Anyway. Previews!
Alright, so what's coming next?
These will be listed in no particular order and will have a rating of (V) for Violence, (SV) for Slight Violence, (NV) for Non-violence, and (GT) for Gatty Torture. Because everyone ought to know by now that I have some undue prejudice against Gatty
I am doing this because a friend of mine is not so inclined to my brand of violence as I am, and so this will help her avoid anything when she's not ready for it.
"The Diva" (SV)
-A story involving Dirandau being forced to motivate the public. Through song. I'm sure you are all horrified...
"A Fading Shadow" (NV)
-Based off an RP I briefly became obsessed with. What if Emperor Dornkirk had died partway through the series? This story was to go into depth into politics and economics. However, my version of Folken is a drama-queen and HAD to take over.
Fans of Van might enjoy this. He actually has a role here. And while Folken and Zaibach have a shadow which looms over everything, Van is pretty much the main character. We even get a glimpse at my version of Hitomi.
You may be frightened, but...whatever.
"One Night Can Last Forever" (NV)
-I'm delving so far into yaoi, it's sad. One shot, completely from Miguel's POV, pondering the previous night. A night which was spent in the arms of someone whom his commander would certainly not appreciate him sleeping with. And it's not Van. hah!
"Economica" (NV) For now
-...okay, so I'm an idiot and I want to discuss economics and politics. This is not a finished story Thus why the title needs work., but it will head in the direction which I had intended "Fading Shadows" to go. Involves Dryden. Should be fun, if only fun for me.
"Behind the closet door." (V) (GT)
-Something which has long been in the works, based on the other dream I had the night I dreamt of "Inconvenient Situation." Involves General Adelphus with a plot to fake Dirandau's death. Was also not fun to experience firsthand.
"In the Enemy Camp" (V)
-I had, at some point, felt I should write a piece dedicated solely to humor. However, this quickly ceased to be simple and light because...well, because I just can't write that kind of thing on my own.
So I decided to try my hand at the age old sent-to-earth-via-beam-of-light premise, with my own little flare. Starring, for now, the Dragonslayers.
If you please, picture a group of 15 soldiers trained to defeat all enemies in any way possible. Now picture this same group of young men in a mall food court, something the likes of which they've never seen, being spoken to by the police in a language they couldn't possibly understand about laws that they have no knowledge of.
Misunderstanding is rife in this and it is pretty much...well, a lot of fun.
It is also not exactly finished.
"The Message Board." (GT)
-Another title that needs work. This one has not even been started yet.
It will be starring Gatty.
Basic premise: There is a switchboard on the Vione which can be accessed via various comm links, to ring for a messenger. Most messengers, if they are good, have duty at this switchboard for a week or so every year. And now it's Gatty's turn.
This will be done to help relieve frustration from my own job. And also because I have this thing about Gatty. I like him but he needs to be tormented, and what better way than to put him on the phone where everyone can call in to aggravate him?
Expect to learn a lot about my version of Zaibach messenger protocol.
And then, of course, there will be another chapter of Healers in Shadow (Though I have nothing new written yet)
OH!
And Weapon of War draws ever closer to it's conclusion! YAY! FINALLY!
(I love the story, but it really does need an ending...)
So, many plans, a few of which have actually been finished.