Meanwhile, miles and miles away in the castle of Princess Peach Toadstool, the Mario Brothers were posing in the Royal Photo Shoot Room, standing next to a can of beans on a pedestal.
"Hey, Mario, what do you eat when your on your long adventures," asked Luigi.
"Me? I only eat-a Super Mario Beans."
"Beans? Yuck! I hate beans!"
"Then you'va never tried Super Mario Beans!" Luigi picked up a spoon and tried some of the beans.
"Yummy! I love Super Mario Beans! I'm sorry I ever doubted you!"
"It's-aok, I know your-a stupid! So try Super Mario Beans, in hopes that you may one day become any where near as incredible as I am, though it's very doubtful…"
"CUT!" cried the director. "Mario, I told you, stick to the script."
"Well, I just-a think if you use-a my ideas..."
"How many times do I have to say it, this is a commercial, we are not shooting a nude scene."
"But these are my beans!"
"No they're not, those are regular Heinz Beans with your pictures on it in hopes of raising dismal sales."
"And that's-a another thing, how come-a Luigi's face is taking up halfa the label, it shoulda only be my on the label. And don'ta even get me started on how the camera was on Luigi almost a quarter of the time!"
"You know what, here's your money, get out of here!"
"Ok, Luigi, lets-a go."
The two Mario brothers left the Royal Photo Shoot Room and entered the Royal Third Hallway On The Left.
"Mario, why do you force me into doing these humiliating promotional advertisements?"
"Because-a we needa the cash, you idiot."
"What in the hell are you talking about, you don't need cash, you just mooch of the Princess. And me, I actually have a job."
"Ah, shut-a up, I deserve-a to mooch on her, looka at how many times I-a saveda her life."
"You NEVER saved her life, you stayed at home fixing your curls while I went out and fought the Koopa Army! You just showed up at the last minute and got all the credits since Nintendo insists on giving us the same sprite!"
"Screw-a you, it'sa not my faulta ifa you are jealous!"
"And would you please stop talking with that ridiculous accent, you're from Pittsburgh for God's sakes!"
It seemed Luigi had crossed a line, because next second Mario had grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the Royal Wall Of The Royal Third Hallway On The Left.
"Listen to me, loser! You may be my brother, but I'm the hero! I'm the star around here! Everyone loves me! I'm the one who's gotten his own national holiday and his own Dinner Party tonight in my honor, so if you EVER say anything like that again, I will DESTROY you!" And with that he pushed Luigi to the Royal Floor Of The Royal Third Hallway On The Left. "Oh, by the way, everybody knows you're virgin!"
Luigi sighed, "I told him he should consider getting a Prozac prescription, but would he listen to me?"
Little did they knew that at time, the world's greatest evil was heading towards them…in the back seat of a bus…
"Look DK, I'm sorry, all right," pleaded Bowser to Donkey Kong, who had his arms crossed and was looking furious. "I forgot that Mario had destroyed the Koopa-Kopter along with the rest of my possessions, but the bus isn't that bad, is it?" Still the Ape said nothing. "How about this, after we've crashed the Dinner Party and ruined the Mario Brothers reputation, we go out for ice-cream!"
"Really, ice cream," said DK looking up, "can it be a banana split?"
"Anything you want big guy!"
"HURRAH!"
A mushroom citizen, who happened to be sitting across from duo, look strangely at them, wondering if they were who he thought they were.
"What in the Sam Dickens Hell are you looking at, pal?" roared Bowser. Suddenly Bowser noticed they were approaching their stop, 'Bomb-Omb's Costumes and Disguises For All Occasions (Good Or Evil) Emporium'. "Oh, here's our stop!"
Bowser pulled the cord indicting for the bus driving to stop moving. The bus kept moving. Slightly annoyed, Bowser pulled the cord a second time. Yet still the bus kept on going. Bowser pulled it a third time, now the bus had actually passed the shop and was moving forward ever still.
"HEY BUDDY!" screamed Bowser, grabbing the attention of everyone on the bus. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! I JUST PULLED THAT CORD LIKE THREE FRIGGING TIMES, AND YOU ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! NOW WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WALK AN ADDITIONAL FIVE YARDS TO GET TO WHERE WE WANTED TO GO!"
"I'm so sorry," said the elderly mushroom driver. "You'll have to excuse me, I'm getting a little hard of hearing. Tell you what, I'll drive you back to your stop so you won't have to walk unnecessarily, sonny."
"ARE YOU GETTING PRESUMPTUOUS WITH ME! NOBODY GETS PRESUMPTUOUS WITH ME!" Bowser leapt to the front the bus and punched the bus driver through the window. Bowser jumped out after him, lying motionless on the street and kept punching him over and over again.
"Bowser!" screamed Donkey Kong. "Bowser, what are you doing, have you lost your mind! That guy's obviously already dead, so why are you wasting your strength hitting him?"
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Come on, let's get our disguises."
The castle was a bustle with preparations as the Royal Ballroom was being prepared to hold hundreds of people that evening. Mario was making his way to his room, and Luigi to go back home and change, when they encountered none other then Princess Toadstool.
"Why, hello there Mario," she said seductively. "I hope you enjoy everything I've set up for you."
"You're damn right I do, woman!"
"Good. How about you show me how happy you are, hmm?" Peach winked, opened the Royal Door and entered the Royal Bedroom. Mario shuddered.
"I know she's hideous, but she's filthy rich!"
"You think Peach is hideous," asked Luigi.
"I meant compared to me," he said turning around. "Well, Happy Mario Day, bro."
Luigi was about to leave when curiosity got the better of him. He pressed his ear to the door and heard Peach moan, "Oh Mario, paint my toenails harder, harder I say!"
"I don't even want to know…" he muttered to himself and walked away.
Donkey Kong and King Bowser walked into the costume shop, and almost immediately, a small Bomb-omb came running up towards them.
"Customers! Customers! I can't believe it, I finally have customers," he said, bended over at Bowser's feet crying. Bowser kicked him straight across the room and he exploded, but a few seconds later he was back again. "What can I get you fine gentlemen? I have everything: Spider-Man costumes, nurse's outfits. I even got a new shipment of John Kerry masks, buy them now while people still get the reference!"
"Yes, yes, that's all very nice. But the reason I'm here is that after a quick search on the Worldwide Information Super Net, I discovered that this is the only place that sells Mario Brother outfits within a fifteen thousand mile radius."
"So I take it you don't want the Spider-Man costume then…" The bomb-omb exploded again, leaving Bowser covered in ash.
"Would you stop that?"
"I can't control when I blow up man!"
"Just show us the bloody costumes."
Fifteen Minutes Later
Bowser and Donkey Kong emerged from their dressing rooms simultaneously. Bowser was wearing a red cap with the letter 'M' on tips of his horns, and had a fake mustache plastered on his snout. He was also wearing blue overalls with red shirt, the edge of his shell sticking out of his neckline, several spikes and his tail, which he had wrapped up clearly bulging from his back. His claws pointed out the ends of the tips of his gloves, except for the pinky which lay flat considering he only had four fingers.
DK on the other hand was wearing a green cap with the letter "L", and had a black curly wig sticking out of it. His clothes was ripped in several places do to his large muscles, The shirt and pant legs were too short for him, so several inches of fur were visible from his forearm to glove and from his ankles to shoe.
"Hey, how come I don't get a fake mustache?" asked DK disappointedly.
"What are you, stupid? Your face is already all hairy, a fake mustache would be redundant. Also, you know how much it costs? So, Mr. Explodes-Every-Two-Seconds, do we look just like Mario and Luigi?"
Mr. Explodes-Every-Two-Seconds looked at them for a second, and thought to himself, ok, remember what your training manual said, the golden rule! "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service!" he cried.
"Huh?"
No, not that rule, the other one about how the customer is always right. I forget how it goes… "Of course you do Your Evil Majesty, sir! You're hardly recognizable!" Mr. E-E-T-S blew-up again.
"Well thank you, you've been a life saver," said Bowser.
"Now, of course there's just the matter of fee…" Bowser picked up the bomb-omb and threw him out the window, where he blew up.
"Heh, it's fun throwing people through windows, maybe I'll throw Mario through a window…"
The two masquerading baddies stepped out and went into the smashed up and abandoned bus and Bowser took its helm and drove towards the castle.
Now that Peach had had her toenails painted the brightest of pinks, she was overseeing the staff in the Royal Kitchen.
"Oh my, that's disgusting!" cried Peach to Toad, tasting the cake he had just made. "You call that a cake! Mario likes sweet things, I told you to put half a dozen packs of sugar in there. And only 12 layers! Now, I also accept you to make two dozen roasted turkeys, three dozen lemon meringue pies, and something that comes in four dozens! And get a move on, you've only set up 77 of the 241 tables!"
"That's it!" Toad cried and threw his apron to the ground. "I'm sick and tired of this! I'm not your slave! How about you try cooking for once!"
"Me? Cook?" she said, grinning. "Wow, I've never even thought about cooking! In fact, I'd love to cook! How hard could it be? I think I'll make something on the oven, I've never seen an oven before…" Peach turned on the stove knob. "Oh, what a pretty blue light…"
Peach reached her hand towards the fire when Toad suddenly turned off the stove. "Um, on second thought, I will do the cooking, just stay out of the kitchen!"
"Oh no! But I want to cook now so much!"
"Here, there are 50 packs of Jell-O over there, you can make them if you want, I doubt there's any chance of you causing massive deaths by it…"
"Yes! I'm going to make Jell-O!" she shouted and ran out of the Royal Kitchen into the Royal Main Hall, and met up with Mario. "Mario, you won't believe it, I'm making Jell-O! I feel like a little peasant girl!"
"That's great, you fugly airhead…"
"Say what now?"
"Uh, did I say that out loud? What I meant to say is…I love sweetheart!"
"I love you too! Now if you'll excuse, I just have to find the dictionary and look up the word Jell-O. I'm so excited, I never baked anything!"
"Wait a second, you baked all those cakes for me after I took credit for…I mean after I saved you." Peach frowned.
"Mario, I have a confession to make. I didn't bake those cakes, that French chef whose name I can't mention or else the author will have to pay royalties made them. In fact I think he might have to pay something just for implying he exists. But I'll make up for it, I'm going to make the greatest whatever it was that I was going to make that the world has ever seen!"
Bowser and Donkey Kong had left the city and were coming round the mountains while they came.
"Bowser…na na na na na na na na…Bowser…na na na na na na na na Bowser! Bowser! Bowser! Bowser!"
"Bowser, I have a question," asked Donkey Kong. "What exactly are we going to do?"
"Oh, um, well…erm, I just figured we'd go there, pretend to be Mario and Luigi and act like total slobs. You know, speak rudely, eat like pigs, and act like disgusting idiots. Just act natural."
"But what's the point?"
"I already explained this back at the Impenetrable Tree house of Doom, because it's gonna be hilarious!
"Ok, but why did you form a whole society of evil-doers if this is all we're going to do? I mean after we embarrass them, what's next?"
"I dunno, I guess we could take over the country or something, oh, here we are, we're approaching the Royal Front Gate…"