I must pay this poor boy Albatou a visit sometime. It seems he is having difficulty finding a place among his fellow soldiers. Arguments abound as to his rights to be there. I hear such insults about him, about his nationality, his past, the rumors that travel so quickly about him. It all seems rather familiar. I feel I should offer him some words of advice, and possibly hope. There is no need for him to be so despondent or lonely as I have found myself due to this strange custom of alienating strangers.
Thinking more upon this, I may very well have to take him under my care. I would hate to think that he might be left to that same sort of violent and belligerent madness as I have previously found myself in. He most likely would recieve less luck than I in regards to punishments.
Perhaps I will speak with him about his current situation tomorrow. I've nearly finished my book series, and it is time I've set myself up with a new project.
Entry 669
I suppose I should blame myself. I should've assessed the situation and dealt with it before problems arose. Maybe I had hoped that they wouldn't be so careless. I really should have known better.
After a brief interview with young Dirandau, I am thoroughly horrified. He is completely belligerent and hateful, and refuses to do his job. He has told me as much.
"You can put the sword in my hands if you want, but you can't make me use it!"
His eyes and words yield such resentment. Someone so small should not be able to contain so much hate.
I think the first thing to do is to break him of these habits of violence. Let him scream until he can scream no more. Then he will be able to listen. He has plenty of reasons to be angry and I can certainly understand that. I can not help him, however, if he does not calm down.
If he is treated with derision and hatred by everyone, it will be no wonder that he will exhibit those same qualities about everyone else. It is perfectly logical.
I have ordered that a place be cleared for him. He'll have his own space free from these others. I'll see if I can save him yet.
Entry 675
Dirandau is a complete child, as one could expect. I suppose that is one reason that the others feel incapable of dealing with him. In Zaibach, children are never realy children. They are simply small and weak workers who must work as hard as they can to bring on their early death as quickly as possible.
But he is not an adult. He is a child, as I've said before. I can hear it in his sad words and desparate looks. Underneath the rage, there's a pain the likes of which no one should suffer.
Entry 680
My current attempt to help the young man has him at quite a loss of sanity. If he feels that there is no alternative, then he will more than likely allow me to teach him. It is only a matter of reaching that point.
I am certain the general is pleased with what I am doing. Having him locked up in a secluded area with me means that Dirandau will not be able to be a nuisance to him or his subbordinates.
I must confess, the idea of it is strange, considering my own hatred for being locked away. The difference between that and this, however, is being left alone with nothing. I would never do such a thing to someone. Never.
Dirandau is currently sleeping, no doubt exhausted by the day's efforts. This is the only peaceful hour I have had since the ordeal has begun. He is a sad case, indeed. Even now, as he is sleeping, he doesn't look at all peaceful. He cries often when he thinks no one can hear, or when he forgets himself. I can only imagine what horrors he has suffered at the hands of my former master.
Perhaps this is why I feel so much of a need to help him. To pay the debt I owe for serving with such a depraved group of men. I've tried forgiving myself for what I've done, however it proves next to impossible. I could say that it was circumstance, I suppose. I could say that I was only following orders. I could say that I was coerced...that I tried to refuse, and my refusals were rejected. But I did get away, didn't I? I didn't have to...well, I could have refused the moment I found out. I could still do something...
Entry 690
This madness has to end somewhere!
Entry 692
I've been in very poor spirits lately, no doubt brought on by the lack of sleep. Or perhaps Dirandau has simply brought up too many memories of my past in a time when I was unprepared to recieve them.
At any rate, I am better now and hopefully will not ramble on so idiotically as I have. I had forgotten my goals momentarily, what needs to be accomplished. I have such a poor memory at times, it seems, and forget that what we hope to accomplish will eradicate these horrid injustices which are everyday occurence the world over.
Pain and suffering are terrible things and I would give anything to eradicate them from existence. One thing must be kept in mind, however; If these problems are never solved, the pain will continue, and it will continue for everyone. I've heard that little question of ethics. "If you had the chance to take away all the pain and suffering in the world, but the cost of doing so was to put all that pain on one person who must suffer alone, would you do it"
Many will shout, "No!" They believe it a deplorable thing.
Logically, however, it would make no sense not to do this. People suffer needlessly. So many have horrid burdens on their shoulders, so that it feels as if the weight of the world is upon them anyway. If only one man need suffer this, it would be better to do so.
And if I could, I would make myself that man. I would gladly volunteer for it, so long as I knew that everything would turn out fine.
IIIII
Author's notes: I'm sorry that I can't comprehend how to deal with FFN's autoformat things. I've noticed that a lot of my chapters online would be less confusing if they could be seen in the way that I had intended.
I hadn't intended to write any more fanfiction. I rarely get reviews anymore. If they are recieved they are for my yaoi pieces, which are simply one shots that I've no intention of continuing. (I apologize to anyone who dearly loved "Inconvenient Situation." It is one of my favorites, and I had attempted to continue it due to the number of people requesting I do this, however I couldn't find any way to really continue it.
However, the other day I had been doing some searching and randomly felt for Folken, remembering him and his side of the story and all the reasons I had loved and appreciated him. And so I was compelled to write a little more.
Therefore, you may expect very sporadic and rare updates to this piece, as I still feel for him. Currently, though, I've been more in the mood to work on original pieces and attempt to do something that will get me somewhere in life. Or at the very least, make things easier, because the gods only know it's hard enough.
At any rate, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I hope it afforded you an opportunity to think. And I also hope you'll forgive me if I do not concentrate on these stories much at all.