CHAPTER 7: The Titan unleashed
Starfire was lying on her bed, face down. By the shadowed and now dry path that went down her cheeks, one could tell she had been crying. Now she was silent, and the tears were no longer flooding down her cheeks. Without her noticing, a dark figure entered the room through the door behind her…
"Starfire?"
The Tamarean Princess turned her head. "Raven?"
It was, indeed, Raven, but she was unrecognizable. She was almost entirely covered by a smelly, pink substance that had dried on her cloths and hair, which made her look as if she had just met Jinx's hairstylist. Even when her voice had sounded as emotionless as usual, her face held a little glimpse of how tired and upset she really was.
"Did… did Silkie showed to give you too much trouble, friend?" Said Starfire, looking at Silkie, who was on Raven's arms, excited to see his owner.
"Trouble?" Raven said, trying to hide her frustration from her friend and mistress. "Oh, no, there was no trouble. No trouble at a-"
BLARGH!
"Hot potato." Raven said, handing Silkie to its owner. Just then, Raven noticed the dry paths of tears on Starfire's cheeks. "Is there something wrong?"
"No… yes. Oh, friend Raven!" Starfire then hugged Raven tightly, surprising the gloomy bodyguard with the bone breaking hug. "Oh, forgive me, my friend, for I know that you do not enjoy the hug, but something extremely horrible has happened."
Raven looked at the golden clock on the wall. It was pretty late, she hadn't sleep in several hours, and the way Silkie had been able to escape from her that morning to have a feast of everything he found and then shared his digested food with her, had gotten her moodier than normal. Yet, her long time friend was there, needing her to stay and listen. She frowned, knowing she would regret what she as about to say.
"Tell me."
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Robin woke up, feeling dizzy. For a few minutes, he wasn't able to see anything, until his eyes got accustomed to the darkness. Then, he discovered Cyborg, lying on the rock floor, and snoring loudly. Further beyond, was Beast Boy, in his human form, lying with his face down. He didn't move, not even an inch, which made Robin think he might be dead. But then, he turned his body to one side, embracing a rock, and said in a childish voice:
"But mom, I don't wanna go with Mr. Crazy clown. I'm afraid of clowns!"
Robin shrugged and then went to where Cyborg was lying. "Hey, Cy…" He said silently, while shaking his shoulder. When he didn't awake, Robin started to shake him stronger. "Cy, wake up!" Robin was beginning to lose his patience. "Cy!" He then yelled to his ear: "CYBORG!"
WHACK!
Cyborg had awaken with a start, and had aimed a metal fist to the first thing that he found, which happened to be Robin's jaw. "YO! WHASSUP! YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME! WANNA PIECE OF OL' CY-Oh, Robin! It's you!"
"Yeah…" Said Robin, trying to put his jaw back in place.
"So… what happened?"
"I don't know… we survived, apparently… But whoever that old man was, he left us here and took the lamp!"
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, man!" Cyborg then took out something so shinny, that Robin had to wait till his eyes got accustomed to the new light to see what it was. There it was, in all its golden might, whit its inner fluid switching shade and color: the Titan's Lamp.
"Cool!" Said Robin, taking the lamp. "But… it seems a little bit dusty, over here…" He started rubbing the golden lamp with his forearm.
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Beast Boy had finally awaked, and was now standing behind Robin, grabbing him by the neck with both hands, trying to stop him.
"DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU CRAZY? YOU WILL UNLEASH THE HORROR! THE HOOOOOOORROOOOOOOR! IT'S WORSE THAN PANDORA'S X-BOX!"
Suddenly, the Lamp started to glow even stronger, until nothing was visible but a color-changing light. Robin could feel the thing moving in his fingers, as if trying to escape from his grip. He was also aware of an incredible amount of energy coming out from the little lamp. At the end, he had to let go, but the Lamp didn't touch the ground; instead, it stayed hovering in midair, while something, or someone, started to come out.
"Too late…" Said Beast Boy, lowering his pointy ears with fear. Soon, a multicolor mist of darkness ( XD ) surrounded them completely, as a giant shadow covered all the space. A voice, deep and as mighty as a thunder, filled the room in a tremendous roar:
"WHERE'S THE BATHROOM!"
Robin, who at this point had closed his eyes and covered them with his hands, took a sneak peek. At the other side of the cave stood, or better said hovered, a little figure, like a midget, apparently leaving a firm on the rock wall.
"Ahhh… that's better!" Said the little guy. Then, the noise of a zipper going up was heard, and the levitating dwarf turned around… and Robin screamed at what he saw.
Right there, at the other side of the cave, was himself-a shorter, stubbier, somewhat dumber version of himself, with small eyes and big teeth. The… "thing" had now noticed Robin, and was advancing towards him.
"Hi!" It said. Its voice was like Robin's, but somewhat higher.
Robin started to back off, but bumped into something. He turned around and discovered Cyborg, staring wide-eyed at the mini-Robin.
"What the hell is that!" Yelled Cyborg.
"I, my friends, AM THE TITAN OF THE LAMP!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, a big neon sign appeared behind the weird creature, reading "TITAN OF THE LAMP" in red letters. "And you!" He said turning to Robin again, apparently very excited. Robin, however, was not. "You are Robin! I'm so pleased to meet you!" The Titan then proceeded to shake Robin's hand with a great strength, making the boy hop up and down.
"Uh… how do you know my name?"
"Cause you're the one who rubbed my lamp, weren't you! When you did, some of your DNA passed to me! That's why I look like you! We're DNA buddies now!"
"OK… I think we've gone mad." The boy wonder said to Cyborg.
"Speak for yourself, pal! I know this isn't real!" Said Cyborg, still looking at the Titan. Robin's DNA buddy was now flying around the cave, apparently looking for something.
"C'mon, where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are… HA! Gotcha!" One moment later, he pulled something from behind a rock: it was a green cat, whom the Titan had grabbed from the tail. He then proceeded to give the animal a bone-breaking hug.
"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU GREEN NUGGET! I'VE MISSED YOU!"
Beast Boy assumed a human form. "Dude! I can't breath!"
"So… do you have a name?" Robin said, trying to find some sense between all that madness.
"Well, not really." Said the Titan, finally letting go Beast Boy, who fell to the ground like a rag doll. Robin then noticed that, right in the place where the yellow "R" was in his shirt, the Titan had a card that said "Hi, my name is " and then there was a blank space.
"My master is supposed to give me a name, you know, but usually they just call me Titan. Once, a guy dressed as a bat decided to call me Batmyte!" He then flied towards Robin. "So how will you name me?"
"Wha-me? I am supposed to name you?"
"Of course! You're my master, you silly! Who rubs the Lamp becomes my master! So, what would it be?"
"Uh, well…" Robin tried to think a good name. At the beginning, he thought of just putting him his own name spelled backwards, but then he decided that it was a stupid idea. At the end, he said: "How about… Larry?"
"LARRY! I'M LARRY! HI, I'M LARRY NOW! HEY, WASSUP! I'M LARRY! LARRY! LARRY FOREVER! LARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRYLARRY!"
The newly named Titan was flying all across the cave, bouncing on the walls, ceiling and floor at a great speed. Cyborg and Robin watched, amazed.
"Man, what's wrong with that guy?" Asked finally the metallic young man.
"This is just the beginning, dude." Said Beast Boy. "This is just the beginning."
The little hyper flying guy stopped bouncing around as suddenly as he had started. He then raised his finger (No pun intended), which started glowing, and touched his nametag. When he pulled back his finger, the card now read: "Hi, my name is Larry".
"Er… your finger glows?" Said Robin, unaware of that he wasn't saying something smart.
"Yea. It's from all my powers come from… Would you like to touch it!"
"WHAT!"
"The finger. Would you like to touch it?"
"NO!"
"C'mon, touch it! It will be like that scene of E.T.!"
"I'M NOTOUCHING IT!"
"Oh, well… But at least pull it!"
"THAT'S IT! I'M OUTTA HERE!"
"WAIT!" Shouted Larry from behind him. "You can't go! You haven't got your wishes!"
"Wishes? What wishes?"
"Any wishes!"
"Any?"
"Yes! ANY!"
"And what does Any wish?"
"Any's not a person! What I was saying was-oh, forget it, Master, just sit back and relax. It will be easier to explain if I SING IT!"
"Dude! Not that song again!" Shouted an angry BB. "He does it every time…"
Surely enough, some weird music had just started playing apparently out of nowhere, and the cave was again full of a changing light. And then, Larry started singing:
"Well Cinderella had her Magic Bugger,
And Pinocchio had the Monkey's Paw…"
Larry moved his finger, and then, Cyborg found himself not only dressed with a blue night gown, but he was also covered in a glowing green slime; while Robin was now wearing a 'Pinocchio' outfit, and holding a jar with a monkey paw in it. All they managed to say was "Huh?"
"But Master, you're in luck, 'cuz right in here
You got a brand of magic with no flaws!"
Next, Larry makes a boxing ring appear. Robin is in one corner, and he looks like someone has beaten the crap outta him. Larry is behind him, massaging him.
"You got the power to bite off those ears,
You're now playing in the big boys' camp.
The bullies will face their wildest fears!"
Suddenly, an angry mob armed with torches appears, but Larry turns into a sort-of-Frankenstein-monster and scares them off. Then he shrinks and gets inside the Lamp. He sticks and arm out, grabs Robin's hand and makes him rub the Lamp.
"See, all you gotta do is rub the Lamp,
and I'll say…"
Then, our friends are transported into a restaurant. Robin and Cyborg are sitting in the same table, with BB as a green dog, sitting next to Robin n the floor. Then Larry appears. He has transformed himself into a slim waiter, with really messy black hair, and a mustage. His ribbon tie was twisted to the side and he had a big red stain on his white shirt. He was hiding his hands behind his back.
"My Master, Robin, sir,
what will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, oui, monsieur?
You ain't never had a friend like me!"
Suddenly, Larry took his hands from behind his back, revealing a glowing finger. He pointed BB with it, and a lighting of power came out of it, directed right at BB.
"NONONO!" Yelled BB, trying to run away, but the lighting hit him. He was transformed into a waiter with a green elephant head. He carried a tray on his hand, which he put in front of Robin. On the tray was a well-done Luau pig, completed with an apple in his mouth. But the pig's face… it was Larry ("What the…" Said Cyborg). He spitted out the apple and continued singing:
"Life's about to change its course,
Now you'll be in first class!
You'll be the first to eat; never more the last,
You ain't never had a friend like me!"
The pig then inflated himself until it exploded. Robin is now sitting in what seems to be a deluxe barber shop chair. Around him appear several of those little rascals that were worshipping raven in "Stranded" (Yep, those ones!) and, while attending Robin, they began singing:
"Yes sir, we're proud of our service!
You're the boss, you're the king, sha-lah!"
"HEY!" Shouted Robin. One of the aliens, that was cutting his hair had just let him bald. Suddenly, the green elephant waiter had reappeared, carrying a table full of food, which he placed right in front of Robin. Behind him, more little aliens carrying trays full of more food arrived. Robin looked from across the table. Sitting right in front of him was Larry, but now he had transformed himself into a very large and very fat man, with a two-sizes-too-small tuxedo. Larry is stuffing himself with the food, but he sings:
"Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish
We will stuff you until you-BWARF!"
Then Larry vomits, filling the cave entirely. When the vomit magically disappears, columns and pillars begin spurting out of the floor, and grow right to the ceiling. One of the columns manages to spurt from were Robin was standing, lifting him into a dangerous high.
"My powers are unlimited,
so ask and don't be afraid!"
Then, Robin falls from the column, but is caught in midair by a giant hand. Then, a voice too deep and thunderous to be Larry's sings:
"I'M IN A HELPING-OUT RAMPAGE!
You ain't never had a friend like me!"
Robin looks around, realizing he's now in some sort of Temple. He looks up to see who saved him. It's Larry, but his eyes glow in white, and his hair is now golden and blows up, ala Super Sayayin. His head is still normal size, but his full body has grown into titanic proportions. He's sitting in a throne, and wears a golden armor, covered by purple robes, like some sort of war deity. Then suddenly, the golden chest of the armor opens, revealing its interior to be empty. The body was fake, only the head is real: Larry is sitting inside the hollow armor, sticking his head out, and controlling the fake body with ancient-looking levers and stuff. Larry then jumps out of the armor, and releases himself from the golden wig. He's now wearing a white-and-golden tuxedo with a matching hat and cane, dancing and joined by the two gigantic mechanical hands from the armor, that had come to life.
"MWAHAHA!" Say the hands, apparently.
"No, no." Replies Larry.
"MWAHAHA!"
"Hey, hey."
"MWAHAHA!"
"Bow-wow.
One, two, three-four,
Five-six-seven, EIGHT!"
As he says every number, he stretches himself into the shape of it. At the end, the most unexpected thing happens: one of the armor's giant foot comes to life, flies and lands right on top of Larry, making a squatting sound. But Larry throws it away making use of a great strength, and grabs some stuff that is falling from nowhere. Robin then realizes that those "stuff" are in fact parts of Cyborg: an arm, a leg, the torso, his head with a not-so-happy face…
"How can I do this?"
He then starts juggling the parts of a now-yelling Cyborg.
"I will tell you, Dick…"Larry throws the parts at Robin, who obviously has no talent at juggling whatsoever.
"My powers have no risk!"Larry then puts Cyborg together, who lands on top of Robin and squish him against the floor.
"I can pull any TRI-I-I-I-I-I-CK!"Larry transforms himself into a rabbit, and starts pulling himself out of a hat over and over again. At the end, he transforms into what seems to be a puffier and friendlier version of Malchior, the evil dragon.
"AND I'M JUST HEATTIN' UP!" Suddenly, and with no warning at all, he breaths fire, which directs itself to… Beast Boy. But when all the fire and smoke goes away, where a Beast Boy completed with three-grade burnings should be, is now a model-of-the-year convertible, completed with three gorgeous women with hoses, washing the car in a playful and seductive way.
"Well, looky here! HAHAHA!"
Two of the women started attacking Robin with the hoses, while the third one was being chased around the car by an over excited Cyborg.
"It's just a little bit of my Abracadabra,
No big deal!"
Soon, Robin was immobilized on the ground, with the two girls lying on top of him.
"And I can also make it DISA-PPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR!"As Cyborg jumped on the car and finally caught the third girl, and Robin started to enjoy the moment, everything goes away, including the car Cyborg is standing on, making him fall. Next, Larry grabs Robin from his shirt and lifts him from the ground, holding him in a distance lesser than half an inch between the two DNA buddies' faces.
"So don't you sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed,
let me see your thoughts, your dreams, your view.
I swear you I'm home trained-certified!
You feeling thirsty? Well, then take some Dew!"
Next, Larry buried both Robin and Cyborg under a pile of 'Mountain Dew' cans.
"I assure you I can make come true any wish,
I can even turn you into a Ma'am!"
Robin is now sitting in a reclining chair, in an environment pretty similar than the one Brother Blood was in before Professor Chang turned him into a cyborg (as seen in 'Desperate Housewives' and 'Titans East Part 2'). Then, Larry appears, dressed as a doctor, carrying a dangerous looking knife. Suddenly he reaches inside Robins pants and pulls out something pretty long-No, it's not THAT! It's a long wishes list.
"Just give me here that million-mile long list,
you rub the Lamp and you'll see who I a-AAAAAAAAAM!"
Larry uses the list to rub his butt, which starts swelling until it explodes. After this, there's no trace of where Larry has gone, but his voice is still heard:
"My Master, Robin, sir,
have a wish…"
One of the three girls from before appear.
"Or two…"Another girl appears.
"Or three!"The third girl appears. Cyborg grabs her and starts French-kissing her senselessly, but then-she transforms into Beast Boy! They broke apart and puke. Then Larry reappears: he's sitting Indian style on top of a pile of cushions, dressed in Mikey Mouse's wizard robes and hat.
"All will come true if you believe,
You ain't never had a friend-
Never had a friend-never!"
Suddenly, Larry makes appear a conga line of women in lingerie.
"You ain't never had a friend-
Never had a friend-ever!"
Larry transforms Beast Boy into a crocodile wearing a red cape and hat, and then a dozen of hippos in pink tutus land painfully on top of him.
"YOU AIN'T NEVER…"Larry makes appear a pyramid made of live Siberian tigers.
"HAD A…"Another pyramid appears, but this one is a real, Aztec pyramid made of solid gold.
"FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Next, the cave fills itself with palm trees, then appears a million of Tikki statues lined to the walls, which start spitting coins through their mouth, like if they were jackpots. Then a bar appears, completed with a barman serving tropical drinks. Then appears a pool full of waffles, in which Cyborg jumps and starts stuffing his mouth. Robin, however, is being persecuted by the conga line (which is now made of tigers, cuz they ate the women). Then a rock band appears, and is soon joined by a group of mariachis, and a giant piñata hanging from the ceiling, which explodes allowing a rain of tacos to fall. The cave now has turned into a twister of light and mayhem. But suddenly, it all disappears, leaving the cave as it was in a beginning.
"You ain't never had a friend like me!"The cave is back into darkness, and the only light now comes from a red neon sign reading 'Applause', which is carried by an angry Beast Boy.
"Let me see if I got it…" Said Robin, a little bit afraid to talk to Larry now. "I wish something, and you make it come true?"
"Well, duh! That's what the song said! What, do you want me to sing it again?"
"NO! Oh, please no!" Yelled BB, running away.
"So, it can be anything, and all the wishes I want, right?"
"Well… No. You get only three wishes… aaaaand there are some restrictions."
"What kind of restrictions?"
"Well, first-hold on just a second, I got it here, I know I got it right here…" Larry was now looking for something in his pocket. Then he slapped his head. "Of course, I've been an idiot! Now I know where it is!"
Next thing he did, he went to Cyborg, and stepped on his foot violently. The tin man screamed, and Larry stuck his hand inside Cy's mouth. When he pulled it out, there was a small card between his fingers. "Alright, don't worry, everything's fine now! Here we go…" He cleared his throat and started reading.
"WISH RESTRICTION NUMBER ONE: A Titan cannot, in any way, kill anyone. I'm sorry, man, but I just can't, it's against my nature. Heck, I wouldn't hurt a fly!"
"HA!" Said Beast Boy from a corner. Larry eyed him angrily and ZAP! Beast Boy was turned into a pile of crap on the ground.
"Well, anyway, B)A Titan cannot make anyone fall in love with anyone, nor anything. So, in love issues, you're on your own, stud!" Larry looked around, like if making sure no one was watching, he then got close to Robin, and whispered. "But if, you now, you're in for some action, I know where you can find it and with a good price, man. Of course, there wouldn't be any connection or feeling but, that's the beauty of it, y'know? No attachments or compromises just-Living the moment, man! You wouldn't mind if the gal used to be a guy, do you?"
"What!"
"Nothing, nothing! Moving on! Well, finally, SECOND: A Titan cannot make anyone dead come back to life. Actually, this is a new clause; there used to be no problems with that until Lord Triplenipple created his own personal army of brainless zombies, and then of course it was all covered up and denied. But I think that guy has found a new way to get a brainless army. I think he's using a site in the net… Fan fiction dot something… I don't know. Anyway, what will your first wish be?"
Robin was looking at Larry like if he was one of the flies on top of Crap-em, Beast Boy.
"What?" Said the Titan.
"Gee, I don't know. Only three wishes, and all those clauses? Sounds like you got not too much power there. What do you think, Cy?"
"I agree, man. What are you, a second rate hocus-bogus or something?"
"C'mon, Cy, lets go find a way outta here."
Their path is interrupted when Larry sticks out a golden hand gun and points it at them. "NOW WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING! You guys come HERE, and rub MY LAMP, and awake ME! And now you say you wanna LEAVE! With NOT A SINGLE ONE of your frikin' wishes! Well, I don't think so. I say that you're not going anyway without getting your three God dam wishes, with fries at the side, so you better SIT DOWN!"
The two boys do as commanded. Then, Larry grabs the crap pile that used to be Beast Boy and squish it in his hands until it becomes a green sheet of paper. He starts bending it and twisting it angrily until it becomes an origami bird. He grabs it by the peak and blows at it, until it inflates into a pterodactyl-a real one, one that seems shocked at what happened. Larry then puts the pterodactyl violently under Robin and Cyborg, and then he jumps on top of it too.
"Now, if you want to get outta this cave, then you're getting outta this cave! So welcome to Titanic Airlines, where you get no seatbelts so you better grab the hell outta this green dude if you don't wanna fall." Next thing, he pulls out a lighter, and uses it to make the bird's rare catch on fire.
"BEAM US UP, SCOTTY!" He yells. Suddenly the pterodactyl takes off at a great speed, not because any jet propulsion system, but just because of the mere pain that causes having your butt been caught on fire. With this speed, the bird makes a hole in the ceiling and flies into the arriving day.
That's it for now! One of the reasons why I hadn't updated was because I didn't know what to do with the genie's song. I spent hours and hours trying to figure it out, and then the entire song came up to me last night, like at 4:00 am. I blame the lack of rest to my suddenly spurt of imagination. The next song is already written, though I don't remember where… And, well, about the loke about the waiter in the restaurant and the dog... if you have read "Lunch in the Gotham restaurant" by Stephen King, you would get it. If not, then... go read it, it's a nice story and not too long. Anyway, review!