The Yuki I Love Chapter 6: The Missing Feeling, a gravitation fanfic

The song is called Bird, but I actually never heard it. It's included in one of the Sound Story CDs, I believe in the second one, and as soon as I can I'll go buy the CD so I can hear it.
Thanks to everyone who's been reading, special thanks to all the reviewers! I've got you a little surprise in here. Read and ENJOY!

Disclaimer: If I owned Gravitation or it's characters I could torture my brother forever with it. Sich a same I don't owned anything...

Beta read by: Super clari-chan!! (well, I added the super. So what?)

Chapter Six: The Missing Feeling

Yuki woke up late the next morning. He sat down and was greeted by the foreign room. He couldn't say that he didn't like it, maybe it was too simple for him, but it didn't really bother him. No, what was bothering him was that annoying feeling of something missing in that room. He had had that feeling for quite a while now, and nothing seemed to make it right.

He remembered the previous night and smiled. Shuichi was a fun guy, weird, but definitely fun. He had acted more strangely than before, but he attributed it at the fact that they were together alone for the first time since the accident. Also, the blond felt like there was something Shuichi wanted to tell him but didn't dare, so he had acted like nothing was happening.

They had gone out to a restaurant, (a nice one, but too serious for his taste), and watched a movie. Shu had begun to act weird after he took a shower, maybe he was tired or something, because after that he had been really quiet and had decided to go to bed before the movie finished. Maybe he didn't like that movie, or maybe he was just kind of bored around him.

Yuki sighed and decided to get off the bed. That annoying feeling was bothering him again, only this time it was accompanied by another feeling he hadn't felt before. It was like there was a void underneath him, like if he stood there any longer he would fall into the darkness of it. It wasn't a nice feeling, but it was so weird he couldn't help but to stare at the floor and try to understand it.

It was similar to the feeling of falling in your dreams, the one that usually woke him up, but at the same time it was different. He didn't feel like he was falling, but like he was about to, and rubbing his eyes or shaking his head didn't make it any better.

He took a deep breath and walked toward the kitchen, maybe if he ate something the feeling would go away. As he entered the kitchen he heard a soft mumble coming from the couch. Shuichi was there, sleeping and clutching a white bunny.

"Kawaii..." He heard himself mumble. In that moment Shuichi's watch sound alarm rang. The pink haired boy almost jumped out of the couch at the sound of it.

Yuki burst into laughter, that scene had been too funny not to. The blond approached him and smiling he asked "Are you ok?" When the boy nodded slowly and yawned, he continued, "What were you doing on the couch anyway? Didn't you sleep in your room?"

Shuichi stared at him confused, and asked "What color is the girl dressed?" Yuki blinked twice before laughing again "Baka, you are still asleep".

At those words Shu reacted immediately and pouted at him "You mean! I didn't sleep well, that's all!" Then he looked into his lover's golden eyes. He was smiling at him, and in his eyes he couldn't see the 'I'm-just-messing-with-you' look. Shuichi sighed at stood up, "I need to change", he muttered before disappearing into his room.

Yuki just stood there, confused, and then shaking his head decided to ignore it and make breakfast.

Shuichi's POV

Breakfast was nice and now we are walking towards NG studios. I'm showing Yuki the places we usually go to and places he needs to remember like the store we buy the groceries. That's a nice place because the owner already knows us and never draws any unwanted attention toward us.

However deep inside I'm still thinking about the incident of the morning. I swear, when he called me 'baka', he used the same tone of voice he always used before kissing me. My heart skipped like a thousand beats before noticing he wasn't teasing me. I felt sad and went to my room, where I keep, hidden, a picture of Yuki and me lying on the grass.

It's my favorite picture; Yuki's wearing a white shirt unbuttoned and is watching the sky. I'm wearing a yellow and black jacket and looking at my left hand that rests peacefully on his chest. I'm upside down and smiling, my left arm is clenched with his right arm. I felt so happy at that moment, and I thank Hiro for taking that picture for me. Yuki got upset at the moment, of course, but later admitted it was a nice one and agreed on putting it on a frame on his desk.

Earlier this morning when I took it and saw it I thought for a second that I wasn't smiling. I blinked a couple of times and looked at it closer. I was smiling.

Still, for a second I saw myself sad...

"And there's the laundry we use. You know, you kicked me out the apartment once because I accidentally washed one of your shirts with my orange jacket".

"That sounds mean, did I really do that?"

"Yep, but it was ok, you let me in like an hour later. It wasn't like the time I burned the kitchen or when I dropped one of your beers on the couch".

"You make it sound like I was really mean... I'm sorry Shuichi, I guess I was a terrible roommate, I don't know why are you so nice to me after all that".

"Oh no! That's not what I meant! Maybe you were a little harsh on me sometimes, but that's only because I'm really clumsy and disorganized... Most of the time you are a nice person".

"Really? Well... I don't think you are clumsy Shu".

"... Thanks".

Yuki's POV

I have no idea why Shuichi is so nice with me. For what I've heard I was a real jerk and spend my free time teasing him and kicking him out of our place. Like it was a sport or something. He tells me it's ok because he made mistakes all the time and that I was really patient most of the time, but I don't buy it.

No one as nice and sweet as he is should deserve such a harsh treatment. Probably I was only a bother in his life, but he is too nice to tell me. I'll try to make up for that and even if I don't regain my memories I'll make sure to be nicer with him and thank him for helping me so much.

"Well, here we are." Shuichi pointed at the huge building that stood in front of them. "This is where I work, my studio is at the fourth floor, and Seguchi-san's office is at the last one".

"I see... Are you sure you are not late for work? I don't want you to arrive late because of me".

"... Don't worry, I'm usually late, so it's ok. Besides I didn't want you to get lost and I'm sure Seguchi-san would kill me if I let you come by yourself!"

Shuichi smiled the best he could, but deep inside he was feeling a bit sad. Every time it was worst. He had noticed that, contrary to what he had expected, Yuki's nice behavior didn't make him happier, but sad.

"Hey Shu... Do you mind if I go to your studio later? I would like to see where you work".

"Sure, that'll be great! Well, here is my floor, say hello to Seguchi-san for me!" The singer stepped out of the elevator and watched as the doors closed. Then he sighed. He was feeling tired from the lack of sleep from the night before.

He blushed at his memories. Now that he thought about it Yuki wasn't trying to be sexy or anything, he was just... well he was just being him, it wasn't his fault if Shu felt like he did.

"Shuichi! You are late!" Hiro was looking at him seriously, but when he noticed the bags under his friend's eyes and his not so convincing smile he asked "Everything's ok? You two didn't fight, did you?"

"Uh? Eh... no, I just didn't sleep well, that's all". When Hiro raised an eyebrow he gave him his best smile "I swear, everything is fine! Yuki is really nice with me, he even made breakfast!"

"He made breakfast?"

"Yup! He almost burned the hot cakes, but that's ok, he's just a little out of practice. He hadn't made me breakfast for a long time!"

The guitarist noticed that even though the pink haired singer was smiling, the smile didn't quite reach his violet eyes. Something was wrong and now that he thought about it, Shuichi looked thinner and more tired every time he saw him. He was about to comment that when K arrived.

"So, are you ready? We'll practice here and then in the afternoon we'll go to the Jingu stadium".

"Hai! K-san, Eiri said he wanted to come see our rehearsal, it's ok, right?" Shuichi looked at his manager, but surprisingly enough for the blonde man Shu wasn't using the puppy eyes to confirm if his lover could go.

And that was very unnerving. Whenever Yuki-san, now Eiri-san, was involved Shuichi would start looking at him with pleading eyes, but this time he was just asking like it wasn't anything important. Also he had said Eiri instead of Yuki. Even though everyone called him Eiri now, whenever the writer wasn't around Shuichi would call him by his pen name. So why this time he hadn't?

K pointed his favorite gun to Shuichi and demanded to know what was wrong with him. For a second the singer looked at him confused before giving him the best fake smile K had seen in a long time.

"Everything is fine K!" When the manager didn't put down his gun he laughed nervously "I swear! It's just that I'm not sure if Yuki is feeling well enough to go with us, that's all! If anything happens to him Seguchi-san will kill me! And then he'll make Yuki go to Kyoto or something!" The singer lowered his head and sighed, "Also I don't want to go through that hospital thing again".

The answer didn't quite satisfy the manager, but Hiro smiled and placing an arm around his friend said, "Well then, we better practice, no?"

Three hours later, while Shuichi was singing one of his new songs, Yuki arrived followed by Tohma. The pink haired singer didn't notice, but his band mates, especially Hiro wondered how would he react when he saw him.

"Eiri-san! I had no idea you were coming to see us!" Suguru looked at him surprised and then looked at Hiro. The guitarist just shrugged, he had no idea what was happening either.

"I wanted to see where Shu works". Yuki looked at the boy through the window and smiled "He's very talented, I can see now why he is so popular". He signaled one magazine that had Bad Luck on the cover and then looked at the singer again.

In that moment Shuichi opened his eyes and saw Yuki. For a second he wasn't sure of what to do, but then he began to sing again, looking directly at him.

Shuichi had written that song before the accident and Yuki had heard it a thousand times minimum. He had threatened the singer to kick him out if he didn't shut up. Shuichi was sure that Yuki liked the song though, because one time at the car the writer had been changing radio stations until he heard that song and had stopped there to listen to it.

Maybe if he hears it he'll remember something...

Everyone stared at the singer as he sang again. If Yuki had thought before that Shuichi that was very talented now he sounded incredibly better.

Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky
(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.

Sakano, K, Suguru and Hiro just looked at each other and smiled. Yuki had always been Shuichi's main inspiration, his 'source of all his energy'.

Still unendingly begging for freedom, if you're leaving this paradise

for a still-unknown place, I want to keep you locked up.

And Hiro knew, by the look on his friend, that he was giving his best for Yuki. Only then he realized how desperate the singer felt by Yuki's lost memories.

Remember that forbidden, indulgent, beautiful day
even now, even though you're in a golden birdcage.

Shuichi hadn't expressed it, but the way he looked at the blonde writer, the way he cried his heart out in that song, it all was meant to try to awake something in Yuki.

"Don't go!" In my heart, I can't help seeing that sinful dream –
(Never say goodbye) a dream where those feathers are torn out and soaked in crimson.

Hiro looked at Yuki again, hoping to find any sign that he remembered something... anything. But the other man just looked amazed by Shu's talent.

Why do you gaze at me with those sorrowful eyes? No matter how often you turn away,
I can't help wanting to embrace you just one more time.

Shuichi seemed to have noticed that too, because he was no longer looking at the blonde, he had his eyes closed, Hiro supposed, to prevent from crying.

Remember it: that time when, from within the depths of that secret forest,
you folded your wings softly (and settled on) this finger

He doesn't remember... he doesn't.... Shuichi focused on the song and tried to forget everything else. He needed to finish this song the same way he had started it: singing with all his heart on it.

"Tell me!" Now, no matter whether blood pours out from (the wound of) my loneliness
(Never say good bye) if you'd decided to fly away, you'd just stare ahead like that.

The first time Yuki heard it he told me I hadn't improve at all, and that I would have zero talent for the rest of my life... he told me he couldn't comprehend why Bad Luck was successful with such crappy lyrics.

Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky
(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.

And whenever I sang it he would tell me to shut up, because I was giving him a headache...

"Tell me!" Come, close those heavy eyes and throw away the sky.
(Never say good bye) You'll probably get there someday, and cross the distant ocean.But that day when he picked me up here at NG I noticed... he had been listening to my song...

Even when I shout "Don't go!", the wild bird flies to the sky
(Never say good bye) as those supple wings are redly dyed with courage.

I didn't say anything because he would deny it, but I know in the bottom he loved my song, and loved hearing me sing...

Shuichi stood there for a second, his eyes closed. When he looked up he saw Yuki smiling at him and heard him say "You are great, Shuichi".

But before the accident he would never had admitted it...

Just so you see I'm not so evil I'm gonna let you know what happened really the first night Yuki (...Eiri!, no Yuki, his name is Eiri!) and Shuichi spend together after my favorite writer (?? But I've never read anything from him!), returned from the hospital. Also I want you to know... we are just in the middle of this story! I've been writing another one, along with the 'Insight to Gravitation' one shots. This story is my biggest priority, but I recommend you to check ItG.

The real scene

Yuki's thoughts in italics, (Shu's in parenthesis), "dialogues" and normal pov.

"Hey Shu! There's a good movie on the TV, don't you want to watch it with me?"

Shuichi jumped immediately at the couch next to Yuki. He glanced at the man next to him and had to keep his mouth shut to prevent drooling over him.

Yuki's blond hair was still a bit wet, and some bangs covered slightly his eyes. He had a towel around his neck and no shirt. His dark blue pants made a strong contrast against the pale skin of his chest. Shuichi could smell the soft scent of the shampoo he had used. And then he turned around and looked at him with those incredible bright golden eyes and smiled softly at him.

He's so funny, I like hanging around with him. He looks pretty much like a lost puppy right now.

(Wow... Yuki looks soooo good! His hair is still wet and his bare chest it's so nice... I've always liked the way he looks without his shirt. Ohh I wanna kiss him!!!).

Shuichi excused himself to the kitchen saying he wanted a soda and tried to calm himself. In a normal situation they would have been making out the second Shuichi saw him. But this wasn't a normal circumstance and Shu sighed before turning around with two sodas.

(Damn! I wish I could go back there and kiss him and make out with him in the couch... I soo wanna make love with him!!)

"Hey Shu! Why was it taking you so long? I began to wonder if you came to grab a soda or to make one".

Yuki was there, looking at him, topless and sexier than ever. He looked eatable. And then, still smiling, the blonde man leaned over and took one of the sodas from his hand and began to drink from it. It was like one of those commercials with a hot chick drinking a soda or water, with sweat covering their body...

Mm... just what I needed, a cold soda. I'm never going to stay at a hospital again, no matter what. All they let me drink was water, for three whole weeks!!!

The picture was way too disturbing for Shuichi, and after a moment realized he was staring at Yuki, so he had opened his own soda hoping it would make him think of something else. It hadn't. All kinds of thought passed through his head, but none of them had anything to do with the movie they watched. He had always accused Yuki for having all kinds of thoughts like that, and often he had called him a pervert, but now he understood him. Too bad he couldn't just jump over his lover and eat him alive until he heard him scream and moan of pleasure...

Shuichi shook his head over and over again during the whole movie, but with little effect. And after Yuki dropped accidentally some crumbs of chocolate cookies over his chest and his pants, and Shu's first thought was to lick them off, he decided to call off the night.

This is perfect, I love chocolate cookies... although Shu says I wasn't very fond of them before... but who cares! They are delicious...

(Focus on the movie Shu, focus on the movie, focus on the... oh man! He just looks so hot! Mm? Are those crumbles of chocolate? Mm... I could lick them and then we could... NO! I- I- I must be strong!... I better stay away from him or I'll do something I'll probably regret...)

Luckily for him Yuki was already tired and agreed to rent the movie to see the ending later and went to bed. Shuichi's hungry eyes followed him all the way until he closed the door.