Three Memories

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII is not mine, and will never be mine. I make no money off of this. I am a poor poor university student. So back off, sue someone who has money.

Enjoy!

5: The Nightmare

> > >

I felt like I had been run over by a truck. My back ached and stung at the same times, although Dr. Kadowaski assured me she gave me enough painkillers. A higher dosage, she had said, would make me dozy. She went off to check my charts, though, to see when my last doping up was.

I was so happy to see Rinoa walk through those doors. She looked pale and her eyes were rimmed red. I felt guilty for not being able to help her during the fight.

"Hey Squall," she said, coming to sit down next to me. "How do you feel?"

"Much better now," I replied. It was true. I was always comforted by her presence. She gave me a distracted kiss.

"I know I should have been there for you," I said quietly.

She shook her head. "No, you had your hands full. I could see it. And I came out okay, just tired." She slipped her hand into mind. "Really. I'm fine, you don't have to be concerned. I'll be much better after I get some sleep."

No matter what she said, I still felt horrible. What was the point of having a knight if I wasn't there? I wanted to press the point, but Rinoa looked so resolute I decided to let it go. I knew what it was like. I would just keep quiet until she brought it up again.

"Okay." I said. "Dr. Kadowaski won't let me leave until tomorrow. "

Rinoa looked relieved at the statement. I couldn't imagine why, but she must have realized her expression, because she said, "I don't think you're ready to leave right now, anyway. You look pretty banged up." She laid her head on my bed and shut her eyes, exhaling.

This action was so unlike her. "Rinoa?" I was worried.

She looked up at me, her dark eyes inscrutable. "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired."

I patted her hand. "Go back to your room and sleep then, you really need it."

Rinoa shook her head. "But I came to visit you, Squall. I don't just want to leave you here alone."

"Dr. Kadowaski is coming around to give me my next dose of painkillers anyway. It'll just knock me out again, and I won't be very interesting then."

She gave me a small smile. "Thanks Squall. I'll have Dr. Kadowaski call me again when you wake up." She kissed me and left.

Sure enough, Dr. Kadowaski came around with a needle soon after Rinoa went back to her room. "I know you've been complaining that you don't have enough painkillers…silly me, I forgot that they would have been wearing off by now…there."

"Thanks," I mumbled to her, and I drifted off into sleep.

> > >

"Squall!"

I heard Rinoa's voice, urgent and panicked. "Rinoa?" I opened my eyes and looked around. Seifer was holding on to Rinoa and dragging her into the next room. What was going on?

Quistis was here. Her lips were moving. She was saying something to me. I couldn't hear her. I had to go after Rinoa. This was chillingly familiar, as if I had already lived this…I needed to get Rinoa now.

I ran in after them. Seifer was still clutching Rinoa, who was deathly pale. He was swinging his Hyperion around.

"Seifer! Stop it! Haven't you done enough? I know you're not like that!" Rinoa half-twisted in Seifer's arms to look directly at him. What did she mean? I know you're not like that…how did Rinoa know what he was like…could it be the summer before? I didn't like it. It just reminded me of how they had been together.

He hesitated for a moment, and silently looked into Rinoa's eyes. I became angrier. Then his faced hardened, and Rinoa's face fell when she saw it. "Can't go back now! I can't go anywhere! The sorceresses as one! That is Ultimecia's WISH!"

This tugged hard on my memory. I still couldn't understand what was happening. This happened already. I already lived this. Once was enough. Why was it back again? Ellone wouldn't…she was in Esthar with Laguna…

Rinoa's eyes turned a liquid black, and I could see tears shining in them. "….Seifer…." Her voice was full of regret. Did she regret Seifer? Or did she regret the way he turned out? "Seifer….no more….please?"

Seifer's resolve seemed to waver again. I guessed it was out of his old feelings for her. He looked at her for a moment, tenderly, trying to decide.

I found my voice. "Seifer! No!" I shouted.

My voice seemed to push him over the edge. His eyes became wild, and he twisted Rinoa's arm behind her back so viscously she cried out. "Rinoa and Adel! The sorceresses as one! Watch closely, Squall." Seifer shoved Rinoa forward, towards Adel, who still was held in place in her prison. Why hadn't I seen it?

It didn't matter. I was screaming, because I remember what happened. I couldn't stop. Rinoa tripped from the force of Seifer's push, and she fell hard right in front of Adel. Adel's bonds began to snap, one by one, then faster and faster until I knew, with a horrified certainty, that she was free.

I wanted to tell Rinoa to run away, but I was still screaming wordlessly in horror, terrified for her. She was frozen with fear, staring up at Adel as if she couldn't tear her eyes away. The sorceress smiled in victory, raised her hand, and lunged for Rinoa.

Then Rinoa was screaming, and it mixed with my own voice, and somewhere, in the back of my mind, I heard Seifer's voice whispering Rinoa's name.

> > >

When I woke up, I was sweating and tangled in the blankets. I had to take several deep breathes to calm my racing heart. Why did I dream that all of a sudden?

The pain in my back had receded to a dull ache. Odd. Where was Dr. Kadowaski? She'd normally be here the moment a patient woke up. I shrugged it off and dressed myself. I left my room and looked around the infirmary office. She wasn't there. Maybe she went to get some food.

Then I noticed an absence of nurses. There was always someone where, even if Dr. Kadowaski was not. I was becoming confused, and I spotted the phone on the receptionist's desk. I picked it up to dialed Rinoa's room number when the door slid open.

"Dr. Kadowaski," I began, half turning around. It wasn't her.

I froze. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I dropped the receiver, and I could faintly hear Rinoa's voice saying hello.

It was Seifer. I flexed my right hand, where my gunblade would normally be held, wishing it was here so I could blow his head off. He just stood there impartially, watching me, with his hands in his coat pockets.

"Why the hell are you here?" I asked in a low voice. I was having trouble containing my anger. After all the things he did, how could Seifer have the nerve to come back to Garden. "What did you do with Dr. Kadowaski?"

"I'm here just to visit," he replied casually. "And I didn't do anything to the doctor. Apparently, some kids have caught a bad bought of food poisoning in the cafeteria. I saw all of them rushing there."

"Who would want to see your obnoxious face around here?" I shot back, clenching my fists.

Seifer shrugged. And then it hit me. The only person he would see was Rinoa. The only person who would accept his presence was Rinoa. Because they knew each other before this SeeD business. Because she was not a SeeD. Because she was not at the orphanage. Because they had something with each other in the past.

"You stay away from her," I said, and even to myself, I sounded dangerous. My voice had this quality to it that said I would not hesitate to kill Seifer if it actually came to it. "You actually had the nerve to come back here. You're a bastard."

Seifer spread out his arms, ignoring my comment about Rinoa. "Garden didn't put a price on my head. There was nothing to say I was permanently exiled. You guys just let it go, assuming I wouldn't come back."

"It was Cid's decision to let you go out of goodwill and respect to your long stay at Garden." I said. "If it were me…"

"If it were you, I don't think Rinoa would have let you do anything." Seifer interrupted, almost cockily.

"Don't bring Rinoa into this," I hissed. "You nearly killed her. Did you take that into account?"

"She has forgiven me."

"How?" I snapped.

"I've already seen her. I've talked to her, and she's forgiven me."

The thought of Rinoa forgiving this…piece of filth, this low-down, betraying scum for all the wrongs he did her made me lose my hold on my anger. Forgetting my injuries, I barreled towards Seifer and punched him hard across the jaw. The impact knocked him off his feet, and I began to hit him, again and again and again, as hard as I could.

Seifer's fist came up and collided with my face, and I was temporarily stunned. He managed to get to his feet, and I ran towards him again, with a growl. We knocked over the receptionist's desk as we wrestled. I managed to grab Seifer by the throat with my left hand, and I clenched it as hard as I could. I want to hurt him as much as could, for all the trouble and pain he's caused Rinoa. A selfish part of me just wanted to hurt him because he was always there, always my rival, always trying to bother me.

I don't remember the door sliding open.

"Hyne!" I heard Rinoa's disbelieving voice. "Squall, stop it! Seifer!"

I felt her hands, tugging at me, trying to pull me away from Seifer, who was attacking me just as much as I was attacking him. So why wasn't she trying to stop him, instead? I brushed her off with a shout of frustration.

"Squall…" I heard her moan my name in despair. "Seifer, Seifer…please…stop this…" she was pulling at him now, pleading with him, instead of me. Seeing Rinoa touch Seifer was a shock, I suppose, and a large enough one that I came to my senses.

"Get away from him," I said to her immediately. "He can't be trusted."

She hesitated for a moment, torn. Then she came to me and helped me stand up, guiding me to stand farther away from Seifer. Seifer's eyes never left her. For a moment, Rinoa looked back at him calmly and met his gaze.

That incensed me even more. "Rinoa," I growled. "I can't understand why you chose to forgive the piece of shit standing in front of us."

I became afraid when she turned to look at me. She no longer regarded me with pure trust and affection. It was mingled with…fear? Disappointment? Disillusionment? I couldn't be sure, and it frightened me. I reached for her hand, for reassurance, but she kept her own hands tightly clamped at her sides. In fact, she took two paces away from me, standing directly between Seifer and myself.

"Squall," she said softly. "I forgave Seifer because I had to, and because I wanted to. I can't have him live with it hanging over his head forever."

"He shouldn't have come back." I said adamantly. "He's a traitor, any way you look at it."

"Maybe," Rinoa said. "But everyone deserves a chance to make up for the things they've done."

I stared at her. Rinoa's out of her mind. What was she playing at? "I want him out of Garden. I am the Commander, and I want him out. You've already let him apologize to you, now I want him out. I'll have him arrested otherwise."

"Don't, Squall…" Her eyes were pleading me.

"Why?" I roared suddenly. "Why should I let him stay? I can't trust him; nobody can. Rinoa, he didn't give half a damn about you in front of Adel, so why the hell are you defending him now? Are you still in love with him? Do you want to go with him? Do you care so much for Seifer that you'd leave Garden?"

Rinoa was trembling, and her eyes were wet with unshed tears. I suddenly felt ashamed for my outburst, and she could see it.

Seifer spoke up. "Don't worry about it. I was going to leave anyhow. I saw Rinoa, and I've done what I've came to." He moved to Rinoa, and before I could say anything, gave her a hug. I had to look away. I would have killed him if I didn't. "Bye princess, I'll miss you," I heard him whisper to her. He let go of her, ignored me, and left. Rinoa stared after him, clenching her fists.

I didn't say anything to her. How could I? I picked up the phone and hung it up. I picked it up again and dialed for Irvine. When he answered, I began to speak immediately. "Irvine, this is Squall. Seifer is in Garden…it doesn't matter why. I've told him to leave, and he's on his way out. He's just left the infirmary. I just want you to make sure he actually leaves. I don't care where he goes, as long as he's not on Garden property." I hung up.

Rinoa and I simply looked at each other in silence. Something was broken between us. It must have been my behavior. I had shoved her, I had shouted at her when I had promised to always keep her safe and happy.

"I can't believe you, Squall." She said finally. Her fists were still clenched tightly.

"Rinoa…"

"I…I need time by myself. I want to fix this…I don't want us to be like this…but I need some time, Squall."

I felt numb. If I lost Rinoa, I would not have anything. And I would have lost her because of one stupid fight with an old rival. I didn't have to prove anything to him. I had passed the SeeD exam, he failed. He was an exile now. I am commander of Balamb Garden. He let go of Rinoa. I had her…or I still hoped I had her…but I couldn't do anything about that. I nodded.

I just hoped I didn't screw everything up. That's reserved for Seifer.

> > >

To be continued…

A/N: So. Although I haven't received terrible amounts feedback on the Squall/Seifer thing, I have come to a decision, mostly thanks to my reviewer man from "Uncle". I suspect you are correct about what you've said, but I felt like I had to indulge the romantic side of myself. Anyway, no worries for anyone, I have figured something out.

Stardust Ray: My hangover almost non-existent. My friends were kind enough to make me drink what felt like barrels of water. Also, I'm a very cheap drunk. I was tipsy and giggling madly after my first drink, the second saw that I couldn't walk correctly, and the third and fourth I barely remember. Anyway, thanks for all the encouraging words, I appreciate it.

Now, I shall be away camping for the later part of next week for about 5 days, and I hereby promise there will be an update by then. Give me a few days, say five or six, maybe less if I'm awesome.