Three Memories

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Enjoy!

6: The Beach

> > >

I was waiting outside the main gate of Garden. I ached all over from the fight, but I wouldn't have let anyone known that. So I kept standing tall, leaning back into the wall slightly, looking out for people.

Truthfully, that was a pretty stupid thing to do. I knew Rinoa left for the infirmary, and I didn't know how long she was going to take. But when she left, I felt…alone. I needed to go after her to the infirmary. I trusted that Dr. Kadowaski would be discreet enough to tell Rinoa without letting Squall know what was going on, but I didn't expect Squall to be up using the phone.

I didn't see Rinoa either. Since she told me to lay low, I took a back passage to the infirmary, instead of the main hallway, so I must have missed her. She was probably getting food or something, I don't know. It doesn't matter, anyway. Squall saw me and freaked out. So much for laying low. I'll bet all of Garden knows about my presence by now.

On the other hand, a part of me felt like I had to see Squall. I would never admit this out loud. I've done so many things to him over the years I thought that I should apologize to him as well. If I'm going to do something, like apologize, I might as well do it properly, right? Anyway, Rinoa would have wanted it. That was what mattered the most to me.

But when I got there, Squall was so arrogant. So full of himself. So…like me, I guess. I didn't like it. I couldn't do it. All I wanted to do was punch his face in. I ran my fingers over my scar, feeling the familiar raised surface of it. I didn't have this when I met Rinoa. Squall did.

I didn't know why I was comparing myself to Squall again. I always have, and I always relished the fact I was ahead of him. I had to bar my mind from making further comparisons, because in the back of my mind, I knew he was ahead in everything now.

It wasn't always this way.

> > >

I loved living by the sea as a kid. It didn't matter to me that I was an orphan. I don't think I quite understood what an orphan was, it was just a term used to describe what we all were, living with Matron. For all I knew, the crabs and starfish I saw on the beach were orphans too, as well as the trees and the flowers that surrounded the house.

I relished my half savage lifestyle there. Out of all of them, I was the most daring, the most ambitious, the one least afraid of getting rapped on the knuckles by Matron. Naturally, I became the leader in the naughty things we did. Chickenwuss … Zell, I suppose, was always crying and threatening to tell on us. I guess that's where the name came from.

Irvine and Selphie weren't half bad. Most of the time, they egged me on and just wanted to have fun. Once, Selphie and I got Irvine stuck up in a tree and refused to help him down until he panicked and started screaming. We were set to a dozen chores as a punishment, but she and I couldn't help laughing every time we saw Irvine after that. She eventually got around to apologizing to him and making nice, but I don't think I ever did. Again, it wasn't in my nature.

Quistis was a real old preacher, same way she is now. Once in a while, she'd let down her high and mighty demeanor and fling wet sand with us on the beach, but she was always trailing either Squall or I. She mothered him and lectured me. I was so sick of it once I threw mud at her face. I scrubbed the floor for days after that incident, and Quistis didn't speak to me for a month. I saw it as an added bonus.

I knew two Squalls. One was when Ellone was still around the orphanage. Squall was easier to get along with most of the time, and actually played with us. I don't think I made life so difficult for him back then. I discovered the other Squall after Ellone was gone. He became a loner. At first, I figured it was because he missed her. But months passed, and he still wasn't joining our games. I angry that we couldn't play games that needed an even amount of people. I thought he was being flat-out selfish. That's where our competition began.

We tried to see who got more of Matron's time, because we thought the more time she spent with us, the more she loved us. I shoved Squall out of the head seat at the table and sat there myself next to Matron, ignoring his glowering throughout the meal. At breakfast, I always chose the mug of milk that wasn't chipped, and Squall had to take it instead. I guess the little cruel things like this built up over the years, and continued even at Garden.

I remember one incident. Matron was calling us in for dinner, and the rest of them were already running back to the house. I was swimming in the shallows, and Squall was crouched a little ways off, tracing patterns into the sand with a stick. He stood up, watching Selphie jump onto Irvine's back and him stagger under her weight.

"Come on, Seifer." He said to me. "We have to go back."

I don't know why, but I particularly felt like pushing him that day. "No," I said lazily. "I think I want to swim for longer."

"But Matron is calling us," Squall said stubbornly. "We have to go back."

I made a face at him. "You're a baby, Squall. Ba-by. Always running to Matron and trying to hog her. Ba-by." I knew this was half untrue in the back of my mind, but I didn't let that stop me.

Squall stamped his foot and pointed the stick towards me. "That's not true!"

I ignored him and started splashing water around me to annoy him more. "Baaaa-by. Baby Squall, always trying to get Matron for himself."

"Stop that!" He shouted. Squall threw done the stick and began wading towards me. I swam out further away from shore. Squall's eyes widened. "We're not allowed to swim out that far."

"Ba-by Squall can't swim!" I taunted. I heard Quistis calling us faintly from the house. I ignored it. "Can't swim! Can't swim!"

Squall clenched his fists. "Can too swim." He said gruffly, and kicked off the sand towards me.

I stuck out my tongue. "Bet you I can swim longer."

Squall didn't say anything, and just continued to tread water with me. Oh-ho, I thought. He's challenging me. What he didn't know, what no one at the orphanage knew, was that I liked to sneak out in the mornings to swim by myself. It was probably dangerous, but then again, I never cared so much about danger.

Some time passed, and I was still stroking the water, relaxed. I tilted my head back to see the sun setting. Squall's face was almost as red as it was, and he was breathing hard, almost gasping for air.

I looked back at him. "Had enough, Squall?" I asked, leering at him. "Tired? Want to stop?"

He shook his head stubbornly, spraying me with little water droplets from his hair. I rolled my eyes. That was fine by me, I could keep going. I looked back up at the sky, tracing patterns in the orange and pink clouds with my eyes. Train, bird wings, and a pot, I said to myself as I made shapes. I heard Squall sputter, but I didn't bother to look. Book, sheep, and a shoe.

I looked back towards the house in the growing darkness. I saw Zell jumping excitedly around Matron, who was exiting the house. I looked at Squall.

Or where Squall was, anyway.

I felt a small flutter of panic. This could be a trick on me. I looked around wildly, but I didn't see him. I may have been a willful kid, but I hadn't totally lost my morals. I took a deep breath and dived under. It was dark, but I saw the white of Squall's hand. I reached out for it, and grabbed it, trying to kick for the surface as hard as I could. I didn't realize that anything could be so heavy underwater.

I was running out of breath, but I knew I couldn't let go of Squall. Everyone would be angry with me if he drowned. I held my breath tightly and kicked harder. I was angry with Squall. If he admitted I was a better swimmer, we both would have been at the house and eating. Now it meant that I was in big trouble when Matron found out. I guess my anger gave me strength, because I broke the surface and took great gulps of air. I made sure Squall's face was out of the water.

I was tired now. I could support myself, but it was difficult with Squall. I began to kick towards shore, but I realized with growing horror I had little energy left. And it had become dark, and the distance from where we were to shore seemed to grow.

Then, Matron appeared. It was so dark; I guess I couldn't see her. She kicked off her shoes and began wading quickly towards us, and then swimming. She looked at me, saying nothing, and took hold of Squall. I followed her back silently. I realized I would get in the biggest trouble yet.

Back at shore, I continued to follow behind Matron dutifully, feeling the stares of Quistis, Zell, Irvine and Selphie. They were half accusing, but half in awe. I nearly drowned Squall, but I saved him as well.

That night, I was sent to bed without dinner and a promise of a severe punishment the next day. Still, when I turned on my side and looked at the moon through the window, I whispered triumphantly to myself that I was still the winner.

> > >

Irvine's face snapped me out of my memories. He looked unusually serious, and was alone. He didn't even tip the stupid hat to me, and he normally can't resist doing it. It's like a nervous tic or something.

"Hey Irvine," I said casually, as if we were just two friends meeting. "What's up?"

"I've been sent my Squall to ensure that you remain off Garden property." He said, a little uncomfortably.

I indicated the wall of Garden I was leaning against. "I'm not on Garden property. I'm outside of it. See the wall? That's how I know." I might have been a little too condescending, because Irvine's normally pleasant face turned into a scowl.

"Just make sure you stay on that side of the wall." I saw his hand tighten on the gun he carried over his shoulder.

I glanced at the time. It was about fifteen minutes since I left the infirmary.

Irvine's curiosity obviously got the better of him. "Why did you come back here?" he blurted.

I raised my eyebrows. "Didn't Mr. Commander let you in on anything?"

Irvine remained awkwardly quiet. I'm guessing he didn't want to admit he was out of the loop. I shrugged. "It's not your business, anyway."

"Irvine!" We both turned to the new voice. I saw Rinoa coming down the main path in front of Garden. She pushed the gate open and came to stand next to me. In spite of the situation, I felt glee that she chose to show her support for me by standing where she did.

Irvine looked a little unsure of himself, but his hold on his gun eased a little. "Rinoa, I don't know if you should be here, I mean, it's Seifer." In spite of myself, I felt a little amused.

"I know it's Seifer." She replied, not looking at me. "I'll handle this from here."

"Squall said –"

"Squall said to make sure he's off garden property," Rinoa interrupted. "And he is. So you can go back now. I can handle this."

He scratched the side of his head, a little confused. He opened his mouth to speak further, but Rinoa shot him a warning glance. "You just better let Squall know about this, I don't want to get yelled at," he said, before tipping his hat to her and leaving.

I waited until he was out of sight before I began to talk. "You got my note," I said to her.

Rinoa opened her hand and showed me the crumpled note I passed to her when I left the infirmary. She didn't say anything, but kept staring at the note, as if she couldn't believe what she did. Funny enough, I didn't know what to say, either. She looked so small, standing there forlornly. I took the note from her hand and shoved it into my pocket. It seemed like that was causing her some emotional trouble. That seemed to start her out of her thoughts.

Her face was serious. "I don't know why you asked to see me," she said. "And I don't know why I've come. I just…Seifer, I just need to be at peace with everything."

"Well, me too." I said. "That's why I came back, isn't it?"

To my immense surprise and displeasure, Rinoa's face clouded over with anger. "I underestimated your selfishness, Seifer." She said simply. "You may have atoned for your wrongs, but look at what you've done to me."

What she said had a ring of truth to it. Over the years, I guess I must have gotten used to the trouble I've caused everywhere I've went, and I didn't see it anymore. Realizing this hurt me. I let myself slump against the wall, fully feeling the aches from the fight. I began to doubt myself. I thought I had come with good intentions. Maybe Fujin was right. Wearily, I sat on the curb and rested my head in my hands.

I was more than surprised when Rinoa decided to sit next to me. Our shoulders were touching. "Sometimes I hate Garden." She said to no one in particular. I looked up at her, and she smiled wanly. "Sometimes. Sometimes I don't want to deal with all the politics with the students, and sometimes I don't want to deal with Selphie telling me everything will get better if I join the festival committee. I belong there, but somehow, I also can't belong there."

"Like me." I muttered, putting my head back into my hands. "Even before I tried those sorceress stunts, I was already 'problematic'." I hated that word. It was the label they gave me. I turned my head to look at her, and for a brief moment, a ripple of understanding passed through us, and I could see my expression on her face.

It faded though, and she turned to look away. "But when I'm not hating Garden, I love being there. With Squall, mostly."

It hurt. Hearing his name come from her lips like that was something I never wanted to hear again. I would have given up Hyperion for her to say my name like that. "You know, during my last few years at Garden, I was determined to stay because of you. I figured I could help the Forest Owls as a SeeD. And before that… I was just too young to go anywhere else."

Rinoa smiled at me sadly. "Seifer, what are we going to do?"

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To be continued…

A/N: Sooooo, thanks to all the fantastic folks who reviewed. I dub thee awesomer than cool, and more superb than most. I shall be away camping later this week, and I will try updating before then, but no promises. Thanks for reading and reviewing!