A/N: Don't you see me trying to ride out this hurricane?More notes at the end. Enjoy the final piece of the story. It's extra long for you, my fanatics.You, the strength in my arms, the holders of my dreams...
Major Samantha Carter was slowly going insane.
She paced. She worked. She blasted music. She arranged and rearranged the stock furniture of her quarters. It had been a week since the Colonel had retired, a week of hysterical sobbing, punctuated by hours of daydreaming and fantasy. Now that he had quit the airforce, she could be with him. She was overjoyed at that, but going through the Gate without him left her feeling vulnerable. Now, Carter was doing everything in her power to speed time along. The general had reinstated her rank, yes. Out of pity or remorse, she didn't know. But it was little consolation without her Jack. She had done reams of research, slept for hours on end, imagined just about each and every possibility for being reunited with her mate in incredible detail.
The minutes never seemed to end, though.
She dreamed of waltzing the night away with him, Dvorak's Tempo di Valse ringing in her ears. She imagined endless daybreaks spent by his side, the smell of him. The salt of his skin. The roughness of his touch. Watching him eat and sleep and watch her. Lovemaking in every conceivable place and position. Living with him, moving in with him. Raising children, growing old. Marriage. An off-world honeymoon.The sound of his voice, the beat of his heart. The warmth of this body beside hers, each and every night. Of all things, she even fantasized about fishing. She wanted more than anything to share her life fully with him.
Each and every one of those fantasies passed before her eyes, and it hurt. She was trapped, without her mate, without a means to contact to him, to be with him. They had taken her phone, her wireless Internet connection. So, she paced, she raged, she cried. The separation was eating her alive. It was like when Jack had been dragged away with Maybourne...except a hundred times worse, because she knew for sure that she could be with him.
Jack, wait for me. Wait. I'll be there soon, and we'll be together again.
Colonel Jonathan O'Neill (ret.) was lost in an abyss of despair. Not a single word from Carter. Teal'c had called, saying that she was in solitary, but she was doing okay. He promised to visit, asked politely how Jack was. In all honesty, Jack was drunk. Being without Carter was harder than he expected. He had no job, no Carter...no real reason or order to his life anymore. The lack of contact wasn't driving him insane, it was killing him. It was killing him as surely as any bullet or knife or poison.
Jack wasn't a flat out boozehound. He ran, did his PT every day, was a functioning member of society. He picked up groceries, did his housework, even repaired the shed in the backyard- after almost six months of not having the opportunity or compulsion. However, he drank. He did not go one day without drinking. He couldn't. It was the only thing that dulled the pain. Before, he could drown himself in work. He was generally too busy or hurt to be depressed. But losing his job, and the perception of losing Carter was wearing on him.
He sat there, slab of cold leftover pork in one hand, beer in the other. Nights spent watching TV and drunken stupors. He was never far from the phone that never rang, the TV or some booze. As the days passed, he knew that Carter wasn't able to contact him. That didn't make him any less depressed, any less frustrated. She had left her clothes at his house, from the night of the storm. There was nothing left of her on them, after they had been washed by the rain. They were reminders of a night that seemed largely fictional. Her clothes were anonymous, if anything. The only indication that they were hers was their size.
I wonder if I dreamed it all.
By the time she had twelve hours until release, Sam was weeping uncontrollably. She couldn't wait to see her Jack. None the less, as the hours ticked by, nagging doubts began to form. Every conceivable demon crawled from the recesses of her fragile -if brilliant- mind.
Does Jack want to see me? Will he blame me for the loss of his career? Will he want to be with me? Will he be bitter? Will he be the same?
The fantasies of their reunion slowly faded in her mind, the future suddenly harsh in contrast. Suddenly, Dvorak and dinners and nights until the stars seemed far off and outlandish.
Will he want another child? Will he want it with me? Will we move in together right away? What will we do about money? Will we get married?
Then, it struck her like an freight train that did karate in its off time:
What if it doesn't work out?
The tiny shadow of a doubt suddenly became a giant specter that blocked out the light of her life- Jack. What would happen if their relationship fell apart? If she wasn't strong enough? If the Gate killed the relationship it helped build? She knew that her post could keep her away from him for months at a time. Would he understand? Could she take it? Her doubts and fears coalesced into a shade-self, a familiar being from years past.
You'd better hope you're both strong enough, Sam. You'd better hope so, because if you're wrong, he'll suffer. You'll be the one who forced him to give up his career for nothing. For your selfish desires.
Two phone calls from Daniel, one from the Airforce. Daniel was checking up on him, bringing news of Sam. The last of the two came six hours before Sam's release. Jack had been pacing, trying to watch TV but unable to concentrate. He launched himself at the phone the instant it rung.
"Hello? Sam?"
"Hey Jack."
"Oh. Hey Danny."
"Hey. Yeah. I called to talk to you about that, sorta."
"What?"
"Sam. She's a mess, Jack. Solitary hasn't done her any good."
"Figured as much."
"She'll be out in about six hours, though. That's not why I called."
"Huh?"
"Listen, Jack, we're getting a new commander. Teal'c is heading off to help the rebellion. They're going to promote Sam, I think, but I don't think she'll see the field again. And it's looking like I won't either."
"Oh, shit."
"Yeah. SG1 is still the flagship team, but they're root canaling it. Hell, everything's up in the air. They're going to suspend Gate travel for about a month, around the election."
"Why?"
"I don't know, Jack! All everyone keeps saying is that we need you back. Listen, I know how you feel, but you're needed here. We have a war to fight."
"Daniel, I don't think you get it. I'm getting old. If I go back, I'll die. I'll move left instead of right, take another staff blast to the chest, and I'll die. The SGC needs fresh blood, and me being dead doesn't help anyone."
"But you're experienced..."
"Yeah, but we're not the only heroes in the mountain. Everyone there is great. Remember training those kids?"
"Yeah."
"It's time we hang up our hats, Daniel. You've died once, do you want to do it again?"
"No, but..."
"No buts, Daniel. It happens to everyone. You need to train the next generation. Hell, tell the Air Force that I'll do it. For my standard rates, even."
"Jack, you're being an ass."
"No, Danny. I think this is the first time I've been smarter about something than you. I don't know how or why, but everyone on SG-1 has been given a second lease on life. You came back from ascension, Teal'c survived that hit to the symbiote pouch that should have cut him in half..."
"Jack!"
"I've been thinking about it a lot lately. We've done a lot with our second chances, but there won't be a third. Remember Sha're?"
"How dare you bring her up. How dare you..."
"Listen, I know how you felt about her. It wasn't fair to you. I don't want Carter to feel that way. How do you think she'd feel if she got told her husband bought the farm offworld?"
"Husband?"
"Uhhh...never mind. We're not married, it just slipped, y'know?"
"Not really. Jack-"
"Later, Danny. Tell Carter to give me a call."
He hung up. Sitting down, he realized what he had just done. Not telling off the Airforce, not telling of Daniel, but being perfectly honest with himself. He wanted to have a family again, and he wanted it with Carter.
This is it, end of the line. It's all on Carter now.
She didn't say a word, didn't call, just went right home. The doubt had become a massive thing in her mind. She left the base in a taxi, repeating the words 'What have I done?' over and over again. Those hours she spent with Jack had been some of the happiest of her life. Something had been missing all those years alone. That lack of...whatever it had been had sent her into terrible depressions, wild surges of moodiness and melancholy. And now, she could leave all that darkness behind.
She had to wonder what kind of price she would pay for it. Every time someone good wandered into her life, there was always something to be paid for it. Jolinar sacrificed herself to save Sam. Narim? Dead. Martouf? Dead. Her father? Off with the Tok'ra. She didn't even want to think about Pete. He was something else- she hated to say it, but he was a poor substitute for her Colonel. HE was what she had wanted all along. HE was her mate, the person she wanted to share herself with. In Pete, she had seen shadows of the Colonel. His humor, his attitude- it all mirrored Jack's. The memory of her failed relationship stung hard, but she barely noticed. She didn't have time for regret, she had to see her man.
So, she came home, showered, and wondered. She wondered what she should wear, if she should call first, what he'd be doing, if he'd want to see her, if he was able to see her. A thrill creeped up her spine as she reached for the phone. It was like that rush she felt on her motorcycle, racing along, guided by her instincts alone. No thinking, no planning, just the thereness of the moment. Every moment of that night with Jack had been filled with a thereness that she struggled to describe. The phone rang, and she twirled the cord around her finger.
"This is O'Neill, leave a message."
Full lips pouted an instant before she spieled off a quick message.
"Hey Jack, it's me. Just wondering if you wanted to do something tonight. Give me a call back, okay? Miss you."
She had to bite down on the word 'honey'. She hung up the phone, and began ravaging her wardrobe for something to wear. She looked stunning by the time three in the morning rolled around, and she realized he was probably asleep. So, she got undressed, lay back down on her bed. It was cold without him. She felt herself reaching out for him, but he wasn't there.
Where is he?
Jack had the misfortune of falling asleep while watching Animal Planet. He woke up, badly hung over, and groaned. Grey light filtered through the window.At first, his body couldn't decide which end last night wanted to come out. He made it to the bathroom, forced a decision from his flesh, and vomited. Grumbling, he thumbed a pair of antacids and slammed the medicine cabinet door.
His phone beeped insistently at him. Three messages, all from Carter. He cursed to himself. He listened to them, one by one, swearing. He had missed seeing her. He had missed being beside her because of his own failures. So, he called her house. She wasn't there, so he left a message.
"Hey Sam, it's me. Sorry about last night.Call me... I miss you."
He called the mountain, but she wasn't there. Jack didn't know if they were lying or not, he didn't care. He just had to wait. He remembered the few times he had the enjoyment of feeling Sam press up against him. The feeling of her hand in his. He ached for it again. He had known for years, accepted it: she was the light of his life. Without her, he was surrounded by darkness.
I wonder if she knows how happy she makes me?
Sam heard his message, smiled. It was good to hear his voice again. She listened to it again, hearing the tightness around 'I miss you.' Her mind was doing cartwheels, hearing her man sound like that. Her heart leapt into her throat. She smiled, attacked her work with a fury that only some rather unfortunate jaffa had known before. She had to get out, see Jack.
He misses me. He really, truly misses me. I've got to be with him.
Jack was waiting at her house around five. Well, we had been waiting since four. There was no car in the driveway. So, he knocked on the door. Nothing. So, he sat there. The sky was getting darker- a little more cloud, a little less sun. So, he sat. He wanted to take her out somewhere- maybe O'Malley's, maybe some other place. He didn't know. He had his own leather jacket on, faded jeans and his 'fancy' cowboy hat. Nothing in particularly made it fancy, it was black, a little faded, but Jack still considered it his 'fancy' hat. Eight rolled around before he decided to call it quits. Then, as he twisted the keys in his truck, he heard the sound he had dreading.
WhinewhinewhineCLUNK.
The transmission dropped onto Carter's driveway. Staring over the hood, he saw reddish-brown fluid start to creep towards the street. He crossed his arms across the wheel, thumped his head into them a few times, and opened the door. It was going to be a long walk home.
Great. Just what I needed.
Carter sat on his couch, drinking one of his beers disconsolately. She had been there since six, let herself in. She didn't think he'd mind a little sexy surprise waiting for him- naked Carter in his bed? A trail of clothes leading to his room? He had probably been dreaming about it as much as she did, she told herself. Or more. But, as nine thirty rolled around, she started to put her clothes back on. She didn't know where he was, and she was getting worried. She stood out on his deck, wrapped in one of his shirts. She stared out into the darkness, willing her man home.
Come to me, Jack.
It started off just spitting. Jack grumbled to himself a little, shrugged deeper into his jacket. One hand automatically adjusted the hat, for all the good it would do. Soon, the rain was just pouring down, and his teeth began to chatter. He was soaked to the bone.
Jesus Christ, what a night. No Carter, my truck breaks down, and now I'm getting my ass rained on. What next? Anubis going to appear and kick me in the balls?
The lights went out, and Carter gasped a little. The rain was coming down in sheets. Distantly, thunder rumbled, and she remembered that night. Being cold and bruised. Wandering through the dark, holding herself, desperate. Reaching Jack's house, finding more than she ever expected. Finding him. Finding that warmth, those perfect moments with her mate. She hugged herself again, craving those moments again. She sat down, watched the downpour, and waited.
Motion. She caught it in the darkness, something more than the rain. She stood, called out into the darkness.
"Jack? Jack, is that you?"
"Carter?"
She smiled and nodded, looking where the sound of his voice was coming from. Lightning flashed close by, followed by a massive peal of thunder. In that single searing instant, she saw him lit by the blue-white brightness. Dark jacket, cowboy hat, jeans, boots. Him alright. A shy smile split her face.
He's here. Finally.
"Carter?"
She stood there, in navy BDUs and one of his old cotton shirts rolled up to the elbows. Bright eyes looking for his, a smile playing her lips. Jack stopped dead, a little confused. Sapphires in the dark, glowing.
"Carter, what are you doing here? Is that my shirt?"
Darkness descended, and her voice was a little more subdued.
"Oh, sir...I shouldn't have come. This was wrong."
He could hear her steps on the wood, then nothing. The roar of the storm consumed her. A second bolt of lightning lit the sky. He could see her running, dashing past her, soaked in and instant. He moved, caught her in his arms, murmured comforting nothings to her as she pulled close to him. He could feel wracking sobs rip through her. Unconsciously, he pulled her closer, stroked her hair.
"Carter...Sam. Sam," he whispered in her ear above the rain, "I love you."
I love you more than anything.
She watched him breathe in the afterglow of their passion. His scarred chest rose and fell slowly, calmly as he tucked his arms beneath his head. She smiled.
"Jack, I really do love you. Loved you all this time."
"Love you too, Sam."
Silence.
"Carter..."
"Yes, dear?"
She had to giggle at that. Carter enjoyed playing the part of his faithful wife.
"Carter...Sam. Sam. I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"I want to be with you too."
"Sam...I want you to quit the SGC."
THAT caught her by surprise.
"Why?
"I want to be with you. No cloak and dagger bullshit, neither of us coming home in a box at the end of the night. Be a research geek, I don't care. We've both died once, almost died a lot more often than that. We have a second chance, and the next time we die, it's going to be our last."
She thought about it for a moment.
"Jack, I love you. I love what I do. I was born to do this."
His face fell, and her heart broke. She continued speaking.
"You're right, Jack. I want to be with you. I'll put in my resignation tomorrow."
She curled up close, feeling the beat of his heart through her fingertips. She wanted nothing more than to settle down with her mate, start her own family. They had shared enough adventure. She just wanted to share her life fully with him.
"So, Jack...I was thinking about kids today..."
The storm raged on outside.
FIN
A/N: Wow. I said long, I didn't mean THIS long. Surprising, even for me. Well, it's the end of the line. A Summer Storm has been great fun. Really, this was unexpected- it was supposed to be one chapter. Gah...I just ran on impulse. No clue when it's set, what the conditions are. All in all, I think it turned out pretty well. The amount of support received has been staggering to say the least (3150 hits and change, fifty reviews). Once again, thanks everyone.
I'd like to thank everyone properly before I explain the end. Everyone who read, thanks. Everyone who reviews, MANY thanks. However, there is one person I'd like to thank for her nigh-endless support and goading and patience with me. That person is Natters, of course, my co-author on Monkey Business (which everyone should go read, anyways- check our profiles) and faithful friend. She has managed to put up with my whining, wheedling, and endless affections through the course of the story. Once again, thanks to m'Natters.
Finally, I suspect that the fluffier fans will be a little disappointed in the end. I know, shameless fluff is good every now and again. But I believe that what makes the SJ relationship special is the suffering and pain and sacrifice that the pair must endure. Love isn't easy, and this particular relationship is particularly hard. That's what gives it value. So, there was sacrifice. There was pain. As always, both Sam and Jack had to give something up to be together, and that's what makes the story special to me. They finally gave something up.
Thanks for reading everyone, please review if you can.