Memories of you, guiding me, teaching me. Molding me into your ideals of what a man should be, and what a Jedi must be. I tried to push those memories aside and feel nothing, as a true Sith would. But it was a futile effort. The memories and realization clung to me and provided no reprieve. I had thought I was doing what was just, what was deserved as I plunged you into scorching damnation. But a million thoughts seemed to come at me from all sides. You had been my Master, my mentor, my friend...and in a way, my father.
But when I saw you step out of my wifes ship, pain, jealousy and rage drifted into my soul and took root there, breeding hatred ...and a lust for revenge. She tried to pretend she didn't know you were there, but I knew better. Always I could read her expressions like a datacard. She was relieved when you stepped off the ship and came to her aid! As I released the Force choke I had on her, shock and horror crept into my soul. She gasped for breath and screamed your name! Your name! My beautiful wife was calling for another man. I hadn't meant to hurt her, I never would!
But you have convinced her otherwise. You have made her afraid of me. My precious wife now cowers in terror from the one man who has loved her more than life. And it is all because of you! But why? Why would the one man I had trusted, other than Master Sidious, who I now had allegiance with, turn on me, and take my wife with him? I reasoned. Had I fell so far as to believe that you are capable of such monstrousities against me? My thoughts played back and forth, the Jedi in me fighting to emerge and rescue his floundering Master, the Sith in me controlled by jealousy and vengiance watching you burn and taking pride that I had brought down the great Obi-Wan. The Sith was laughing inside, watching you suffer, as I had suffered at your hand. Although my pain was not physical but emotional, but to a Sith, that is far worse. The Sith told me to walk away, and let you die, let you suffer according to your actions. You had taken my wife from me, taken all chance I had to be granted the rank of Master. What had you told them of me? You must have poisoned them against me! Why else would I be denied to be Master? I had trained well, I had served well as apprentice. I did my time, now all I wanted was what was due me. But you wouldn't allow it.
A small part left of the Jedi within me spoke up, trying to reason with the anger and hatred pounding inside my skull, it told me that I had not earned your trust, that I hadn't tried hard enough to prove myself, to you or the council. I had been obstinent with you. And an apprentic should be meek, obediant, and allow his Master to guide him. I had not listened to you on countless occasions, some of which had cost both you and I dearly. When you told me to veer left, I would go right just to spite you. This is unacceptable behavior of a Jedi apprentice. I had been jealous, of the respect granted you by the council, of the way you could always be right in their eyes, even when I knew you were wrong! I had never afforded you the respect a Master warrents. Was it my fault for simply being selfish? Was I blind to the goodness in all Jedi, the way Padme had said? Or was it the Councils fault for failing to show me the respect I deserved?