Alrighty, here's my next installment!

The feature for today is… soft, or gentle.

Or, you know, something along those lines… You'll understand later.

She was staring up at the moon, tears in her eyes as she tried to ignore the orcs that were scurrying around her like evil mutant cockroaches. They were all getting ready to torture and rape her, of course. I mean, she was so luscious and pretty, what else could they possibly want her for? Besides to eat, that is. But if they ate her, how could she possibly go crying to Legolas about all her poor, fragile self had to go through?

Anyway, she was tied to a tree, and this one really ugly orc came up to her. It had a really ugly scrunchie in its hand and was about to tie it to her hair. She began struggling.

"Noo! You evil fiends! That's the ugliest accessory I have ever seen! Get it awaaaaaay!"
But the orc just cackled evilly and lifted its hand to attach it to her hair, when it stopped, and fell to the floor, dead as a pencil.

Looking down, she saw an arrow in its back.
Which would explain why it was suddenly dead.

All the other orcs saw this too.

"Oh my God!" said an orc that didn't believe in Gods but said that anyway coz the author's a knob. "You killed Grishpog!"
"You bastard!" said another orc.

They were pointing at a figure that was standing on a large boulder. He stood surrounded by a halo of light, his hands on his hips, hair blowing in the wind.

All the orcs started screaming and ran away. This is getting a little too long so I'll get to the point. Legolas, for it is so obvious that's who it is, pranced off the boulder and up to the girl. He untied her, and she started crying into his shoulder.

"What's wrong with you?" Legolas huffed. "I spend all this energy to come here to save you and all you- I mean… do not fret, child. You are safe now." he lifted a hand and brushed away her tears. She shivered. His hands were soft and silky against her skin. She had never felt a smoother pair of hands.
"I am Legolas Legolas. Or, Legolas Greenleaf, as some prefer to call me."
"I… I am Tári Linwë Alassë NápoldëIdril Valaina Iąmapŏopίefǻce Sarah غحم٨ٿڭ۞Җџ ؟۩ۣ۵ ₤⅝₪║╬♠♣♥♦♫Eledhwen" the girl said. She hiccupped, and wiped her nose on Legolas' sleeve.

Legolas randomly brushed some hair away from her face. She leaned into his hands. His smooth and oh-so-gentle hands. They were like silk against her skin, even though smooth hands means that the owner of said hands had never worked a day in their life. And it would be impossible for Leggy-poo to have smooth, silky, soft, luscious hands, because he constantly shoots arrows all over the place. And he's supposed to have rough callousy hands or something. Not smooth. But, let's pretend that elvish healing powers are not there to stop elves from dying, but to help them look good.

Okay.

So, he rubbed his gentle, shiny, laminated hands all over Tári's head as the sun came up. Then, he rubbed her face some more.

Then they stood up.

Leggo-man looked up to the sky and saw that the sun was up.

"Oh no! The sun, THE SUN! We must run!" Leggy-weggy began running, but it was too late. Its was too. Late. For him. To. Run.

"Whatever is the matter!" Tári said.

But Legolas couldn't reply. "Noo!" He screamed to the heavens and sunk to his knees. "I'm melting! Meeeltiiiiing!"

And indeed he was. Well, at least his velvety, glossy, slick, shiny, gleaming, sparkly, glittery, polished, glistening, reflective hands were.

The end

Yeah, ok. That wasn't that funny, was it.

Oh well.

to Seriously Wrong - heh, my first reviewer for this story! (this time round...) I'm not quite sure if that review was supposed to be mean to me or not, but... meh. /shrugs/ Just thought I'd point out that I don't actually ask anyone to tell me in a review, I just ask if they would like to give me ideas. If you want to leave it in a review... then, well go ahead. Doesnt make a difference to me!

Reborn from the Ashes- ok, thanks for that. I can never be bothered to read through those rules (which is probably why i get banned for weeks on end so often). ButI really do try to stick to the rules thatI know (to an extent...) Anyways, I've fixed it up now so that its just me typing poop.

Legolas's Girl 9 - OMG! I've really noticed that too.I cant beleiveI didnt think of it! I'll make sure to use that one... man, I see your reviews scattered through quite a few of my parody's. /grins/ thanks for that, makes me feel reeeaaal special!

…alrighty! So, leave a review. I don't care man, flame it, burn it, murdur it with a knife, WHATEVA! I'm still open for suggestions if you got an idea, otherwise….

Have a nice day!

Thank you, come again!