AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

/runs around in circles screaming, then smashes into a tree/

…WOOW!

Yay! I have 12 reviews!
Go meeee! Go meeee /dances/
Whee! I love you guys! I chucked such a spaz when I saw all those /laughs in delight/

Oh and yeah, just so you know, I realize that orcs don't rape people. I just wrote that in 'cause I've read so many story's about these people that were captured by orcs and raped and beaten up and raped and tortured and raped and raped.

Whores.

Anyway, for all you people out there that write those, think about this.

If you caught an orc, would you rape it?

No.

Why not?

Because you find it repulsive.

Eeeeeexactly
And an orc would think the exact same thing about you.
So there. /sticks out tongue/

Once upon a time, in a far far away land, there lived a girl who could transform into a unicorn.

This girl was very special.

She had long golden locks of hair, and stunning gold eyes. And an absolutely, infatismally gorgeous face. And she was super thin. With big tits.

One day, this goddess of a creature fell off a cliff, and landed in Middle Earth.

And thus, out story begins…

Legolas; /is happily walking around when he trips over something/ "Whoops!" he says. "Oh come now, who leaves rubbish lying on the floor like this?"

The rubbish stirs.

Legolas; "AAAAAAHHH!" and he runs away like a little girl.

Rubbish; /wakes up/ "Oh! W-where am I?" It stutters, just loud enough so that everyone can hear it.

Aragorn; /walking by/ "Umm… why are you lying on the floor?" he asks in a confused way, being all confused and shit.

"Oh dear!" Rubbish, aka Unicorn Woman exclaims, dramatically putting her hand against her forehead. "Where am I? The last thing I remember is running away from a lion, a tiger, and a bear! Oh my! And then… then I fell off a cliff… and… and woke up here…"

Aragorn; "uhh…"

Unicorn Woman; "I'm all aloooooone!" she starts bawling pathetically.

Aragorn slowly begins backing away.

U. W; "There's no-one here, besiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide meeeeeeeee!" she half sings, half cries in a haunting tune.

Aragorn is about to turn and run, when all of a sudden U.W latches onto his leg!

U.W; "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" she wails.

Aragorn manages to suppress a manly scream… just.

U.W; /suddenly and amazingly turns into a unicorn/

Aragorn; "Eeeek!" (Notice the girly tone to that scream, as he starts running around in circles, arms in the air)

Arwen; /to Aragorn/ "Oh, Elly-poo! There you are!" (Elly… as in Ellesar… (that how you spell it?))

"I'm bored." I mutter quietly, the small sound expressing what millions (or twos) of people are thinking right this moment.

"Me too" Dr. Zoidberg responds, clicking his crab-pincer thingies, and eating my fish bait. Because I, uh… always carry fish bait… in my, back… pocket… along with my… keys…

Me; /bashing him with my fishing rod/ I carry that in my… breast pocket… "Oi! Get away from my bait you mutant lobster!"

Dr. Zoidberg; "Woooooop woop woop woop woop!"

Arwen; "Oh look, 'tis a unicorn!"

Aragorn is running amok, arms flailing madly "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" he says calmly and maturely… (and this is the man who is to become Queen? I mean King?)

Arwen pats U.W "Even though unicorns don't exist in this world, and I technically shouldn't even know what they are, this one is a fine specimen. The most beautiful one I've ever seen! Not taking into consideration the fact that it's the only one I've ever seen."

Then Unicorn Woman turned back into a human, shaking her long, golden locks out of her face.

Aragorn was still running around in the background. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he still screamed. Still. St. i.

ll.

…

Then, Unicorn Woman fainted, and Arwen took her to a room in Imladris. Coz that's where they were. Imladris. Which is the same exact place as Rivendell. Also known as 'The Last Homely House', and 'The Place With All The Scary, Pointy Eared, Immortal Freaks"

As she watched her sleep, she pushed a tendril of her golden locks away from her face, and smiled as she sighed.

(I hate it when authors write sentences like that. It pisses the hell outta me! Who is 'She'? Arwen? Unicorn Woman?… Eowyn!… … … moving on… )

She sighed again, and shook back some locks of black hair away from her face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" went Aragorn, as he ran past the window.

Unicorn woman woke up, sat up, and pushed her long locks away from her face.

"Are you alright?" Arwen asked. Unicorn Woman shook her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Aragorn ran along a balcony off in the background.

"Would you like me to get you some yogurt?" Arwen asked. Unicorn Woman nodded her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

Arwen tied her thick black locks in a quick plat, and ran off to make some yogurt for Unicorn Woman with her head, long black locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

Even though she could just get a maid to do it for her. Or go down to the Kwik-e-mart.

In any ways, she came back with the yogurt, and Unicorn Woman ate it.

Arwen smiled as she watched yogurt spill out of Unicorn Woman's mouth, and rush down her chin in torrents.

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Aragorn jumped from the top of one building and on to another, nearly falling to his doom. He then continued running.

"You haven't said much yet." Arwen said. Unicorn woman shrugged her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

"Can you even talk?" Arwen asked. Unicorn Woman signed something with her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

"Pardon me?" Arwen asked her head, long black locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

Unicorn Woman opened her mouth. "I said 'No, I can't talk, I'm mute her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!' Derrr!"

"Oh no!" Arwen said, putting her hand to her head, long black locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Aragorn ran across the lawn in the far distance.

"That must be horrible!.!.!" Arwen exclaimed with multiple exclamation marks. Unicorn Woman nodded her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight.

"That's IT!" said an angry voice in the hallway. "I've had it! Enough is enough!" the voice ranted as it stormed down the hall… way. The door burst open, and a little girl with curly blond hair, rosy cheeks, and a small pudding stain on her dress barged in. "Who the fuck keeps calling me? HUH! I'm happily sitting there, destroying an unknown's house, and I keep hearing Goldylocks! Goldylocks! Blah blah fucking GOLDYLOCKS! AARGH! IT'S DRIVING ME BLOODY INSANE!"

Unicorn Woman turned into a unicorn.

There was a pause as Goldylocks stared. Then… "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She dived out the window and ran away.

Unicorn Woman turned into woman.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Goldylocks said, as she rushed out to the lawn in the far distance.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" said Aragorn, running around wildly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" said Goldilocks, wildly running around.

Aragorn stopped and stared down at Goldilocks. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Goldylocks stopped and stared up at Aragorn. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

They looked at each other (AAH!), they looked at the window (AAH!), and they turned and ran off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT'SFUNNYCOZTHISISGOINGOFFTHEPAGEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Unicorn Woman turned into a corn.

A golden corn.

Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!
Her head, long golden locks shimmering in the reflected light of the sunlight!

God; "Shimmering sunlight reflected light off her head, the golden locks… oh… err… DAMN DYSLEXIA!" /smites everyone/

Okay, maybe I'll just stop it there.

Yeah…

This one was requested by Lady Moofin. She also specifically asked for Goldilocks to make an appearance so, yeah…

Thanks for that one!

Review Responces (unsusually long today):

theycallmemary: Aww shucks, are my story's really that good/shuffles feet/ aww… hehe, thanks. I love flattery. Gets a long way with me. Uh, yep! I live in Australia. Why? Are… are you a stalker? Well you stalky stalker, I shall poke you with all my points as much as I please/poke, poke/ Haha! And you shall take it, or I will never update again! NEVER!

Icy Sapphire15: Oh, the "'Tári Linwë Alassë…" thing is me dissing the names given to MS's, while having fun with the 'Insert' button at the same time/shrugs/ Coz you know, a lot of badly written Elven OC's have these amazingly, impossibly hard names that aren't even Elven. And they have all these dots and dashes everywhere, so I figured, why not swirls?

Princess of Ithilien: Yeah thanks. Kat's me name, Random's me game!… corny, yes. I know…/hangs head/ Anyways, the thing with dear old Leggy is that a lot of writers tend to describe his hands as soft or silky. Or, you know, something along those lines. The truth of the matter is that Legolas is a warrior, and he favors the bow. Someone who can wield a sword is going to have rough hands because of the exposure to long hours of gripping said sword. On top of that, if that someone uses a bow, they are going to have calluses on their fingers from the constant rubbing against the string (or whatever you call the twangy bit). So Legolas having smooth hands is impractical.

Legolas's Girl 9: /grins/ AAAWWW! You're so nice! Here, have a Legolas plushie/throws plushie at your head/ Or wait… would you prefer Aragorn?… or Boromir… /rifles through pile/… umm, I have the twins… Faramir… Glorfindel… Elrond… …Gimli/looks up/ Would you like a Gimli plushie? Or… wait, I have the hobbits too…

Seriously Wrong: oooh, I see! Right, right, I'm on it. Hmm… that was pretty obvious though, wasn't it? Maybe I should be a little more careful in the future… Pff! As if that'll ever happen! I'll just keep getting pulled down time and time again, until I'm finally banned completely from this site… Ah well, I have you trusty reviewers to tell me when I'm wrong! And ok, no interacting with reviewers… does that mean I shouldn't do review responses? Aww, shit. I dunno, everyone else does it and they don't get pulled. Umm… … … …/runs away/

Reborn from the Ashes: Yay! Ialways love to know where I manage to make others laugh. It gives me this warm, fuzzy feeling inside… oh no wait, that was the kitten I swallowed before… /shrugs/ Whatever. The point is- /falls asleep/ …Sorry. I'm just tired. I'm writing this at 11.50 pm, and d'you wanna know what time I woke up this morning? 9.30! Yeah that's right! 9.30! Who in their right mind wakes up that early on their holidays? Well obviously, me. /rolls eye's at self/ but still! The point-… … … /snores/ … Shut up Kat. (Yes, I just told myself to shut up. Why? You got a problem!) I checked out the guidelines, by the way. I didn't really register any of it… Hey, I got an idea! I am officially making you my Mistakes Catcherer! Yup, you got no choice!

Ok, so that's the review responses…

Sorry this one took so long to come out. I kinda lost the file, and couldn't be bothered to re-do it.

But I found it again. So yeah, everything's good.

IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT!

Well no, it's not really that important, but yes.

I probably won't be adding another chapter to this (or any other story) for a while yet, as I'm starting a new project. Yes, yes I know. Sad. /whipes tear/

But I'm really quite liking the one I'm starting.
It's another one of those "Girl somehow magically gets transported into Middle Earth and now can't get back by those same magical means", but with a twist. Only… not.

It makes fun of those story's, but it's not a parody or a satire. It's got its own plotline, and though it's going to be quite a bit of fun, it has its serious side as well.

Go read the summery I've written for it at the bottom of my Bio. Please? I'd be heartbroken if you didn't/puppy eyes/