"I'll need another delivery today, Gilbert," the woman said, trying to stuff a cereal box down her shirt.
Gilbert rolled his eyes.
"Good God, Betty! I just gave you more food yesterday. How many pigs live in your family, for crying out loud?"
She gave him a set of puppy-dog eyes. "Pur-leez, Gilbert?" she whined.
"Fine, but if you try to put your crazy corroded tongue in my mouth again, I'll kill you." he paused. "Try to stop us or vamp out in ANY way and I'll stake you without thinking twice about it!" he added, tying a red bandanna around his head and trying to look tough.
"But baby-cakes, my heart'll break if you stake it." she pouted, putting a chocolate bar in one boot. "Damn. Chocolate between the toes. Nice and healthy."
"Well let's go," Gilbert said grumpily, going out the door.
"Let's go," Betty said seductively, cuddling up to Gilbert.
Accidentally putting the truck in reverse instead of forward, Gilbert ended slamming into another car's front.
"Christ! Let's go does NOT mean warp speed!" Betty yelled.
Giving a Corey Haim-like laugh, Gilbert shifted to forward and set out for Betty's house.
"We're on the right trail. Flies and the undead go together like bullets and guns." Gilbert said matter-of-factly.
Suddenly, as they were whizzing down the road at least twice the speed limit, a pigeon hit the window and splatted.
"Totally annihilated his night-stalking ass! We're awesome monster bashers!" exclaimed Gilbert, clapping, as Betty picked her nose quietly.
"God damn it woman! Stop picking your nose, it reminds me of my brother." Gilbert said grumpily, trying to wipe the bird guts off the windshield but failing dismally.
Betty pouted, and hummed under her breath, "If one more person calls me Marsha I'm gonna bust their fucking heads..."
Gilbert looked at her like she was nuts.
"What! That was funny and you know it," she snapped, as Gilbert pulled into the driveway.
"I was on Teen Beat with Michael Jackson... now he's bigger I suppose. Though he may be a multizillionaire, least I still have my nose." hummed Gilbert quietly.
Becky stood up and jumped out of the car, throwing her arms out dramatically. "Least we're not crazy, we don't sleep with chimpanzees! We don't bleach our skin or dangle babies from balconies!" she screamed.
"You do too sleep with chimpanzees." Gilbert corrected her.
"Shut up! I do not! Well.. maybe once. Or twice... a few times.. But your sister slept with your boss and your wigga of a brother keeps climbing the watertower! That's waaay worse." she said dramatically.
"Just let me drop the groceries and get the hell out of here." Gilbert snapped, grabbing a few bags out of the back of the truck.
Betty ran inside, ordering Gilbert around.
Just then their was a loud buzz and a foul odor.
"What was that?" She screamed, hiding behind the counter.
"Death by stereo!" Gilbert exclaimed, dumping the groceries on the table.
"Yeah, but who'd it kill this time?" she wondered. "Maybe it was my son of a bitch husband." she added hopefully.
"God damn shit-sucking vampire." he muttered under his breath.
"Who? My husband?" Becky inquired.
"No, my guinea pig. I let it loose outside three months ago because it bit me, and it keeps coming back for food. Fucking ungrateful rodent."
Spilling groceries everywhere, Gilbert said, "Well I hafta go now. Family crap."
She pouted, then quickly tried to french him.
He groaned and shoved her backwards.
"Damn you! I told you not to do that!"
She pouted again.
"Adios, senorita!" Gilbert screamed, and ran for the truck.
He sighed and turned on the radio. "Damn! I LOVE this song!" he yelled happily, immediately singing along to the lyrics.
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! Oh so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real..." he trailed off and stopped singing as he realized what he was singing.
"Ah, what the hell." he shrugged and started singing again. "Who's that pretty girl in the mirror there? What mirror where? Who could that attractive girl be..."
------------
A/N: Please review! We'd like to know what the readers think of all this. Ideas are welcomed, if anyone wants to suggest an improvement or gag for the story.
Also, sorry about all the vampire/Lost Boys references.. XD I had just watched the Lost Boys before I started writing this chapter, and I hadn't slept in 2 days, plus we were both (Carrie and I) insanely hyper, so we kinda went berserk. o.O So yeah.. sorry lol!