A/N: The reviews have guilted me. I'm extremely sorry I left this fic the
way I did. The show just changed so much & made the story even more AU. I
kept trying to mesh the story with current revelations, but I can't so
let's just say screw it & pretend everything's the way it was sometime
between "The Debut" and "The Outsider"...
*************************************************************************
Title: SHIFT Chapter 7: Wednesday Evening Author: calcium_yeah
"Well, this was highly stupid." Seth spoke to himself as he slowed his pace from brisk to a crawl at the sight of Luke's house. Why would this time be any different from his previous attempts? Because it had to be. He knew that much. Too many things depended on this going right, putting an end to things now. Because if he didn't then Ryan would do something and Luke would do something & his life would be . . . bad.
He was resolved. That's what was different. There was no giving in; it wasn't an option. He would get right to the point, be firm, leave Ryan out of it, and try not to say anything that could be thought of as insulting because he really didn't need the violence right now.
Seth almost tripped when Luke & two teammates emerged from the front door just as Seth was about to knock. Fear flickered over Luke's faced, then confusion, which was quickly masked by angry disdain. Plan B then. Seth spoke before Luke had a chance to.
"Yeah, believe me, if Marissa hadn't sent me I surely wouldn't be here, but she. . ." Seth paused to glance at the two other boys, he recognized one from his chemistry class, the other had extremely familiar looking shoes- - he'd probably seen them up close during some random beating. "She needs to see you. . . and I'm thinking she doesn't want her family or whoever to know because I had to act like Sydney freakin Bristow getting over here."
The buddies obviously didn't get the pop culture reference, and Luke was clearly debating how to react to this information since he was pretty sure Seth was lying.
"So, should I tell her you're coming or- -?" Seth was cut off as Luke addressed Shoey & Chem. Boy.
"100 bucks she thinks the FBI's recording her conversations." He half- heartedly laughed towards them while abruptly heading for his car.
"Or they've got a line of people outside waiting to punch out her father." Shoey's laughter, however, was whole-hearted.
"Yeah, well, manly duties & all that. It's not just chasing away those Chino boys you know," Yeah, Seth thought that was directed towards him. "I'll catch up with you guys later." Luke was already in his car and the other boys waved him off while getting into the fugliest yellow jeep Seth had seen in his life.
After a moment of standing in place, Seth began to realize that he had better start walking back. Not just for appearances, but because Luke was apparently planning on really leaving him there. He began walking towards home as the cars sped off in the same direction. He wondered where the other two were headed until he heard honking as the two cars split up two blocks down the road. He sped up, not knowing if Luke was planning on going to his house or what and, yeah, that could end up pretty nasty. No more thinking. Just walking. Faster. Fast.
Then, about 5 minutes later he decided that maybe he should have been doing some thinking because Luke was parked there. Waiting.
"Of course. Because this is the darkest, least populated street in Newport. Why wouldn't this be where he stopped? Oh, and look, some woods. Yeah, that's nice." Seth felt the need to express his fear sarcastically and out loud because no one kills the jaded guy, right? As he neared the back of the car it became apparent that Luke wasn't going to get out for this conversation. Seth took a deep breath and quickly grabbed the door handle for the passenger side. Okay, he didn't expect it to be locked; that provided a lovely arm injury that he'd probably regret having in a few minutes.
He heard the click as Luke unlocked the door for him. Seems Luke hadn't even been watching for him and was instead shuffling through a brown paper bag on his lap. Seth stopped himself before he started to speculate on the contents of the bag and why Luke was searching through it so fervently. He broke into a smile and turned to face Seth, but didn't remove anything from the bag.
"You want me to be mad at you, I get that."
"Believe me, that's the last thing I want. I didn't know they'd be there. I just had to- -."
"I know." And apparently Luke's tongue apparently didn't want to let him finish. Seth felt a hand palming the back of his head, fingers swirling in curls. . .tenderly. Seth panicked and ignored the pain in his arm as he lifted his right hand to push Luke's head away.
"What?" Too sweet. Luke was being too sweet. Trying to be sweet enough to keep Seth's mind off the bruises still resting just out of sight. Trying to not be the same guy who was throwing sand down his throat this morning.
"Don't. Don't try to make this hard for me. Don't try to be someone you're not. Don't try to be caring. . .you don't care about me."
"We've had this conversation."
"Actually, we haven't," Seth had his strategy down. "Because we're not talking about me this time. I'm saying YOU don't want to be here."
"You don't know what I want."
"I think you want to be Luke Ward. You want to be Marissa's boyfriend. And laugh at her behind her back. And cheat on her with other GIRLS. And do everything that you can do with money and popularity. And. . . guys like me aren't supposed to be part of your life like this. I don't know why you do this to yourself. You're only making your life harder."
"Actually, my life is pretty great." Luke's index finger began to twirl along Seth's collar. "But, something tells me that this isn't really about my life or what I choose to do with it. Are you making a choice here? Is that what this is about?"
The softness of Luke's voice and touch was subtly intimidating and Seth was shaken. Seth had changed his strategy, deciding not to submit to brute force anymore and Luke had sensed the change gone right along with it. Seth remained silent, staring at the unreadable expression on Luke's face. . .kindness was on the surface, but there was something unsettling just beneath.
"Tell me. Tell me why you just had to see me." Luke's left hand slid from Seth's collar and began lightly squeezing his neck. It would have been in time with his pulse, but his pulse had chosen to speed up a bit.
"Because I'm having the decency to not just start avoiding you. I'm asking you to understand and let me go so that we can both just move on before someone finds out," Seth lowered his eyes, "And I'm hoping you realize that you have a lot more to lose than I do. Because maybe then I won't have to run and hide to make this stop."
Luke's hand whipped from behind Seth's head and Seth closed his eyes, bracing himself for something that never came. He opened his eyes to see Luke clutching the paper bag with both hands and staring through the windshield; his jaw clenched with thought. Seth's body was leant towards the door awkwardly, but he made no move to rearrange himself during the seemingly endless pause that probably lasted all of 2 minutes.
"You trust me." Luke didn't turn his head or change his expression and Seth wasn't sure if this was a question so he didn't respond. Luke twisted to toss the crumpled paper bag in the back then turned his head to the passenger side making Seth realize that he did indeed want an answer. Seth didn't have one. "You'll take my word for it if I tell you it's over?"
There was a catch. There had to be a catch. Seth just sat up straight and nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"So, if we're together and then from now on we're never going to be together. Would you let me say goodbye?"
"What's 'goodbye'?" Seth had an idea what 'goodbye' was.
"You know what it is," Luke spoke softly and turned to face ahead again, "It's our last goodbye. It's putting an end to this quietly. The way you want to."
Seth thought about Ryan waiting back at the house. Ryan who would be heading this way if Seth took too long. Ryan who would never accept "one last time" as an explanation if he found out something happened.
"That just ruins the whole point of stopping this. We're NOT together. This isn't even a relationship. There can't be a 'last goodbye'." Seth was straining to make Luke understand because he couldn't afford to let things go on long enough that Ryan got involved (again).
"Well, the way I see it is you gave me an ultimatum. I 'let you go' and you won't go public about this little situation."
"I never said that. I wasn't even- -."
"No, you just let me know you had no problems showing up at my house. That you wanted to end things before people 'found out'. Well, you know what? I don't think I want to be with someone who can't even admit their feelings for me. And I'm a nice guy, so, you want to end this then we'll end it. But let's keep this little theme of ultimatums going. " Luke leaned in until he was about five inches away from Seth's face. "We can end this nicely with one. last. goodbye. Orrr we can drag it on and have it end in a very unpleasant way." Luke popped back into his seat, adopting a much more casual tone and posture, "Your choice of course."
Seth leaned forward, clutching his head in his hands, cursing to himself because he already knew what his choice was. They both did.
"Can we just get this over with?" Seth spoke to his sneakers. He'd had those sneakers longer than he'd known Ryan. He'd probably have them long after Ryan came to his senses and disassociated himself from Mr. Town- Pariah. He wondered briefly if sleeping with Luke might actually bump him up on the social ladder from accused gay pariah to known gay slut.
Seth was jerked back into reality by the car suddenly peeling off at top speed. Of course he bumped his right arm. That arm was going to hate him in the morning.
"You might want to buckle up. We wouldn't want you getting hurt unnecessarily." Luke was back into false-charm mode. He was no longer headed towards Seth's house and he didn't seem to be going back where they came from. Seth began to look around as he snapped the seatbelt into place, trying to figure out where they were headed. "I think we should go someplace special, don't you?"
Seth whipped his head around to see if Luke had some type of sinister look on his face, but he just maintained a calm smile and drove rapidly towards some destination that was obviously clear in his mind while it remained a mystery to Seth. As expensive as the car probably was there was no indication of the time anywhere, but Seth didn't need a watch to know that he wouldn't be getting back at any decent time. This was going to be bad. Because Ryan would be worried and Seth would have to tell him the truth to keep him from going after Luke. And the truth would make him extremely pissed. Seth prayed that he'd at least be back before Ryan got worried enough to say anything to his parents. As the car traveled into unfamiliar territory, Seth began to think that maybe having people worrying about him wasn't such a bad thing because suddenly he wasn't too sure about the validity of their agreement. Where the hell was Luke taking him?
"I think I'll miss you." Luke's word broke into Seth's mind unexpectedly and it took him a moment to shift those words from the context of where his thoughts were heading (your body will be rotting in a factory somewhere) to the context of the earlier conversation. "I'll miss this, just us together. I think I'd rather lose this though than have you avoiding me. I couldn't stand to have you avoiding me. You won't do that will you?"
"No." Seth shook his head. It was akin to answering somebody at gunpoint. What the hell else was he going to say?
"Good. So, can you just stop looking like I'm going to dump your body somewhere because as much as I've hinted at it in the past, I'm not going to hurt myself by losing you."
Hinted? Was saying 'I'll kill you' a hint? Regardless, Seth felt himself relax and thought for a moment that Luke's obsessiveness towards him might actually be a good thing in this situation. Until Luke kept talking.
"I'd kidnap you sooner than kill you. If I don't want anybody else to have you I'm not going to punish myself too when I could just get you away from them. Like, if I thought this whole thing was because you'd started sleeping with Ryan- -."
"I am NOT sleeping with Ryan."
"Oh, I know that. I think I'd know if you were and believe me, we wouldn't be having such a good time if that were the case. But, hypothetically, if you were leaving me for Ryan I'd threaten you like I've always threatened you, but I'd never really hurt you to the point of dying."
"That really doesn't make me feel better."
"It's not supposed to. It's supposed to be incentive for you to tell me the truth because. . . well, I obviously haven't been able to show you the right way, but. . ." hundreds of emotions started seeping into Luke's previously steady voice, "I feel so much for you. And I'm telling you these things and I'm admitting that I get so jealous just knowing he's there with you everyday. And I know that it's been bad, I've been bad at proving myself, and all I have to show are these uncontrollable feelings for you." Luke took a breath, "I know I've handled things badly, I'm telling you the truth about everything, just asking that you be honest with me."
"You've told me you don't plan on killing me. I don't get what type of honesty you expect out of me for that." Seth tried not to let his frustration show, but the Luke was ranting and Seth was not appreciating the content of his speech as much as Luke apparently thought he should.
"I just want to know if you've honestly never felt anything for me."
"That doesn't matter." Seth's body tensed and he shifted his gaze out the passenger side window. He became aware of the car's decreasing speed and prepared himself for their arrival, resolving not to get pulled into a conversation that would drag this on any longer than it had to go. He was ready to put this all behind him.
"You have no idea how much it matters to me. Whatever the answer is, it matters. It's not going to change what happens here or the fact that this is the last time. It's just something I need to know."
Seth subconsciously rubbed his sore arm while debating how to answer. He started to ramble, "I thought being ignored most of my life was just part of going against that Newport grain. Lonely sometimes, yeah, but it wasn't too bad. You read enough comic books, you start comparing yourself to every lone hero- - a few lone villains." Seth didn't check to see if he was getting a reaction, he held his eyes on his own reflection in the glass urging the truth out of himself. "Then I spent the last three months getting abused in public by the same person who rapes me in private. And I thought the attention was amazing. I had something. Someone had seen me and thought I was worth all that effort. All that fighting; all that lying. And then I made a friend. By sheer proximity, he'd been associated with me and he didn't mind. He was just. . .being a friend. And I'm here because I know you get jealous. That's no big revelation. Summer's probably gotten closer to Marissa than Ryan ever has and you never cared. And you know what? Last I checked you had some family in Chino, never minded the place at all. I don't want my friend hurt because you can't control your emotions. I control mine just fine and I know better than to let anything I felt for you out of loneliness to affect my actions now."
Seth readjusted his stare and realized they were pulling into a motel parking lot. Not a seedy motel, but a two-story inn that seemed to service more vacationing families than bill-by-the-hour clients. Luke parked the car before speaking. He focused on putting his keys in the pocket of his jogging pants while he spoke. "You felt something for me."
"I was stupid. I was being very stupid" [I]I do stupid things sometimes[/I] Seth thought. [I]Things like going on mini-road-trips with violent types.[/I]
"It wasn't stupid. Maybe it's stupid when someone's not interested or they're using you." Luke looked up in time to see the effect of his words as Seth thought of Summer, as he thought of Kal- -the only person he'd slept with before Luke. Kal had been pretty straightforward about the nature of the situation. One night, no last names, have a nice life. Classy guy. "But when someone loves you, it's not stupid to have feelings for them."
Seth looked at the belt buckle, pushing five times before it finally opened.
"Does that make you uncomfortable? I can act like you're nothing to me if you like. You seem to like that." Luke removed his seat belt and opened his door.
"You know what? I do think that might be a little better. It meshes kind of nicely with the bruises I've been trying to hide from my parents and the whole forced nature of that sex we've been having."
"Okay." Luke nodded. "Okay." Another nod. The nodding was getting a bit excessive. He stepped out of the car and stood beside it until Seth got the hint and exited as well, closing the door behind him.
Seth felt in the back pocket of his jeans and was relieved to find his wallet just in case his ride home didn't pan out. Meanwhile, Luke opened the back door and stuffed that paper bag into an open backpack, zipping it up before he closed the door and set the car's alarm.
Seth stood outside while Luke got a room. He felt this made him more like a hooker than like someone having an affair. There was an odd comfort in that. Luke emerged with the keycard and Seth followed in silence as they passed several small families enjoying the sun. Seth estimated it had to be at least five by now and tried to remember when the sun normally set. He figured he was only fooling himself by pretending he'd be back before sunset.
Luke led them up the stairs, took a right, a left, and slid the keycard into the door to room 207. He stepped inside and abruptly paused causing Seth to stop himself before there was a collision. Of course that led to another bit of pain for that right arm of his and he was too busy wondering what the f@$# was going on with that arm to pay much attention when Luke asked him to wait outside for a minute and closed the door.
Just as he began to comprehend what just happened, Luke reappeared with an unplugged clock in hand. A middle aged housekeeper passed by and raised an eyebrow at the clock. Luke eyed the woman's retreating form and whispered, "I don't want you to spend tonight staring at the clock. Not tonight. I'll have you back early enough. You won't get in trouble." He held the door open and waved Seth in, tossing the clock into the plush green armchair in the corner of the room. It didn't make a sound. He grabbed Seth by the hips, pulling him close, just short of full-body touching. But, if Seth hadn't been that close he couldn't have heard Luke's whispering tone. Why was everything so quiet today? So soft. "This is going to be special. The way it always should have been. You and me. Two consenting young adults." His left hand rose to grasp Seth's t- shirt, his right moved to twist in Seth's hair. Who knew Luke had such a thing for curly black hair. "No pain, no fighting, just a nice. . . goodbye."
In one smooth motion, Luke twirled Seth onto the bed without ever losing contact. He ran his lips along Seth's neck, ran his hands along Seth's sides. Seth felt like his entire body was being touched. But, no, that wasn't true. His neck was being touched, his shoulders, arms, sides, back, hips, thighs. This was deliberate avoidance of the major erogenous zones. And Seth wasn't liking that this particular molestation felt so good. He kept reminding himself that it was only nice by comparison because he was so used to pain. However, with Luke straddled atop Seth's left thigh it became apparent that Luke was half hard and Seth was already all the way there. [I] I'm season six Buffy [/I] Seth thought. [I]Why do I let him do these things to me?[/I] He couldn't get that damn line out of his head.
Luke licked along Seth's jaw line, eliciting a shiver. In reaction to this moment of pleasure Seth's hands automatically shot up to clutch the back of Luke's head. "Fuck." Seth dropped his right arm, having been reminded that it wasn't doing too well. Luke looked at Seth's face, then at the arm and moved, rolling Seth on top of him. Luke's left hand lightly massaged the offending arm as his right hand turned Seth's head so they were looking each other in the eyes. Seth hated this, the niceness of it, the underlying romance from someone whose fists he'd been cowering from this very morning.
And yet, Seth was the one who leaned in for the kiss, sliding his arm from Luke's massaging fingers and returning his hands to Luke's head. He clutched the sides of Luke's face and felt tears, only half comprehending that they were his own.
************************************************************************* A/N Don't worry, I have the next chapter half done already, but I need to go to sleep & I just thought this was a better ending point then the random place I'd written to.
A/N You may notice that I threw in Red!Clark as Seth's deflowerer to make this a technical crossover since I have a new affinity for crossovers. This is in late August so Clark took a detour and stopped off in the O.C. back in May before heading back to Metropolis.
Title: SHIFT Chapter 7: Wednesday Evening Author: calcium_yeah
"Well, this was highly stupid." Seth spoke to himself as he slowed his pace from brisk to a crawl at the sight of Luke's house. Why would this time be any different from his previous attempts? Because it had to be. He knew that much. Too many things depended on this going right, putting an end to things now. Because if he didn't then Ryan would do something and Luke would do something & his life would be . . . bad.
He was resolved. That's what was different. There was no giving in; it wasn't an option. He would get right to the point, be firm, leave Ryan out of it, and try not to say anything that could be thought of as insulting because he really didn't need the violence right now.
Seth almost tripped when Luke & two teammates emerged from the front door just as Seth was about to knock. Fear flickered over Luke's faced, then confusion, which was quickly masked by angry disdain. Plan B then. Seth spoke before Luke had a chance to.
"Yeah, believe me, if Marissa hadn't sent me I surely wouldn't be here, but she. . ." Seth paused to glance at the two other boys, he recognized one from his chemistry class, the other had extremely familiar looking shoes- - he'd probably seen them up close during some random beating. "She needs to see you. . . and I'm thinking she doesn't want her family or whoever to know because I had to act like Sydney freakin Bristow getting over here."
The buddies obviously didn't get the pop culture reference, and Luke was clearly debating how to react to this information since he was pretty sure Seth was lying.
"So, should I tell her you're coming or- -?" Seth was cut off as Luke addressed Shoey & Chem. Boy.
"100 bucks she thinks the FBI's recording her conversations." He half- heartedly laughed towards them while abruptly heading for his car.
"Or they've got a line of people outside waiting to punch out her father." Shoey's laughter, however, was whole-hearted.
"Yeah, well, manly duties & all that. It's not just chasing away those Chino boys you know," Yeah, Seth thought that was directed towards him. "I'll catch up with you guys later." Luke was already in his car and the other boys waved him off while getting into the fugliest yellow jeep Seth had seen in his life.
After a moment of standing in place, Seth began to realize that he had better start walking back. Not just for appearances, but because Luke was apparently planning on really leaving him there. He began walking towards home as the cars sped off in the same direction. He wondered where the other two were headed until he heard honking as the two cars split up two blocks down the road. He sped up, not knowing if Luke was planning on going to his house or what and, yeah, that could end up pretty nasty. No more thinking. Just walking. Faster. Fast.
Then, about 5 minutes later he decided that maybe he should have been doing some thinking because Luke was parked there. Waiting.
"Of course. Because this is the darkest, least populated street in Newport. Why wouldn't this be where he stopped? Oh, and look, some woods. Yeah, that's nice." Seth felt the need to express his fear sarcastically and out loud because no one kills the jaded guy, right? As he neared the back of the car it became apparent that Luke wasn't going to get out for this conversation. Seth took a deep breath and quickly grabbed the door handle for the passenger side. Okay, he didn't expect it to be locked; that provided a lovely arm injury that he'd probably regret having in a few minutes.
He heard the click as Luke unlocked the door for him. Seems Luke hadn't even been watching for him and was instead shuffling through a brown paper bag on his lap. Seth stopped himself before he started to speculate on the contents of the bag and why Luke was searching through it so fervently. He broke into a smile and turned to face Seth, but didn't remove anything from the bag.
"You want me to be mad at you, I get that."
"Believe me, that's the last thing I want. I didn't know they'd be there. I just had to- -."
"I know." And apparently Luke's tongue apparently didn't want to let him finish. Seth felt a hand palming the back of his head, fingers swirling in curls. . .tenderly. Seth panicked and ignored the pain in his arm as he lifted his right hand to push Luke's head away.
"What?" Too sweet. Luke was being too sweet. Trying to be sweet enough to keep Seth's mind off the bruises still resting just out of sight. Trying to not be the same guy who was throwing sand down his throat this morning.
"Don't. Don't try to make this hard for me. Don't try to be someone you're not. Don't try to be caring. . .you don't care about me."
"We've had this conversation."
"Actually, we haven't," Seth had his strategy down. "Because we're not talking about me this time. I'm saying YOU don't want to be here."
"You don't know what I want."
"I think you want to be Luke Ward. You want to be Marissa's boyfriend. And laugh at her behind her back. And cheat on her with other GIRLS. And do everything that you can do with money and popularity. And. . . guys like me aren't supposed to be part of your life like this. I don't know why you do this to yourself. You're only making your life harder."
"Actually, my life is pretty great." Luke's index finger began to twirl along Seth's collar. "But, something tells me that this isn't really about my life or what I choose to do with it. Are you making a choice here? Is that what this is about?"
The softness of Luke's voice and touch was subtly intimidating and Seth was shaken. Seth had changed his strategy, deciding not to submit to brute force anymore and Luke had sensed the change gone right along with it. Seth remained silent, staring at the unreadable expression on Luke's face. . .kindness was on the surface, but there was something unsettling just beneath.
"Tell me. Tell me why you just had to see me." Luke's left hand slid from Seth's collar and began lightly squeezing his neck. It would have been in time with his pulse, but his pulse had chosen to speed up a bit.
"Because I'm having the decency to not just start avoiding you. I'm asking you to understand and let me go so that we can both just move on before someone finds out," Seth lowered his eyes, "And I'm hoping you realize that you have a lot more to lose than I do. Because maybe then I won't have to run and hide to make this stop."
Luke's hand whipped from behind Seth's head and Seth closed his eyes, bracing himself for something that never came. He opened his eyes to see Luke clutching the paper bag with both hands and staring through the windshield; his jaw clenched with thought. Seth's body was leant towards the door awkwardly, but he made no move to rearrange himself during the seemingly endless pause that probably lasted all of 2 minutes.
"You trust me." Luke didn't turn his head or change his expression and Seth wasn't sure if this was a question so he didn't respond. Luke twisted to toss the crumpled paper bag in the back then turned his head to the passenger side making Seth realize that he did indeed want an answer. Seth didn't have one. "You'll take my word for it if I tell you it's over?"
There was a catch. There had to be a catch. Seth just sat up straight and nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"So, if we're together and then from now on we're never going to be together. Would you let me say goodbye?"
"What's 'goodbye'?" Seth had an idea what 'goodbye' was.
"You know what it is," Luke spoke softly and turned to face ahead again, "It's our last goodbye. It's putting an end to this quietly. The way you want to."
Seth thought about Ryan waiting back at the house. Ryan who would be heading this way if Seth took too long. Ryan who would never accept "one last time" as an explanation if he found out something happened.
"That just ruins the whole point of stopping this. We're NOT together. This isn't even a relationship. There can't be a 'last goodbye'." Seth was straining to make Luke understand because he couldn't afford to let things go on long enough that Ryan got involved (again).
"Well, the way I see it is you gave me an ultimatum. I 'let you go' and you won't go public about this little situation."
"I never said that. I wasn't even- -."
"No, you just let me know you had no problems showing up at my house. That you wanted to end things before people 'found out'. Well, you know what? I don't think I want to be with someone who can't even admit their feelings for me. And I'm a nice guy, so, you want to end this then we'll end it. But let's keep this little theme of ultimatums going. " Luke leaned in until he was about five inches away from Seth's face. "We can end this nicely with one. last. goodbye. Orrr we can drag it on and have it end in a very unpleasant way." Luke popped back into his seat, adopting a much more casual tone and posture, "Your choice of course."
Seth leaned forward, clutching his head in his hands, cursing to himself because he already knew what his choice was. They both did.
"Can we just get this over with?" Seth spoke to his sneakers. He'd had those sneakers longer than he'd known Ryan. He'd probably have them long after Ryan came to his senses and disassociated himself from Mr. Town- Pariah. He wondered briefly if sleeping with Luke might actually bump him up on the social ladder from accused gay pariah to known gay slut.
Seth was jerked back into reality by the car suddenly peeling off at top speed. Of course he bumped his right arm. That arm was going to hate him in the morning.
"You might want to buckle up. We wouldn't want you getting hurt unnecessarily." Luke was back into false-charm mode. He was no longer headed towards Seth's house and he didn't seem to be going back where they came from. Seth began to look around as he snapped the seatbelt into place, trying to figure out where they were headed. "I think we should go someplace special, don't you?"
Seth whipped his head around to see if Luke had some type of sinister look on his face, but he just maintained a calm smile and drove rapidly towards some destination that was obviously clear in his mind while it remained a mystery to Seth. As expensive as the car probably was there was no indication of the time anywhere, but Seth didn't need a watch to know that he wouldn't be getting back at any decent time. This was going to be bad. Because Ryan would be worried and Seth would have to tell him the truth to keep him from going after Luke. And the truth would make him extremely pissed. Seth prayed that he'd at least be back before Ryan got worried enough to say anything to his parents. As the car traveled into unfamiliar territory, Seth began to think that maybe having people worrying about him wasn't such a bad thing because suddenly he wasn't too sure about the validity of their agreement. Where the hell was Luke taking him?
"I think I'll miss you." Luke's word broke into Seth's mind unexpectedly and it took him a moment to shift those words from the context of where his thoughts were heading (your body will be rotting in a factory somewhere) to the context of the earlier conversation. "I'll miss this, just us together. I think I'd rather lose this though than have you avoiding me. I couldn't stand to have you avoiding me. You won't do that will you?"
"No." Seth shook his head. It was akin to answering somebody at gunpoint. What the hell else was he going to say?
"Good. So, can you just stop looking like I'm going to dump your body somewhere because as much as I've hinted at it in the past, I'm not going to hurt myself by losing you."
Hinted? Was saying 'I'll kill you' a hint? Regardless, Seth felt himself relax and thought for a moment that Luke's obsessiveness towards him might actually be a good thing in this situation. Until Luke kept talking.
"I'd kidnap you sooner than kill you. If I don't want anybody else to have you I'm not going to punish myself too when I could just get you away from them. Like, if I thought this whole thing was because you'd started sleeping with Ryan- -."
"I am NOT sleeping with Ryan."
"Oh, I know that. I think I'd know if you were and believe me, we wouldn't be having such a good time if that were the case. But, hypothetically, if you were leaving me for Ryan I'd threaten you like I've always threatened you, but I'd never really hurt you to the point of dying."
"That really doesn't make me feel better."
"It's not supposed to. It's supposed to be incentive for you to tell me the truth because. . . well, I obviously haven't been able to show you the right way, but. . ." hundreds of emotions started seeping into Luke's previously steady voice, "I feel so much for you. And I'm telling you these things and I'm admitting that I get so jealous just knowing he's there with you everyday. And I know that it's been bad, I've been bad at proving myself, and all I have to show are these uncontrollable feelings for you." Luke took a breath, "I know I've handled things badly, I'm telling you the truth about everything, just asking that you be honest with me."
"You've told me you don't plan on killing me. I don't get what type of honesty you expect out of me for that." Seth tried not to let his frustration show, but the Luke was ranting and Seth was not appreciating the content of his speech as much as Luke apparently thought he should.
"I just want to know if you've honestly never felt anything for me."
"That doesn't matter." Seth's body tensed and he shifted his gaze out the passenger side window. He became aware of the car's decreasing speed and prepared himself for their arrival, resolving not to get pulled into a conversation that would drag this on any longer than it had to go. He was ready to put this all behind him.
"You have no idea how much it matters to me. Whatever the answer is, it matters. It's not going to change what happens here or the fact that this is the last time. It's just something I need to know."
Seth subconsciously rubbed his sore arm while debating how to answer. He started to ramble, "I thought being ignored most of my life was just part of going against that Newport grain. Lonely sometimes, yeah, but it wasn't too bad. You read enough comic books, you start comparing yourself to every lone hero- - a few lone villains." Seth didn't check to see if he was getting a reaction, he held his eyes on his own reflection in the glass urging the truth out of himself. "Then I spent the last three months getting abused in public by the same person who rapes me in private. And I thought the attention was amazing. I had something. Someone had seen me and thought I was worth all that effort. All that fighting; all that lying. And then I made a friend. By sheer proximity, he'd been associated with me and he didn't mind. He was just. . .being a friend. And I'm here because I know you get jealous. That's no big revelation. Summer's probably gotten closer to Marissa than Ryan ever has and you never cared. And you know what? Last I checked you had some family in Chino, never minded the place at all. I don't want my friend hurt because you can't control your emotions. I control mine just fine and I know better than to let anything I felt for you out of loneliness to affect my actions now."
Seth readjusted his stare and realized they were pulling into a motel parking lot. Not a seedy motel, but a two-story inn that seemed to service more vacationing families than bill-by-the-hour clients. Luke parked the car before speaking. He focused on putting his keys in the pocket of his jogging pants while he spoke. "You felt something for me."
"I was stupid. I was being very stupid" [I]I do stupid things sometimes[/I] Seth thought. [I]Things like going on mini-road-trips with violent types.[/I]
"It wasn't stupid. Maybe it's stupid when someone's not interested or they're using you." Luke looked up in time to see the effect of his words as Seth thought of Summer, as he thought of Kal- -the only person he'd slept with before Luke. Kal had been pretty straightforward about the nature of the situation. One night, no last names, have a nice life. Classy guy. "But when someone loves you, it's not stupid to have feelings for them."
Seth looked at the belt buckle, pushing five times before it finally opened.
"Does that make you uncomfortable? I can act like you're nothing to me if you like. You seem to like that." Luke removed his seat belt and opened his door.
"You know what? I do think that might be a little better. It meshes kind of nicely with the bruises I've been trying to hide from my parents and the whole forced nature of that sex we've been having."
"Okay." Luke nodded. "Okay." Another nod. The nodding was getting a bit excessive. He stepped out of the car and stood beside it until Seth got the hint and exited as well, closing the door behind him.
Seth felt in the back pocket of his jeans and was relieved to find his wallet just in case his ride home didn't pan out. Meanwhile, Luke opened the back door and stuffed that paper bag into an open backpack, zipping it up before he closed the door and set the car's alarm.
Seth stood outside while Luke got a room. He felt this made him more like a hooker than like someone having an affair. There was an odd comfort in that. Luke emerged with the keycard and Seth followed in silence as they passed several small families enjoying the sun. Seth estimated it had to be at least five by now and tried to remember when the sun normally set. He figured he was only fooling himself by pretending he'd be back before sunset.
Luke led them up the stairs, took a right, a left, and slid the keycard into the door to room 207. He stepped inside and abruptly paused causing Seth to stop himself before there was a collision. Of course that led to another bit of pain for that right arm of his and he was too busy wondering what the f@$# was going on with that arm to pay much attention when Luke asked him to wait outside for a minute and closed the door.
Just as he began to comprehend what just happened, Luke reappeared with an unplugged clock in hand. A middle aged housekeeper passed by and raised an eyebrow at the clock. Luke eyed the woman's retreating form and whispered, "I don't want you to spend tonight staring at the clock. Not tonight. I'll have you back early enough. You won't get in trouble." He held the door open and waved Seth in, tossing the clock into the plush green armchair in the corner of the room. It didn't make a sound. He grabbed Seth by the hips, pulling him close, just short of full-body touching. But, if Seth hadn't been that close he couldn't have heard Luke's whispering tone. Why was everything so quiet today? So soft. "This is going to be special. The way it always should have been. You and me. Two consenting young adults." His left hand rose to grasp Seth's t- shirt, his right moved to twist in Seth's hair. Who knew Luke had such a thing for curly black hair. "No pain, no fighting, just a nice. . . goodbye."
In one smooth motion, Luke twirled Seth onto the bed without ever losing contact. He ran his lips along Seth's neck, ran his hands along Seth's sides. Seth felt like his entire body was being touched. But, no, that wasn't true. His neck was being touched, his shoulders, arms, sides, back, hips, thighs. This was deliberate avoidance of the major erogenous zones. And Seth wasn't liking that this particular molestation felt so good. He kept reminding himself that it was only nice by comparison because he was so used to pain. However, with Luke straddled atop Seth's left thigh it became apparent that Luke was half hard and Seth was already all the way there. [I] I'm season six Buffy [/I] Seth thought. [I]Why do I let him do these things to me?[/I] He couldn't get that damn line out of his head.
Luke licked along Seth's jaw line, eliciting a shiver. In reaction to this moment of pleasure Seth's hands automatically shot up to clutch the back of Luke's head. "Fuck." Seth dropped his right arm, having been reminded that it wasn't doing too well. Luke looked at Seth's face, then at the arm and moved, rolling Seth on top of him. Luke's left hand lightly massaged the offending arm as his right hand turned Seth's head so they were looking each other in the eyes. Seth hated this, the niceness of it, the underlying romance from someone whose fists he'd been cowering from this very morning.
And yet, Seth was the one who leaned in for the kiss, sliding his arm from Luke's massaging fingers and returning his hands to Luke's head. He clutched the sides of Luke's face and felt tears, only half comprehending that they were his own.
************************************************************************* A/N Don't worry, I have the next chapter half done already, but I need to go to sleep & I just thought this was a better ending point then the random place I'd written to.
A/N You may notice that I threw in Red!Clark as Seth's deflowerer to make this a technical crossover since I have a new affinity for crossovers. This is in late August so Clark took a detour and stopped off in the O.C. back in May before heading back to Metropolis.