So, sorry about the long wait, but I just started school again & had to be all responsible. But, I just saw all these reviews & realized I just had to overcome writer's block & continue. Well, here I go, enjoy the presence of Luke (even if he is a bit psychotic in my version of things).
Title: SHIFT Chapter 9: THURSDAY MORNING Author: calciumyeah
It was still August. But, it technically wasn't the 27th anymore. Of course, there were no visible devices to show them what time it was, but the lack of cars on the road told Seth that it hadn't simply gotten dark a little early. He was so dead.
Luke seemed particularly sated. He leant back into the driver's seat and guided the wheel softly with his left hand while the right one tapped randomly on the dashboard.
Neither of them spoke.
It seemed so final, so over that Seth wasn't even thinking of Luke as a factor anymore. The only things on his mind were his parents and Ryan. Mostly Ryan.
"If we don't see each other after tonight, I want you to know I'm sorry." Luke still appeared relaxed and his words sounded very casual, but Seth didn't like them. Things were already done, why was Luke ending them again?
When Seth didn't respond, Luke continued.
"I won't be seeing you Seth. So, I'm just trying to say goodbye."
Seth was quiet. He had a bad feeling about what Luke was attempting to tell him, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything because then it wouldn't be over. He saw Marissa's house come into view and almost thought he heard Luke sigh heavily. The car stopped just short of the Cooper residence.
Seth removed himself from the car, his eyes avoiding both Luke and the direction of the pool house. Whatever else Luke wanted to say, he kept it inside and sped off rather loudly as soon as Seth was out of the car. Seth pushed down the guilt rising up inside him, but another wave of guilt was right behind it- -this one pertaining to his promise to Ryan.
He realized that if he was going to get through a conversation with Ryan he'd probably need to focus on the Luke-guilt or else even he wouldn't believe himself.
Destination: pool house.
Ryan was lying on his side, eyes open and staring at the plain white pillow jutting out from beneath his head.
Seth stepped slowly across the room. It felt like ages since he'd heard another human voice. Forever since he'd heard Ryan who looked as if he were fighting against curling into the fetal position. And just then, Seth knew it would be all right. No explanations meant no arguments. He placed a knee on the bed as softly as possible and slid himself down next to Ryan.
Silence.
And it could be seen as bad, but it could also be reassuring. If Ryan was angry, if he was keeping it inside then Seth wouldn't have to explain. Then they could get past this; pretend it never happened.
And yet, Ryan seemed so far. Seth got the uncomfortable feeling that if he closed his eyes for a second that he'd open them and Ryan would be gone. So he held him. Not smoothly, not casually. He kind of threw himself across the bed and jerkily placed his arm around Ryan's, clutching to the other boy's back like a frightened baby.
The morning would be different. Curled together; shining sun. The morning would be different.
Ryan thought about waving his mother goodbye. It was the oddest feeling. It wasn't like the initial abandonment. It was just this knowledge that resistance would just make things harder.
For those first few hours, he had been worried. He'd started doubting himself, wondering if Luke really was more than some rich kid bully. Wondering if Seth would be all right.
Once Sandy and Kirsten had gotten in and inquired about their son's whereabouts- -guess who had to give a make-up sailing lesson at the last minute? - - he'd had a sneaking suspicion that Seth wasn't about to drag himself bloody and beaten.
A few minutes after dark he'd seen Marissa, stepped outside for a minute and left her waver between seeking comfort and pretending everything was okay. And hours later when Seth had finally crept in, he felt a shadow of the emotion he'd felt during the conversation with Marissa. And of course, an overwhelming similarity to saving goodbye to his mother.
And he had no words for it. Just knowing that things would never be the same, and yet feeling the need to pretend, to grasp at something . . . but, then again this was different. This wasn't goodbye. The body curved around his right now was asking him to forget, to pretend nothing had gone wrong.
And he would.
Seth was glad to see he hadn't woken up first—well, he had mainly not wanted to have to lay there waiting to see for himself Ryan's reactions in the morning. Plus, he'd always though it would be romantic to wake up and find someone there beside you whether they came to you in your sleep, or you just didn't expect them to be there in the morning, or...well, you get the point. Anyway, the sun eliminated the problem of waking up first, but it introduced the awkwardness of mutual realization as both of the boys' memories flooded back to them. Seth had hoped Ryan would have some time to watch him sleep and get into a nice caring mood. When he'd sat in his room, waiting for Ryan to wake up the yesterday he'd watched and he'd almost gotten hypnotized in the breathing and the vulnerability. But, what the hell, Seth didn't need sleep to exude vulnerability. It was wafting off him in waves right now.
They both blinked into the sun for a few minutes. Ryan looked over his shoulder at Seth's tired, squinting eyes looking regretful, sorry.
Too important.
Life was just too important. This was just too important. And so he just let it go. Pretending that Seth was an innocent kid who liked video games and comics and didn't know anything about guy on guy action and abusive sexual relationships. Let it all go and turned back to his previous position, backing up to Seth and letting himself relax. He felt Seth's relief physically in the form of a long-held breath being released.
They lie there for a few seconds until Seth was forced to open his brain to logic.
"My parents haven't seen me for a long time."
"Last minute sailing lesson. Make up." Ryan fiddled with the sheet as he spoke. He felt Seth's smile and realized vaguely that Seth's mouth was on the back of his neck. Seth's hand rubbing his stomach, half on his wife beater, half slipping in and out of his belly button. And Ryan hadn't felt wanted in so long. He was so absorbed by Seth needing his approval, his affection. It was nice. It was also making him somewhat uncomfortable because he knew what he had to do to make this work. And falling into a peaceful little Seth-haze would probably prevent him from doing this convincingly.
"Seth," Ryan attempted to slide from under Seth's hand as nicely as possible.
"Hmm?" Seth seemed to be attempting to shake away the sleep clouding his mind.
"You do know I'm straight, right?"
Title: SHIFT Chapter 9: THURSDAY MORNING Author: calciumyeah
It was still August. But, it technically wasn't the 27th anymore. Of course, there were no visible devices to show them what time it was, but the lack of cars on the road told Seth that it hadn't simply gotten dark a little early. He was so dead.
Luke seemed particularly sated. He leant back into the driver's seat and guided the wheel softly with his left hand while the right one tapped randomly on the dashboard.
Neither of them spoke.
It seemed so final, so over that Seth wasn't even thinking of Luke as a factor anymore. The only things on his mind were his parents and Ryan. Mostly Ryan.
"If we don't see each other after tonight, I want you to know I'm sorry." Luke still appeared relaxed and his words sounded very casual, but Seth didn't like them. Things were already done, why was Luke ending them again?
When Seth didn't respond, Luke continued.
"I won't be seeing you Seth. So, I'm just trying to say goodbye."
Seth was quiet. He had a bad feeling about what Luke was attempting to tell him, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything because then it wouldn't be over. He saw Marissa's house come into view and almost thought he heard Luke sigh heavily. The car stopped just short of the Cooper residence.
Seth removed himself from the car, his eyes avoiding both Luke and the direction of the pool house. Whatever else Luke wanted to say, he kept it inside and sped off rather loudly as soon as Seth was out of the car. Seth pushed down the guilt rising up inside him, but another wave of guilt was right behind it- -this one pertaining to his promise to Ryan.
He realized that if he was going to get through a conversation with Ryan he'd probably need to focus on the Luke-guilt or else even he wouldn't believe himself.
Destination: pool house.
Ryan was lying on his side, eyes open and staring at the plain white pillow jutting out from beneath his head.
Seth stepped slowly across the room. It felt like ages since he'd heard another human voice. Forever since he'd heard Ryan who looked as if he were fighting against curling into the fetal position. And just then, Seth knew it would be all right. No explanations meant no arguments. He placed a knee on the bed as softly as possible and slid himself down next to Ryan.
Silence.
And it could be seen as bad, but it could also be reassuring. If Ryan was angry, if he was keeping it inside then Seth wouldn't have to explain. Then they could get past this; pretend it never happened.
And yet, Ryan seemed so far. Seth got the uncomfortable feeling that if he closed his eyes for a second that he'd open them and Ryan would be gone. So he held him. Not smoothly, not casually. He kind of threw himself across the bed and jerkily placed his arm around Ryan's, clutching to the other boy's back like a frightened baby.
The morning would be different. Curled together; shining sun. The morning would be different.
Ryan thought about waving his mother goodbye. It was the oddest feeling. It wasn't like the initial abandonment. It was just this knowledge that resistance would just make things harder.
For those first few hours, he had been worried. He'd started doubting himself, wondering if Luke really was more than some rich kid bully. Wondering if Seth would be all right.
Once Sandy and Kirsten had gotten in and inquired about their son's whereabouts- -guess who had to give a make-up sailing lesson at the last minute? - - he'd had a sneaking suspicion that Seth wasn't about to drag himself bloody and beaten.
A few minutes after dark he'd seen Marissa, stepped outside for a minute and left her waver between seeking comfort and pretending everything was okay. And hours later when Seth had finally crept in, he felt a shadow of the emotion he'd felt during the conversation with Marissa. And of course, an overwhelming similarity to saving goodbye to his mother.
And he had no words for it. Just knowing that things would never be the same, and yet feeling the need to pretend, to grasp at something . . . but, then again this was different. This wasn't goodbye. The body curved around his right now was asking him to forget, to pretend nothing had gone wrong.
And he would.
Seth was glad to see he hadn't woken up first—well, he had mainly not wanted to have to lay there waiting to see for himself Ryan's reactions in the morning. Plus, he'd always though it would be romantic to wake up and find someone there beside you whether they came to you in your sleep, or you just didn't expect them to be there in the morning, or...well, you get the point. Anyway, the sun eliminated the problem of waking up first, but it introduced the awkwardness of mutual realization as both of the boys' memories flooded back to them. Seth had hoped Ryan would have some time to watch him sleep and get into a nice caring mood. When he'd sat in his room, waiting for Ryan to wake up the yesterday he'd watched and he'd almost gotten hypnotized in the breathing and the vulnerability. But, what the hell, Seth didn't need sleep to exude vulnerability. It was wafting off him in waves right now.
They both blinked into the sun for a few minutes. Ryan looked over his shoulder at Seth's tired, squinting eyes looking regretful, sorry.
Too important.
Life was just too important. This was just too important. And so he just let it go. Pretending that Seth was an innocent kid who liked video games and comics and didn't know anything about guy on guy action and abusive sexual relationships. Let it all go and turned back to his previous position, backing up to Seth and letting himself relax. He felt Seth's relief physically in the form of a long-held breath being released.
They lie there for a few seconds until Seth was forced to open his brain to logic.
"My parents haven't seen me for a long time."
"Last minute sailing lesson. Make up." Ryan fiddled with the sheet as he spoke. He felt Seth's smile and realized vaguely that Seth's mouth was on the back of his neck. Seth's hand rubbing his stomach, half on his wife beater, half slipping in and out of his belly button. And Ryan hadn't felt wanted in so long. He was so absorbed by Seth needing his approval, his affection. It was nice. It was also making him somewhat uncomfortable because he knew what he had to do to make this work. And falling into a peaceful little Seth-haze would probably prevent him from doing this convincingly.
"Seth," Ryan attempted to slide from under Seth's hand as nicely as possible.
"Hmm?" Seth seemed to be attempting to shake away the sleep clouding his mind.
"You do know I'm straight, right?"