Author Note: Myself and Ken return witha another wacky adventure for the SH cast. Also some parts were done by DJ KID. This chapter we're playing a game. The game is spot the Resident Evil references. I really should write a fic for RE. You know, to get it out of my system. Oh yeah, Douglas in a speedo.

-

With the insanity of bar and birthday incident behind them, the male memebers of the Silent Hill cast decided to take a vacation. It is officially known as Mans Weekend 2005. Their destination is the Arkley mountains. How they can possibly take a holiday next to nuclear wasteland is unknown. Currently Vincent is cursing at the tent he is trying to put up. "Damn piece of..."

Meanwhile, James is off in his own world and attempting to converse with a stick. He huffs, offended, when the offer of conversation is not returned and tries with Harry. Harry is asking anything he comes across the same question. He spots James"Excuse me, may I ask you a question" From behind Harry everyone is trying to prevent James from agreeing to the request. No-one wants to hear that God awful question again.

James doesn't catch the hint and smiles good-naturedly at Harry"Sure. What question would that be" Everyone throws up their hands in defeat and rush away. Vincent is the only one unaware of what is about to happen. Harry asks his question"Do you have a penny" James nods and reaches into his pocket"Yeah. This is one of my prized ones I pulled from a toilet. Spend it well, please." Harry nods understandingly and takes the penny.

As James hands Harry the penny, Vincent picks up a metal bar. However he is going to use to put up his tent. Instead in a fit of rage he begins hitting the tent with the metal bar while shouting words that are not suited to his vocabulary. Everyone stares at Vincent questioningly and began making their distances. "These things should not exist." Vincent declares taking a break from the beating of his tent.

Harry walks over and pats him on the head"There, there. You're just mad cuz your boyfriend hasn't shown up." In unison, everyone asks"His boyfriend" This would be a perfect example of Harry's intelligence. That is the lack of intelligence. "I told you. The reason I'm a priest is to get the church's funds. Not because I'm a homesexual." Vincent says through his teeth. Henry winces, sensing the tension, and looks around at everyone"Umm... who wants smores"

Harry tilts his head confused"But you and Valtiel seem a little friendly." Whatever was preventing Vincent from killing Harry has just vanished. With a scream of anger, Vincent charges at Harry. With a girlish scream Harry runs for his life.

Henry sighs and begins having second thoughts about the camping trip. He sits down and starts trying to make a fire with wood and matches. Joseph stands up from the spot where he was sitting. He is holding a rifle in his hands. "I'm going hunting. Anyone care to join me" Straight from a plot hole, Harry hops up and is now magically holding his rifle"Oh boy, I do"

Henry lightens up and forgets about the smores"I would like to. Anyone have a rifle I could borrow? I just brought a golf club in case we wanted to play golf." Joseph points Henry towards the jeep where Walter is happily playing with that darn monkey. He then looks towards Harry. "Just don't go shooting me, okay." With that the three men head off towards the forest.

Henry keeps his voice down so he doesn't scare off the game"So, what are we hunting, anyways"

Joseph shrugs. "I have no idea what sort of wildlife are in this area. Hopefully nothing that can kill us." He says while keeping his voice down. Henry gets an uncomfortable look. He begins imagining different types of already intimidating animals, but mutated from the nuclear waste. Joseph suddenly brightens. "Know what I heard? It involves that nuclear wasteland." Being a journalist, Joseph is meant to know the most useless bits of information.

Both look over with eager-to-learn looks. Well, Harry with a more of a eager-to-attempt-to-learn-but-fail-miserably look. If it is possible Joseph brigtens even more. "That nuclear wasteland used to be a city. It was nuked because there some really odd creatures wandering the streets. Isn't that awesome" Surpisingly, Henry has the confused look"What the hell? That was a city"

"Well it was nuked. Can't expect it to look like Ashfield, now can we" Joseph states. Harry nods in agreement. "Well, that's true." Henry considers while looking around for game.

"Just curious what's with all the 'what the hell?' crap" Joseph while searching for anything that can possibly be shot at. Henry turns his attention from looking for animals to staring at Joseph"What do you mean"

"Every time you find something odd happens you always say 'What the hell?' So, what's up with that" Joseph says while aiming his rifle at nothing. "It's my phrase, I guess. It's sort of automatic, I can't help it..." Henry says while Harry fires at a pair of antlers. Out of a bush comes a very mad Pyramid Head wearing antlers taped to his helmet. "Oh yeah. Harry, don't shoot Pyramid Head either." Joseph adds quickly to his earlier comment. "He's quite sensitive about it."

Henry looks at Pyramid Head"Why are you wearing antlers in the first place" Pyramid Head shrugs"For my kind, it's a tradition to tape antlers to our helmets and dance around with spears while chanting 'cinnamon buns, yummmmm.'" Joseph looks at Pyramid Head like he is insane. "Yeah. I think we should head back to camp." He says nervously. "That thing over there is giving me the evil eye." Sure enough there is a mutant bear rubbing itself on a tree

Henry nods with wide eyes and backs away quietly. Dumb Harry, though, fires at the bear, missing by a few feet and nearly shooting Joseph. "Jesus Christ Harry! Watch it" Joseph shouts. If the bullet did not grab the attention of the mutant bear, Josephs shouting most certainly did. The mutant bears roars. Harry gets a frightened look and breaks into a run. Henry follows close behind.

Meanwhile back at camp. Vincent has pitched hit tent. Walter is still playing with the monkey. Kaufmann is teaching Jasper how to use a map and compass. James is curled up taking a nap on the ground. Jasper is learning from Kaufmann and trying not to stutter as much.

Kaufmann hands Jasper the compass. "Now tell me, which way are you facing now" As Kaufmann is saying this Douglas runs past wearing only a speedo. Jasper drops the compass from the disturbance and cries out in pain and agony, sheilding his eyes. Jasper continues to cry in pain and Kaufmann examines his broken compass. Pyramid Head, Henry and Harry appear in camp. Shortly behind them a very bloody Joseph. Henry and Harry are out of breath. James wakes up, looks over, waves to Pyramid Head, and looks at Joseph"Oh my. You're covered in some red stuff. What happened"

"I was mauled by a dog. Thankfully Pyramid Head killed the bear." With that said Joseph collapses to the ground. He says something else but no-ones hears it. Pyramid Head beams from underneath his helmet. Henry sits down, still panting. Harry frowns"I nearly killed it. But then it got all roary and stuff."

Joseph continues to mumble stuff into the ground. Kaufmann looks at him, shrugs and turns his attention back to Jasper. Jasper has picked up the compass and is staring at it sadly. He looks at Kaufmann with his bottom lip stuck out"S-Sorry..." Kaufmann frowns at the broken compass. It's...It's okay." He says. His bottom lip begins to quiver and then he bursts into tears.

Jasper hangs his head, sniffling. He didn't mean to make Kaufmann cry. Douglas just scared the hell out of him. Everyone stares at Kaufmann and Jasper; not really caring. The only exceptions being Walter and Douglas. "All you have to do is a put a gun to their head and POW." Eddie rambles while hugging a photo of Dahlia. Everyone glances at Eddie and begin pulling out their own pictures of loved ones. Pyramid Head sighs, staring at a picture of Jemima longingly.

Of course Joseph is still lying face down and the ground. He manages to lift his head. "In need of medical attention." With that he head slams back on the ground. Jasper nudges Kaufmann nervously"Y-You provide medical attention." He smiles to himself since his stutter is getting better. Kaufmann stops crying. He is extremely impressed. "Your stutter is beginning to fade away." He is still however ignoring Joseph's need for medical attention.

Jasper gets a proud look and hugs Kaufmann"You've help-ped me" Kaufmann is so proud of the achievement he does something unexpected. A quick little victory jig. He then notices Joseph. "I can heal that." Jasper is so proud of himself, he nearly wets his pants. He waddles off away so he can do his business in privacy. James starts poking at Joseph with a stick, curious if it has healing powers. Kaufmann walks over and shoos James away. He then pulls out two health drinks and gives them to Joseph. "Drink both of them. Should fully restore your health." He says.

James blinks"So that's what they do? I thought they were just gifts from the Otherworld for visiting or something like that." Kaufmann looks towards James. "Quit screwing around and build a camp fire." Joseph is now back on his feet. James nods quickly and starts trying to continue Henry's fire from before, only with the stick and his lips. Vincent looks towards James. With a sigh he walks over to where the logs for the fire are. He lights a match and drops it on the logs.

Henry smiles widely and gets grahm crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows"Smores" Douglas walks over to the fire. He is now wearing a trench coat over the speedos. "Anyone got popcorn? Or cucumber"

Henry eyes him"Why do you want a cucumber"

Douglas smiles innocently. "No reason. Just want some cucumber."

Henry shrugs and pulls out a cucumber from a secret stash and hands it to Douglas"Erm... have fun." Douglas holds up the cucumber and laughs insanely before running further into the forest. "Odd person." Vincent says while watching Douglas run off.

Henry nods in agreement, hoping Douglas is going to eat and only eat that poor cucumber.

Everyone sits around the camp, except Douglas who is somewhere in the forest with the cucumber. Joseph is busy telling everyone about the mutant dog. "...anyhow, I killed it. Still mauled me." Henry nods. "It was a weird looking fellow. Had teeth for its teeth"

"No. That was the bear." Joseph corrects Henry. All the talk about mutant bears and dogs has made Vincent a little nervous. "So, is there anything out there" Vincent asks. Pyramid Head, who has been out there for a while, nods"Uh huh. You should have seen this llama. It was about eight feet tall and had ten two-foot claws on each of its five legs."

At the thought of this Vincent whimpers. "I'm beginning to wish Claudia would stab me in the back about now." Pyramid Head chuckles"I'll do it for you. Don't have my blonde Claudia wig with me, but you can use your imagination." Vincent glances at Pyramid Head nervously. "You're not meant to torment me. You're meant to torment James."

Pyramid Head sighs and looks at James, who is poking his nose into the fire. "Of course wanting to killing someone with more intelligence than him is natural." Vincent says while pointing at James. James burns his nose on the fire. Jasper returns and sees James burn his nose. He screams and runs off deeper into the forest, paranoid of flames. Kaufmann sighs and stands up. "I have a test subject to catch." With that he goes off in the direction Jasper went in. Jasper runs into a tree and knocks himself out. Henry sighs and shakes his head. He begins to make smores for everyone.

Douglas runs back towards the camp fire. He is still waving around the cucumber. He jumps over the camp fire while pulling off his trench coat, revealing himself in all his speedos glory. Henry sways a bit, completely sickened, and buries his face into Joseph's shoulder sobbing. Joseph is trying to knock himself out with one of his many notebooks. Vincent is busy vomiting in a nearby bush. Walter is trying to figure out if he should kill Douglas or let him bring more torture. Pyramid Head pulls his legs up to his chest and tries to pull his helmet down more while rocking. Yes, even the great Pyramid Head is being forced into fetal position.

Failing to knock himself out, Joseph bursts into tears. "God? What have I done to deserve this" He shouts at the sky. Just as Douglas decides to leap over him. Henry pushes himself away from Joseph and glances around quickly. He takes his golf club and begins whacking Douglas with it.

Kaufmann returns dragging the knocked out Jasper behind him. He sees Henry beating Douglas. "What the hell" Henry pauses, twitches a bit, and glances at Kaufmann"Stop screwing around" Kaufmann sits by the fire unfazed by Henrys attempt at mocking him. "Incorrect line."

"... Quit screwing around" Henry asks, rubbing his head.

Kaufmann waves him off. He then prods Jasper with a stick trying to get him to wake up. Jasper shifts, rolls, and begins to mutter in his sleep "I.. lurv... ya..." Kaufmann raises an eyebrow and prods him with the stick again. Jasper leaps up and hugs Kaufmann"I love you, Daddy" Kaufmann pats Jasper on the head. He then turns to the fire

The fire is slowly dying out. Henry yawns after beating Douglas a bit more"I'm tired... Can we sleep" Vincent rushes towards his tents without even bothering to answering Henrys question. Jasper tugs at Kaufmann's sleeve childlike"Can I share a tent with you? The red pyramid thing stole mine..." Pyramid Head cackles in the background. Kaufmann sighs and nods. He is now beginning to regret not letting Kenneth have the test subject.

Elsewhere, Kenneth is propped back in a comfy chair watching on a hidden camera, pointing and laughing at Kaufmann. He sips some tea and sighs in relaxation. Jasper smiles at Kaufmann, runs into the tent, and hogs the sleeping space. Kaufmann points in a random direction. "I know you're watching. I will get revenge." Kenneth gets an uneasy look, but shrugs it off.

Henry curls up in his tent, reading an article in a magazine about fixing holes in walls. Douglas belly flops onto Henrys tent. "I'm Mr. Speedo man." With that announced Douglas jumps over all the tents in only his speedo. Henry screams like a sissy and curls up into a tight ball"No more speedos mommy, no more speedos mommy..." Inside his tent, Joseph is trying to write an article about nuclear wastelands. He sees the shadow pass over his tent. He shivers in fear.

James pokes his head out of his tent and whimpers. "Umm... Sir... Could you put pants on" Douglas looks at James and then his speedos. "Mr. Speedo man says no." Douglas then leaps over James' tent and lands in a bush. James backs into his tent and shudders. Now he is trying to think of which is worse. Douglas in speedos, or Dahlia. Or... Dahlia in speedos... He passes out from the thought. Vincent sits in his tent praying. He then goes off to sleep in mid prayer.

The next morning Kaufmann leaves his tent looking tired and like a drowned rat. Joseph has been up since the crack of dawn packing up the jeep. Henry is already in the jeep, but has fallen asleep again. Jasper scurries after Kaufmann and smiles apologetically. James gets up and looks towards the empty tent where Pyramid Head used to be. Everyone climbs into the jeep. How they all got in is a mystery. The jeep leaves the nuclear wasteland. Of course they have forgotten to pack Douglas who is still in the bush.