Guardian Roommates: Chapter 4: Encounters

All the characters except Lina, Melan, and Tris belong to Capcom. Silent Bob belongs to the brilliant mind of Kevin Smith. Why am doing this? Maybe I wanted to see a funny guardian story and there aren't that many. I just hope MMZ4 doesn't make this story seem extremely out of place.

So Leviathan has an unhealthy obsession with Zero, Fefnir's dumb as hell but wants to be surrounded by women, and Harpuia would do anything to escape the immature behavior of his siblings, but wouldn't mind sleep or a dry martini. Now we find out Zero's a hopeless soldier with a passion for spicy food, who is always bothered by Ciel, who wants to make Zero her slave no more than Leviathan, but her anti-depressants make her go wild. Let's see who else is tossed in the mix.

Zero continues to walk towards Ciel's new apartment in Cyberspace, carrying a ton (literally) of her luggage, sleepy as hell. Ciel just walks with a relaxed look her face, excited about her new place with her favorite ancient reploid.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we-" Zero wasn't paying attention to where he was going, so he walked straight into a pole.

Ciel got excited like a schoolgirl. "We're here!"

If anything, the place looked more like a hotel than an apartment. Zero remembered the hotels he used to stay in when he was a Maverick Hunter, the waterbed, the hot pool, the cable TV, so he was hoping he'd see those here. As he opened the door with the keys Ciel had, he was delighted to see those, and fell asleep on the bed immediately. Ciel loved it when Zero was unconscious. "Oh, Zero looks so cute when he's sleeping! Too bad this is only a summer home."

Ciel's stomach started to make all sorts of noises, from cartoon sound effects, car crashes, and gunshots. "I'm so hungry! Zero!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the place. "It's time to eat, Zero! I'm hungry!"

Zero in his sleep hung on to everything he could. By the time Ciel dragged him out, hanging from his legs were a kitchen sink, a bird cage with a bird in it, a TV, and a tire.

Ciel made a last resort. "Zero... There's a restaurant with a lot of food. I'm sure they have tacos, nachos and burritos!"

Zero woke up to these words, since he hadn't eaten any real food ever since coming back from the desert after he defeated Copy X for the first time. Zero only hoped this wasn't another trap by Ciel.

Meanwhile, the Guardian trio all entered Cyberspace.

Harpuia wasn't impressed with what he saw. "Well, it looks different."

Leviathan on the other hand, "Oooh, pretty colors!"

Fefnir weirded himself out. "I think that stuff is starting to kick in, Silent Bob."

Leviathan looked around. "So why are we here, anyway? Harp? Harp?" She turned around to find Harpuia dashing as fast as he could back to the entry door, disappearing the second he went through it.

Leviathan's face dropped. "I... I can't believe he ditched us like that!"

Fefnir's eyes lit like jewels. "I can't believe I'm stuck here. Forever! What am I going to do here for the next hundred years? Grow old and alone? Grow old and alone!"

Leviathan threw a rock at him. "Oh hush. We're not stuck here forever... Are we?" They both turned scared as the sky turned dark and it started to rain.

On the other side, Harpuia finally outsmarted his siblings. "Victory is mine! Oh, with those two out of the way, I'll do all the things I've wanted to do!" We warp to the apartment of the guardians and find Harpuia asleep on Leviathan's huge bed, snoring loudly.

Zero was sitting at a table, looking at the huge expensive restaurant they were in. "I can't believe there are restaurants, let alone apartments, in Cyberspace."

Ciel was reading her food menu. "Oh, c'mon Zero, it can't be that uncommon."

Zero sweatdropped. "Actually, it is. That's why I said it."

Ciel didn't pay attention to Zero. "Waiter, oh waiter, we're ready to order!"

The waiter comes their way but covers himself in the menu, and tries to change his voice with a high pitch. "CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

Ciel didn't even notice. "Yes! I'll take a extra large hamburger with extra chili, large fries, two beef burritos with extra meat and cheese, a slice of apple pie, and... a diet soda."

"AND YOU?"

Zero raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Nachos, a beef taco with a flour tortilla, hot tamales, onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake, large." Zero sat in his seat with a smug look on his face. He got excited as he was going to have real food again. If there was one thing about having a different body he liked, it was more human-like externally and internally. He could eat human food and taste it.

Ciel thought to herself, 'Leave it to food to make Zero-chan happy.'

Zero couldn't resist. "Oh, waiter? If you don't mind, please don't cook my food with that giant shuriuken on your back. Is that okay with you, Phantom?"

Zero pulled down the menu the waiter was holding, only to unmask the one and only Phantom. "Now this is just gold. So... what are you doing here?"

Phantom hoped this day would never come. "I, uh, -clears throat- work here as a waiter. -sigh- This is humiliating."

"A former guardian working at a restuarant?" Zero asked with curiousity. How some dark super ninja guardian turned into a waiter, he had to hear.

Phantom raised his fists in the air. "The economy here is atrociously horrible. Thank the gods of many that I was able to obtain a job at even a restaurant such as this."

"Ouch."

Phantom stepped out of his melodramatic form. "So why have you come back in Cyberspace? Or perhaps the real question at hand is how you managed to get back into Cyberspace. Hmm? I assume Ms. Ciel here is responsible for that. Am I correct in my assumption?"

Zero knew what was coming. "Yeah, uh-"

Ciel pushed Zero out of his seat anxious to tell even Phantom of her new invention. "I thought you'd never ask! Well, this is the Cielmote, nice name, huh? Anyway, we found out after the Omega battle that while Cyberspace still existed, the doors that lead to it did not, so I decided to create something that changed that! I found out that your brothers and sister were kicked out of the Neo Arcadia capital and now live in an apartment as roommates, but we found out somehow, I can't remember, but I got an idea to get my own place, with Zero! But I got paranoid since I'm usually the target of Neo Arcadia's plans in some way, shape and form, so I decided to live in Cyberspace where no one would think I was here with Zero and get the vacation and rest we really need since my doctor said I was depressed and worried sick over Zero's missions so I got these anti-depressants. This is a really cool device, isn't it?"

Phantom was staring at the ceiling, saliva coming out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, what?"

Ciel fell out of her seat, Zero picking himself back up. "She created a device that creates doors to Cyberspace, and decided to move into an apartment as a vacation and forced me to live with her."

Phantom was quick to create another dramatic gesture for himself. "Foolish human. Don't you realize that your bodies cannot exist as long as a day in Cyberspace? Your cells and will malfunction causing your insides to turn inside out resulting in a horrible and painful death!"

Ciel look mortified. "Oh my gosh, it that true? Zero, we have to get out of here! I don't wanna die!" She ran out of the restaurant in a snap. Phantom and Zero chuckled at Ciel's reaction.

Zero couldn't be more thankful. "I SO owe you for this."

"You can begin your payment by paying off this bill."

Phantom handed Zero the bill, causing Zero to collapse in his chair, but he later put his hand back on the table to grab whatever food came and pulled it all under. The table started to violently vibrate. Meanwhile, someone decided to sneak up behind Phantom and cover his eyes.

"Guess who?"

Phantom didn't have to move a muscle. "You fail to surprise me, Leviathan."

Leviathan dropped her hands. "Oh, poo. Why is it that everyone can figure me out?"

"Well, you tell your plans to everyone, even Zero, and after your plans backfire you still do them over and over." Fefnir replied.

Leviathan was confused. "People always tell me to practice over and over again!"

Phantom was pointing to the bottom of the table. "It's a shame that Zero's so gullible. Zero, Ciel's back. She wants to go shopping for a new swimsuit."

Zero popped up from under the table. "Oh HELL no. Last time that happened I got arrested. Ciel, I'm not going anywhere!"

Phantom held his trey like a fan. "Told you."

Fefnir and Leviathan laughed, Zero's face turning blue realizing he was fooled again. "Speaking of whom, where is she?"

Smoke started to appear behind Phantom. "Judging by the look of things outside, she's ready to activate a door back into reality. After all, no reploid or human can exist in Cyberspace for more than at least six hours without their insides crawling outside and their bloodflow turning the opposite direction, causing intense pain, your skin turning all sorts of colors, your eyeballs popping out of your heads, and internal malfunction. That is of course, unless any of you are deceased reploids that somehow wandered off into Cyberspace like yours truly, or are a cyberelf. So with that said..."

The restaurant fills with smoke as Zero, Fef and Lev race outside in desperate attempts to escape, pushing each other and yelling at each other.

Phantom had a smug look on his face. "I swear to X, the youth of this generation will be the end of the universe as we know it. Oh well!"

He puts on a chef hat and wanders to the back. Life has actually been really good to him since he entered Cyberspace, with the exception of fighting Zero two months back. He turned into a popular chef and hosts a highly rated cook show.

Behind him, a familar blonde-haired cyberelf appears behind him. "Uh, Chef P?"

"What is it, apprentice?"

It was Elpizo. "Is what you just said to those customers, you know, true?"

Phantom almost laughed. "Not at all. I just don't want them to interfere with my life and destroy my career. Believe me, it was bad enough when I was alive in the real world."

"Ooooh..."

Flashback for Phantom. He was trying to sharpen his sword and his huge shuriuken.

Fefnir: Have you repaired my guns yet?

"No."

Harpuia: Have you seen Master X?

"No."

Leviathan: Did you break into my room and steal my diary?

"No."

Copy X: Did you put a whoopie cushion on my throne?

"No."

Harpuia: Care to spar?

"No."

Fefnir: Wanna have a hot dog eating contest? Winner gets a free omelet!

"No."

Leviathan: Does this dress make me look fat?

"Yes."

TWANG

Phantom continued to work on his weapons with a scythe crammed halfway through the back of his skull.

All he wanted to be was alone, since his breakup with his girlfriend ended horribly and ate at his mind every hour since for the last three years, especially since she was still alive and always near. Poetry didn't help, chatting with people online didn't help, music didn't help, and not even professional help could get him out of the stress. It didn't help that the people he lived with constantly bothered him. None of the others could really help him as he was the only guardian to have some kind of relationship. It didn't help that the girl, named Lina, completely went out of her way to ruin Phantom's reputation and won, so he was seen as a dark and evil guardian of X.

All that changed when they received word of a powerful reploid in the resistance wielding a sword, and once again when he was slain by that being. So the afterlife hadn't been so bad after his last battle with Zero.

He just didn't want any of them to bother him. He could imagine the new hell they would unleash upon him.

Zero: Phantom, is Ciel in there?

"No."

Zero: Yes!

Ciel: Phantom, have you seen Zero?

"No."

Zero: Hey P, ya hungry?

"No."

In the real world, Leviathan and Ciel were trading words with one another.

One girl held a scythe. "You stay away from him!"

The other had a remote in her hand. "No, you stay away from him!"

"Reploids and humans can't reproduce!"

"But I found him first!"

Zero and Fefnir leaned against a rock as the sun began to set.

Zero was the first to speak. "So, how's the new life?"

Fefnir just nodded his heads to the sides. "Oh, could be better."

Zero pointed to Leviathan. "I can see she hasn't changed."

Fefnir pointed at Ciel. "Neither has she, and they both are nuts about you. Get it, nuts?"

Zero laughed sarcastically. "Nuts and bolts. Ha ha ha. I hate my life."

"At least you can get women."

"Yeah, and something tragic always happens to them."

Fefnir got interested. "Oh, do tell."

"First girlfriend, Iris, cute brunette girl, a bit young, I had no choice but to kill her brother against my own will, and she fought me to the death later."

"So who won?"

Zero just stared at Fefnir.

"Aaaaanyway, nine years later, I started dating this one girl, Tris, blonde, shiny green eyes, excellent build."

Fefnir laughed. "Build! Hah, that's a good one."

Zero sweatdropped. "Uh, yeah. Asked her on a date, arrives five seconds late, gets hit by a bus. Sad story. Then there was Melan, nice, smart, wore glasses and had jet black hair. Turns out to be a Maverick, threw her off a cliff. The end. Next one's even worse. One girl, really cute, red head, pigtails, tough as hell, can't remember her name."

Fefnir nodded his head with a big smile on his face. "A girl who can kick your ass, now that's my kind of woman."

Zero looked away at the sky. "At dinner, X notices she hasn't said a word, pokes her with a fork, pops and that's the end of her. Embarrassing as hell."

Fefnir shook his head. "Women are heartless. Not these two. They'll be at it for a while." He pointed at Ciel and Leviathan, still arguing.

Zero wandered off. "Ah, screw this, I'm going back to the base and taking a well-needed nap, and I'm going to reset all the locks so I can't be bothered."

Fefnir was surprised. "You're not staying? Your loss." His face quickly lit up as the two girls started to get into a physical fight, trading punches and pulling each other's hair. He nods his head to his sides. "Heheheh, Aw-right...! Fight, fight, fight!"

"Shut up!"

Fefnir is soon knocked out with a well-placed blow to the head from both.

Yeah, I decided to make a slight change from the main story. After all, we have some fun at the expense of the living guardians, so why not toss Zero, Ciel, and Phantom into the mix? Next chapter, everything's going to be back to normal. So next chapter, Harpuia gets a letter for jury duty, Fefnir gets a job at a fast food restaurant, and Leviathan, frustrated at her plans for Zero, decides to do something different. Next chapter coming later this week.