Authors Note: First I want to say sorry about the wait for this chapter. I had started it about five times before I actually completed it. I'm not going to make this a long authors Note, just thanks for the reviews and it could be a while till the next chapter, November is a jam packed month for me, but December and the beginning of January you can expect more updates. I'm not sure when I will have another chapter of Finding You out either... sorry guys I'm trying. Also I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations it was a little rushed.
(Thank You's at the bottom)
Flurries of white slowly soar to the gray cement, leaving a wet mark where it lands. Ah, Christmas, 'tis the season to be jolly. Or so they say. I rub my hands together in a feeble attempt to keep warm. With Christmas a month or so around the corner the crazies seem to be flooding the halls, not to mention Thanksgiving happening in a week. Jesus Christ, I hate this time of year. My days filled with work, night with charts and catch up work. The days are darker, and my life is starting to feel like a deep black hole. With no social life I guess that is the best I can hope for.
I fish around in my coat pocket, pulling out a crumpled package. I pop it open with the heel of my hand. I pull the cigarette out with my forefinger and thumb, grasping it lightly before sparking up my lighter. I inhale deeply, as a shadow is slowly cast over me.
"Can I borrow a light?" Carter smiles tiredly, down at me. I push the lighter into his palm, watching as he repeats my actions.
"I didn't know you smoked." I flick the ashes onto the dirty ambulance bay, watching as they slowly flicker away, before returning my gaze to the man standing before me. He shrugs noncommittally, running his eyes over me before taking another drag of the cigarette.
"Old habits die hard I guess." He gestures with his chin towards the hand that holds my cigarette.
"I guess I never really quit." I sigh. We stand in silence for a moment, thoughts running through my mind a mile a minute. I've been worried about him lately, we all have. Ever since his drunken stupor in July he just hasn't be the same. I've seen him eyeing the new social worker... which worries me more than it does comfort me that he is making a full recovery. I feel a pair of eyes bore into me, and I look into them.
"What?" I ask smiling, he raises his eye brows shaking his head in response. "How have you been?" I ask watching him smoke the cigarette, he blows a puff of smoke out, keep his eyes on me the whole time.
"Alright..."
"Oh," a simple response to a lie. "Really?" I push.
"Well what can I say, my girlfriend left me, my son is dead, my grandmother is dead, my parents don't speak to me... and I have essentially no one." He tosses the stub onto the ground, before walking through the doors into the hospital. I stare after his figure, not so freaked out because of the speech. More freaked out about its delivery. How he could show such little emotion is beyond me... He's changed. He's definitely changed.
I follow him through the doors, he enters the lounge, I decide its probably best I wait a few minutes before going in there. I spot Susan at the admit desk, she is flipping through a chart, her eyes blurred and her demeanor slumped over the desk. "Tired?"
"That's understatement." She mumbles her eyes not leaving the chart. I chuckle a bit watching her scribble a patient's information down on the paper.
"That bad?"
"I'm suddenly seeing the wisdom in being a stay at home mom."
"What, so you can clean up dirty diapers, throw up and toys all day. Not to mention do the house work, listen to constant crying, and have your nipples cracked from all the breast feeding?"
"I don't see how that's much different from what we do her." She deadpans.
"Good point... I've never had cracked nipples from any of the patients though." I crack. She smiles in response, slamming the chart into the dispo bin. She rests her elbows on the desk, supporting her chin in her hands.
"How has life been?" She asks running a hand through her hair. I lean with my body against the admit desk, turned towards her. I watch as Carter exits the lounge.
"How do you think he's doing?" I ask looking at her. She shrugs in response. Susan's not one to get too into the personal lives of others. Although we Carter and I were together she did dabble a bit, never did any harm though.
"How would I know? He wandered around her like a zombie for the first month or so, now he's suddenly onto some new chick..." She sighs, standing up straight.
"I'm worried, but he won't talk to me." I sigh, frustrated. I want to support him like he did me. I feel as though I owe him, he helped me, whether he knows it or now, I probably wouldn't be sober today if it weren't for her and I just feel like I should pay him back. Too bad he doesn't want that.
"Give him time... He has to figure this out on his own."
"Not when he's relapsing." I counter.
"Well, if you get involved you could just drive him deeper into the addiction, let him figure things out for himself." With that she leaves me, and heads into the lounge. I sift through the stack of charts finding one that is simple not too complicated, I plan to ease into this shift.
After ten patients and being thrown up on once, I decide its time for a cup of coffee, granted it doesn't taste much like coffee, but any excuse for a break is a good excuse. I head across the street to the jumbo mart. The building is warm, and doesn't smell of sickness. I push thru the crowd of people, spotting Luka at the cash register paying for, What looks to be, a cup of coffee. Smart man.
"Hi." He smiles down at me, taking a long sip of the caffeine infected drink.
"Hey," I turn to towards the cashier, "one coffee to go." She nods at me and travels over to the coffee maker to make my drink.
"How are you?" I run my fingers through my tattered hair, which hasn't been combed since long before my shift started.
"Good..." He takes a breath, "I'm going back to Africa." The cashier hands me my cup of coffee, and I hand her the coins.
"Really? For good? What about Sam?" He laughs shaking his head at me, a few strands of long black hair fall into his eyes.
"No, just for two weeks... I am still a big advocate of the program, and would like the help out no matter what happened to me last time." I can understand that. "It's a good organization... you know we are always looking for more doctors." He looks at me poignantly, "good doctors..."
"Oh no." I shake my head, "don't look at me. I'm barely holding my life together here, all I need is more drama." I pick up my coffee and together we walk out into the night. The black sky ahead, meets with the snowflake splashed pavement, the signs in the distance are the only lights that can be seen. I really do love this time of year.
"Come on Abby, it's a good program. You have nothing keeping you here." Thanks for the reminder, Luka. I roll my eyes at him, concentrating more on my walking, and trying to avoid the topic at hand. He stops in the middle of the ambulance bay cornering me, "at least think about it. You may like it, I know you like to help people... This is just another way of doing that."
I take a deep breath letting his words muddle in brain. Another way of helping people. Carter did it, Carter loved it. I mean, his life has never been the same since he went to Africa. He started a whole new life from that point on, I don't plan on doing that... but the idea does have some appeal.
"Well, I'll keep it in mind Luka, but I think right now I'll just focus on getting through my internship, then I'll consider taking off."
"Up to you. Anyway, I better get back to work. See yah in there."
"Yeah, see you in there." My mind is in a completely different place, Africa... The idea has never sounded so tempting. Carter wanted me to go with him, well for a minute he did. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea, just maybe...
Review Responses
Kelena- I'm glad you liked the last chapter, there was a bit more humour in that one then in this.
Carby-Always- Thanks for the compliment, I think I do need a beta, if you are up for it send me an email.
Dr. A- Yup just to what degree is the question.
Steffi- Sorry this is as fast as I could do. I'll try for more updates!
Lu78- No, thank you!
Angel Dust- Thanks, I like twists... I'll just let you know that.
Maura- lol yep it was a dream... that's okay I thought I might of wrote a bit confusing.
MrsClooney- You can thank Liby for that Idea... she was the brains behind the erection.
Olivia- Thanks, I like that Susan and Abby have a frienship, although they don't really show much of it anymore.
XoRetributionox- Yeah the chapters are short, but I will try to make them longer, when I have more free time they will be longer.
Soaringmunkymuffins- Thanks, this chapter was a little lacking, but I did what I could with the time I had lol.
Chaos Theory 137- lol yeah too bad... you could always stalk her... and OF COURSE I used your idea, you are the best!
Froggiezaz- lol cars are scary:S
Robyn- haha 16 year olds on viagra... Ashton Kutcher took viagra to impress Demi Moore lol... I watch too much tv lol.
Striker20- lol must admit being a girl rocks! Just like the pad commercials say!
Authors Note- If you want you can always review again... or for the first time:)