Guardian Roommates: Chapter 5: A Day in the Life

Everyone here is Capcom's except for Optimus Prime. I want my MMZ4!

So now we've met Phantom, who's living the good life in Cyberspace as a popular television chef, and Elpizo (in cyber-elf form, of course) is his new apprentice. And if you don't know how everyone else is, read the stories!

Everything's fixed in format. Thanks for the heads up, everyone! Told you I was still new at this.

We return to the guardian's apartment. Harpuia appears to be reading the morning paper while drinking some coffee. Leviathan is eating a bowl of cereal. Fefnir's trying to do a puzzle on the back of the cereal box. The news is on the TV, but nothing's really going on.

"My theory is that X was not in fact murdered. In fact, I truly believe he destroyed himself, poisoned by his guardians or was involved in the mafia."

"Change it."

"The Red Bots win the World Series!"

"Change it."

"Wow, Optimus Prime! You saved Christmas!"

"Change it."

"Um, Lev, you have the remote." spoke a voice behind the paper.

"Oh, yeah." She decided to turn it off instead. "This sucks." Her brothers nodded in agreement. They were all bored, and Harpuia looked like he hadn't shaved in weeks. Since when did he grow hair?

"I'm getting the mail." Leviathan slowly walked up and out of the apartment wearing little more than an oversized t-shirt. She, like her brothers, were quite lazy in the morning.

Harpuia lowered his paper, revealing that he was smoking a pipe. "Does this make me look a little more dignified?" He had been interested in the whole 'reading newspaper, smoking pipe, drinking coffee look.'

Fefnir lit up. "Oh! I get it now. It spells, 'Friendz 4Ever!" He paused to think about it for a second. "Now that's just lame." His focus was on the puzzle of the cereal box.

Harpuia lifted the paper back up. "Why do I even bother?"

The door opened, letting a huge beam of light in. "Mail call!" Leviathan always got excited when it came to mail. She never knew if she was going to get something good, whether it be money, a love note, or a free magazine subscription, even after twelve years of nothing. "Lessee, lessee. Spam, credit card, credit card, credit card, credit card, spam, spam, have you seen us, spam, credit card, credit card... ah, Harpuia. You have mail."

Leviathan tossed Harpuia a thick letter. "Jury duty?" Harpuia put down his paper. "I swear, this is like high school all over again."

"And Fefnir..."

Fefnir almost lit up like a child on Christmas day. Mail?

"...Get a life!"

Leviathan snickered at her mean joke, only for Fefnir to slam the cereal box through her head as he walked out. Harpuia was pretty impressed with what he saw. "Now there's a look for ya. That'll knock the boys dead."

His little sister spoke through the cereal box. "Ou shuh uh!" She then removed the box from her head. "You know what, Harp? I'm doing something I haven't done in a long time."

"Put up makeup and a lean sparkly blue dress and pretend you're going to the prom with a fake cardboard Zero and light him up in flames like you write in your diary so many times?"

Leviathan froze. "You read my diary?"

Sage pointed at the fridge. "Well, if you put your entry pages on the fridge for everyone to read, everyone's going to read it. Moron."

She couldn't remember herself ever doing that. Then it came to her. "FEFNIR!"

"Score!" was the response from the living room.

You could cook an egg on her head. "Well, no, Sage. I was thinking about going out and relaxing for a day."

Both boys could barely hold their faces. "No… Zero?"

Leviathan walked toward her room. "Nope!"

Fefnir's attention turned as he saw a deal on the TV, while Sage finished his coffee. "If there ever was a sign of the apocalypse coming, that was it."

"That's freaking awesome!" yelled the Red reploid in the living room. "Hey Harpuia, there's a deal says saying if you work at Burger Kong and become an employee of the week, you get an awesome new car! I'm gonna work there!"

Sage just tossed the paper in the trash. "Fefnir, did it ever occur to you that maybe, oh, I don't know, you can turn into a vehicle?" He then took his legs off the table. "Oh, that's right, Zero totaled your steering and breaking. Knock yourself out."

"Wahoo! Look out, Burger Kong! Fefnir's in the hizzouse!"

Sage decided to make himself more coffee after Fefnir nearly blew the door off and flew off the balcony again. "I hate it when he tries to sound hip." He turned around to find his sister in a two piece bikini walking out the door. "What the hell are you doing this time?"

"Going to relax and have some me time at the beach. Bye!" Leviathan waved as she stormed out, not paying attention to the balcony and flying off of it.

Sage drank the coffee in one quick sip. 'And that's what drove me to drink.' He barely leaned his head to the side when he heard a voice outside.

"Dude! That blue guardian chick's in her underwear!"

"Um, sir. You have to put your real name on your application form." said a really rather skinny reploid with glasses.

"That really is my full name. Fighting Fefnir."

Fefnir was already in a job interview at Burger Kong.

"If you say so."

"You haven't heard of me? I was one of the guardians of Master X!"

"Nice job guarding him. I heard what happened. Say, now I know who you are! You're the guy who chased down the turkey mascot at Arcadia Fried Turkey."

"He said my ass was red."

"Sir, your ass is red. Maybe if you wore a different color of armor that would be different."

Fefnir had paused for a second.

"Oooooh."

Leviathan had gone to East Beach on the other side of town. Neo Arcadia was right next to the East Ocean, where Levi decided to relax and enjoy the scenery and the sun.

'This is so relaxing!' Leviathan thought to herself, but caught herself. 'Okay, no Zero, no Zero, no Zero, no Zero…' But before she could continue, an image of the resistance reploid appeared in the sky, waving hi at her before sticking his tongue out and pulling his right eye.

"Damn it, Zero!"

It was almost like he really was there, except he was in the sky, transparent and probably twenty times his size. He pointed and laughed at Levi before disappearing.

"Finally, some me time. Me time me time me time!"

Suddenly, an announcer's voice could be heard near the shore, which was really only Leviathan. She didn't realize she was the only person on the entire beach.

"Hang on to your hats, boys and girls, cause it's the opening day of Mainstream Television's 'Summer Break 20XX!' I'm your host, Viper Nemphis, and we're ready to enter East Beach for the party event of the year!"

Leviathan didn't realize she was in the middle of the opening of the biggest party on East Beach. She noticed something bright and orange appeared above her head with three siren noises added to it:

WARNING

She took off her sunshades. "Now that can't be good." In the heartbeat, she found herself clobbered by a stampede of teenage reploids ready to party for the summer. Two had stopped near the hill where one of Levi's arms and one of her legs were sticking out.

"Dude, I think we just ran over some chick."

"Dude, you said 'chick.'"

"Dude!"

"Dude."

"Dude?"

"Duuude."

Levi popped out of the sand and cleared her throat. "Dudes?"

They both turned towards her and then to each other, surprised a girl was talking to them.

"FORE!"

They found themselves far in the ocean after Levi used her scythe as a golf club. "Duuuude!"

A hopeless sigh came out of Levi's mouth. "If I ever take over the world I'm going to make all the reploid males of the planet my freaking slaves. Empress Fairy Leviathan. That so doesn't sound right. Darth Levi? Nah. Oh, General Leviathan! Wait a minute."

Before she could correct herself, a thick volleyball bounced off her head, knocking her to the ground. Some big handsome reploid came running up to her, lending her his hand, "Are you all right?" Leviathan just threw the ball at him, bouncing off his face and knocking him flat on his back.

Leviathan got her things and was about to leave. "Just when I get a vacation, this kind of thing happens. -sigh-" Suddenly, a thought came to mind. Perhaps there was a way for her to rest in relaxing peace without any of these people.

"You know what the difference between a white reploid and a black reploid?"

-click-

"A huge flock of dead pigeons were discovered today as animal rights protesters-"

-click-

"Now we know everything about X, but what about this Zero character?"

-click-

"Various sightings of doors leading to cyberspace-"

-click-

"Just because I switched brains with your sister and switched bodies with your cousin doesn't mean I can't love you!"

-click-

"The girl who's sexy, smooth, smart, and can beat you down. Damn, she's funky. Oh yeah... Catch the adventures of-"

-click-

"The father of a reploid is a human, claims single reploid mother-"

-click-

Harpuia was bored to death, unshaven and full of chips. "1340 channels and nothing on."

-click-

"Okay, you're hired."

"Woohoo! Fefnir's gotta job! Harp's going to be so jealous."

"Now, before I get you the outfit and start to pay you, you need to make sure you say the restaurant motto every time a customer orders."

"Uh, what?"

"Welcome to Burger Kong: Where Kong want Burger! May I take your order?"

"You... can't be serious."

Fefnir's new boss waved his application in his hand. "I'm sure there are several Arcadia High school graduates waiting to take your place, Mr. Fefnir."

Fefnir sighed. "Welcome to Burger Kong. KONG WANT BURGER! Can I take your order?"

"I like that better than what I said. Now that's the spirit!"

Fefnir thought to himself, 'Harpuia's going to have a field day with this.'

Levi was laying down back in the place she was before, umbrella and shades, when the sound of yelling and screaming could be heard.

"Water monster! Water monster! Run!"

Leviathan was the only one who looked relaxed as the place evacuated. She just raised her shades with her thumb. "Dance, puppets, dance! Let the ice dragons get you! Muahahahahahah!"

"Have I mentioned how much I hate you ever since I married you?"

-click-

"Now what about this Ciel girl, does she lead the resistance?"

-click-

"A former guardian of Mega Man X was arrested today-"

-click-

"My ass has finally eaten my in-laws! Give it my attorney, for it is hungry!"

-click-

"How many drones does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10011010!"

-click-

"It's Lifestyles of the Selfish and Spoiled! Today we explore the-"

-click-

"The girl, named Fairy Leviathan, broke out and remains at large. Details at-"

-click-

"Yo yo yo, whazzup in the whazzup hizzouse, muthas? Fo shiiizzle!"

-click-

"Jon Jon, don't you remember what happened to the kids who were up here last night? The monster came and took their heads, money, and right shoe."

-click-

Harpuia turned off the TV. "And they should be coming in right..."

The door blew open, with Fefnir and Levi pushing each other trying to get into the door first.

Fefnir came inside wearing an embarrassing outfit with a huge monkey on it. "I got hired!"

Leviathan threw Fefnir off the balcony and went straight to her room. "I'm going to bed. Long day. Goooo' night! And if any cops come over, I don't live here." But she had left the front door open, and Harpuia decided to listen.

"Hey ladies, look who's going to get a new car soon! What's so funny? Hey! I don't wear this all the time, you know! Call me!"

The eavesdropping came to an abrupt ending as two reploid cop officers knocked on the open door. Harpuia didn't turn around, but instead he just pointed to Leviathan's room. "Second room on the right." He picked up the TV Guide as the officers dragged a yelling handcuffed Levi out the door.

After the officers left, "See you in the funny pages." was all that came out of Sage's mouth. Fefnir finally came through the door, trying to hide the crazy monkey on his work shirt.

Sage pointed a water gun at Fefnir. "Hand's up!"

Fefnir acted as Sage predicted and took the opportunity to take a picture.

"Boo, and yah." Harpuia smiled with his tongue curved up. "I'm putting this on the fridge. KONG WANT BURGER! I can't believe you thought it would be that easy."

Fefnir smirked. "Oh, but it was!"

Sage curved his eyebrows while Fefnir turned on the TV.

"The fast food restaurant Burger Kong on the west side of town was set ablaze by an anonymous arsonist, and it was believed he had stolen the restaurant's new Ferweeni 30XX, which was destroyed after the arsonist drove near a jail and broke out a random unidentified inmate. Unfortunately, the car was destroyed after the driver made an attempt to-"

Harpuia turned off the TV. "Hired, eh?"

"Shut up. At least I still have..." Fefnir didn't realize what had just happened. He blew up his work place, stole the vehicle he wanted, only to break Levi out and destroy it. All he really came out with was an embarrassing work shirt. "Oh crap."

"Hah, and who says that people like us who sit around and do nothing all day don't get to have any fun?" Harpuia laughed as he turned the TV back on, blasting the volume.

"A witness report says that the arsonist was wearing a Burger Kong work shirt and wore red armor, very similar to a former guardian of Mega Man X, Fighting Fefnir."

Harpuia just turned around and waved at Fefnir. "Bai bai..."

Within seconds the same officers came back in, handcuffed Fefnir, and took him out the door. Harpuia just turned back to the TV with a satisfied look on his face. "And that'll take care of five months of rent."

The channel surfing ensued throughout the night.

There's something you probably wouldn't have expected. Levi and Fef get arrested? But Harpuia turning them in? That probably wasn't a surprise. But will he still have to go to jury duty? Only time will tell there. Well, see you next time!