Authors Note- This could possibly be the choppiest/laziest/worst chapter I've ever written. That is exempting my earlier work of course. I didn't get anyone to read over it, because I just wanted to get something out there. But I have an idea of where I am taking the next chapter… Sort of. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and stuck by me, responses at the bottom. Sorry for the long wait… I'm not sure if anyone is even reading carby anymore. Oh well I'm still writing it.

The wind hits me like a brick. I can hear the door slam shut behind me, and I'm thankful for the silence. I feel around in my coat pocket for the one thing that I need right now. I haven't smoked in a while, hell I rarely have a pack on me, but this week has definitely been a stressful one, and although I haven't smoked a single cigarette, the temptation was there enough to buy the pack.

I hit the pack against the heel of my hand, taking one in between my fingers, I search around in my pocket for a light. I need a goddamn light, if I've ever needed one so much, now would be it.

"Shit." I mutter under my breath, pushing my hair behind my ears. Nothing. Damn it. I guess when you quit smoking you can't exactly be expected to carry a lighter around with you. Fuck. I toss the pack onto the steps, throwing my back against the concrete I heave a sigh. I'm having the worst week possible… work wise… that was up until five minutes ago. We had built up camaraderie, a friendship, a trust, at least that's what I thought. He just couldn't be honest with me. Dammit. He never can be.

"You looking for this?" I look to my right, there's Ray hanging over me with a lighter.

"Thank god." I scramble to get my package of cigarettes and free one. I inhale deeply as he lights up. Thankful for the nicotine, sometimes Ray can be a saint. Even if I won't openly admit it.

"So, things are pretty intense in there." I nod along, as he slips onto the space next to me. "I heard Carter and-"

"It's complicated." I cut him off. I can see him nod out of the corner of my eye.

"Seems it."

"You have no idea." I can hear as he chews on his lip. The black night falls over us, trapping me next to Ray… someone I'm not sure I want to be next too when I feel my world collapse.

"I wouldn't have guessed-" He stops mid-sentence causing me to look over at him. I cock my eyebrow nodding for him to continue.

"I mean, when I first came to the ER I never really saw you two together. I mean he had that girlfriend from Africa, the one he's with tonight." I roll my eyes at this. "And that social worker… Both very hot… still… up until now, I didn't see the sexual tension there." I lean back away from him and give him a look. "I mean you could cut that with a knife. Just fuc-"

"Okay that's enough." I stand up and head back into the building, throwing my cigarette to the ground before I enter. I run up the flights of stairs, having a sudden adrenaline rush.

I stop for a moment, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. I throw my head back.

"Abby." I look up, finding the owner of the soft French accent. My lips curl involuntary, I quickly smile tightly.

"Hi… Kem." I say swallowing my discomfort. She smiles back, although hers is genuine I can sense the apprehension behind it.

"Have you seen John? He just left, after he talked to you, and I'm not sure where he is. I thought he might be with you." I can sense the possessiveness behind her question. I shake my head gnawing down on my bottom lip.

"Uh- No sorry, I was outside talking to Ray. I haven't seen Carter, I assumed he was with you."

She sighs deeply throwing her arms out to the side. "He's not." She shakes her head a little running her fingers through her hair. "We were suppose only be here for a few moments, we uh-we haven't really- never mind. If you see him could you tell him I'm looking for him?" I nod, watching as she pushes past me to the entrance of the building. I watch for a moment as she sides down on the cold cement gazing out into the night. Ray is nowhere in sight, lucky for her.

I walk back up the stairs following her path. I don't really want to be here anymore, I've paid my dues, said hello, I could have spent more time with Susan or at least the baby, but what can I say; I'm a horrible friend. The drama has been controlling my every move ever since I started talking to Carter again. I feel as though I haven't to protect him, but he doesn't want me to. I just don't understand his motives anymore. What drives you John Carter? What do you want? Do you want my mind? Do you want to screw with me? 'Cause you have, you've done an excellent job at that. You've gotta me walking one way and running another. God when did things get so complicated?

I open the door to the party, pushing pass the other guest. I grab my jacket and throw it over my shoulders. I silently slip out of the party once I've located my purse and stopped to kiss the baby goodbye.

I quietly shut the door behind me, and begin my way down the steps. Digging my hands into my pocket, and finding my cell phone. There are so many things I could do. Call, give him the answer he wants. The answer he wanted when he called yesterday. After all there is nothing keeping me here. Nobody. And I'll have my work overseas…I stop just outside the door, Carter wraps his arms around Kem helping her off the step. He turns her around in his arms giving her a hug. His gaze slowly moves upwards locking with my own. With one swift motion her links their hands and walks away with her.

He just made up my mind.

Review Responses-

Soaringmunkymuffins- Africa or something like it;) thanks for the review

Striker20- as do most men;) hehe

Tracey- thanks… I read your last story I can't remember if I reviewed or not, but I enjoyed it. Oh and thanks this chapter did not flow as well… here's to the next one.

Bobbyboots- Sorry it's been so long

Carolinacarby- Thanks!

Abbylockhart2- Maybe he will;) teeeheh