Authors Note- Hey sorry it's been like two months since I updated. I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this, but if you are next chapter I have all planned and I am excited for it. Thanks to all who has been reading and reviewing. Comments are at the bottom.

The night is dark. Black almost. A shadow, illuminated by a dull light, could not be seen.

The day ended all too soon, yet not soon enough. My world began crumbling not too long ago, the life I thought I was leading became a lie. Now I am doing something I have spent nights dreaming about. Something that has haunted me, plagued my sleep. I've seen images in my mind, things I might encounter, yet I know what I have conjured up won't come close to the reality of what I will see.

That scares me.

It scares me a lot.

It scares me that reality could be worse than my own personal demons. Throughout my whole life I have thought nothing could be worse than the life I lead. Now I am about to encounter a world- a world that is beyond worse- than my own. My life won't even skim the top of the water, compared to what I am going to see. And because of that I can't stop shaking. My hands are cold a clammy, and my mind is anywhere but where it's suppose to be. I thought I might get fired today for being in space too much. Luckily Susan had my back.

I shove the last article of clothing that will fit in my duffel bag on top and toss my duffel bag into the corner. I stare at the bag for a moment, as though I expect it to grow legs and walk out of the room, hide on me, save me from myself.

It doesn't.

Sighing for the fifty-seventh time today, I walk into the washroom, preparing to shower. The reflection in the mirror catches my eye before I can make it there. I look at the woman stare back at me. Long hair. Too long. My mother once said I was trying to relive my youth. I retorted that that was because she stole my youth from me. She wasn't impressed.

Each line on my face looks deeper, somehow more prominent than they did two months ago. Could I really be aging this quickly. If this is what I look like now what will I look like when I get back. When I have endure a fraction of what those who have been there for months have experienced. Can I really do this. I sigh again, looking into my brown eyes, they are hardened and empty. I drop my fingers to the cold ceramic sink, getting nothing but physical support, something which I don't need tonight. I need- I need more.

A long hard knock at my door brings me out of my reverie. I tear my eyes away from myself and pad towards my apartment door. Noticing how clean my apartment looks for the first time in months. At least I will have something nice to come home too. Superficial. Meaningless. But nice. The knocking continues. I pull on the knob while emitting a curse from under my breath.

"Carter." I say shocked.

He looks at me with brown eyes similar to what I just saw.

"Can I come in?" His voice firm, and intimidating. For the first time since I've known him I find him intimidating. He plows in past me, looking around my apartment, taking in all there is to take in, before turning to me with those sunken in eyes. His lips dried and set in a frown. Oh John. What have we done to each other.

"I talked to Susan today."

"Oh." Is all I can say. I study his coat, long and black. It looks worn, but not shabby. His hair is dishevelled, his cheeks are covered in day old stumble, knowing him he probably hasn't shaved in three days. He smells of cologne and cigarette smoke.

"Iraq?"

"They need doctors." I reply, shoving my hands into my sweater pockets, I bring one hand up to my ponytail, playing with the ends of my hair for a moment.

"Everywhere needs doctors. We need doctors."

"I recall saying that too you, not two years ago."

"Times change. People change."

"Sexism doesn't." I move to the couch sitting down, picking up the remote and flicking through the television channels, all the while staring mindlessly at the screen.

"Oh don't gimme that bull." I feel him move closer, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He is that close.

"I saw you with Kem the other night."

"Is that what this about Abby? Getting back at me?" His voice rising with each passing second.

"Don't give yourself so much credit. Despite what you might think the world doesn't revolve around you." I flick the television off and turn my body so it is facing his. Our eyes are boring into one another and neither of us are willing to make the next move. Finally he caves, jumping over the couch so he is sitting next to me.

"I don't know what is going on in your mind. But I am allowed to date whom ever I wish."

"And I am allowed to go where ever I wish." We stare at each other again, daring the other to make the next move.

"Kem and I- we have a weird relationship. We're not together though. We just- we have-had a child. Wendal and I. We were nothing but sex."

"I'm sure that makes her happy." I deadpan. "Sex with you wasn't that great afterall." I let a small smile cross my lips. He nudges me playfully.

"If I recall correctly you were pretty satisfied." He grabs me by the waist hoisting me onto his lap for a moment, before I know it his lips are pressed to mine.

Fighting, leaving in the morning for Iraq, everything that was once on my mind now seems to have faded. All I can feel is his callous finger tips rushing up and down my body, and the involuntairy shiver that is rushing through my spine.

Review Response

bobbyboots- The first chaper is defintely NOT irrelevant. Always keep that in the back of your mind.

Soaringmunkymuffins-Yeah I know it's been a while since I've updated but I was out of school and then I recently have been working but I will have a few days off a week to update. And I don't think there is much swearing in this chapter.

Wella- Thanks I am glad you like it and will try to update as soon as possible.

heather-renee- There is a slowness in the carby stories but there are still a few good ones out there that aren't update frequently but when they are they are an awesome read!

striker20- Thanks. Thanks for reviewing.

krazypirategurl- It's only fun if Abby leaves.

Tracey- Heh thanks for reviewing. I was snowed under with school stuff and now I am packed with work, so I am trying to find time to write. I have the next chapter all planned out in my mind so hopefully I will get a chapter out a week. I do enjoy your work... you should write a new fic. Thanks for reading!