Guardian Roommates: Chapter 11: Pseudo

Capcom owns everyone. I just got the idea for the story. More resistance mayhem.

IMPORTANT: If you have me on your author alert list and just like this story, take me off, because I plan to upload a revised version of my other story and I don't want you to get 22 e-mails for 22 chapters. If you've read this, you've been warned.

First, responses to reviews:
Rioni Riishu: Again, loved the manga. I swear, I should start drawing again. Good stuff. Glad the support's there!
DemonNinja: That'd be something fun to make fun of. As you can see, I've made fun of some things here. Hopefully those attempts at humor work in my favor.

Everyone else: Keep the reviews coming! More reviews more stories!

Harpuia felt really awkward sleeping in the basement of the resistance base. Even though his room was thousands of times better than it was at the apartment, it was just weird being here. Then again, the rooms of the other resistance members were worse. Much worse. Sometimes Fefnir and Levi would poke fun at him because he liked things like Transformers and shows about giant robots saving and destroying the world. Harpuia liked anime, and despite it was obvious, no one knew.

But some things hadn't changed. He turned in his bed to find giant eyeballs staring at him.

"GAH!" Harpuia screamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" the eyes spoke in a small nerdy voice.

"No, I was having a nightmare about Bigfoot eating my ass. Yes, you woke me!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry!"

The eyes continued to glare at Sage.

"So…" Sage started.

"Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Perroquiet. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Harpuia!"

Harpuia realized that it was a small kid wearing glasses. Great, a resistance kid.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

"Well, it's just so exciting to have a former guardian of Copy X in our base. I wanted to talk to you the last time you were here, but I guess you thought we were the enemy."

Harpuia wasn't in the mood to discuss the past, so he just decided he would give the kid what he wanted so he could go back to sleep.

"Fine, fire away." He yawned.

"Okay, well…" the small reploid pulled out a small notebook, "I have some questions for you. First of all, what is your full name?"

"Sage Harpuia."

"Next, what is your specialty?"

"To be the green lord of the skies, causing thunderstorms, tornadoes, lightning, the weather."

"Next, what are your likes?"

"Private information."

"What are your dislikes?"

"Everything that I don't like."

"What are your thoughts on Zero?"

"If I said what I truly think, this fic will be rated M."

"What's a fic?"

"Never mind."

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Have you ever had a job other than guardian?"

"Shoe salesman."

"Why is there a giant tiki statue in your room?"

"Security system."

"Am I bothering you?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what time it is?"

"No."

"Do you want me to tell you what time it is?"

"I guess."

"3 AM. Thank you for your time, Mr. Harpuia!"

With that, Perroquiet left the room.

Harpuia woke up late that morning, finding the other three fighting reploids fighting over the bathroom mirror, wearing little more than a bath robe and drinking some coffee.

"What are you guys getting all washed up about now?" an irritated Sage asked.

"We suffered some weird side-effects from the food last night." Zero answered, removing his helmet. Harpuia spat his coffee as he noticed that Zero's hair turned green.

"There's something new," he replied surprised, yet quietly.

Zero, the coffee steaming on his face, "Thank you for your input, Mr. Sage Harpuia."

Both caught wind of Fefnir dancing throughout the base.

"What's up with him?" Sage asked.

"I grew hair! I grew hair!" Fefnir happily danced, showing off his new dirty-blonde spiky hair.

"Put the children to bed and lock the doors. He's going to be doing this all day." Harpuia accused as he took a sip of whatever coffee was left in his mug.

It then occurred to Sage that one member was missing.

"She's kept herself locked up in her room all day." Zero claimed, "Something about her hair turning yellow and growing out."

Just then, a blonde reploid shoved them out of the way. "I'm a Ciel clone!" she cried, running to hide in her room.

Harpuia knew that this had to be the result of Ciel's nuclear toxic cookie she fed them last night. Fefnir grew hair, Levi turned blonde, and Zero's hair turned green. Saying nothing, he just went back into his room as Zero pulled out a bottle of yellow spray paint.

Sage's door closed as he approached his mirror and slowly took his helmet off. He didn't know how to act.

His hair was completely dark red. In a sense, it kinda looked…

"Cool."

Meanwhile, Leviathan was crying in her room. Looking like a carbon copy of Ciel with blue armor on was the nightmare that came true. Now Zero would avoid her at all costs and having a second Ciel in the house would… would…

What would it do? Then she got an idea, she could pretend to be Ciel and give people all sorts of wild orders. She could ask for Harpuia to build a giant robot to destroy things with, she could ask Fefnir to BBQ his world-famous-but-beaten-to-the-patent hot dogs and hamburgers for eternity, while Zero… she couldn't think.

Now she just needed to pull it off. How would she do it?

"Take off your armor."

Her head went through the ceiling as Zero stood in her doorway. It took her five seconds to free herself.

"What are you doing here, Zero? Can't a girl have her privacy?"

"I could hear your voice from my room through the ventilation system." He slyly grunted.

"I was thinking, not talking." she snapped, wrapping her arms and looking away.

"Says you. Who else would say…" he gasped for breath, "'OMGWTF my hair is blonde I look like Ciel why in the world must I look like Ciel now?'"

He nailed the impression perfectly. Leviathan went white.

"So, you take off your armor, assuming you're wearing something under there, God forbid if you're not, dress like a regular resistance member, sneak into Ciel's lab and steal her clothes. You've both got blue eyes and now blonde hair, you can probably pull it off."

She felt iffy. "You don't think people will notice? I mean, our faces are shaped a bit differently."

"Believe me, all people designed in Japan look the same when their eye and hair colors match." Zero sneered.

Levi blinked twice. "Wha…?"

Zero covered his face briefly. "Never mind. Just suit up and do what you need to do."

Leviathan shrugged, then made her way through the door and past Zero.

"Oh, Levi?"

She turned around.

"If you try to make me your man slave, I'll tell everybody about the time you picked your nose and had a really large wet booger on your finger when Omega kicked your butt, the real reason you bailed on that fight."

Her jaw dropped as the elevator sent her up. Zero stood there smugly, knowing Leviathan was going to be really insecure if her reputation was blown to hell, especially here in the resistance base. Another red reploid, now with spiky dirty-blonde hair, appeared behind him.

"You know," Fefnir smiled, "When she was younger, we used to call her 'booger'. Well, sometimes we still do."

"I'll keep that in mind." Zero snickered.

Leviathan went upstairs, trying to find her way to Ciel's room. She hadn't explored the entire area, so she figured that her room was in the same area as everybody else's rooms. She didn't know that Ciel had her own lab upstairs. Lucky for her, she found a directory. A directory in this base? Whatever.

She sneaked past the operators in the command room, who were talking to each other.

"Really? So what did you tell him after he said that?"

"I told him that if he wanted to cook dinner, he should've brought something to cook with in the first place."

"I bet that made him feel stupid."

"Are you kidding? He had no idea that you had to use any tools to cook. No frying pan. No food. Nothing."

"You were dating a real moron."

"No kidding."

Levi passed undetected. She then passed Cerveau's lab and then Ciel's room was right next to it. Of course, Ciel's picture near the door was a dead giveaway. But then she noticed a room on the opposite side, open. Taking a peek, she was surprised to see that Ciel was reading a magazine while in a tanning machine. Ciel? Tanning? Humans…

Levi then returned to Ciel's lab, finding what she needed. A pink plastic hat that made her head twice as big, a little pink dress, grey pants, and tennis shoes that looked like they were designed a thousand years ago. Since no one was in the room, she decided to change. She forgot about Zero's advice to dress up like a resistance member, but that didn't matter. Leviathan was where she needed to be.

Shortly after, the resemblance was uncanny. All Leviathan had to do now was tie her hair in a ponytail, and viola. Well, close.

'Hmm,' she thought. 'It's close, but something's missing. Oh! I know, some eyeliner and… draw some dark circles under my eyes. Adds that depressed I-haven't-slept-in-ages-look.'

Sure enough, that's what she needed. After that was done, her attention turned to the computer in the corner.

RESISTANCE BASE INFORMATION DATABASE: PLEASE ENTER A KEYWORD

Leviathan got curious. Since this was Ciel's lab, perhaps she treated it like a diary. Just what made the girl crazy anyway? Leviathan hadn't typed anything in forever, so it took her some time to get used to the keyboard again.

ZERO
Zero is an ancient reploid who in the past worked in a partnership with the acclaimed hero, Mega Man X to fight the Maverick Wars. After the war ended, Zero put himself to sleep in hopes that the Sigma Virus inside of him would die down. After a hundred years, his body was discovered by members of the new resistance and was recruited.

Original name: Omega
Creator: Dr. Albert Wily
Hair: Blonde
Age: 100+
Favorite Food: Nachos

About Zero:
Zero's a hot blonde reploid, and he's mine! He'll do whatever I say, or else!

PLEASE ENTER NEW KEYWORD

Just as Leviathan figured, Ciel did input her own thoughts. Now she was curious.

HARPUIA
About Harpuia:
He's pretty but not as cute as Zero! I wouldn't mind flying with him. Rwarrr.

FEFNIR
About Fefnir:
Fefnir's gross and he's a pervert.

PHANTOM
About Phantom:
Am I the only girl in the world who think ninjas are boring? How can you tell if a guy is cute if you can't see his face? Sexy voices aren't everything!

LEVIATHAN
About Leviathan:
Ugly, mean, and a dirty whore. Dirty dirty dirty! She has sick fantasies about Zero. Not that she can be blamed. But she's still dirty! She would make a horrible girlfriend for Zero, and every other guy out there. The ugly and short one.

Levi's eyes raged. It was on now, Ciel!

The door then opened. Speak of the devil.

The two 'Ciels' just stood there, staring at each other with baffled expressions, at least until one blew a bubble of gum from her mouth before it exploded in her face, blinding her.

"Hah! Victory is mine!" Levi's voice cried.

That second, Leviathan grabbed a bag from the corner and stuffed Ciel into it, slamming the closet.

There was a new leader in town.

Levi went to the command center, noticing the operators were talking to each other.

"And he was such an insensitive jerk. I mean, yes, accidentally swinging a 2x4 on your head is going to hurt!"

"So he just sat down to watch football with his friends? What a pompous ass."

"Really. So you said you dumped beer on his head when the fourth quarter began?"

"Yup, and he wasn't too happy about it, but having a bump on your head from a 2x4 isn't anything to be happy about, either."

"I'll bet. Good thing that didn't last."

"Mm-hmm."

Levi cleared her throat as the two stopped their conversation.

"We're sorry, Ms. Ciel."

"What's up?"

"I need missions to send Zero on!"

"Did you lose track of the Tiki room?"

Levi went blank. "Tiki room?"

"Yes, Ms. Ciel, you know, the place where you seek the divine and powerful wisdom of the ancient tiki statue of the 1970's?"

Levi didn't want to blow her cover. "Uh… oh, right, right. Yes! The… uh, Tiki room."

"Third floor with the sign that says, 'Forbidden'."

"Okay. Um, thanks." Levi sheepishly beamed. Doe Ciel beam? She didn't know.

Just as the operators said, Leviathan located the room, and entered. There was no light, until a loud dark voice echoed the room.

A dark voice echoed, "I am the mighty-meeta-culana-waku-waku-waka-cibana-pina-colata Tikki God!"

Levi's face dropped as a giant tiki head appeared before her, the eyes and mouth lighting up. It was clearly made in the 1970's.

"You have got to be kidding me," she sighed.

"Silence! You will show respect to the Tikki God!"

"Okay." she retorted calmly. "You mean to tell me that the missions are based on some ancient Tikki relic?" Leviathan asked.

"Yes! You shall obey the wisdom that is the Tikki God, or suffer!"

"So, any missions?" she asked. She was getting nervous.

"Yes! Today, Zero gets the week off! Harpuia shall water the garden on the roof. Fefnir shall test more of your cooking…"

She blinked. "Um, isn't that a bit harsh?"

"Nonsense!" the voice retorted, "For he has actually grown hair thanks to your cookies!"

She twiddled her fingers, "Actually, Harpuia and I… I mean Leviathan, that other girl, woke up in the middle of the night and decided to spray his hair with some new experimental hair spray they found in Zero's room that he uses for his hair when it gets damaged, but used brown hair spray so it wouldn't be so obvious. We also pulled the cookie out, and it took so long because of some insects in his mouth, but he eats bugs all the time."

The Tikki paused. "I sensed someone stole something last night! And what became of the others who ate her cookie that night?"

"Other than massive amounts of puking, Harpuia snuck into Zero's room and sprayed his hair green. I'm not sure about the others. The girl's hair turned from blue to blonde, and I'm not sure about the green one."

"Foolish guardian. Do you not see a connection?"

"No."

"You have your missssssiiiiiooooooonnnnnsss…."

The Tikki went dead.

"Dammit! That wasn't supposed to happen!" came a voice from behind.

Leviathan looked for a light switch, found one, and looked at the Tikki. It was clearly a wooden board with cheap electric lights on the mouth and eyes, and there were wires. Audio wires. She then pulled the board back.

"Um, pay not attention to the reploid behind me!"

"ZERO!"

"Gotcha." he smirked.

She crossed her arms, "Oh, you just suck."

"Guilty as charged! So that's why my hair turned green, and that's why I couldn't find my hair spray!"

Leviathan nervously beamed.

"At least I returned the favor this morning!" Zero smirked, making his way towards the door.

"What are you talking about?" Levi asked as she was stalking Zero.

"Painting your head blonde and Harpuia's hair red. Toodles!"

Zero also beamed as Leviathan blinked before she rose the fires of hell.

"DIE!"

She waved her arms and legs madly as she chased him throughout the base. After going through each floor, Zero retreated to his room, but left the door open.

"Ugh. Women."

Levi came storming in. "Zero! I-aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

She shortly found herself chained in a water tank.

"No password for Booger! Gwagwagwagwagwah!" he guffawed.

She rolled her eyes while Zero pulled out a box of juice from the refrigerator under his bed (hey, in the future it makes sense that they have small horizontal refrigerators, no?) and sipped it proudly.

"Check and mate."

Upstairs, the operators were still talking to each other.

"Why did you think Zero told us to tell Ciel about some Tiki room in the 3rd floor?"

"Who cares? He gave us free tickets to see Chucky the DSL Guy."

"Is that part of the Red Collar Comedy Tour?"

"It is."

"Sweet! We'd better not have any missions to report to Ms. Ciel."

"Who cares? I've been sitting on my ass for the last 140309 hours."

"I could've sworn it was 140310 hours. We need to get out more."

"Good thing we don't gain weight by sitting down all the time."

"You said it."

Well, that's it for this chapter. Wee.