Spoiler

Chapter 4

"And you? Would you have your husband?"

"No. My Christian drowned in Lake Meade. The Christian who came back. . ." she inhaled and exhaled loudly before changing the direction of the conversation: "you had no right to play G-d with our lives!"

"I never meant to hurt anyone. . . I wanted to fix it. I owed Chris that much," John defended.

"And you didn't owe me something when you became my fiancé? Did it ever occur to you that our marriage wouldn't be legal? Did you ever think about what would happen down the road? If he changed his mind? Won an appeal? Got paroled? What if he wanted his life back? Me back? What if we had children? What would we tell them? What the hell would you have liked me to do? To tell him? Did you think that we would just be able to go right along, like nothing happened? Didn't you ever once think about the chance of this coming out!"

"I don't know," he admitted as he ran his hand nervously through his hand, purposely ignoring her last question. "What. . . what do you want to do now? What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave so I can think. I don't want explanations. I want time," she answered sadly.

"What about our engagement?"

She laughed hollowly at that. "Don't you think that I deserve time to figure that out? G-d John, I can't do thisustill I. . ." she shook her head breathing agitatedly. "There are things I need to consider. To do and take care of before I can even think of the ramifications for you and me.

But one thing I do know. You have to tell Antonio and Carlotta the truth."

"Christian doesn't want. . . "

"Well, Chris lost his vote in this the minute Evangeline threw the truth in my face. So did you. Tell them before I do."

"All right."

"I also think you should leave," she informed stiffly as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I figured as much," he nodded. "I'm sorrier than you know."

"Sometimes sorry just doesn't cut it."

"Are you going to be ok? Do you want me to call Jess or your mom for you?"

"No. I don't want you to do anything for me right now. I'll be fine on my own. There're some thins I need to take care of and then I'm going to bed. It'll be a long drive to Statesville in the morning."

"You're going to see him?"

"Yeah. I think I deserve to hear him admit the truth to my face, don't you?" she challenged.

"I suppose."

"You should go," she sighed tiredly.

Slowly, John nodded and silently went to put on his jacket before picking up the box of things that Evangeline her left for him. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Most people never do," she answered tensely as she turned and stared out the window.

Shaking his head, he stared at her stiff back, softly saying the only words he could: "I do love you, Natalie."

"I know you do."

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be around."

"Yeah, I know that too," she answered, still refusing to turn and look at him.

"I. . ." he exhaled and shook his head before heading towards the door.

"John," she called softly.

"Yeah?"

"Michael said you could stay at his place."

"Did you. . ."

"No. Just said we were being old fashioned."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Balancing the box, John continued out of the living room, shifting it to open the door. "Goodbye, Natalie," he called as he exited.

"Bye John," she said simply, holding herself stiff till she heard the door slam shut behind him. Once she was sure that she was alone, she allowed the tears to slowly slide down her cheeks and herself to temporarily fall apart.