So I know I said I wouldn't do anymore updates for this till I'd finished Sleepless Nights, but I got more reviews. They are seriously like a drug. I'm addicted. Plus this story is so damn fun. I wont abandon Sleepless Nights, but just take a break. I also have to figure out where I want this story to go. Possibly Spain. I could use a tan. Now here's something I've always wanted to do. Review Response!
FloraDora - Your review made me laugh! Mostly since you spent half the time saying bye, but also cause you liked it. Thanks for being my first reviewer. Hope you like this chapter.
Harleythekat - How did you know I love German? Das ist titten! Thankyou for being my first stalker! And I'm proud to give you laughs.
Sbkar - Delectable derriere?I quite like that. Once again, I am proud to provide laughs, and I'm glad my partial insanity provides entertainment for those freaks out there that have the same humour as me. Yes, humour with a capital HUM!
That over, you can read, review and wish me a happy birthday. How nice am I to update on my B-Day?
Chapter three
"I trust you came alone?" Just the sound of the unfortunately bald man's voice made the young man tingle in anticipation. He knew if he didn't get what he needed soon, he'd go mad. He started drumming his fingers on his leg as his restraint failed. He nodded slowly.
"And I also trust you brought the extra cheese?"
"Yeah, but that'll cost extra. Now I'll need my money." The pizza boy was getting impatient.
"Fine, but just because I can't resist a Domino's Deal." Reluctantly the Lord handed over the money, but not before kissing it goodbye, and prepared his feast with Barry. But before they could begin, a shadow leapt from the bushes, and hit a tree.
"Ahh, Draco, you didn't chip in for the pizza, so you don't get any. Later I want you to strip naked and be a table, but first you must hear the plan of action." Draco grunted, and slowly unstuck his face from the tree.
"As you know, my life goal has been to kill the evil Harry Potter, and to break this connection since we don't want him seeing our meetings, and I don't want to see his and the red heads "meetings". I have decided I want you to bring him to the forest so I can torment him while you drink his blood." At this statement, a deep long of confusion appeared on Draco's pale face. "You're a vampire boy, that's why you crave human blood. Don't tell me you didn't notice?"
"But how can I kill Harry when he has such a cute butt?" remarked an appalled Draco, yet the Lord could see him getting more and more worried about the pizza every second.
"I guess if you can't do it out of love for you're Lord, then you will have to take a hypno potion. But after he has met his doom, and I have power once again, you Draco, shall be my bitch... I mean second in command." Draco seemed pleased about this, but deep down, very deep down, he preferred the first option. "Now bring out that G-string boy!"
Hermionie watched the secret meeting in wide mouthed (and long nosed) horror from behind a tree. They must have had bad security, if both she and the pizza boy had found them so easily. She had conveniently told Colin, and he had turned up with a camera, a microwave, an extension cord and some microwavable popcorn. Luckily Voldermort had always been listening to himself talk when they started eating it, and by the end, everyone was all screaming, either in horror or pleasure, and Colin was frantically snapping pics, going right up next to them. Hermionie worried that he might try and join in soon, and dragged him back a bit, and he thought he was making a move on him, and jumped on her in a frantic frenzy. Poor Hermionie.
"So, do I really have a cute butt?" inquired Harry the next morning. His fellow members of the Golden Trio failed to notice as Ron proceeded to wax his now very reflective head.
"Oh please, I wish you'd let me grow it back. The shine could easily blind someone poor passers by. And it's only a simple spell, just a quick wave of my pretty pink wand, and WHOOSH! You'll be a normal hairy boy again. Or I could let you have it like mine. We could be twins! Since it's very sad being brought up as an only child with an abnormal, yet useful for hiding my buckteeth, nose. But you do already have a sister. But that can be sorted with one phone call, wait here, my assassin is on speed dial. This will be great!" Hermionie complained loudly.
"No way, the slap head style will come back any day now, but till then, I need to keep it polished up, in case some cute butted boy... I mean girl wants to check his hair." He gazed longingly at Harry, who had come over to check his butt on Ron's head. They both looked pleased with themselves, but attempted not to let the other notice. Hermionie looked bored and pouted.
"You two are so unobservant!" and stormed off to the girls dorm, hitting a first year with her ever growing nose as she went past.
Draco woke up quite upset when he remembered he had to kill Harry, the boy who he secretly, yet obviously loved. He hoped that due to the connection between him and Voldie, Harry would fuck like a younger, slightly scrawnier Voldermort. Though he wondered about his lap weasel, knowing it had often and as obviously as he been searching for Harry's affection. And what was with all the new hair styles? Who did he think he was, David Beckham? Draco was soon wondering where he had heard of all the muggle things and fell back to into a deep slumber.
"Wormy, pass me that love potion so I can slip it into Snape's drink when he comes." Wormtail knew he shouldn't argue, but he couldn't bare the thought of his lord and sex god with another man. Maybe a house elf, but never a man. He was so deep in thought about sexy young Dobby, Voldermort grew impatient.
"Accio Whip!" But sadly, Voldermort soon remembered that this punishment was never very successful on the rat.
"Sir, there is only a hypno potion and a picture of a little girl sir."
"How dare you. That is Draco, my lovable sex kitten. But I shall punish you later." Wormtail looked very pleased with himself. "So, if there's no love potion, Draco must have had that. Oh well."
"Sir, vampires can't consume love potion's, there have been unfortunate side effects, such as extreme penis enlargement and a tendency to sing "I'm a little teapot" at the most inconvenient of times." stuttered Wormtail.
"Good, that's my favorite song, we'll have a kariokie night! Make the invitations while I warm up. Doh rah me fah so..." Wormtail proceeded to enchant some marshmallows into earplugs and mix drinks. It was going to be a long night.
Draco woke up quite upset yet again when a pigeon flew in his commonly open window and attempted to eat his fading pink locks, presumably thinking they were marshmallows.
"Damn you, go away. I was having a lovely dream about a certain cute butted boy who's name I must never mention for fear of becoming an outcast among the Slytherins. Ohh, a letter. Hmm, kariokie tonight, bring your abnormal side effects? What the hell does that mean? Goyle! Where have you been since the start of term? I've been needing one of those late night talks, where we can settle out of feelings and stuff."
"I bin in da cupboard boss, Crabbe bin acting a bit odd an chasin me sayin stof like how iz not gonna run hide or escape is love in a song. I bin hiding for so long, I can barly stand the sun boss. An my talkin as gone phunny. Tink I shud get speeech ferapy?" Golyle's long speech of the last few months happenings took another half hour or so before he had control over his blubbering and the light. Draco looked at his follower and doubted his power.
"Don't worry Goyley, the big scary Crabbe has gone and you are my one and only. You can come kariokying with me tonight, we could sing a song about evil old Crabbe!" This cheered Goyle up and he soon began dancing and picking out his outfit. Pink, to match his master and show how loyal he was.
Dobby was walking patiently through the forest, showing off his freedom against all, and his figure in his new leather cat suit (specially made with tassels) when he heard what sounded like the mating call of the killer whale. This sound was music to the young house elf, who was a big fan of inter species breeding (something he had in common with Hermionie, hint hint.) He dashed forward as fast as his stubby legs could carry him, making squeaky noises as the leather on his large thighs rubbed together vigorously. About an hour later he had reached the party (his legs aren't very long) and was hot and sweaty from his exercise, and had a sexy sheen to his green skin (hehe green sheen). He was greeted with the final part of Lord Voldermort's deatheater meeting, where they would discuss the plan and spank who ever fell asleep.
"Right, this has been an enchanting evening, and I wish to announce, that Draco, you shall bring Harry Potter to the forest for a bit of mischief tomorrow night. Say it's a damsel in distress, Wormtail shall be the damsel, and I'll be the distress in a dress. Now, be gone before I have to bring out some lubricant boy!" Voldermort took one last look at his army of pink cloaked minions, turned on his heel, fell down, and fell asleep. Wormtail proceeded to go and cuddle him, and glare at Draco. Dobby let out a gasp!
"Misters Harrys Potters shalls bes killeds Is says. Thats shalls distresss mys damsels. Ohhs I'ves beens heres toos longs, I'ms startings tos talks likes ems." Dobby let out a surprisingly deep shriek and fled the forest, in search of a toilet. Oh yeah, and Harry.
"Wakes ups masters Potters. Theres beings as prettys girlys boys outs tos gets yous." Dobby began violently shaking Harry, taking his chance to touch special parts.
"Dobby, let go of my nose, that hurts. What are you talking about. Have you been having nightmares again, climb in."
"Nos, thoughs I'lls climbs ins anyways. Buts thats pinks haireds boys is tryings tos kills yous." Dobby began telling in detail all that he had witnessed in the forest.
"Oh my god. He's trying to kill me? And did you have to tell me about your trip to the toilet."
"Buts it's alls importants masters." Dobby looked up at the big green eyes of Harry, and realized, why was he here when he could be with his love.
"Well, I hope my, and I quote, "cute butt" can protect me from the other one with a cute butt." Harry proceeded to fantasize about Draco, until Dobby slapped him. "Right, now we need a plan, go get Hermionie." Dobby got very excited and ran away fast.
"Dobby, not now, all the girls are in here." Hermionie slapped Dobby on his over large head.
"Buts its Harrys Pot.." Dobby suddenly started choking on some phleme.
"Who stole Harry's pot, Dobby, was it Ron, he'll do anything to be cool. Where is he anyway?"
"Nos, follows mes." Dobby led Hermionie by the hand towards the boys dorm, and into Harry's bed.
"Hermionie, Dobby, you didn't have to come under the covers, but any way. Dobby tells me Draco is out to get me on Voldermort's orders, and we need to foil him. And before you mention it, we won't kill Draco, he thinks my butt is cute." Hermionie huffed at this.