I can't believe how totally stubborn he is, unreasonable. Unfair! Sophia Dubenko was fuming as she stormed her way back to the hospital. She was my mother, and he acts like he corners the market on losing her. Like I don't have a right to know what went on back then. She continued her inner rant as she stomped through the ambulance bay doors and into the emergency room.
"Hey, Sophie, what's the rush?" Jerry called out as she passed the clerk's station and headed for the elevators. She didn't bother to answer.
All I want to do is read the damned reports. Am I really asking too much? Okay, so maybe I want to see if there's any chance of ever finding the murdering bastard responsible. Why is that wrong? You'd think he'd want some sort of justice too. Sophie was so focused on railing against her father that she didn't notice Morris until she ran right into him.
"Damn it! Watch what you're doing!" She swore at the chief resident as charts and papers flew from his hands and scattered across the linoleum floor.
"You ran into me, babe." Morris pointed out, "Couldn't stay away?"
"Right. I want you so bad. Do me now. Right here. I wanted you to drop everything and take me with wild abandon." The vitriolic sarcasm dripping in her tone wasn't lost on the resident as he held up his hands in defeat.
"Okay, whatever. I was only kidding. Calm down."
Abby Lockhart chose that moment to ask Morris to sign off on a patient. She unwittingly smiled at Sophie, having missed the heated exchange. "Hi, Sophie, right?"
"Oh what are you smiling at? You know if you'd just go out with him, maybe he'd loosen up and stop being such a stubborn jackass."
"Um, who are we talking about here?" Abby looked warily at Morris who just shook his head, not wanting any more wrath sent his way.
"My father. You know, the surgeon who creeps you out?"
"I never—"
"Right. You never said he was a creep. And he doesn't need to get laid." With that Sophie stomped to the elevator and jabbed angrily at the call button.
Abby merely stood next to Morris and blinked. "Well, that was interesting."
"She's really pissed off."
"No kidding, Morris." Abby rolled her eyes. "Wasn't she having dinner with him? Dubenko sure knows how to rub people the wrong way. I thought it was just me."
Sophie glared at them before stepping into the elevator.
Dr. Dubenko closed the door to his outer office, where his daughter was waiting. She was sitting in one of the chairs next to the book-lined wall, a stack of papers at her feet and one of his many knickknacks in her hands. Sophie was studying the blown glass rooster intently, turning it over in her hands and tracing the smooth green surface with her fingertips.
"Soph, I know you're angry with me—" he started and when his daughter refused to look at him, he continued, "I just don't see the point of this, Sophie. There's nothing new to add, no new evidence to suggest anything. Why would you want to reopen old wounds, baby? It doesn't change anything. Let it go."
She snorted. "Let it go? Like you did, Papa? How long did it take you to stop living with a ghost? To stop wearing your wedding ring? To stop thinking about her every single day?" Sophie raised her head and gave her father an icy stare. "You finally decide to get on with your life and no one else is allowed to care anymore?"
Dubenko stood there, his hand still clutching the doorknob, and stared at her with a mixture of disbelief and hurt on his face. Is this what I get for confiding in you Sophie? Is this what I deserve for trying to shield you from more pain? Isn't it enough that you've had to live with being the one to find your mother? Do you really need to read the autopsy report? Why can't you trust me when I tell you it's not necessary? There are just some things that you don't need to know.
"Sophie, it's not that I don't care. You don't really think that, do you?" He searched his daughter's face, trying to understand what she was thinking. "I'd give anything to have your mother back. I wish I could change things, Sophie, but I can't and neither can you. Let it rest, Sophie. Please."
Sophie's only response was to throw the glass object she'd been holding, barely missing her father. It hit the filing cabinet in the middle of the room and shattered.
"Sophia Marie Dubenko! What the hell is wrong with you?" Dubenko gasped, furious.
"Wrong with me? Wrong with me? Papa, don't you know what's wrong with me?" Angry tears ran down Sophie's face as she screamed at her father, "I'll tell you what's wrong with me! I have a selfish asshole for a father!"
Dubenko blinked. The normally calm doctor clenched his hands into tight fists. For all that she looks like me, she sure as hell has her mother's Irish temper. He thought of the shattered glass that lay behind him. And fortunately, her mother's bad aim. "Selfish? Sophie…"
"Shut up, just shut up! God, you just don't get it do you?" She angrily wiped at the tears streaking her face.
"Why don't you explain it to me then, Sophia?" Dubenko was barely able to control the mordant venom in his voice. He was through being patient and understanding with the raging teenager. He was never one to tolerate disrespectful behavior. Not from subordinates and definitely not form his child. His eyes were filled with the same violent heat that his daughter's gaze directed at him.
"What's there to explain? Huh? Mom died and you practically curled up and joined her, at least at home. Where the hell were you when I needed you, Papa? I needed you. Where were you when I woke up at night screaming for her, for help? Where were you when the mere thought of being in the house alone terrified me? Where were you when I'd turn on the television and see her face? Hear the reporters talk about how tragic it was for the community to lose such an upstanding wonderful woman? Or when there were no leads on the bastard who hurt her? When the kids at school would taunt me about having a doctor for a mother who let herself bleed to death? Badgering me for all the 'gory details'?"
Her voice turned bitter and mocking as she mimicked those tormentors from the past. "Gee Dubenko, did you really slip and fall in the blood? Is it true that rigor mortis doesn't set in right away? Do people really lose control of their bodily functions when they die, Dubenko?" She laughed and it wasn't a pleasant sound. "Where Papa? Where were you when I was sinking into that private little hell?"
Oh baby, I didn't know. I was so absorbed in my own devastating nightmare that it never occurred to me. The pain of dawning realization shot through Lee Dubenko and his anger quickly ebbed into guilt. Sophie was shaking and nearing hysteria as Lee stood up and walked across the room towards her.
"Baby…I, oh Sophie, I'm so—"
"Don't you dare tell me you're sorry, don't you dare. You left me to my own devices, Papa, to fend for myself. You had your grief and your work. You didn't need me. I don't think you even noticed me half the time, and if you did notice you sure as hell didn't say anything to me."
Sobbing, Sophia Dubenko wrapped her arms around her father's waist and leaned forward in her chair to rest her head against her father's stomach. "You weren't the only one who lost her, Papa. I loved her too. I miss her too. And if it weren't for me, maybe she'd still be alive."
Dubenko closed his eyes and swore to himself, Lee, you really are such an idiot, and how could you have possibly thought that she was handling things so well all these years? Because she said so? She was just a kid. Still is…
Kneeling down in front of her, Dubenko wiped at Sophie's tears with his fingertips. "Baby, listen to me and listen to me now. What happened was not your fault. I know you didn't go home after school that day, not when you were supposed to at any rate. Those few hours wouldn't have changed anything, Sophie. I swear. Your mother was gone long before you could have gotten home to help her."
He pulled her toward himself and hugged her tightly. "I wish you had told me this before, Sophie, I wish I had known you'd been keeping this inside for so long. I know I wasn't there for you the way I should have been—I didn't know how, Sophie. And I'm sorry for that."
Dubenko stayed that way, kneeling on his office floor holding Sophie as she cried, wishing that he could just this once, think of the right thing to say. "I love you Sophia." He murmured into the riot of curly hair belonging to the young woman in his arms.