Author's Note: YIPEE!!! Thank you for all the feedback! :) It made me really happy!! I would have updated sooner but my internet broke down and I had to use my mom's computer – and there were limited opportunities for that!! I hope to make this fic as enjoyable as possible!! :) I kept all of the characters IN CHARACTER?! YAY! Such comments make me feel that I have accomplished something as a writer!!! :) Enjoy!!
Disclaimer: I am but a fan of the show
Who owns it? I have yet to know.
Money for this fic, I do not make.
This story is MINE! Do NOT take!!!
""
Chapter 2: Alucard Goes … Shopping""
Seras calmly took her pillow from her coffin-like bed and screamed into it with all the might she had.
Oh, come now Seras. Taking a driver's ed class with your master is not THAT bad, now is it?
"Master? MASTER! How many times have I told you to stay OUT of my head!?" Seras screamed at the wall she thought her master's voice could be coming from. She then hurled her pillow with her greatest might toward that wall. She didn't hit her master but she did hurt the innocent bricks.
Her master was apparently enjoying himself, or rather, he enjoyed tormenting her. Alucard continued to laugh.
"Master, this is not funny!" Seras huffed as she jumped off her bed to retrieve the ill treated pillow off the floor. Hoping to close herself off from her master, she then got back on the bed and clicked a button which closed her coffin lid down.
""
Earlier that day…
Seras stared. She stared at Integra and hoped she was getting old and her hearing was failing her.
I need to . . .no, that can't be right. I'm not hearing straight . . .
Seeing Seras' surprised open-mouthed look, Integra cleared her throat and calmly repeated herself.
"Officer Victoria, if you wish to learn to drive, then Alucard must accompany you".
"But, Sir . . ."
"No! I will not take any disagreements to my orders! Either you follow them, or you don't get what you want. What is your answer?" Integra narrowed her eyes as she asked Seras. Seras gulped before answering.
"Y-yes Sir".
"Good. Dismissed," Integra calmly stated as she sat back down at her desk and commenced filing her papers. Seras meekly walked out of her office. All hopes of "fun" quickly vanishing from her mind.
""
"O-officer Victoria . . .Officer Victoria? Officer Victoria!!" Seras finally snapped out of her trance to pay attention to Kay, one of her subordinates.
"Yes? What is it?"
"You've been firing at that dummy for quite a while. About ten minutes. And for the past five minutes you've been shooting at it without any ammunition". Seras quickly looked at her gun, she opened it and sure enough it was empty. She sighed exasperatedly.
"Better load it then . . ." Seras sighed as she went to the ammo cabinet. She quickly loaded it and went back to her shooting space and looked at the dummy. The dummy was shot cleanly in only three places, the head, the heart and the . . .groin.
"What the bloody . . ." Seras trailed off. Then she remembered.
No wonder I shot like that. I was thinking of him Seras growled after her thoughts. She became trigger-happy again and kept shooting madly until one by one her subordinates carefully made their way out of the shooting range . . .and as far away from her as possible.
"Interesting targets, Police Girl. May I inquire your reasons?" Alucard smirked, amused. Seras whipped around.
"No! You may not ask! And my name is not Police Girl, it is SERAS VICTORIA!!"
"So feisty, Police Girl. Could it be that you are mad at little old me?" Alucard grinned wide enough until it looked like his face was trying to eat itself.
"Sir Alucard. Miss Victoria. Sir Integra requests to see you both in her office immediately," Walter announced casually. He acted as if the scene in front of him was as normal as cheesecake. But then again…maybe it was. Alucard was still grinning like an annoying Cheshire cat –from ear to ear– and Seras was yelling at him while pointing her gun at his head.
"Don't be slow, Police Girl. We wouldn't want Integra to die before you get there your usually way, now do we?" Alucard laughed as he disappeared into the walls.
Seras growled and threw her gun at the spot on the wall Alucard had disappeared into. She than ran off the other way. Walter sighed and casually picked up the discarded gun and placed it back in its cabinet.
A blood-crazed psycho vampire, a timid yet temperamental new vampire, and a Hellsing who's confused by her own gender and insists that other people call her "Sir". I must be the "luckiest" butler alive.
""
Seras ran up the many stairs, as fast as she could. By the time she reached Integra's office, she was panting. She opened the door and hoped that for once the odds would be on her favor. She opened the door…and the odds, as usual, piled themselves against her.
"Integra, you were right. The Police Girl did not die on her way!" Alucard said with a smirk toward Seras' way.
"Good. You're here, Officer Victoria. Now we can begin," Integra calmly stated as se ignored Alucard and clasped her hands together and used them as a chin rest. Seras sighed out of defeat, closed the door and proceeded to walk toward Integra's desk. When she got there, she made sure she was at least five meters away from Alucard. Alucard smirked and continued to sideways inch his way towards her.
"I have called the two of you here to consult you both on your driver's education. As obviously, the two of you do not look human and in order to send you to a human drivers school –since Hellsing doesn't provide one– we must somehow prepare you two—"
Integra stopped in the middle of her sentence to glare at Alucard.
"Alucard, stop being the obnoxious vampire you are and leave Officer Victoria alone. Step three meters to your LEFT so that Officer Victoria does not need to stand next to the wall."
Alucard gave 'humphf' before he moved to 'his' side of Sir Integra's desk and Seras mover to 'hers'.
"Good. Now as I was saying, we need to prepare you somehow. First, the two of you must buy 'human clothes'. Second, no more vanishing," Integra stated as she looked at Alucard; Seras smiled. "Seras' way of getting around is more human". Seras resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at Alucard from triumph. "And third, Officer Victoria would you see to it that you are enrolled in the closest school?" Integra asked as she looked at Seras.
"Yes Sir, but who should I –We– enroll as?" Seras asked as Integra thought about it.
"Pretend you're married." Seras eyes widened in horror.
"Pretend you're dating." Integra attempted to make it better, but Seras' eyes continued to widen.
"Pretend you're his daughter?" Seras' face scrunched up.
"FINE. You're distant cousins. That's final."
"Must we be related?" Seras whined. Integra sighed.
"Look, pretending to be cousins won't be that bad. It's a reason for you two to talk to each other in class if you need to. It'll save trouble." Seras seemed to think on this for a while.
"What shall we say our last names are?" Seras asked as Integra pondered on this question, too.
"You're Seras Victoria and he's . . .Alucard . . ." Integra seemed to drift off thinking a suitable last name for him.
"—the Great," Alucard finished off. Integra smacked her forehead.
Father, don't get me wrong, I am glad you left me this vampire to save my life but…why did you have to pick one so annoying
"Alucard…Hellsing?" Seras timidly suggested. Integra growled as she glared at Seras.
"Sorry, Sir, just a suggestion," Seras said as she looked down at the carpet, suddenly finding it very interesting.
"Alucard the Destroyer".
"Alucard shut up," Integra glared at her "pet" as she looked to Seras. "Any other suggestions?"
"Umm will Alucard . . .Smith? Johnson? Maxwell? Brown? Jones? I think I know some more. . .Oh! Alucard Dhampyir[1] !" Seras resisted the urge to jump in triumph. Integra sat up.
"Perfect. Now that you have a name I put the responsibility of locating a school and signing yourselves up to be your responsibility," Integra told Seras as Seras nodded in agreement.
"Good. The two of you are dismissed. And please, no more bickering. I may be human, but I'm certainly not deaf".
""
Seras loved taking walks. She loved to feel the cool breeze in her hair as she walked during the night. Or maybe it was her vampire side talking? Everything could have been perfect had not—
"Police Girl, you're about to walk into a pole." Seras stopped immediately daydreaming and stopped just in time before she had a collision with a pole. Seras muttered a begrudged 'thanks' to Alucard before continuing to walk to the shopping mall. Of course they naturally had to walk, since they weren't allowed to fly or use Integra's special limousine. And of course, kind Alucard refused to ride the bus with "pesky, stinky humans".
Seras was getting angrier by the second. She kept walking and letting her anger cloud her vision. Suddenly she felt someone grab her by the collar and pull her backward.
"Hey what's the big idea?!" Seras exclaimed as she whacked Alucard's hand away from her collar.
"I'm sorry Police Girl, would you rather I push you back in?" Alucard asked calmly as Seras looked back in front of her. There was an endless stream of cars going by looking as though this one street was the road to infinity. Nope. Under the wheels of over a hundred automobiles is not where Seras wanted to be.
"Umm no…"
"Good. Then let's be on our way," Alucard said as he walked in the other direction. Soon enough the two of them had gotten to Oxford Circus [2].
""
"OH!! Try this –Oh and this!! Definitely this!! And here, his too!!" Seras practically squealed out of excitement as she shoved of what seemed mountain-fulls of clothes into Alucard's arms. It now looked like Alucard was actually holding someone. A very fat someone. Seras then shoved him into a dressing room. Alucard looked over the items.
WHAT THE!? Alucard asked himself as he picked out a very flowery shirt. What does she think of me as? A girl? A girly-man?? I'm a VAMPIRE dammit! Alucard hissed in his head as he tossed the shirt aside. He continued to look at the other items. Pink?! PINK?! I do NOT wear pink under ANY circumstances!! Alucard tossed that aside as well. He came across— Flowery pants?! Flowery PANTS?! Does she think I'm a HIPPIE at heart? Do I come off as THAT nice. Hmmm looks like I must be crueler. With that happy thought Alucard grinned. He continued to paw through the things. Some horrified him, others let him know how old he really was, and others made him doubt Seras' sanity. This looks decent. Alucard thought as he dressed and then went outside to look at himself in the mirror [3]. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Seras smacked her forehead. Master . . .no sane person goes to school in a tuxedo. . .
I heard that Police Girl.
"Master!" Seras gasped. "I told you to stay OUT of my head!" At that comment the store clerk looked at her strangely.
"I mean, it's just that you know . . .what I was thinking!! Yeah! I was just going to suggest that suit to you. . .my. . .my dear!" Seras finished with a nervous laugh. The clerk raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He continued to enter things in the computer.
Oh. . .Seras moaned. I hope the clerk doesn't think I'm psycho. Maybe he'll think that we're just kinky or something . . .
Are you now, Police Girl? Alucard smirked.
MASTER"" Seras screamed in her head. But instead of answering him she blushed with the colors of a tomato or how someone looks when they're about to blow their top. Luckily Alucard didn't notice. He was too busy admiring himself in the mirror like a peacock.
""
After a few minutes more of waiting for Alucard, Seras finally gave up and went to find her some clothes. She found some nice pairs of jeans and some shirts with funny sayings on them. Among them were:
"I don't live, I exist. And I exist to annoy you" [4]
"Bored of Education."
"I see your mouth moving but all I hear is blah blah blah."
"Why do today what you can save for tomorrow?" [4]
"I'm with Stupid."
Seras couldn't resist. She took all of the shirts and placed them on hold at the cash register. She then went off to find nice blouses/shirts to match the jeans.
""
Alucard finally stopped admiring himself and placed the tuxedo on hold. He then continued to look through all of the shirts. While he was doing this, he noticed Seras quickly going to the changing room with a mountain of clothes, then coming back with about half and putting them on hold and she continued to do this while all Alucard found was two pairs of dark blackish jeans, a leather jacket, a BLACK trench coat and a few shirts. Both of them finally met up at the counter. Alucard looked at his meager pile and at Seras' mountain.
"Are you sure we can afford all that?"
"It's on sale . . ." Seras attempted to explain. Alucard's face suddenly lit up and he
reached into his pocket.
"Yes, I agree, Police Girl. Everything will be paid for," Alucard gave a smirk as he handed his card over to the clerk to ring up their items. Seras didn't like that smirk. Not just any smirk that smirk. It meant Alucard was planning something. And it was never good.
""
Alucard continued to walk down the streets of London with Seras close by. He liked the fresh air – he loved the feel of the night. He didn't even mind that he had to carry all of Seras' bags. All of them; her bags numbered 30 while his bags were only 3. He continued to wear his trademarked smirk and he was aware that is presence was making Seras very uncomfortable.
""
Water bill: £180; Electricity: £220; Ammunition: £345; Medical Blood: £75; Personal credit card: £1540 . . .Wait Integra stopped adding the numbers up. £540?!! Who the hell could have spent my. . .
"ALUCARD""!!" Integra screamed as she smashed her hands on her desk and stood up. Moments later a maniacal laughter echoed through the Hellsing mansion.
""
""
Footnotes
[1] I don't know if "Dhampyir" is spelt right but it is a Transylvanian name. –grin– And ironically it is the son of a vampire. A son of a vampire is the only one who is strong enough to actually kill a vampire, or so it is written. I thought it is a nice name for Alucard. Of course if you have suggestions, I don't mind re-thinking Alucard's last name.
[2] Ever heard of this place? Ever heard of Harrods? That's where it is. Oxford Circus is like a huge mall, except the shops are outside on streets unless you go into the department stores. How do I know this? I used to live there for a few years. -sigh- Oh, beautiful England!!!
[3] Yeah, I know, many vampire tales say that vampires have no reflection. But if I said that then this story wouldn't be as much fun, now would it? There is no reason to scare the customers . . .not yet, anyway. :)
[4] The first one is my made up moto, the second one is a saying I heard and took it on as my other moto. :) Anybody else have any funny motos?
""
Wow! I've never had so many footnotes in one chapter!!! Tehee!! YAY!! I'm finally writing like I usually do!! Well, a little more. Usually I write 5-6 pages but I made this chapter extra special and made it 8 pages!! :) I was kinda embarrassed that I only wrote 3 pages in my last chapter – hope this chapter makes it up!! Reviews make me happy!!
""
Jan: -sigh- Hi, I'm Jan.
Luke: -sigh- And I'm Luke.
Jan & Luke: An we're the Valentine brothers.
Seras: Oh no! Not you two blitherin' idiots!
Integra: I ought to sic Alucard on the both of you.
Alucard: Yes, that would be nice. You haven't fed me master . . .
Jan: Bro you still haven't told me what's that thing on your head.
Luke: -Cowers in a corner from Alucard-
Alucard: -grin-
Integra: -takes a cigar and smokes it-
Luke: And you haven't told me why you're on fire . . .
Seras: I'm confused . . .
Walter: Thank you loyal reviewers, till next time!