Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters.
A/N: I am very glad that everyone enjoyed the last chapter. It was a chapter I enjoyed writing. LunasStar, I agree with you. I loved her reaction and that is why I wrote it the way I did. I also did not like what happened to her and that is why I did not have her even say the word. I could not bring myself to do it. Plus I figured she has had ten years to cope with it and she doesn't even want to think it happened so I don't think she would even utter the word. I do so dislike it when a Fic has an occurrence like that and characters refer to it so nonchalantly. Anyway, on with the story.
Chapter 9 – 'Are You Ticklish?'
His eyes fluttered open and a smile spread across his face. I had been lying there next to him for what must have been hours. I smiled back at him and watched him stretch, not unlike a cat, before he turned back to me. He had looked so peaceful while he slept and I didn't want to forget how he looked just then. "How long have you been awake?" he asked in a gruff morning voice.
"Just a little while," I lied, my voice a soft whisper. He propped himself up on one arm and I closed my eyes as I felt him begin to stroke my hair. "I love you," I whispered softly not even opening my eyes. I felt his lips softly brush against mine for only a moment. "Remus," I said opening my eyes to see him looking at me with a small smile, "I like this."
"What do you like?" his hand brushed against my check making me inhale softly.
"This. I like waking up next to you like this. I want to do it every morning."
"Well, I wish I could wake up to your lovely hazel eyes looking back at me every morning too, but it just isn't possible. I told you there were going to be some difficulties," his voice was solemn and his eyes contained an apologetic look.
I sighed and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. "I'm sorry, Remus. I wasn't thinking when I said that. I will wake up next to you every night that I can though," I hoped the look in his eyes would change. I didn't want him to be sorry for what he was. It was nothing he could change and he should never have to apologize to me for what he was. I decided then and there that if I was going to love Remus I was going to love everything about him, and I would never let him be sorry for something he had no control over.
I placed a hand on the side of his face. He turned his head and kissed my palm making me gasp. "I'm sorry. I would wake up with you every morning if I could. I just have to remind you of the reality of my life," he looked at me with the same look in his eyes and I felt myself scowl.
"Don't ever apologize to me again. Not for that. You can't help it and I was foolish to want to wake up with you every morning even if there was nothing to keep that from happening. I don't want to hear you apologize for anything having to do with you being a werewolf again," I said in a scalding tone. He smiled and let out a soft laugh. "I am being serious, Remus."
"I know you are. I promise I will never apologize to you about it again. What did you want to do today?" he said changing the subject. I felt him place his free hand upon my stomach and I inhaled quickly. I have a very ticklish abdomen.
"I think we should just stay like this all day," I said placing my hand on his.
He kissed me and I felt his hand move over my stomach eliciting a soft giggle from me. He broke away from me and rested his head upon his hand again. "I would love to stay with you like this all day, but that would not be very practical now would it? We would need to get up sometime," he moved his hand across my stomach again and I tried to suppress another giggle but failed miserably. "Are you ticklish?" he asked his eyes shining mischievously.
"No!" I said a little too quickly to be believable.
"Yes you are," he said sitting up on the bed and tickling me making me writhe about wildly and break into fits of giggles.
"Remus.....stop.....please.....please ....stop," I gasped out through my involuntary laughter. There were tears caused by the laughter streaming down my face and I fought madly to break away from him. He had one leg on each side of me and held me in place as he continued to torture me. In the frenzy I somehow managed to catch his hands and keep him from continuing. "I said stop," I said trying to catch my breath, but still smiling widely. Remus still had that mischievous look in his eyes and like some sort escape artist he twisted his wrists around and grabbed onto mine. He then pulled me up to him and kissed me still holding both of my wrists.
Soon we had lain back in the bed with him still on top of me locked onto my lips. I parted my lips slightly and our tongues clashed as the kiss was deepened by both parties. He had let go of my wrists and now held my head in his hands. My hands were gripping at his shoulders trying to pull him closer to me. When he broke away from my mouth it was only to kiss down the length of my neck and the top of my chest. "I change my mind," he growled as he continued to kiss my neck.
"About what?" I gasped as I ran my fingers through his hair.
He lifted his head to look at me. "About staying like this all day," he said smiling slyly as his eyes seemed to glow.
"By all means stay as long as you like," my voice was breathy and my heart beat so loudly I could hardly hear my own words over it.
His expression turned serious and he frowned slightly. "You do know what tomorrow is, don't you?" he asked rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
His comment was so out of nowhere that I had to replay it in my head a few times. "What is tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow night is the full moon," he said brushing a few strands of my hair out of my face.
"What will happen?" I said puzzled as to why he would bring it up.
He sighed and kissed me. "Well, I can spend from now until the moon rises tomorrow night, and I want to use that time to the best of my ability."
I laughed softly and snuggled close to him. He had learned more about me than any other man I knew, apart from Corbett, Crispin, and my father. I felt so safe there and wanted nothing to ever change. I was happy. I hadn't been happy in ten years. You could not possibly imagine what fear like mine is like. I flinch whenever a man comes close or accidentally brushes by me. I was always so scared that if I got close to anyone that I would end up in that same position again. I never told anyone what really happened. I had it bottled up inside me for ten years; eating away at my soul. I ignored it but always had memory of it in the back of my mind. I had not felt safe for ten years and now in this man's arms I felt safer than I had ever in my life. It was crazy. I had only met him a few weeks ago and already I knew that I loved him. Something inside me told me I would never love anyone this way again.
I must have dosed off in Remus' arms for just a moment when I was violently shook awake by a pounding on the door. I jumped out of the bed and Remus followed suit. The pounding continued nonstop till I had pulled the door open and Crispin's fist almost collided with my face. "Sorry," he said halfhearted as he pushed past me and stepped into the room. "Iola, you have to go."
"Wait, Crispin, where do I have to go?" I asked as I slowly closed the door. I think it is safe to say that Crispin's presence here as well as his cryptic nature was puzzling to me.
Crispin sighed and looked over at Remus. "I can't bloody well tell you if he is here," he said in a sneering tone.
Remus made to grab his cloak which was draped over a chair. "No, Remus, stay. Listen, Crispin, whatever you have to say you can say it in front of Remus."
Crispin groaned in frustration, but he would not fight me if he really wanted to tell me what had happened because he knew how long I could stand my ground. "Fine. He can stay," he took a deep breath and let it out slowly pacing around the room for a few minutes before stopping and turning to face me by the door. "It's your brother."
My heart stopped as I tried to process what Crispin meant. "What has happened to Corbett?" I asked my breaths becoming panicked.
"Nothing has happened to Corbett he is fine. Well, actually that is not entirely true. He is... umm... distraught," he looked at me with pleading eyes. Those brilliant jade orbs shined and I was lost in them trying to find answers to my unspoken questions. "Last night apparently after he and Brenna let Diagon Alley he, you know, asked her to marry him, and she said no."
I sighed with relief and leaned against Remus who had moved next to me ready to sooth me if the news was overwhelming. "Why do I need to go to him because of that? He will be able to cope without me there."
Crispin scoffed and eyed Remus a bit suspiciously as he put his arm around my shoulder. "You haven't heard all of it yet. I don't need you to go to your brother to console him. I need you to go to him to keep him from tearing my fucking head off."
"What did you do Crispin?" I was afraid of the response that this question would evoke but had to ask it.
"It's complicated," he said slumping down on my bed.
"How can it be complicated? What did you do that would make my brother want to kill you? He is your best friend after all and most best friends don't just suddenly want to kill one another."
Crispin looked like he was about to be sick. "The reason that Brenna refused his proposal is because she thinks she is in love with me. I don't know why, I usually act horribly towards her."
"Well, I can see why a lot of people would act horribly towards her," I looked at Remus and sniggered at his comment. I was happy to hear he had disliked, hopefully her as much as I did.
"See, that is where it gets complicated. I went to go see your brother after I told you how I felt and kissed you." I gasped and turned to Remus as Crispin spoke those words. He looked at me curiously and I bit my lip unwilling to interrupt Crispin to explain myself to Remus. "I was crushed. I went to the only person I knew I could rely on, Corbett. When he wasn't I home I didn't know what to do. Brenna didn't know when he would be back and she told me I should wait for him so I did. I sat there and waited with her for Corbett to come home. I don't know how it happened but it did. I don't know why it was her. I really wasn't thinking straight and after Corbett asked her to marry him she said no and told him all about it."
"You slept with Brenna?! You knew full well that Corbett was going to ask her to marry him. How could you do that to him?" I should have been more sympathetic to wards Crispin but I couldn't bring myself to do so. He was pissed off because he couldn't have me and so he went and slept with my brother's girlfriend. I was also somewhat jealous, though I knew I shouldn't, because it was Brenna of all people. "So, I suppose you came here to ask me to talk to him and get you back in his good graces then?"
"It would be helpful," he said. "Brenna only thinks she is in love with me. She told me it was over between her and Corbett a long time ago and she was only waiting till someone better came along. I knew I didn't like her for a reason."
"Well, apparently it wasn't big enough a reason not to sleep with her," I was unable to see why anyone would want to sleep with her let alone marry her. I could not say that I wasn't a little pleased that she had rejected his proposal but I did hat my brother being disappointed in such a way. "I will try and talk to him, but not right now. I have things I need to tend to."
"Well, then it's a good thing I came here to get you to start your day isn't it?" he said glaring at Remus. I looked in the mirror out of the corner of my eye and noticed that my hair was obviously not brushed, and that the robes that I was wearing were horribly wrinkled.
"What do you mean by that?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He had begun to try my patience. I knew he had not gotten over me in the short time since he had confessed his feelings to me and I did not want him bringing the subject up again, not while Remus was in the room.
"You know exactly what I mean," he stood and walked towards me. Remus was still at my side but his arm was no longer around me and I felt myself freeze out of fear of what Crispin might do. I knew he would not do anything to harm me but I still feared his potential to hurt me.
"I got a room down the hall. I figured this was probably the best place to lay low. Even if Corbett comes to see you he wouldn't think that I would be down the hall from you. Room 12," he loomed over me as he spoke. Remus had gripped my hand when he saw Crispin approaching and I held his hand so tightly I think I cut off the circulation. Crispin moved past me to the door and left.
"What was that all about?" Remus asked as I made my way to the bed and sat down.
"Weren't you here? Didn't you understand what he was saying?"
He approached the bed and sat down next to me. The stress from all the things that had happened had caused me to develop a headache. I held my head in my hands and began rubbing my temples in a circular motion. "What I meant was what did he mean by the night that he kissed you?"
I let out a groan and fell back on the bed. I was not in the mood to fight with Remus over nothing now that I knew that I would have to fix the situation between my brother and Crispin. "Remus, he didn't mean anything by it. It was something that happened when it wasn't supposed to and it won't ever happen again so, don't worry about," I said looking up at the ceiling.
"Well, when did it happen?"
"Why does it matter? It won't ever happen again and it didn't mean anything. I didn't kiss him he kissed me. I have never been anything more than just friends with Crispin and we will never be anything more," I said sitting up. "Why are you so worried? Are you jealous?"
Remus flushed slightly and smiled coyly. "Maybe just a little bit."
"You have no reason to be. I don't think you should worry about Crispin. He should be the jealous one, not you," I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "So what did you want to do?"
"I thought we already decided on that," he said taking my hand in his.
"Well, that was before and this is now. I am up and ready to go somewhere," I said with a smile as I stood and made my way to my wardrobe. I inhaled sharply as I felt arms wrap around me and Remus began kissing my neck. I grabbed a robe and broke away from him making my way towards the bathroom and locking the door behind me. I took a quick shower and changed before reemerging from the bathroom. "So did you think about where we should go?"
While I was in the bathroom Remus obviously must have apparated and gotten ready himself. "I have the perfect place to go." He took my hand and I felt that old feeling of apparating. I closed my eyes before the sensation subsided and when I opened my eyes I was greeted by one of the most beautiful sites I had seen in my life. The meadow seemed so familiar and the colourful flowers seemed there by some sort of magic. It was as if they were painted into the vibrant green of the meadow and then it occurred to me that I had been there before.
I had not been there since I was eleven years old with my family. The last time we were Corbett had accompanied us. It was the last time my mother had seen him before I brought him home for Christmas dinner and she became convinced we were perfect for each other. I turned to Remus standing behind me. "How did you know about this place?" my eyes were wide with wonderment.
"You told me that your family came here during the summer when you were little," he smiled.
"When did I tell you that?" I asked not believing him.
"You told me when we were eating dinner at my house the other night," he said playing with my slightly damp hair.
"So much happened since then I guess I kind of forgot," I said looking up at him. "I guess only one thing really stuck in my mind."
"And what was that?" he asked and then as if he answered his own question he leaned down and kissed me.
We walked along the meadow talking. Our arms were linked together as we came across a small cottage. It was the cottage that my family would stay at when we would stay there for the summer. My family still owned this cottage but after the last time we were in this beautiful area we had let it out to summer travelers as it was more cost effective than taking our vacations in this glorious place that I loved so dearly. "Remus, come with me," I said grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the cottage.
There lay a layer of dust upon the floor that as soon as we walked through the door was kicked up. I looked over at Remus when I heard him sneeze. "Are we supposed to be in here?" he asked removing a handkerchief form his pocket and holding it to his nose.
"My family owns this cottage," I said before waving my hand trough the air and clearing the small cottage of the dust it had accumulated since its last visitor.
We made our way to the kitchen and I took out a kettle and removed my wand form my pocket tapping it against the kettle. I poured the steaming water into two tea cups and joined Remus at the small table near the wall. "Thank you. This is a very lovely place," he said taking the tea cup from me.
"We have not been here in years. We can make money for letting it out in the summer so I haven't been here since I was eleven. I do miss it though," I took a sip of tea and looked around the small kitchen. "It is exactly as I remember it though."
"Well that is quite a feat to have it stay in such good condition after so many years."
"Are you saying I am old?" I said with a playful smile.
"You are no older than me. I myself am a few years older than you and even your brother. It is just very remarkable that this place has not been changed by some border in the years since you have last seen it," he said taking a sip from his cup.
"I suppose it is a wonder seeing as it has almost been twenty years," I took a long sip of my tea and my mind began to wander. "I wonder," I said jumping up and making my way to the sitting room. I traced the bookcase that was along the wall to the third floorboard from the right end.
"What on earth are you doing?" he asked following me into the room.
I pulled the board up and found something I had not seen in ages. The book was covered in thick dust that caused me to sneeze as I pulled the book out from its hiding place. The tattered leather-bound journal, of a sort, had been my most prized possession as a child and I had put it in my favourite place once it had been filled cover to cover. The pages were covered in a young script that seemed a ghost of my mature handwriting of today. I wrote of things I saw everyday, poems and, short stories, or attempts at all these things. "It is still here," I said as one of the widest smiles adorned my face.
"What is that?" He asked as I moved to a small settee in the corner of the room.
"It is something that no one else has seen before," I replied opening the book and sneezing again as he took a seat next to me and produced a handkerchief. "Thank you," I said taking it from him and turning the old pages. I looked through the whole book clutching it to my body as I finished reading a few select passages. "This is my first journal. These are the first things I ever wrote. You may read them if you like," I said handing the book to him.
He took the book from my hands. "Why in the world would you want me to read this? This is something very personal to you. You just said that no one other than you had ever seen it."
"Well, I want you to read it. It is mine to do what I want with and if I want anyone to read it I think it should be you," I stated. "After all I do love you," I whispered looking up at him. "I have never been surer of anything in my life."
"Are you sure you could love someone like me?" he asked putting the book on the table next to him.
I took both his hands in mine. Small splatters of black still stained the flesh of my fingertips. "I am sure that I could never love anyone the way that I love you. I never have been able to be near anyone the way I have been with you. Usually kissing a man makes me sick, but with you I can't wait for the next one. I know I will never have these feelings for anyone else. You already know my deepest darkest secret and I know yours, the hard part has been taken care of, it can only get easier for us from now on." His eyes glistened and he pressed his lips against mine. I was unable to enjoy the kiss at first because I was caught up in why his eyes contained tears. Soon I was brought out of my contemplation by his hand being placed against my side making me gasp to suppress a giggle. I then found solace in the activity at hand.
We left the cottage mid evening and made our way back to Diagon Alley via apparating. Our hunger had taken hold of us and we partook in a small mean at The Leaky Cauldron. As I shut the door to my room behind us after we had finished eating Remus said something I wasn't expecting. "I'm sorry," he said taking my hand and kissing my palm.
"What in the world are you sorry about? I had a lovely time today, Remus. You should be proud of yourself for setting up the perfect date."
"I am sorry because I have no idea why it is so hard for me to tell you how I feel about you. I have such strong feelings for you and I don't think I will be able to leave you tonight if I do not tell you them."
"Remus, I don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything. If you aren't ready to tell me how you feel then don't. I don't need to hear it."
"That doesn't mean you don't want to hear it," he let go of my hand and began to pace in front of me.
"I do want to hear it, and I will need to hear it, but that will be in due time. I can wait. Patience is one of my greatest virtues," I smiled as I stopped him from pacing by grabbing his arm.
"You do need to hear it though," he said holding my head in his hands.
"Yes, I do need to hear it, just not now," I said before I kissed him. "You are going to stay tonight aren't you?"
"Of course."
A/N: I hope everyone liked the chapter. Reviews?