At the sight of his parents standing at the bottom of the grand staircase, accompanied by the (horrible! awful! soon-to-be-quite haunted!) Headmaster, Draco was suddenly reminded of section 25, subsection 4, rule 326 of the Malfoy Code of Conduct.

"Respect and fear thy parents."

Oh, how he did at that moment.

"Mother, Father." He addressed them awkwardly, wondering if he should continue what was bound to be one of the most horrible and embarrassing conversations of his afterlife, or to just turn and flee. Each had an equal amount of shame, he reasoned. He briefly wondered where his new found sense of independence had flown to; hadn't he just decided that he was completely free of all ties with his parents? Yes, he answered himself, but that was when he hadn't had to face them. He made a solemn vow to haunt Dumbledore for the rest of his life.

"Draco." His father stated, looking up and down his ghostly son with a mixture of regret and disdain flitting across his face. Draco wanted to grimace but didn't think that would improve the situation at all. "Your mother and I came as soon as we were notified that you had been…found."

At this, Narcissa began to sniff. Her face was downcast and her dramatic sobs were only making the entire ordeal more tense for Draco. She clung to Lucius's arm as if she could not support herself without his help. She looked up quickly, before turning away from the apparition that had once been her son, whimpering a small, "My poor darling!"

He was at a loss. How was he supposed to talk to them? Was he supposed to talk to them? All of his instincts were telling him to float away as fast as inhumanly possible. He was debating whether to talk again or not when Dumbledore broke the silence.

"I'm sure you three have a lot to discuss," he said politely, moving away from Narcissa and Lucius. "Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy, you are welcome to stay for the rest of the day, if you so choose." With that, he turned and disappeared into the adjacent hallway.

Draco could only wish he could do the same.

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Harry didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He considered doing both, but didn't want to seem any crazier than half of the school already thought he was. So, instead, he sighed and debated the two silently in his head.

The reasons to laugh, he mused, would be the following.

Ron was mooning over Hermione.

He somewhat resembled a heartbroken puppy.

Hermione was completely, totally, and unbelievably oblivious.

Oh bother, he thought to himself, those are all the reasons to cry, too…

He couldn't believe he was still watching Ron watch Hermione. It was so pathetic that he couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of them. He wanted to go to one of them, either of them, and just plead for them to go speak to the other, at the very least! If Ron sighed so helplessly one more time, he thought he might just puke. He cursed the house elves; if only they wouldn't make such delicious dinners! He was most definitely regretting that second helping.

Ron sighed. Again. Harry resisted the urge to grind his teeth and clutched his stomach, silently telling his dinner to stay down. How was he supposed to avenge his parents and Sirius, save the wizarding world, defeat evil, do his homework, and fix his best friend's love life? The last one being a girl's job, on top of that! Of course, that sounded sexist, but really, how many boys went about meddling with people's emotions? Few to none! Girls were the ones who did that. Girls were the ones who were SUPPOSED to do that. Unfortunately, though, Harry had two problems. He went over them in his head.

The girl he was closest to was Hermione and

Hermione could not go mucking around in Ron's lovelife if she herself was the object of Ron's affections!

Shoving aside his Transfiguration homework (which wasn't really important anyway, when would he ever need to chair into a goblet?) he began to think. He and Ron knew lots of suitable girls. Girls that could help Harry help Ron. But who?

Well, who else? He chuckled to himself.

"Hey, Parvati! Lavender! Come here, would you?"

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Run, run, hide! Go through the wall. The door. Through anything! Just escape!

Shutup, Draco told the voices in his head, eyes downcast. His senses were in overdrive, every one of them telling him to move it, get out of there as quickly as possible. But he knew it wouldn't be that easy. No, his parents were not the sort who would let their dead son rest in peace. They were the type that hectored and nagged and had to find out just how it happened and why it hadn't been prevented. Even as a ghost, a teenager couldn't get any privacy!

"So…how?" His father stated, lifting his head higher. His father did that when he was feeling confused or vulnerable. It was his way of compensating. It usually just made Draco feel lower.

"I…don't really care to discuss that." Answered Draco, knowing he was only tempting the man before him, and yet similarly not caring. Some of the free will he had so shortly enjoyed still remained in him, and he relished it as much he could. Also, he just…really didn't care to discuss it. At all.

His answer only divulged another whimper from his mother, who was still clinging to his father's arm with such a terrible force that Draco feared it would fall off from lack of blood. He wanted to tell his mother to loosen her grip but knew it would only produce negative reaction. And in such a perilous situation, he was sure he didn't want that.

"Well, I don't really care that you don't really care. We are discussing it. Now." Lucius said firmly, jostling his arm from his wife's deathgrip and striding forward to his semi-transparent son. "How did you die?"

"It's a…long story." Which wasn't necessarily true, he supposed, seeing as he could tell it fairly quickly. However, he noticed that people usually said it right before they were forced to tell a story they didn't enjoy remembering and it was not his place to disrupt such a tradition.

Lucius stared down at him coldly. Narcissa joined his side, sniffling, but slightly more composed. She dabbed the area under her eyes with a delicate white handkerchief and took a deep breath. "We have time." She answered firmly.

He sighed. "So do I." A beat, then, "I was eaten by the giant squid. I guess that's not really a long story but it certainly is an embarrassing one so if you could please keep it to yourselves…?"

Silence. Pure silence. Draco was wondering when the cricket would start chirping and complete the already most humiliating scene of his entire after-life. Which, admittedly, had not been especially long, but still full of embarrassment. His parents stood, unmoving, staring blankly at him. He feared the worst. Shouting, screaming, a verbal lashing he would not soon forget!

He was surprised to hear his parent's laughter.

Could this be true? Were his parents actually laughing at their son and only heir's demise? Did they truly find it humorous? He was appalled! Nevermind the fact that it was rather funny, he was still their son! Were they so heartless? Draco rolled his eyes. Stupid question.

"Are you serious, Draco?" his mother said, hiccupping in between bouts of laughter. She looked so relaxed; she was not the refined and composed lady he was used to seeing. Heaving a deeply contented sigh, she continued, "I haven't heard anything so ridiculous in my entire life."

"You wouldn't think it was so ridiculous if you had died that way." Draco muttered bitterly. It was bad enough having Hermione laugh at it, but his own parents? In his head, he cursed. Hermione! He had forgotten about his mission to meet Nearly Headless Nick when he'd run into Dumbledore and his parents.

Lucius was chuckling to himself and then shook his head at his son's impatient tone. "We're sorry, Draco. Obviously, we're both quite upset that you've passed away. But still, you have to admit, that is rather—"

"It is not funny!" Draco fairly exploded. It wasn't! It was humiliating and embarrassing and cruel! "Aren't you supposed to be seeking vengeance on my behalf? Suing the school, or something?" Here he had assumed that they would be furious at that big, half-giant dolt of teacher, and they were laughing! At him! At his death! There was something hideously wrong with that!

"Yes, yes, of course." Lucius answered coughing once in an attempt to stifle his laughter. When he had himself mostly under control, he went on, "We're outraged, really. But your mother and I cannot do much on your behalf."

"What!?" This was not happening. These were not his parents!

"I cannot make waves, Draco. You know that. I've got to be on my best behavior if I don't want to go back to Azkaban. You can't expect me to sacrifice my freedom for a lawsuit, can you?" his reply was explained plainly, with the intent to make Draco look quite dumb. It, in fact, worked. Of course, he should have seen that coming from far away. It was so painfully obvious, he wasn't sure what he had expected. He knew that only fifteen minutes earlier he had convinced himself he wanted nothing to do with his family, but he had expected a fight. It was a jolt to his pride to see his parents giving up so easily. He was letting go of them, not the other way around!

They didn't want to fight for him? Fine. That only made the sever that was bound to come that much easier for him. "You're not going to do anything, then?" he asked coldly, mimicking his father's tone as best he could.

"Draco, do understand. We cannot risk your father's being incarcerated again. And you…" Narcissa started to explain, but stopped short, realizing what she was about to say was not coming out right at all.

"Correct, Mother, I am dead." His parents opened their mouths to defend themselves, but he cut them off, "I understand. And I hope you, too, will understand when I say I no longer wish to see either of you."

He glided past them and up the staircase, ignoring his mother's unmistakable wailing and his father's shouts for him to return this instant. He didn't want to, but he stopped and turned to face them.

"By the way, do you have the time?" he asked politely, trying not to enjoy the looks of shock on their faces.

"It's 7:53." His mother said, monotonously.

"Thank you." Then without a second thought, he turned and floated up the rest of the staircase, headed for the Room of Requirement.

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"Let me get this straight, Harry." A very excited Parvati Patil said sneakily, twirling a piece of her brown hair inbetween her index finger and thumb. "You want us to talk to Hermione?"

"About Ron?" Lavender Brown added, smirking.

Harry nodded. "You got it girls. I'd do it myself, but I'm not exactly adept in the field of finding things like this out. And you girls? Well, you're experts. Beautiful experts, I might add." Mentally, he checked "flattery" of the list of things he could do to convince Lavender and Parvati to do him this favor.

Both girls giggled. "That we are." Lavender said, cheekily, "Especially the beautiful part."

Brushing his hair out of his eyes and looking at them pleadingly, Harry schmoozed on, "I just want to see my two best friends happy, you know? But I'm not at all tactful and you two are just so very good at this kind of thing. You know how to go about it better than clumsy, tactless old me…" Genuinely desperate look? Check. Concern for friends? More flattery? Self-belittlement? Check, check. He was just too good at this.

"Of course, Harry. We'll take care of everything, no worries!" Parvati smiled energetically, then added, "And you say you don't want Ron to know?"

"Precisely."

Lavender raised her eyebrows suggestively at Harry, reveling in the delicious tricky-ness of the situation. "Then he won't find out."

Harry smiled. "Excellent."

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"So, Miss Granger said that you were interested in learning how to be a true ghost." Nearly Headless Nick was smiling at him genially, but Draco could not bring himself to return it. He had just arrived to find the almost-beheaded ghost already there, waiting patiently for his pupil.

"Well, she thought that I would be interested." He answered, cringing at his own tone. He was supposed to be becoming a better person, and here he was, reverting to his normal behavior of snappish remarks. Brilliant.

Nick hardly seemed fazed, simply gave him a questioning look before continuing on. "Nevertheless, these lessons are very important. You will be learning things that each ghost needs to be able to do properly."

The longer Nick rambled on, the more Draco found he did not like him. He spoke with such an officious tone that it was all he could do to keep himself in the room. He tried his best to listen and be respectful, but it was difficult to pay strict attention to the pompous old fool.

"—futhermore, it is essential that you learn the different guilds of ghosts, our general rules, the basics of haunting—"

Now, there was something interesting! "Haunting?" Draco asked, his mind already brewing up terrible punishments which included him and a certain dim-witted half-giant…oh! And perhaps an scheming Headmaster…

He tried not to be insulted when Nick laughed. "Of course, dear boy, but you'll be learning that much later! We have tons of information to cover before we get to that point, and depending on your willingness to cooperate and how quickly you catch on, it could be weeks off! First we must go over the rules."

Draco did not hide his anger. He heaved a great, impatient sigh and narrowed his eyes at the elder ghost. "Like?"

"The cardinal rule of ghosts is do not become emotionally attached to any of those from your former life." Nick stated, not missing Draco's look of unhappiness.

"So you mean, I am stuck with being lonely for the rest of eternity?" Draco was wondering what was worse, being alone forever or eternal damnation? Suddenly, they seemed like one and the same. William should have warned him about that! It would have made him consider his options much longer and more seriously. He'd have to haunt him as soon as he was done with that stupid oaf Hagrid and that busybody Dumbledore. That is, after he learned the proper haunting techniques.

Nick chuckled at the inexperienced ghost-boy. "It was your choice, Draco. And now you learn the consequences of your actions."

Draco folded his arms and glared at the floor. "I hate it when people say that."

"Get used to it," Nick replied haughtily, "You're going to be thinking it for the next couple hundred years."

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"So. Hermione."

Hermione sighed, shoving her Ancient Runes work to the side. For some reason, she was having trouble concentrating. She looked up at Lavender and Parvati, somewhat grateful to have an excuse to forego homework for the evening, and also wary at their excited expressions. "So. Lavender. Parvati. Can I help you with something?"

"The question is, Hermione," Parvati interrupted, smiling deviously, "Can we help you?" The two best friends shared a laugh, leaving Hermione feeling quite left out of the loop. There was something in their tone that made her feel apprehensive. Something was up, and it bothered her that she didn't know what it was.

"Unless you two have started taking Ancient Runes, I don't think you can." Collecting her books and drawing them toward her chest, Hermione stood as if to leave. However, the pair stood in front of her, blocking her exit and forcing her back down into her seat.

Lavender smiled. It was almost creepy, Hermione speculated, how large and shiny it was. No, not creepy…suspicious. There was definitely something going on, something involving her. "Herm, dear, you don't have to be shy with us. We already know."

"Yeah, we know everything, and really, we think it's wonderful! We only want to help you." Parvati finished the thought, putting a comforting hand on Hermione's shoulder. "I mean, it's not like we didn't see it coming."

"I think a blind man who lived in the States could have seen it coming." Lavender remarked, causing Parvati to giggle.

All of this silly girl talk was making Hermione's head hurt. "What are you two going on about? I have no idea what you know, and if I don't know, how can you know, you know?" exasperated, Hermione stood up and shoved through the two girls, ignoring their indignant cries. "I don't have time for this nonsense! I have homework and tests and papers and…Ancient Runes!"

"I don't think Ron believes that it's nonsense, do you Parvati?" Lavender asked deliberately, her question directed toward the girl beside her but her eyes never leaving Hermione.

The studious bookworm could not help herself. She stopped in her tracks and turned, heaving a sigh as she rolled her eyes. "Alright, you two, out with it."

"You mean you don't know?" Parvati stated, bewildered. "Why, that's…incredible."

"Incredible, indeed! Why, it borders on preposterous!" Lavender agreed, "I would have suspected that you'd known all along, you being so clever and all."

Fed up with the entire conversation, Hermione had to check her temper before she burst. As much of a waste of time as she expected this exchange to be, she couldn't help but be intrigued, if only slightly. It was in her nature to be curious, and they had known what button to push when they'd mentioned Ron's name. "What, pray tell, are you two loons going on about!?"

"Ron likes you, Hermione." Supplied Parvati, gloating in the look of utter surprise that graced her bookish friend's features. "He likes you a lot."

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: This. Took. Forever.

And I am sorry for that, by the way.

For awhile, I just couldn't make myself work on it. I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I'd just stare at it, start something, delete it, start something, delete it…it was a vicious cycle. Then one day I arose to find I had inspiration! Motivation! All those good "tion" words that made me actually sit down in finish this fairly quickly.

Since my beta has…disappeared (Aria—where are you!?), this chapter is probably riddled with mistakes. I apologize.

Thanks go to—RissaMalfoy, friskytheotter, Nathonea, snugglywuggly, NitenGale, Ezmerelda, aku-neko, PrincessoftheDarkness, Karana Bell, Jessabel—for reviewing. See, if you review, you get a cool little shoutout, and then you feel awesome! So you should definitely review!!

My favorite movie is The Princess Bride. Greatest. Film. Ever. Anyway, I'm sorry this chapter was not as long. I tried to make it funnier than the last, though, as I thought I'd failed on that front with the previous chapter. Heh. If you don't really feel like reviewing, how about telling me your favorite song?

See you in Chapter 7!