"Ron and Harry are looking for you."
"Looking?"
"Well I suppose hunting for your blood would be more accurate."
"Pleasant."
"I thought so."
"So then why are you warning me?"
"Maybe I like your face the way it is."
"Or?"
"Or maybe I want to warn you so you won't tell them where you got the information."
"Do you really care if I tell?"
A shrug.
"Not really."
"So it's the first one?"
"Perhaps."
"Weasley, I'm flattered."
"You shouldn't be. I still despise your personality."
"Why? I'm incredibly likeable."
"And why would that be?"
"Because I'm also incredible in bed."
"Don't kid yourself, Malfoy."
"I'm not. Ask any reasonably attractive girl in seventh year."
"Even Hermione?"
A smirk.
"Granger is particularly inventive. All that genius can be channeled very nicely."
"Oh, gross."
"Jealous, Weasley?"
"Explain why I would be jealous."
"Because you want me in bed."
"Not in a million years."
"Then why'd you kiss me?"
"Correction, you kissed me."
"Okay, so why did you let me?"
"Because you're reasonably attractive."
A glare.
"Reasonably attractive?"
"That's right."
"That's extremely insulting."
"And why is that?"
"Because I'm a fucking sex god."
A stare.
"Do you seriously mean that?"
"Yes."
"And who told you that you are a sex god?"
"Pansy."
"She just wants your money."
"So?"
"So obviously she didn't mean it."
"Have you ever seen me naked?"
"No."
"You should."
"Why?"
"Because then you'd understand why Pansy said that I'm a sex god."
"Please keep your clothes on, Malfoy."
"Some other time then."
"How about… No."
"You sure?"
"When did you turn into a fucking exhibitionist?"
"When you insulted me."
"Reasonably attractive is not an insult."
"It is to me."
"The size of your ego is astounding."
"The size of something else I've got is also astounding."
"That was an incredibly sophomoric double entendre."
"It got the point across."
"In an incredibly crude sort of way."
"Whatever works."
"You're pathetic."
"Not as much as you."
"Why would I be pathetic?"
"Because you let Potter turn you into a heartless bitch."
"It wasn't just him."
"Then why else?"
"Because I discovered its fun to be a heartless bitch."
A silence.
"Well I suppose its as good a reason as any."
"I like to think so."
"Weasley?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to snog you again."
"Why?"
"Because, oddly enough, when you start talking like a bitch, it seems to turn me on."
"That's interesting. Do you also like to be spanked?"
"Shut up."