"Tell me about you and Parkinson."

"Merlin, Weasley!"

"What?"

"You snuck up on me."

A grin.

"I did learn from the best."

"Don't ever do that again!"

"So sensitive, Malfoy."

"Shut up."

"Caught you at a bad time, did I?"

"Potions essay, due tomorrow."

"Tsk tsk, Hermione finished it a week ago. Harry and Ron finished it yesterday."

"I've been distracted."

"By what?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"No. Go away."

"If I do, I won't tell you what I know."

"I don't care."

"Are you sure? It has to do with Parkinson."

A pause.

"I hate you, Weasley, I really do."

"I know. Same goes."

"All right. So tell me."

"Did you know Parkinson is going out with Ernie?"

"Why should I care about who Pansy is going out with?"

"Well you did go out with her for four years, and he's a Hufflepuff."

"You're kidding. It's against the law for Slytherins to go out with Hufflepuffs."

"Against the law? Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not."

"There are laws for being a Slytherin?"

"Not laws… really, more like guidelines."

"And where are these guidelines?"

"In the Slytherin handbook."

"You guys have a handbook!"

"Of course. Don't you?"

"No!"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Right. Well. So now you know about the handbook."

"Uh huh. So what's it say in there about Gryffindors."

"Annoying. Smug. And stupid."

"I'm being serious."

"So was I."

"So you're telling me Gryffindors are defined as annoying, smug, and stupid, in the Slytherin handbook."

"Yup."

"Well… that's… I…"

"Entirely true, isn't it?"

"No!"

"Potter…"

"Harry doesn't represent all Gryffindors!"

"Yes he does. He's the Gryffindor's golden boy."

"True… but… But I'm not stupid."

"But you are annoying and smug. Two out of three is good enough for me."

"If I'm so annoying and smug then why do you bother with me?"

"Maybe I find you intriguing."

"Why would I be intriguing? I'm practically the most boring person on earth."

"You aren't. You're a truly brave Gryffindor with Slytherin-like tendencies. What a contradiction."

"I do not have Slytherin-like tendencies!"

"You sneak up on people."

"Only on you."

"You're extremely sarcastic. Bitingly, I would say."

"It's a sign of incredible wit. Ask Hermione."

"You're snogging me."

Silence.

"No excuse for that, Weasley?"

"No. Actually those are just moments of insanity. Everyone has them. You're snogging me. Does that mean you have Gryffindor-like tendencies?"

"Blasphemy! I'm a Malfoy!"

A laugh.

"Prat."

"And proud of it."

Another laugh.

"So anyway, tell me about you Pansy."

"What of it?"

"Why'd you stay with her so long? Hermione described her correctly, she's a cow."

"My family expected it of me. Pansy would make a perfect broodmare."

"So basically you were going to use her to give birth to perfect purebloods?"

"Yeah. Until my family realized the extent of her stupidity. They didn't relish having stupid people in the family."

"That is barbaric."

"I know. But what can I say? We're Malfoys."

"Too true."

"You know you love me."

"Is the sky green?"

"No."

"Exactly."

"Oohh, so clever, Weasley."

"I know."

"Uh huh. Now go away so I can finish this."

"Wait."

"What?"

"Snog me."

A stare.

"What?"

"Snog me. Now."

"Now?"

"Yes. Now."

"Why now?"

"Ron is coming this way."

"So you want me to snog you in full view of your brother?"

"And a few other people. I only want you to snog me because he looks as if he's coming over here to yell at me."

"And my snogging you will help?"

"Actually, yes, watch."

A looooong kiss.

"I see what you mean."

"Yeah, see, Ron's turning all green. Next he'll rush out of here to find a toilet to throw up in."

"You're so devious, Weasley."

"Oh look, there he goes."

"Vixen."

"You know you love me."