"I really must object to your using me, Weasley."
A blank stare.
"What?"
"Don't look at me like that. You know what I mean."
"Actually, Malfoy, I don't. Care to explain?"
"You've been using me to keep your brother away from you."
"By snogging you."
"Yes."
"And you object to this?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
An outraged stare.
"Because I am a person, not a tool!"
A laugh.
"You're being ridiculous, Malfoy."
"Am I?"
"Yes. Utterly."
"I am not."
"Okay, honestly Malfoy, what part of you objects. Your ego or your heart?"
"I am a Malfoy. Of course it's my ego."
"Well, you could use me back."
"How?"
"I don't know. Make Pansy Parkinson jealous?"
"Why would I want to make that cow jealous? She gets scary."
"Well, you're the Slytherin. Think of something."
"How about sex?"
"Sorry Malfoy, my virginity is a commodity that I would never give up easily."
A stare.
"You're a virgin?"
"Yes."
"You don't act like a virgin, Weasley."
"And how does a virgin act?"
"I don't know. I haven't met one in while. I heard they blush a lot. You never blush."
"My blushing days are long past."
"You're very un-virgin-like. You're bold and you initiate things. And you're cynical. Virgins are supposed to be innocent and naïve."
"Well, I apologize for not meeting your virgin requirements, but the fact is that I am untouched by any man."
"I've never had sex with a virgin before."
"And you won't with this one."
"I wouldn't mind."
"I would."
"I still can't believe you're a virgin."
"Well, consider this. At the age of sixteen, when most girls lose their virginity, I was going out with Harry, the Boy-Who-Is-A-Flaming-Homosexual. And after him, I lost the stars in my eyes and the roses in my cheeks."
"Hmm, good point."
"Of course it is."
"I still object to your using me, even if you are a virgin."
"Fine."
"Maybe I won't snog you anymore."
"Yes, you will."
"Okay, I will. Although I think I should get something in return."
"Like what?"
"Like your promise not to snog anyone else."
"What, like be exclusive?"
"Yes. That wouldn't be too hard would it?"
"I don't know… But being exclusive to each other, would that make us like…"
"A couple? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Maybe."
"Maybe?"
"Okay, yes. It would. Would that be too much bother, Weasley?"
"I don't know…"
"If we let it get out, it'll really bother your family. Most especially your brother."
A thoughtful frown.
"That's true."
"So?"
"Okay. It's not like there's anyone else in this school who's remotely intelligent."
"Okay. So now we're a couple."
"Hmm.."
"I feel like we should celebrate or something, Weasley."
"We could snog."
"Yes, we could. Oh, and look, your brother just happens to be heading this way."
"Malfoy, I think that that is a good omen. Don't you?"
"I have to agree."
A snog.