Eyghon
Author's notes: I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and that you will take the time to review. Even a few words would be nice. Many thanks to Lenafan who helped out a lot in the writing of this chapter.
Chapter
20: A level of maturity
"Our next stop is Germany, but so far, France is where we had the most fun," explained Katy, an American tourist Sydney met at Montparnasse while waiting for the pack to leave. They had been skating side by side for one hour with Katy's friends Kevin and JT. Her mother's cell phone ring interrupted the conversation.
"Sorry, I have to take that."
"Okay, see you!" Her new American friends skated away as she put the phone to her ear.
"Yes?" She asked, expecting her mother to be checking on her. Instead, a man's voice greeted her.
"Irina? It's me. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. He escaped!"
"Who…"
"The CIA agent! Jack Bristow!"
Sydney froze, gulping.
"Irina? I know you're mad, but I swear it was an accident!"
"Hey fais gaffe!" Yelled a young blonde guy as he practically slammed into Sydney who had slowly stopped skating and came to a complete halt. Mouth gaping, she slowly clicked the phone shut. Her head was spinning. She could feel nausea going up into her throat. She moved away from the continuous thread of incoming roller skaters and settled against a wall. A few minutes later, she called Irina and wanted to be picked up.
Less than ten minutes later, the familiar BMW pulled up and Sydney climbed in before her mother could get out.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
"Are you sure? You seem…distracted. Did something happen? Did you fall?"
Sydney could feel her mother's anxious gaze run over her body, checking for injuries. "I'm fine Mom. I was just thinking. About Dad. I wonder how he's doing, you know?" Sydney watched carefully for her mother's reaction at the mention of Jack but there was none. "Do you have news about him?"
"No. My guess is that he's looking for us and has questioned your friend Francie but I don't know where he stands precisely. Why the sudden interest in him?"
"I don't know. It's been so long. I was just curious I guess."
Irina nodded pensively.
Clément was pacing on the sidewalk, undecided as to what his next move should be. His cell in hand, he mentally explored his possible courses of action. He could call Irina back, who had hung up quite abruptly. She was mad at him for his failure and he knew there would be consequences. She must have sent someone after Bristow already but wouldn't let Clément walk away un-scathed. She would make an example out of him. One of her goons, a guy just like him, was probably on his way, unless she was coming for him herself. The thought made him turn pale. Whether it was her or one of her men, he wasn't going to stick around to be tortured or killed.
He threw his phone in a nearby trashcan and jogged across the street where he entered the train station. He had to run now while he still could. Maybe his boss wasn't furious enough to bother sending someone after him on the other end of the world. Maybe, just maybe, he could get out of France unseen and settle in another country, undetected by her men and maybe he would live to see another day.
As soon as they were out the elevator, Sydney bolted to her room without a word. Irina shrugged it off and prepared herself for bed. She knew she wouldn't get any sleep tonight. She had too much on her mind.
No one spotted Jack yet at either Roissy CDG or in LAX, which meant he was still in Paris, tracking Irina. It was only a question of time before he found them. The time he had spent in her company and Clément's had only slowed his search. He would not give up. On the contrary, his encounter with his wife would only strengthen his resolve.
It was a matter of days before he showed up at the apartment, if he didn't already know where to find them. Sydney and Irina could never come back to Paris whether Jack found them or not, and that was something Irina wasn't looking forward to explaining.
They were scheduled to leave the day after tomorrow, but Irina had the feeling things wouldn't go as planned.
The next day, Sydney was sprawled on her bed, reading 'Voici', a French trash magazine about the life of French and mostly international stars. The magazine was often sued because of pictures taken in violation of French privacy laws. It wasn't unusual for the cover to display a large black and white notice of apology detailing the offence committed, the plaintiff, and the fee paid by the magazine.
Her mother had mocked her when she had 'busted' Sydney reading it a few weeks back. Sydney had replied that it was more interesting than 'Business Week', which her mother religiously read every Saturday. In truth, for Sydney, 'Voici' was some sort of link back to the US, as the American actors and singers were the main subject of the articles.
Irina knocked and waited for Sydney's answer to enter.
"Yeah?"
"If I ask you a question, will you answer truthfully?" Irina stepped inside the room.
"It depends. Do you answer truthfully when I ask you things?"
Irina frowned. "Things?"
"I know you didn't go shopping yesterday." It was an offer for Irina to tell the truth by herself, without Sydney having to tell her every thing she knew. Whether Irina took it, would determine the rest of their conversation but mostly Sydney's relationship to her mother in the near future.
Irina didn't physically react to the news, but analysed the situation. Clément must have not called on the secured line, the fool. Sydney had known Irina had captured Jack even before she went to fetch her. Hell, it explained her behaviour in the car.
"I see. What do you want to know?"
She didn't ask how Sydney knew, a good point for her. "Your cell rang while I was at the roller night. It was a guy saying that Dad had escaped. Why did you kidnap him?"
"Him being in Paris meant that he was close to finding us. I couldn't allow that now."
"When did he arrive in Paris?"
"Yesterday." She was fine with playing twenty questions. The last thing she wanted was to upset Sydney further by denying her the truth.
"He was really looking for me?"
"Us. He wants you back in the States and me in a prison cell or on death row."
"Where is he now?"
"I don't know. Probably on his way here, it depends on how good he is in extracting clues," she replied flatly, referring to Jack's ability to find pieces of information, which, put together, would lead him straight to his wife's hideout. There were always clues left behind, even if no one was aware of it. You just have to know where to look, and Jack knew because he knew his wife and daughter's habits.
"Is he okay?"
"I didn't hurt him too badly if that's what you're asking." Irina chose honesty for her answer. There was no need to hide her fight with Jack. It was nothing compared to what she had tried to do. Keep Jack away from them at all costs.
"Too badly?" asked Sydney, visibly worried.
"Surely you know that it is normal for a husband and a wife to fight about things…" Irina lifted her hands, trying to quell her daughter's anger at her patronizing tone. "My apologies. It's private."
"There's no such thing as privacy at this point, Mother."
"Your father wouldn't want me to tell you."
"So? I want the truth or I walk out of here and you will never see me again." Sydney sounded determined to do as she said. Irina gave in.
"He accused me of…several things that I didn't take well. I may have hit him a couple of times."
Sydney digested the information, but her curiosity heightened at the intentional vagueness of her mother's statement. She knew her father's ways. He could be harsh in the things he said. If he had managed to upset her mother to the point that she had lost her self-control, it must have been nasty. "What did he tell you that upset you so much? Please Mom, you can tell me."
After a moment's hesitation, Irina started speaking. "He basically called me a whore."
Sydney blinked. "That's it?" Keeping her eyes on her mother, she pushed. "There's something else. Come on, don't make me beg," she added, teasingly. Her pain and anger was forgotten the moment she saw her mother's eyes, hurt, and so full of pain.
"First, I want to say that it is untrue and that he knew it as much as I do. He just said those things to get to me. You can't believe a word of what he said."
"I know he can be quite…malicious when he's angry at you. I've been in your place before. Don't worry about me taking what he says at face value, 'cause I don't."
"He accused me of…getting pregnant for job purposes." Sydney gasped, mouth open. "I love you, Sydney, and whatever your father wants to think or say, from where I stand, you were conceived out of love."
Sydney noted mutely, tears in her eyes. "Bastard."
"Sydney! He's still your father! He didn't mean it to hurt you, but to hurt me."
"I know, but still, it hurts that he would go that far just to hurt you. Now I know where he stands on your case."
"He hates me."
"It seems so."
"Do 'you' hate me?" The question was a painful one, but Irina needed it to be answered, preferably with the truth, even if it hurt.
"No. Why would I?" Sydney gave her mother a questioning look.
"I lied to you. I kept your father from finding you."
"You were protecting yourself. I can understand that. But you should have told me."
"I'm sorry, Sydney. I was scared you would go back to him. I was scared of losing you." The times when Irina had let her walls crumble so she could show her deepest emotions to her daughter could be counted on the fingers of one hand. This was one of those times. She had just admitted how insecure she felt toward her daughter's love.
"I'm mad. I'm pissed off mad, okay. You lied to me. You kept Dad away from me. I mean, just as a matter of principle, I'm angry because you looked at me in the eye and you lied to me without even blinking. It scares me that you have the ability to do that. I'm your daughter. We should be able to talk without lying or hiding such little things. If you had told me Dad was here looking for us, we could have worked something out. I love you. I told you that already. Whatever you do won't make me change my mind. Seeing Dad won't make me stop loving you. Why do you always doubt me?"
"Sydney, I didn't mean…" Irina was horrified, and rightfully so. How stupid she had been to assume that… She would have hit the wall if she had been alone.
"I know it was involuntary. I'm just collateral damage, again. Next time something like that happens, just come to me. Don't be scared of me, of losing me, because it won't happen."
Irina felt as if Sydney had slapped her. All those things she was saying rang true. How could her daughter be so perceptive and loving when her own mother was so uncertain and full of doubts? "I'm so sorry…I never meant to hurt you, baby…"
"It's okay I know you didn't mean to hurt me, or Dad, even if his face is probably all blue and funny shaped like when he fell from his bike when I was little." She smiled at the memory that just popped out of nowhere into her head. She was trying to cheer her mother up a little, to get her to smile. Seeing Irina's face etched with pain made Sydney feel guilty for bringing this up in the first place. "Just forget it, it's no big deal Mom," concluded Sydney lightly. "Please? Come on, don't cry please…"
Irina shook her head, ridding her mind of the numbness that had settled in and recovering some colours in the process. "Sweetheart, you can't just say that and tell me to not speak about it anymore!" Irina couldn't believe how painful her daughter's words were. "I'm sorry for what I did to your father. I'm sorry I kept him from seeing you. I was scared of losing you. I should have known better, I'm sorry. I promise that, from now on, I'll discuss the matters where your father is concerned with you. How does that sound?"
She raised a hopeful look waiting for her daughter's response and held her breath. In Kashmir, she had shed many tears, partly from the physical pain inflicted on her by idiotic men, but mostly from the pain of leaving her family. The physical pain ripping through her heart day and night was a consequence of her mental turmoil she knew, but it didn't make it any less pleasant. The pain went away when Sydney gave her a bigger than average smile and went as far as to kiss her on the cheek on her way to the kitchen. Their relationship had been damaged by Irina's decision and it would take time to rebuilt what little had been destroyed, but it was a good start.
"What is there for dinner?" Sydney smiled.
Understanding her daughter's desire to do as if nothing had happened, she decided to play by her rules and replied, as cheerfully as she could muster, "Omelette."
"Great, call me when you want me to set the table."
"It's okay, I'll take care of it," replied Irina flatly as she gave up the happy image and stumbled in her own room. She needed some space. Her daughter had apparently forgiven her, but she hated herself for provoking the whole situation. Her maneuver aimed at keeping Sydney to herself had backfired and she had came very close to losing her without her even considering the possibility of that happening.
That night, as Sydney was lying asleep in her bed, Irina was sitting in hers trying to read the same page for the third time. Her thoughts kept her distracted from the book, and she soon put it down on her nightstand, rubbing her face with her hands in an effort to clear her head.
Hours after her talk with Sydney, she still couldn't even begin to understand what had happened. Sydney's reaction, or lack of it, was frightening her. She had adopted such a cavalier attitude toward the whole thing, as if she simply didn't care.
How could Sydney just have sat there and told her all those things, how could she still be there, acting like her usual self was beyond Irina's comprehension. First, she had just not only sat there listening, but had also 'encouraged' her mother's explanations. She should have been freaking out, yelled abuse at her mother. How could her daughter still love her unconditionally after finding out that she had been lied to and that her mother had hurt her father voluntarily? How could she act so carefree, as if nothing had happened?
"MOM!"
Irina's head whipped up. Sydney had just screamed her name from the other side of the apartment. Grabbing her gun, she ran out of her room, not bothering to check each corner on her way to her daughter.
The whole apartment had been quiet since Sydney's scream. Irina's worst fear was confirmed when she pushed open the door to her daughter's bedroom.
A man was standing between the window and the bed, in which Sydney was sitting. He had a gun in his hand, pointed at Irina.
"Jack," she whispered, clutching her own gun.
"Irina."
Irina glanced at Sydney, who was recovering from her scare. She had woken up to a man dressed in black entering her bedroom. Her first instinct had been to scream for her mother's help before even glancing at the man. Despite her erratic breathing, she could hear the window clank against the cabinet in the bathroom. He had probably entered through it.
"Stop pointing your gun at Mom!" She got up the bed and placed herself between her mother and father.
"Sydney, get out of the way!" Yelled Jack, who was furious by her action. She recoiled and backed away toward Irina, still facing him. Her display of affection sickened him. She was blatantly ignoring him and siding with her mother against him.
"Don't point that gun at our daughter, Jack!" Snapped Irina, whose gun was dangling at her side, safety in place.
He felt like an idiot and obeyed, imitating his wife's posture. Thinking of her as such made him feel even sicker.
"No one is going to shoot anyone here, got it?" Asked Sydney in a surprisingly strong voice.
"What are you doing here Jack?" Asked Irina from behind Sydney. She didn't want to use Sydney as a shield but the young woman wouldn't budge despite her mother's attempts at stepping around her.
"I came for Sydney."
"Why the gun then?"
"I thought she was you," he replied as if the reason was obvious.
"So what, you were going to kill me in my sleep?" It made sense as Irina slept on her stomach, a fact that Jack likely remembered from his marriage. The woman usually woke with her hair spilled out around her. It was troubling that he didn't know his own daughter slept in the same position and was having the same hair problem as her mother. It was an honest mistake on his part to have assumed the woman he was seeing was Irina. Sydney's fighting skills had improved under Irina's training, but so had her silhouette. They now took runs in the morning in the streets of Paris and Sydney was now bearing an uncanny resemblance to her mother's physique, lithe and muscular.
"Something like that," he replied coldly, wincing as his answer drew a gasp accompanied by a look of horror on Sydney's face.
"It's okay, sweetheart." Irina's voice was soothing, a mother's voice. It only unnerved Jack further. The memories brought back by her voice were invasive and increased his jealousy. He was annoyed at both but there was nothing he could do about it now.
"I'm not interested in you, I only want Sydney back," he said, his voice cold.
"She's not my prisoner, Jack. If she wants to go with you, I won't get in her way."
"I don't want to," replied Sydney brusquely.
"What?" Asked Jack, flabbergasted, as if the possibility of a rejection had never occurred to him.
"I'm living with Mom, period. This is what I want, Dad. That's why I left in the first place."
"You can't be serious! You don't know what she's capable of. I do and I don't want you anywhere near her. If you had seen the true face of Irina Derevko you would be dead by now."
"I have, Dad. I have seen her true face, I have seen what she's capable of and I don't like it, but I accept it. I love Mom for who she is. I loved Laura and now I love Irina. Too bad you can't do the same."
"You only got a glimpse of who Irina Derevko is. You know nothing Sydney. Did you know, for example, that she kidnapped you? She's dangerous, but you'll be safer with me."
"Not to me. I saw, Dad. I saw her true face. I saw her for what she is but I still love her. She's my mother. I know what she did to me, and I still have nightmares from it," Jack missed the pained look on Irina's face at the mention of that particular event, "but what she did, it saved you and me both."
"Lies, all lies! She's feeding you lies and you're buying them. How can you be so naïve as to believe her over me?"
"It's not about who I believe. It's about what I want. I don't want to be with you, I want to be with her. I know what lies are; she lied to me I know that. I know she kidnapped you to keep you from seeing me, and yet here I am. I saw how far she's willing to go for me. That's all I needed to see."
"That's not the point! You belong in America with 'me', period. Get dressed, we're leaving, now!"
"Newsflash, I'm legal. I don't belong anywhere, and certainly not with you." She spat, fed up with his holier than thou attitude.
"Sydney…" He said in a warning tone.
"You couldn't even let go of that goddamn disk to save my life. How dare you give her or me lessons about what love is? She gave up her freedom, her life, only to be with me…"
"What are you talking about?"
"How do you think I got back to LA? Did you really think the SVR was going to let me walk away even if you had given them the disk? Now who's naïve?"
She knew, Jack realised. She knew everything about the botched exchange. She knew what he had done, willingly, even after seeing the tape. He felt shame but couldn't give up just yet. Addressing Irina, he smirked. "The snipers in Kiev, they were yours, weren't they?"
"Yes. I sent them to cover your back. I knew you wouldn't give the SVR what they wanted, no matter what the consequences were for your daughter," she spat angrily, still mad at him for endangering Sydney's life.
"She had them shoot me!" He told Sydney, pointing an accusing finger at Irina.
"Did you even wonder why?" Asked Irina quietly, throwing a reassuring look at Sydney who had blanched at the mention of just how exactly her father had come to be injured.
"What?"
"Did you wonder why I would ask the men supposed to keep you alive to shoot you?"
"The reason? You're insane, that's the reason! Don't try to steer the conversation away from your wrongs."
"It was my way of saying 'don't ever screw up again', Jack. Moreover, I still mean it. If, for whatever reason, you put our daughter in the line of fire, I will hunt you down and kill you, no matter what Sydney thinks."
Both Jack and Sydney got the feeling that she was not joking.
"Sydney, you're my daughter."
"I didn't choose my parents, believe me." That was harsh, and she winced as she said the words, but she wouldn't and couldn't take them back. Time to shake him up a little. "For a father, you know nothing about me. You didn't even know it was my birthday. She did."
"Sydney, I…"
"Were you even there at my birth?"
No, he wasn't. Laura had given birth to Sydney right on schedule. He had been called away on a mission and couldn't get out of it. Laura had reproached it to him for years, and now Sydney was. He couldn't find the strength to answer her, not that she didn't already know the answer. She went on…
"You claim you want me back but you never had me, Dad. When we lived together, you had no interest in me. I bet you had no idea I graduated valedictorian of my class in high school, did you? I bet you didn't know I graduated at the top my class. Numero uno, Dad!
"The first thing you did upon seeing me today was to shut me out. You're treating me like even less than a child. And here I thought you had changed! How naïve of me. You may have been a part in my genetic pool. I may call and refer to you as 'Dad' but understand you only bear the title of father, nothing more."
"That's enough!" The agent in Jack Bristow suddenly reared its ugly head as Sydney attacked the only thing that had a real purpose in his life, his fatherhood.
Sydney blinked, disturbed by her father's cold rage. She had never seen him in such a state. She had gone too far this time.
"Don't you see? Don't you see what she's doing?" He asked, raising his gun at Irina who had moved beside Sydney during the exchange, trying to quell her daughter's anger and to keep her from being too hurtful to Jack and failing miserably. She couldn't get to her gun; she had slipped it in her waistband to have her hands free.
"Don't!" Screamed Sydney, once again interposing herself between her parents.
"Irina Derevko, I am arresting you for twelve counts of murder and espionage.
"Dad, don't do that!"
"Drop your gun to the floor; get on your knees, hands behind your head…" Jack continued, even as he didn't have visual of Irina because of Sydney. Eventually, he was done with his litany and ordered Sydney out of the way, speaking to her as if she was of the same brand of 'people' as her mother. Said mother had curiously obeyed his orders and was begging Sydney to step out of the way from her position on the floor.
"I can't and I won't."
"Move. Or I'll make you," he threatened, out of control.
"I'll fight you if you try to get to her," warned Sydney, deadly serious.
His anger deflated like a pierced balloon, and he realised that he was pointing his gun at his daughter. He stared from the gun to her, disbelieving at his actions.
He forgot about Irina for a second and looked at his daughter, really looked at her. She seemed so grown up, standing before her mother, shielding her from him. It was a big mistake on his part to have forgotten about Sydney's birthday, and it had probably a lot to do with her decision to leave America. She resented him so much that she had just left her entire life behind to start a new one with a mother who she thought loved her.
Maybe she was right, maybe Irina really loved her. That thought curiously scared him more than anything. He loved Sydney too, that was unquestionable, but Irina was willing to go to great lengths just to 'be' with Sydney. He couldn't give away the disk for her. Irina had turned her back on her country. She had betrayed her agency and put her life on the line by doing so. He had almost gotten his only child killed because he was unwilling to sell out his agency. Still, he argued, she had too, when she had kidnapped Sydney. She had endangered her more than he had.
Those were ridiculous thoughts and he felt petty about it. Still, he couldn't admit that he was more of a bad parent than she was. It just couldn't be. Love wasn't everything in a relationship. His love and Irina's wasn't enough for Sydney. Irina was giving her something else that he wasn't, but what.
"I…I'm sorry Sydney." What was he thinking? He couldn't jail Irina; Sydney would hate him for the rest of his life. If it wasn't already too late. He tucked his gun away and stepped forward to help Irina up, under the watchful eye of their daughter.
"I'm alright sweetheart," reassured Irina, kissing Sydney on the forehead. She didn't let go of Jack's hand until Sydney stepped forward to hug her. The young girl glared at her father before leaving the room to give her parents the opportunity to talk.
Having observed the two of them this evening, consciously or not, Jack had his answer now. Irina was 'seeing' Sydney. She was seeing her for who she was. A person, an equal, someone to show affection to. She was giving her daughter her attention even without Sydney asking for it. He didn't know how to do that, hadn't in a long time, but Irina knew.
"I screwed up, didn't I?" He asked, sitting on a chair.
"Yes. You did." He would have smiled at her honesty if he wasn't in so much emotional pain.
"It's okay. I did too you know," she added, surprising him once again.
"You did?"
"Of course. That's what parents do. We can consider ourselves 'normal' in that domain."
"On a scale of one to ten, how bad did we screw up?"
Irina didn't reply for the moment, but let out a half-hearted chuckle. "You know, Jack, she's a wonderful young woman. She's been through a lot the past few months and has matured, in spite of us. Isn't that what all parents want for their children?"
He looked at her, nodding. "I guess, but it was so fast."
"Well, we can certainly take credit for that!" Irina laughed.
THE END
Author's notes: Surprised? Sorry I didn't tell you that this would be the last chapter. I felt it would spoil your reading. Yes, it is really the end. There will be no epilogue or sequel because this is the ending I had in mind since the beginning. I feel that going further would ruin the whole story. I hope you enjoyed reading Collateral Damage as much as I did writing it. I didn't think it would go on for twenty chapters when I started, but I enjoyed this too much to let go too soon.