Yet another apology for the last chapter. I just really needed to write something almost desperately happy and ooc before getting on with the fic.
Don't worry, Snape is viciously back in character now. ^_^
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE. ~ Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
. . . I'm not sure if I'll come back from this alive. Of course, if you're reading this, then I did not. Voldemort obviously no longer trusts me, if he ever did, and it has become too dangerous for me to tell you when I am called. Forgive me for this deception, Albus.
Snape sighed heavily and laid down his quill. "Hopefully this will explain it all to you, Albus," he whispered before folding the letter up. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you beforehand." He looked at the folded parchment for a moment, as if debating something; then flipped it open again, scrawling a quick postscript. Putting the letter in the envelope had a sense of finality about it, as if he has just written his own death sentence. I could burn the letter, go to the headmaster, beg for help . . . But even as his hand reached for his wand, he knew that he couldn't do it. If for no other reason that he would never allow himself a moment of weakness. He let his fingers drop, pushing his last hope out of his mind. Best to just let it happen.
He was looking through his desk for his sealing wax when he heard the door open. He froze for a moment, hoping that it wasn't the Headmaster. He kept his head down by the drawers, acting as though he hadn't heard as his guest crossed the floor towards him.
"Professor Snape?" Snape looked up from his desk. Kerri stood before him, wearing a dressing gown, cloak slung carelessly over one shoulder, arms crossed. A surge of relief followed quickly by annoyance shot through him. This is not what I need right now. This girl has abysmal timing. I have neither the time nor the patience to give her the confrontation she wants. Though I'm certainly in the mood to.
"Shouldn't you be in bed, Miss Harper? Or haven't you got the sense to not wander around the school half-dressed?"
She blushed, "I was in the Gryffindor Common room, talking to Hermione and the girls."
"And that requires you to be undressed?"
"It was a pajama party! I just didn't have time to change back before I came down here."
"The cloak?"
"It was cold."
"And why are you here?"
"To tell you that I'm mad at you."
"Surprising. I though you hated me. Have I gone up in your estimation that much?"
"You know what I meant."
"Perhaps. Now, why don't you bug off and go mind your own business?"
Kerri ignored the dismissal and leant over the desk. "You lied to me."
Snape resisted the temptation to smack her across the face, continued looking through his desk instead. He gritted his teeth as he saw her gown drop away from her neck out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps I could - what do those Muggles call them . . . Oh, yes - staple it to her . . . "Consider it payback, Miss Harper. And cover yourself, if you please."
She looked down, turned redder, and straightened quickly, wrapping her arms about herself. "I lied about my arm, not about the most important thing in the world to you."
"The most important thing? I am? I seriously suggest you get a life."
"I have a better idea. Why don't you tell me the whole truth?"
"Other than the fact that it would probably melt your sorry little mind, I believe I already told you to mind your own business." His questing fingers brushed something smooth. His mask. Why was it in his desk drawer? He paused for a moment, remembering the night before, and the one he had danced with. He had almost figured out who it was, but had lost the thought when he was returned to his cold empty office. The grin that Dumbledore had given him earlier that day did nothing to clear his mind.
But that was a time dead and gone, and he could savor it when he was too. Sighing with a suddenly heavy heart, he located the wax and sealed the envelope, placing it on the corner of his desk.
"What's that?" Kerri looked at it curiously.
Snape rolled his eyes, just barely keeping his temper in check. "Since you apparently haven't the brains to realize what I just said, let's go over this again. Go away and mind yo-"
"I heard you the first time!" Kerri snapped. "I was just curious why you're writing a letter at a time like this."
He snorted and stood up to get his cloak. "Would you be satisfied if I told you it was my last will and testament?"
Silence greeted this statement, and he glanced up to see her staring at the letter in horror. He shrugged and, pulling on his cloak, headed for the door. Halfway out, he heard her whisper, "That's really what it is?"
"More or less." he answered, shutting the door behind him. No noise came from inside the room, and he permitted himself one brief hope that she would simply leave him alone for the rest of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was wrong. He had nearly made it to the dungeon stair when he heard the door bang open and footsteps clattering behind him.
"Professor Snape! Professor, wait!" Kerri stumbled up to him.
"What?" He sneered at her, expecting her to start whining at him again. But what she said next threw him for a loop.
"Take me with you."
The moment the words were out of her mouth, Kerri regretted them. Snape spun around and stared at her in disbelief and anger.
"Are you really that stupid, girl? Walking into a nest of Death Eaters who already have at least two reasons to skin you? What in Merlin's name would you hope to gain?"
Her gaze faltered, and she stammered, "N-no, I don't want to d-die. I just want to see them and-"
"And what? Find out how long you can last under the Cruciatus?"
"No!"
"But you still want to go."
"Yes! I want to know the truth."
"The truth. You actually think you'll find truth anywhere at that party?" Leaning down, he stared into her now-frightened gaze. "Are you prepared to give your life for the truth?"
Her silence was answer enough. Figures. He spun around and stalked off. "Then don't make foolish offers that you don't intend to follow through on."
"But why are you going? Do you want to die?"
He paused. "Not particularly. But I'm prepared to."
"Why?" The confusion was clear on her face by now as she struggled to understand. "The Aurors fight, but they go in planning to survive. You're planning for death. Are you that certain that you aren't going to live through a party? You aren't even their enemy!" She clenched her fists. "And what happens if you do die? I'll lose my only chance to discover the truth behind my parent's deaths."
"No you won't. You'll just lose the safest chance. You simply don't want to risk life and limb for what you claim is the most important thing in the world to you."
"Whereas you go in blindly, preparing to die for nothing!"
For nothing? Snape stared at the wall in front of him. Is her loss really the only thing in the world that matters to her? So therefore, anyone else's is nothing? James, Lily, Barty, Cedric, and all the others? This is too much like me . . . "Shut up, girl. Don't talk about things you don't understand."
"Oh, I think I --"
"I said shut up. You don't understand. You don't know. And you aren't the only one or even the most worthy of those who have suffered. So you lost an arm, they're replaceable. So you lost your family and friends. So did we all. And we moved on. But you don't even have the courage to do that. You just keep sniveling behind your losses, blaming those around you for your pain. You're a coward and a fool, Miss Harper, and I'm ashamed to be associated with you." He sneered at her. "At least I'm willing to give my life for something."
"I offered to come with you but you turned me down!"
"You weren't serious, you silly girl. Now go back and hide in your room. Go and hide like the scared child you are. Play with your cats, curl up in your bed, and thank whatever gods you worship that I didn't take you up on your offer."
Silence.
Snape turned and left.
Eyes stinging, Kerri watched the black cloak retreat down the hall in front of her. She was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. "And I won't do what you say, either." she hissed under her breath.
Turning on her heel, she stalked back into his office. She would wait for him here. He would come back and she could confront him again, and make him listen. She refused to think about the possibility that he would not return. He would come back. He had to.
She curled up in the armchair next to the unlit fire. It was far more comfortable than she had expected it to be, but then again she half-suspected that Snape slept in a coffin. "I'll be right here when you come back," she whispered. "I've got to know."
She settled back in the chair, pulling her cloak around her. She shivered. It was very cold in the dungeons, and her cloak wasn't what it used to be, but she didn't know if she could light the fire. Still, it couldn't hurt to try. She pulled out her wand, and carefully pointed it at the grate.
"Incendio!"
Kerri held her breath. For a few seconds, nothing happened, then a small flame flicked, then another, and soon the fire was roaring merrily away. She smiled in happy surprise, and settled back in the chair, closing her eyes to enjoy the warmth.
She opened her eyes.
She was standing in an empty field, the sky hanging low and dark overhead. Taking a step forward, she felt something crunch under her feet. The blackened grass was scattered with bones.
She suddenly noticed that she was holding something. She looked down and saw her wand in her hand. But it wasn't her wand. Hers was light and smooth, practically new from the use it got. This one was black and worn. She hefted it, but it did not feel odd in her hand. Rather, it felt as if she was meant to be carrying it. She ran her hand up and down the wood. Her sensitive fingers found a carving in the end. She brought it close to her eyes and gasped.
It was the Dark Mark.
Frantically, she tried to throw it away, but it seemed stuck to her hand. She tried to pry it loose, but the wand merely attached itself to her left hand. Distantly, she remembered that it was rumored that Death Eaters used their wands left-handed, to increase their power with the Dark Mark. It seemed that the rumors were true, for the Mark on the handle had come alive.
In shock, she saw it lift off of the wand, and begin to twine its way up her arm. She began to cry, clawing at it, trying to get it to stop, but to no avail. It settled on her arm, but for only a moment, when it realized that there was no living flesh there for it to burn. It climbed higher, seeking her. She fell to her knees, gasping, as the Mark burnt its way to her chest. She felt it pause, and then, begin to burrow into the skin over her heart. She screamed in pain.
It felt as if a cold, clawed hand had grabbed her. It felt as if millions of banshees were screaming in her ears. It felt as though Dementors were sucking out her soul. It felt as if every part of her was being looked over, and if not found unholy enough, twisted.
And then it was over. She unclenched her hands and stood up. She felt the same, no--stronger. Had she defeated it? But even as the thought came to her mind, she knew that it was not true, that it was not her strength. She felt her lips twist in a smile, and she began to walk. The Mark was hunting. Her mind screamed at her to stop, but her body was no longer her own. Moments later, she came upon a body dressed in black. She knew who it was, even before her feet kicked it over. Severus Snape.
His face contorted as she kicked him, and she realized he was still alive. His eyes opened, and he saw her standing above him, smiling. He tried to stand, but she grabbed him and threw him down, feeling a savage joy. Now she was the strong one, she was the one in power! She knelt, and placed her wand (her wand?) against his throat. The mark burned in her chest. He tried to speak, but her mouth moved first.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Kerri jerked awake, shocked to find tears running down her face.