Summary: Sailor Moon meets Harry Potter. If you are a big fan of Sailor Moon and would be quite offended if anyone insulted it, consider yourself warned. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.
Sailor Moon and the Green Cheese of Doom
It was a bright and sunny morning
Usagi and her friends (the inner senshi) were leaning over a strange contraption.
What is it? Usagi wondered.
It's my newest contraption! Dr. Tomoe bragged.
said Usagi.
Rei rolled her eyes. Yes, we've heard that it's your latest contraption, but what does it do?It transports you to another world! Dr. Tomoe enthused.
Oh! So if I use it, I'll go to Jupiter! Makoto exclaimed.
I think he means it will transport one to sort ofa parallel universe or something, Ami commented.
YES! YES! EXACTLY!Pleeease stop yelling in my ear, Minako yelled in his ear.
Who wants to try it out! Dr. Tomoe shouted, paying Minako absolutely no attention.
shouted Usagi.
Enlighten me, Ami began. Why is everyone shouting in here?ALL RIGHT! Dr. Tomoe shouted (big surprise there).
Ami sighed.
Practically bursting with excitement, Dr. Tomoe slammed a bubble-type thing over the girls.
Ami said. I never said I wanted to go!Yes you did! Dr. Tomoe yelled. He pulled a big lever.
Big, blue lightening flew from the top inside of the bubble. Ami screamed.
(Guess who said that.)
All of the others were acting like their typical Sailor Moon selves, simply standing there, watching whatever was happening around them and not bothering to do anything but yell. (Are we the only ones who notice that they do this a lot?)
Makoto opened her eyes. Where were they? Their surroundings looked unbelievablynot at all like her animated world. She looked at her hand. It
lookedreal. She felt her hair. It was in individual strands, not at all like the typical big sheet that she was used to. (Once again, are we the only ones who notice this?)
She looked at her friends. Ami and Rei were stirring. Minako was whispering something stupid about boys. At least, that was Makoto's first instinct, but then she realized that Minako was actually repeatedly saying, Do you want to buy a fir tree? in a slurred voice.
Usagi was lying on her face, snoring loudly and showing absolutely no sign of awakening anytime in the near or distant future.
Rei sat up.
She felt her hair and her eyes widened. WHAT THE! she screeched so loudly that several birds took flight from a nearby tree. It's not in a big blob! What happened to it! AHHHHHHHH! I'm going to die!
Usagi didn't stir. In fact, she only snored louder.
Minako sat up. What about your hair? she mumbled.
I want my black sheet! Rei cried.
Ami gasped suddenly, feeling her face. MY EYES! WHERE ARE MY BIG BLUE WINDOW EYES! OH NO! I HOPE THIS WON'T AFFECT MY EDUCATIONAL FUTURE! WHAT IF I GO BLIND? WITHOUT MY WINDOWS, I PROBABLY CAN'T READ MY TEXTBOOKS!
THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST CONCERN! Minako screeched. WHAT ABOUT OUR HAIR! WHERE WE ARE! IT ALL LOOKS TOO REALISTIC!
It took a few hours for them to calm down enough to remember Dr. Tomoe and what had actually happened to them. (They had managed to awaken Usagi by clonking her in the head with Makoto's transforming stick.) By now, three natives were walking down the hill. Makoto was the first to notice this little ahem interruption.
she gasped.
Minako cried.
Ami corrected her. They look just like us. They're probably just normal people who live here instead of where we're from.
The three approached. Two were boys: one had flaming hair and freckles, and the other had ink black hair, bright green eyes that shone through round black glasses, and a scar smack in the center of his forehead that oddly resembled a lightning bolt. The girl had bushy brown hair and a load of books in her arms.
So, how do you feel about the third task, Harry? The girl asked the black-haired one.
Oh, I'm really not that worried about it, he replied.
Oh, really? the red-haired one taunted. Gonna take an extra eight minutes trying to rescue a Blast-Ended Skrewt, are you?Shut UP, Ron! the boy called Harry said.
Oh, come on, Ron, he was only worried about our personal safety, the girl pointed out.
Your personal safety, you mean, Ron corrected her. He had to rescue me; I was his objective.Still- he battled merpeople to try to save Cho, Fleur's sister, and me! You've got to admit that was pretty thoughtful!Yeah, if you're a moron who takes anything and everything he hears too seriously!Really, Hermione, it's all right; he's only kidding around, Harry said to the girl.
Yeah, Hermione, don't you have a date with your savior?Oh, come off it, Ron. I seem to remember you whining for his autograph at the World Cup?Hey, look! Harry alerted them, pointing in the inner senshi's direction.
Oh, wow! the girl called Hermione hurried over. Are you all right? she asked.
We're fine, Ami replied.
Who are you? Harry asked, for he and Ron had followed Hermione over. I don't remember seeing you here at Hogwarts.Actually, we were teleported here by this crazy professor from our own world, Usagi informed freely.
Ami cried. How are they EVER going to believe that!Well, it's true.
Hermione raised an eyebrow.
Harry shouted suddenly. Ron turned. Hermione looked from Harry and Ron to the girls, then joined Harry and Ron.
The girls caught bits of what they were saying. We don't even know if they can do magic-Hey, we can do magic! Usagi cried gleefully. Wanna see?Usagi, you idiot! Rei yelled. But Usagi already had her brooch in her hand.
MOON ETERNAL! MAKE UP!
Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared as a whirlwind of glittery girly colors surrounded Usagi. They could swear they heard some corny Barbie-ish music, too. When it disappeared, Usagi was wearing what looked like a Halloween costume.
I'm Eternal Sailor Moon now! And I have a magic wand! Usagi held up her scepter. It was a plastic pink stick with hearts and bubbles on the end of it..
Ron stared.
That's a magic wand? Harry asked skeptically.
Oh, yes! It kills monsters! Hermione didn't sound all that impressed
Yeah! Wanna see?No, we do not. Harry sounded bored.
Okay! Silver moon! At this Usagi began to flip around and do what looked like a really horrible dance. Crystal power kiss! (Or whatever stupid line Sailor Moon uses this week.)
A bunch of pink hearts and yellow beams shot out of the wand. No, we don't really care if this is horribly inaccurate. We haven't watched Sailor Moon in centuries.
The light bounced off a tree and hit the ground, doing no damage whatsoever.
This went on for quite some time. Finally, after the girls followed Harry, Ron, and Hermione up to the castle and Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall got involved and Madam Pomfrey looked them over, it was decided that they were from a parallel universe in which magical powers were quite different from those in the Harry Potter world. It was very lucky, really, that two wizards and a witch had found them rather than a couple of incompetent muggles, for their story was much easier to believe.
We really don't know how to get home, Ami explained to the professors and Madam Pomfrey as they all sat in the hospital wing. Dr. Tomoe didn't tell us anything
about that.Yeah, well no matter what, I'm permanently deaf in this ear because of him, Minako moaned.
Well, this is quite strange, Professor McGonagall remarked. In fact, I'm not sure it has ever been reported as happening. But life goes on. Let's get someone in here to figure out how to get these girls home. As for you three—she pointed to Harry, Ron, and Hermione—you'd best get going. Particularly you, Harry. You have a Third Task to get ready for.
So the girls were left with a plump little witch with a bunch of magic potions.
So why is all your magic stuff so ugly? Minako asked.
Rei elbowed her. Minako, you creep.Hey, is that chocolate? Usagi asked, dancing on the bed and making a complete fool of herself.
She also didn't wait for an answer. Instead, she leaped off the bed and ran to a corner housing stacks of about five hundred chocolate bars.
Madam Pomfrey grabbed her by the pigtail. She didn't even have to get up to do this because Usagi's famous for the never-ending hair (if you've read the manga).
Hold on, young miss, she said. You can not eat that stuff.Why not? Usagi groaned.
It's for survivors of dementor attacks.Well, who cares about them?Hold it Usagi, Makoto said. Now, I don't know what a dementor is, but why don't you listen to the nice lady with the tea tray?God Usagi! Rei cried. How heartless are you?I have the purest heart in the universe! It was proven in the S series when they took my heart crystal! Remember?I prefer not to, Rei mumbled, reflecting on Minako Sailor Moon.
And I don't give a nut about the survivors or the demebers!
Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow. We don't need it much anymore, because all the dementors left, but we still need it occasionally.Well can I have some? Madam Pomfrey looked at her watch. Time for the Third Task! I need to go out there to aid if anyone gets hurt. Will you girls be all right by yourselves? Ami replied.
Well I'm sending someone up to look after you, just in case.
Two minutes later, a dementor came in.
Just kidding. It was Snape.
Nah. It was some tiny dude with a monocle and a mustache.
Hours passed. The tiny dude sat there talking about how his name was Zoko Ze Zoliono. And he had a quill. And he could read their minds. This was true.
Finally, a couple of adults came in, a very beat-up Harry at their sides.
Oh my God! What happened? Ami gasped, for she was the only one in the group with an ounce off common sense.
He's been attacked! Usagi and Minako said in unison. They both launched into the air and pulled out their transformation thingies.
Two minutes later they were holding ice packs to their scalps.
He's been through a horrible ordeal—He needs rest—Silver Moon Crystal Power Make—SHUT IT!
It was dark by now. Minako was bored.
Got any hot guys in this school?
Nobody replied. That's because everybody was too busy trying to save Harry's life. Or not. They were just too busy helping him.
He drank from a cup and went to sleep. Exciting.
It was later that Professor McGonagall, some dude she was addressing as Minister, and Snape came in, Professor McGonagall having hysterics.
How could you? Profressor McGonagall screamed at said Minister. How could you?Calm down, Minerva, Dumbledore, who was in the room, said.
Harry awoke. Fudge brought a dementor into the school when we went to interrogate Crouch! Guess what it did?Yes! How could you?I'm the Minister of Magic! I had perfect right to! Makoto screamed.
Everyone stared.
You just totally ruined the dramatic tension, someone in the room informed.
There was any? Ami asked.
Whatever. All seemed like screeching to me.Well, he was a madman on the loose anyway! Fudge said.
Um, but now he can't defend himself.What HAPPENED? Minako demanded.
The dementor kissed him! said that same random person of extreme randomness.
Minako piped up. Did somebody say kiss'? Are there any hot guys involved?You mean other than Haruka? Rei teased.
Shut UP Rei!
Everyone who had any idea what the Dementor's Kiss was just stared at the girls like they were a bunch of babbling fools (which, now that we think about it, they are).
No you idiot! Dementors are monsters that suck your soul out! all the girls said in unison.
Hey! We got monsters like that in our world! Usagi screeched. And we know just how to deal with them! All we have to do is shoot our attacks at them and they will explode and the guy will get his soul back!
With that, all five girls transformed.
More glittery girly-girl colors. More corny Barbie music.
Then they took off in search of the, um, demeber.
The castle was huge. But luckily (or not—depends on how you look at it), they found the dementor right as it was heading out on its coffee break. Joking.
Hey you great big bully! Sailor Moon assumed her stance and did her crazy little speech. Maybe the dementor should have felt lucky it was blind and couldn't see this annoying twit.
And in the name of the moon, we shall punish you!
Then they all shot their glitter attacks at the dementor, which shrugged and started toward them.
They didn't work!Oh no! I feel all
Then Usagi, who was standing in front of the others, clutched her head.
Nooo! Not the ice cream! Take Momaru! He'll taste better than MY ice cream!
Next was Ami. OH NO! I'm not at the top off the honor roll! She assumed the fetal position and began sucking her thumb.
Minako began to scream about how she wasn't meeting her standards of seeing eight guys at once.
And Rei and Makoto, for some strange reason, didn't physically react to the dementor. But they were standing like they always do when they attack: knees bent, toes pointed in. The dementor may not have found them very appetizing, so it just reached out and poked them both.
They fell over like paper dolls.
Then the dementor left.
Next thing, all five girls were running down the hallway, crying like babies.
They were finally transported home, where Professor Tomoe was still shouting about his latest contraption.
The End
Disclaimer: Neither Hydra-Star nor I, AvrilLuver, own Harry Potter or Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. Thank God.
We beg all SM fans to forgive us. We used to like SM. We just... Kinda don't any more. Um... Well, I suppose that's just the way it is. If you flame us, don't worry. We're really not going to mind all that much. Because all of your flames will be used to roast marshmellows. Then we can have s'mors!