Nonsense in the Room of Requirements
Disclaimer: Nope… don't own anything but the plot… go ahead and steal it if you want… but I doubt you'll want to.
AN: This is a complete bit of randomness written by my 11-year-old brother Mike and I. I thought it was funny, so I decided to post it. Now, you have to remember that this is being co-written with an 11-year-old, so give us a break!
READ ON!
Oh yeah… Ashley is this and Mike is this
888
"You hear that frog?" Crabbe asked, referring to the abnormally large bodily sound he had just made.
"Yes," Goyle said, "It sounded a little wet."
"It did, didn't it?"
"Oh God!" Hermione exclaimed, entering the room, "Who farted?" She made a vomiting noise.
"Sorry," Crabbe said, his cheeks turning red.
"I didn't know that a human being could emit such a foul smell!" Hermione said, stuffing her face into a nearby pillow.
"What's wrong," Ginny asked, entering from the stairs above.
"Well, Crabbe here just ripped one off," Goyle said, pointing his finger accusingly at the embarrassed boy.
"I don't smell anything," she said.
"Oh yeah?" Hermione asked, lifting her head up, "Walk over here then tell me it doesn't smell!"
Ginny walked over and sat on the couch next to Hermione.
"HOLY CRAP!" Ginny exclaimed, covering her face with her cloak.
"I told you!" Hermione yelled, the smell causing tears to well up in her eyes.
"Oh man," Draco said, entering the room, "Crabbe ripped one off again didn't he?"
"Si!" Goyle said, "Everyone that walked in here was engulfed in its stink."
"Wait… I didn't know you could speak Spanish!" Draco said.
"What's Spanish?"
Draco just shook his head.
"It cant be that bad," he said, turning to Hermione.
"Psh! Yeah right!" Hermione exclaimed, "His fart's so dense that it's still floating around us!" She made another disgusted face.
Draco stepped forward into the smell.
"MY LORD!" he yelled, "That could gag a field mouse!"
"What's up with all the yell—," Harry said, entering the room, but cutting himself off as he took a deep breath. "Oh my God! Who did this?" he yelled.
Pansy entered at his heals. "This is a Crabbe fart," she told him.
"Oh man," Harry said. He was getting light-headed from the stench.
"Crabbe, you have to— Harry!" Ginny yelled. Harry had fainted.
They all rushed towards him and attempted to wake him up. After only a few seconds of prodding, Harry sat up.
"I'm fine," he started, "I just felt the need to draw attention to myself, like always."
"By the way," Hermione said, "This reminds me of the day on the Hogwarts Express, when suddenly a dense fart killed Ron."
"Ah yes," Draco said after a long time of being silent, "A great day for us all!"
"For you!" Blaise cried from his shadowed corner, revealing himself, "Ron was a better boyfriend than any of you will ever be!"
Blaise left the room, crying.
"Well that explains why he's been running around the school saying, 'Ron, my love where are you,'" Ginny said.
"Yeah," Draco started, "Now I know why he's been hanging all over me… HE'S A POOF!"
"You didn't know he was gay?" Harry questioned, "Wow, he's only asked me out like 1000 times." A wide smile broke across his face.
"Are y-you a poof too?" Draco stuttered.
"Yes," he stated proudly.
Halfway down the hallway, Blaise stopped in his tracks.
"My gay senses are tingling," he said, turning on heel and running back into the room.
"Wait… you're gay?" Blaise asked Harry from the doorway, "Then why won't you be my boyfriend? And WHY are you dating Pansy?" He was close to being in tears again.
"Because I love her!" Harry responded defensively, pulling Pansy close.
"Besides," Pansy told them, "He's more like bi." Disappointedly, Blaise re-left the room.
"Yes, but I like men more," Harry called after him, but he didn't come back this time.
"Which would explain why he's dating Pansy," Hermione pointed out, "It's pretty much the same as dating a guy." Everyone laughed, except for Pansy, oh… and Crabbe and Goyle, who seemed to have fallen asleep.
"GRANGER!" Pansy screeched, "You're gonna pay for that!" She drew her wand. "Tarantallegra!" she cried, sending Hermione into a dancing frenzy.
"Draco, please!" Hermione cried.
"Oh, alright." He cast Finite Incantatem on her, countering the spell and letting Hermione rest.
Once she could stand up again, she pointed her wand at Pansy.
"Bring it onbeatch!" Pansy taunted.
"Rictusempra!" Hermione cried, causing thousands of invisible fingers to begin tickling Pansy all over.
After they all had laughed themselves into oblivion, Harry finally took the charm off.
"Hey, hey, hey, it's Fat Albert!" Crabbe said in his sleep, completely randomly.
"Hey, hey, hey, Crabbe's gay!" Draco countered.
Everyone laughed.
Hermione wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes.
"Hey, you know what?" she asked, "I just realized that this story has no setting… where the heck are we anyways?"
"You're right," Harry started, "It sounds like Live with Regis and Kelly or something."
"How did we get on the topic of people being g—," Hermione started, she was interrupted by Goyle yelling "GOLDFISH!" in his sleep.
"As I was saying," she continued, "How'd we get on the subject of people being gay?"
"Maybe we're in the Room of Requirements," Draco suggested, ignoring Hermione's second question, but answering her first.
"If we are, then how did Ginny enter by coming down the stairs?" Harry asked, "There are no stairs in the Room of Requirements!"
"There's anything in the Room of Requirements, including stairs," Ginny explained.
"Yeah," Draco started, "She needs stairs to make an entrance, she gets stairs to make an entrance."
"Oh… I should've thought of that!" Harry exclaimed.
"Maybe being gay has gone to your head," Pansy stated sourly.
"You make one more sarcastic remark, and were through, you he--," but he cut himself off. "You know what? Never mind! I like being gay! It's over!" He left the room to go look for Blaise. Pansy threw herself on the couch.
"Well…" Ginny started, "At least that wasn't weird or anything."
"Of course it was," Hermione said. "Draco! What are you doing?"
"I was just making sure Crabbe and Goyle were alive," he said, lifting their heavy limbs and then dropping them, "They haven't moved in a while. So far, they seem to be alive."
Ginny shook her head and left the room, followed fast by a weeping Pansy, and leaving Hermione alone with Draco, Crabbe and Goyle.
"Crabbe, Goyle, could you please leave?" Draco asked, but they didn't hear them. They were collapsed, sleeping on the floor.
Hermione leaned over and grabbed a razor sitting on a nearby table.
"Shave 'em?" she asked Draco.
"Yep," he responded, "This should be fun. Give me that thing!"
He then proceeded to shave off Crabbe's eyebrows and create a smiley face on the top of his head.
Hermione then took back the razor, turned to Goyle and shaved all his hair off.
"I can't wait to see their reactions," Draco said while chuckling.
Something's missing," she said, leaning over and grabbing a bunch of markers off the table next to her. She laughed evilly.
When she was done, she turned back to admire her work: Crabbe's face now resembled a really freaky clown and Goyle looked like a snoody Frenchman, mustache and all.
"Wait, they are still missing something," Draco said. He turned to the table and lifted a fool's hat off it, placing it on Goyle's head. "There we go!"
"Very nice," Hermione said, taking Draco's hand and leaving the room.
When they had made it halfway down the hallway, the door to the Room of Requirements banged open to reveal a very pissed looking Crabbe and Goyle.
As Crabbe and Goyle chased Draco and Hermione, students they passed in the hall started laughing at them. Crabbe and Goyle turned and ran back into the Room of Requirements, crying.
"You ok Draco?" Hermione asked.
"No… I think I just soiled myself," he told her, clearly embarrassed.
"Sick."
888
AN: Yeah… so we were on our way up north, when we got bored. So I took out a sheet of paper, and we started writing. There's really no point to it… just a little comedy. Hope you enjoyed! Please R and R!
This is a really funny story… if you could call it that. You know this line:
"Hey, hey, hey, It's Fat Albert," Crabbe said in his sleep, completely randomly.
"Hey, hey, hey, Crabbe's gay," Draco countered.
Well, I took that from something someone said in class one day… we thought it was funny. Most of our ideas are just inside jokes… they may not be as funny to you… oh well. Yanno the whole "Did you hear that frog," thing in the very beginning? Well, if you know the movie, that's from Anger Management. Crabbe's supposed to be farting there… yeah, just thought you should know…
So… that's about it…Sure is…
Watch out for more co-written stories with ME in them!You conceded little—
WELL! That's all the time we have to write… hope you enjoyed! HAPPY HAUNAKA!Oh boy…
Much love!
Ashley
AND MEE! (Mike)