"How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so."
Sarah MacLachlan
The next day proved once again to be rainy, only instead of feeling cozy and safe inside the castle walls as she had the night before, Lily felt dreary and depressed. She had tried so hard to repress the memories from 'once upon a time..' and now a stupid idea to clean under her bed had torn down the flood gates and encompassed her in a world of grief. Lily's father had tried so hard to pull himself together after the accident. But he was so busy working out his own problems that he completely forgot about his children. He started drinking, and the drinking led to him becoming neglectful and hurtful towards his daughters. Lily was able to escape it being away at Hogwarts, and even Petunia managed to escape at first when she was off at college.
But Petunia's escape wasn't enough for her. She didn't have a second world to hide in or friends whose house she could escape to when things got hard. Her father's problems became focused mainly on her...or so it seemed in her mind. She was also struggling with the death of her mother and youngest sister, and now she felt as if she were being abandoned by Lily. In her own time of need when things got bad she was the one who had to clean up their father and keep the house going. Eventually she even dropped out of college eventually in order to keep her world at home from falling apart. But all that anguish and all that regret soon turned in to hatred. Hatred for herself and hatred for her little sister. Their father eventually drank himself to an early death just 1 year after his wife and daughter's accident.
Petunia didn't handle things too well. She took it all out on Lily. Lily never got the tender hug from a family member telling her that that day was not all her fault. Instead Petunia found out about Lily's fear that she would hate her and taunted it with her. She told her that it was ALL her fault and that so was the death of her father. Eventually Petunia refused to take Lily in and Albus Dumbledore arranged for custody of Lily to go to her Aunt Rosie, whom she didn't know very well, but who was kind and gentle and patient. All those events had had Lily so depressed, but in the last year since she was able to pick up the pieces she thought things would get better. And with a lot of help from both muggle and wizard doctors she was able to push the past behind her. It was as if she had a self-inflicted memory charmed that was in place only due to the sheer will she had to forget it all and start fresh. Through it all she had had James, Julie, Sirius, Remus and all the rest of her friends to help her. None of them knew the full extent of it all...not even James, but they managed to make her happy and to find the smile that they thought had disappeared for good. Her green eyes had finally lost the dull glaze and become bright again, her smile became warm and true, and even her beautiful red hair seem to become more vivacious and alive.
Until finding the duffle, she had been Lily again. But her world was cast once again into a course of limbo. She couldn't share her feelings so instead she chose to bear the burden again by herself...only this time someone else knew.
Sirius had been carefully watching Lily since dinner. He had been placed in charge of keeping her busy while the rest of them made her party preparations. He noticed the bounce that was gone from her step, the twinkle that was missing from her eyes, and most of all the insecurity that had crept into her speech. She became increasingly distant beginning with breakfast the next morning. Not knowing what else to do, Sirius decided to talk to Dumbledore about it. He was very concerned and the head-master had been more of a friend to the children and a mentor then just merely a professor. he was a friend to them and he would know what to do.
Sirius approached the Head Master's office with sudden hesitation. What if Dumbledore decided to talk to Lily himself? What if he told her that it was Sirius that had come to him? But Sirius quickly shook off the feeling. He trusted Dumbledore to do the right thing no matter what, and if that were the right thing then so be it.
"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."- dave mathews band