Welcome back to my little roundabout way on the web. I know I don't do country music much (anyone who knows me is well acquainted to that fact also) so it's really a shock that a song would have an impact on me so much. And in much my style, most would notice that I write mostly in Seifer's point of view. He's one of my main characters that I express pain through, as his life seems to be that of constant tug and failure. Since he's my favorite, and I love a Seiftis, I was inspired to write this songfic by my friend, Becky (Matron Raenee, people). It's a song by Brad Paisley called 'Whiskey Lullaby'. Like most of my other songfics, you can listen to it by going to launch. and typing the title of the song in to search. It's one of my more angsty fics, as most of the time in mine at least one main character ends up living their lives after another dies. But anyway, read and review and let me know how this one is.
"Why can't you be civilized? Shit, you act like a raving banshee. Ever since dream boy started having problems with Rinoa, it's like everything evolves around him. What the hell are you thinking, Quistis?" Seifer stared at the woman in disbelief as she glared daggers of uncertainty up at him. "It's like you don't care anymore. What's gotten into you? I know you liked Squall in the past..but.."
"But nothing. Get out of my dorm, Seifer. I'm sorry, but I don't want to be with you anymore. It's been coming around for quite some time, and I'm really sorry. Everything comes around for a reason, and let's face it. We're not meant to be. I love Squall, and now that he's having such a hard time with Rinoa, it might be my chance to be with him. You'll understand someday, I promise." With those final words, Quistis closed the door in the blond man's face, leaving him in absolute shock. Turning from the door, he stared down at the tiled surface of the female section of the Dorms. She'd just rejected him? After being with him for so long? How was it possible? Shaking his head, Seifer crossed his arms and walked away from the door, taking his pace slowly back to the division between male and female dormitories. He turned down the corridor to head to his dorm, ignoring most of the people that simply brushed past him. They didn't seem to care, didn't seem to notice the depression that wrapped its way around his mind. There was only one real solution in his vastly primitive mind.
She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spent his whole life trying to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night.
Alcohol was probably the crudest invention ever known to men. It came in all tastes and colors, but it brought out the general ass in men. Seifer tipped the bottle back and looked to the ceiling as he took a swallow of the clear liquid. It sloshed around in the bottle as he laid there against the headboard of his bed, only staring at the ceiling. He held it loosely in his right hand, almost swishing it around to see how much was left. Almost empty? The blond closed his eyes slowly and laid his head back against the wall, shaking his head. It'd been two years since Quistis had dumped him, something that he'd hoped would've never happened. It wasn't right, it wasn't logical in his mind. Squall was with Quistis, his Quistis. The one that didn't love him anymore. Lowering his head as he remembered that, the gunblader let out a choked sob of anguish. Tears clouded his eyes as he winced from the emotional pain that racked his body thoroughly, even down to the very edges of his soul. She'd been his. They were going to get married, going to stay together forever. It wasn't natural. Or rather, it was not meant to be in her words. Another sob shook his body as he started to remember her eyes, the way her hair smelled after she showered, the way she used to smile at him when he did something completely idiotic. In an instant, a shiver of disgust over himself ran through his body and down his spine, causing him to leap up off of the bed drunkenly and toss the bottle. It shattered against the wall, some flying back and landing on the bed, the rest of the alcohol inside splashing back in his face and up against the wall. Seifer didn't even bother to wipe it away as he fell back against the bed again. As he felt the sharp glass cut through his pant leg, he closed his eyes in not only physical, but tremendous mental and emotional pain that seemed to go along with his life. Slowly, he reached for another bottle of the stout liquor that he kept beside his bed those days.
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
"Seifer?" The knock on the door didn't really come as a shock to the occupant of the room. Poison seemed to drift through his body, the odd effect of too much alcohol playing on the young man's system. He could barely hear Raijin in the buzz of his ears, muchless answer him audibly the way he was pounding on the door and shouting. He felt himself slowly slipping away, something he told himself he would never do, never give into. "Ya know, this ain't funny, Seif. Ya done walled up long 'nuff. Ain't it time ta get over her? Open up the door 'fore I have ta break it in!" Once again, no response to the call seemed to be what Raijin expected. Backing away, the humongous man slammed his shoulder into the metal door, causing the emergency latch to glitch and allow the entrance to swoosh open with a light brush of air. Raijin entered the room and immediately moved to the fallen Knight, snatching him up from his laying position.
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her til I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
Light blue eyes feathered up to meet Raijin's horrified gaze, a ghost of a smile spreading across Seifer's face. His dying form was getting slower and slower as he reached down toward his pocket to remove something. "Tell 'er I still love 'er?" He withdrew a slip of paper with a heavy metal piece of jewelry in it, pressing it softly into Raijin's hand. "Never will stop. I'll remember 'er." As Raijin felt his friend's life pass from his body, he looked down at Seifer's untidy scrawl across the note, the white gold engagement ring he'd presented to Quistis years before tucked inside. It shimmered as brightly as the day Seifer had bought it.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
"Gone?" Her head was lowered as the funeral shortly came to a close. They'd found a place near the old orphanage to lay their brother to rest, covering it well with stones to make sure he was undisturbed. As the SeeDs filed past the grave, they saluted their fallen and moved away, most of them to get on with their lives and some to even start anew. "If I hadn't been so hard on him. Maybe if I'd have stayed with him." Tears welled in Quistis' eyes as she stared at the rocky soil, her hands twisting the wet handkerchief. Her lips trembled as she let loose the tears that had been welled up since a week before, when Raijin had reported Seifer's death.
"Quisty, you can't blame yourself forever. Seifer was a lost cause. We all know that, because after all, he never would've amounted to much if he was defeated by something as small as this. In a way, it puts him out of his misery. Please stop crying over him, Quistis. It's not like it's going to bring him back." Rinoa spoke next to her ear, causing Quistis to jerk away from her harshly. She glared hateful daggers at the woman as Squall stood next to her. "And don't blame others either. I know that's what's coming. We all hate that he's gone, but there's nothing you can do now. He's lost to the wind, because he threw his own life away. There's nothing you can do about that."
Quistis almost exploded on the smaller woman, snatching completely away from all of them. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW! He was smarter than any of us! He knew what life was, a complete waste! Lost cause! No, he wasn't a lost cause. I didn't see what was in front of me." A sob choked her voice as she shook her head, then ran off.
The rumors flew
But nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
Choking sobs racked the woman, her face pressed into the pillow as tears soaked into the red fabric. "It's n-not fair." Discarded bottles lay around the bed, testament to the pain she was feeling. A closed bottle remained, shining in the dim light of the bedroom. It was night, supposedly a peaceful time. "T-two years tonight? Can't be." She sniffled again and stared at the calendar across from her that was pinned on the wall. Quistis would never forget the date. It was almost like it was an omen that called to her, rang in her ears thoroughly. In a flash, she remembered his smiling blue eyes. She remembered the way he would smirk at his enemy before attacking, and how he would hold her hand while they kissed. She wailed in emotional pain, burying her head in the pillow again as she sobbed. Slowly, a hand reached out, a figure that was kneeling next to the bed patting her softly on her shoulder.
"Ya know, Seif left ya a message in his last breath. He tol' me he still loved ya. An' I forgot about this 'til I snuck up on it in one of my draw'rs. I meant to give it to ya earlier, but everythin' else got in the way. I'm sorry it took two years, Quisty." Raijin pulled the folded note out of his pocket, the light piece of jewelry still wrapped in the typing paper. Quistis sat up and stared down at the note, her lips trembling once more as she stared at the last words he'd written. The ink was blotched from old tears that had fallen on it while Seifer was penning it, hinting on the misery he'd truly went through in those last days. As her eyes ran over the ring, Quistis couldn't stand it anymore. She let out another wail of pain and pushed Raijin away from the bed as she clenched the small engagement ring in her palm.
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night.
The glittering engagement ring hadn't lost it sheen since she'd placed it on her finger three weeks beforehand. Quistis clutched the bottle soundly and took a drink as she stared at the bedpost. Instructor Trepe simply wasn't her calling any longer. Save the Queen had been thrown haphazardly across the room in one of her screaming fits when Squall had refused to leave her dorm earlier. Why couldn't they just leave her alone in her depression? It was as if they wanted to snatch her out to cause her more pain. The sun hurt. It hurt her eyes and her skin. It made her remember that she was a walking corpse. Slowly, her fingers ran across the bedsheets until she clutched the edge and took the last drink that finished off the bottle. It would be hell cleaning up the mess and convincing everyone she was alright again after she'd screamed at Squall so hatefully. Quistis found herself not really caring, though. What was there to care about anymore?
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
'I'll always love you. Always. Get on with your life, don't look back at me. Be the beautiful woman you were meant to, and don't worry about me, Quistis. I'm fine. I wanna look down and see you smile after I'm gone.' Her eyes read over the note again and again as her lips trembled. "I know you want me to move on, but how can I? There's nothing to move on for."
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
"It's Quistis! It's urgent, c'mon. I think she had too much this time."
Kadowaki ran down the hallway as Squall informed her of what had happened. She burst through the crowds of students to try and make it to the one that was fallen, the one that never needed help. Their footsteps pounded down the crowded corridor as they made it to the room, finally. Kadowaki edged past Irvine and Selphie as she tried to get to the young woman. Quistis lay on her bed, familiar gray cloth encompassed in her arms as she laid against the pillow limply. The red cross that dangled over the edge of the bed was a symbol of death, it seemed, for as soon as she was turned over Dr. Kadowaki shook her head and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. She's too far gone for anything to be done, Squall." It was dead silence around as they stared at the young woman's limp form, the gray trench coat dwarfing her form as she'd held onto it in her last moments.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
The Centra summer was sweltering as they stared at the two matching graves, one dug anew as the other one was simply grown over with grass. The two had been buried close together, as Squall had instructed. Everything seemed to hinge on their being together, so he reasoned that union in death was the alternative since it hadn't been possible in life. Slowly, Zell hammered the white cross down into the ground with a stone, tears fresh down every face that was staring down at the ground. "Do you think it was meant to be, Squall?" Selphie's usually squeaky voice was soft in the grief that she felt for the unfortunate and tragic suicide. "Do you think she meant to die, is what I meant?"
Squall slowly looked over to the young woman and sighed. "Quistis was a unique spirit. She had a unique way of showing grief, like Seifer did. I think this was planned since he died. In one way or another, she knew it was possible, and I think she wanted to be with him more than anything. Let her rest in the peace that she so desired with him. It's only proper. They would've been married if it hadn't been for me. It's my fault. At least I still have Rinoa.. I don't know what I would do if she went like that." The group of friends slowly turned their backs on the graves and walked back toward the Ragnarok. As night fell across the area, a soft singing sound seemed to reverberate through the night, echoing and pulsing for all the nearby creatures to hear. The female voice was happy, singing a gentle lullaby to the wind as a male voice seemed to join in to sing praises to the night and the final darkness.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.