Chapter 8: The Ballad of Mr. Whiskers

The next day, the old fart, Gandalf, said that because of the random crows, they could not go their original route to Mordor. They did not know what to do! Melody did not understand; with Legolas around, he could protect ANYBODY! But her sweet voice rang out with an idea, "I have an idea! Why don't we go through that wonderful mountain, Cahadras?"

Everyone (but Aragorn, but he doesn't count, for his thoughts were stupid, and no one really cared about what he thought.) thought this was a WONDERFUL idea, so they all packed their things, and followed Melody's INGENIOUS idea!

After hours of walking, everyone got to the biiiiiggggg mountain. "Oh my!" Melody said, looking up at it with her beautiful, violet/pink/red/brown/green/some other unknown colored eyes. "It's awfully big." She said, clutching Legolas tightly. But she summoned her courage and walked up, the Fellowship walking behind her.

Soon it began to snow. Melody giggled as the snowflakes kissed her flawless cheeks and dotted her gorgeous red hair with white. Legolas stared at her in awe, her cheeks flushed to an attractive pink, her perfect white arms outstretched, spinning around in circles, head up, while the snow rained down upon her. She saw Legolas staring at her and she looked at him thoughtfully, "What is it, sweety-kins?" She asked innocently, hairs falling out of her exquisite bun, making her look more beautiful than ever.

"Only, My lady, that you have grown more beautiful than when I met you. How can this be, my lady?"

Melody giggled, "Oh SILLY! Don't you know that I was never loved at my own world? But now that I am here, and people worship me for who I am… Well, I can feel my beautifulness blossoming again." She smiled at him, and they kissed passionately.

Suddenly Melody began crying! SOBBING into hysterically into Legolas' shoulder!

"What is it, my lady? What's wrong, my lady? Why are you crying, my lady?"

"It's just… just……………………………………………………………………………………………………MR. WHISKERS! WAAAHHHH! Why! Mr. Whiskers? WHY did you jump in front of the Meow Chow truck? WHYYY?" Melody sobbed in her righteous grief, grieving over Mr. Whiskers grievously.

Legolas was shocked! "You love another, Milady?" He said, grieving grievously.

" No," She sniffed, "Mr. Whiskers was my… my… KITTY! He was so ADORABLE, Legolas! He was white with pink and purple on the end of his tail! He was unique, JUST like ME. But then he had to jump in front of the Meow Chow truck…" Melody sobbed again.

Legolas massaged her shoulders gently, "Oh MY LADY, it is alright! Mr. Whiskers is in a BETTER PLACE. And I love you now, Mr. Whiskers would want you to be HAPPY."

"You're right!" Sniffed Melody, and suddenly she burst out laughing! "GASP! I remember all the good times we used to have, like when he would 'pretend' to be an attack kitty and scratch up my beautiful face!" She giggled, for it would never leave a scratch, "And then when he wouldn't drink his milk and he spilled it all over the new $5,000 dollar rug that my abusive aunt had! She whipped me for it, but OH it was funny!"

(REAL A/N: Wow, sounds like 'Mr. Whiskers' REALLY loved Melody! Not.)

Legolas REJOICED at her happiness once again, for when she was happy, HE was happy.

Melody urged Asfoloth onward, shivering painfully in the biting cold. The gentle falling of snow had turned into a HORRIBLE BLIZZARD! Melody had gotten colder and colder, whenever she was tempted to just fall asleep in the bitter cold, she took out Pink Terror, and drew courage from it, she MUST not fall asleep! Her people needed her!

But… a few minuets later, she was SO COLD she couldn't STAND it! "Oooohhhhhhhhhh" She moaned as she fell off Asfaloth.

Asfaloth whinnied urgently, calling for help! He nuzzled her gently, but she stirred not.

Legolas and Borimir, who were each carrying two hobbits, heard Asfaloth's cry for HELP! Dropping the hobbits into the 6-foot deep snow, they RUSHED forward to help the poor, helpless Melody in all helplessness.

"MY LADY!" Gasped Legolas, caressing her face with tears in his eyes, was she ALRIGHT!

Melody moaned faintly, her plump, shinylips blue from the cold.

"We must HELP her!" Said Borimir

"But HOW!" Legolas sniffed, peeling his frozen teardrops away.

Borimir had an idea, "I have an idea!" He said, rushing to some random driftwood just laying on top of the snow, he gathered them together. And then plucked a hair from Legolas' sexy head.

Legolas turned and glared at Borimir, "What was that for?" He asked angrily (A/N: OOOHHH! JEALOUSY! OMIGOSH! OMIGOSH!)

"It's to SAVE our lady!" Borimir said heroically, weaving Legolas' hair in through the wood.

Suddenly Legolas understood, "I will do ANYTHING for my lady! ANYTHING!"

"Good," Borimir said, plucking another hair from Legolas' head.

HOURS LATER

"It's finished!" Borimir exclaimed, lifting up the newly-made litter. It was beautiful now, fit for one as fair as Melody. Legolas' sexy hair made it shine with an elven glow. Where the curtains were (yes, curtains, or previous blankets from the hobbits' and Aragorn's packs) inside, there was MELODY! She was as snug as a bug, and as toasty and warm as toast. With Jelly. (A/n:
MMMMMMM! MY FAVORTIEEEEE! It's great great! Like an afternoon steak! TEHEHEHEH! My best friend always says that! She's the type that could tickle you pink! Her name's Roxanne! Hehe It's the ccccccccccccccccccccccccoooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt name in the world! HEHEHE!)

The blizzards howled and hooted, but Melody, was safe and warm inside.

Borimir and Legolas, toiling up the mountain, WITH Melody on her litter, AND the feather pillows, and all her sixty dresses. But Melody cared not, for she was COLD, and that was ALL that mattered.

Soon, Melody peeked her head out of the litter, and GASPED in horror! Legolas was BALD! He was willing to sacrifice his sexy hair for HER sake. "Oh LEGGY! You POOR DEAR!" She sobbed, "You have no hair because me! What shall I DOOOO?"

"It's alright, my lady.. I was happy to sacrifice my sexay hair for your sake..." Legolas said, feeling his bald spot a bit sadly.

She told Borimir and Legolas to lower her, and she gracefully in all gracefulness stepped out of the litter. "Bow before me and lower you head, my love." She said softly, the howling wind suddenly growing calmer.

Legolas did as she said, for he could not refuse her. She summoned a tear from her beautiful violet eyes and it trickled down her flawless cheek and dropped on Legolas' head.

SUDDENLY! A bright light FLASHED in all flashedness on Legolas' head, and then slowly disappeared.. And LO and BEHOLD! Legolas' head was filled with HAIR!

"Oh my LADY! I thank you DEARLY! My hair is now SHINIER and LONGER and more BEAUTFIUL!" They embraced and kissed passionately, and everyone cheered.

The REAL A/n: HELLO! Sorry it took me awhile to update... -cries- I was really busy... and I couldn't think of any more REALLY ridiculous stuff to happen to ol' Melody... But thanks to my fwiendies, Lynne and A.D. who thought of the baldness and Melody restoring it! -throws up-

Southern Gaelic: Cat o' nine! PERFECT! -grabs one herself- but wait... this is too gentle for Melody... Need... stronger... more painful.. WEAPON!

DRUNKEN LANDLORD: Awsome name.. lol But I'm still a bit oblivious to terms on here... what does WMD's mean?

chou-fleur: Hmm.. ponders Now WHO are you again? Lol.. jk :-P -loves your story- mwhaha.. Anywhoo.. thanks:-D

Mardi G.: Well.. according to Leggy'ssweetiesweetiesweetheartruelove, Elrond's name isn't WORTH taking the time to spell it right! Mwahah.. thanks :-D

Lizzie: To me, m'dear... a compliment! Yay! Thanks muchly :-D

Yami Chikara: LOL... thanks:-D I read this one story once where this Mary-Sue described in GREAT detail the tank top that she was wearing.. then in the A/n... the author informed us that she has that EXACT same tank top! GASP! She also got it from TARGET.. Gah... how sad :P

ISpikedThePunch: But of COURSE... I got the frying pan (complete with wig and frilly, elegant dress) at SUE MART! Where all your Sue needs are satisfied! Hannon le:P

Killer Fuzzy Bunny from Hell: YAY! TOASTERS! I like toaster, except my toaster is truely evil... It burns my poptarts! WAAAA! Mwahha.. thanks for the review! I shall keep your armies in mind! Maybe at the end... -ponders-

PhycoFanaticElfindaWoods: MWAHAH! SAMMMMYYY! -tackles- Thankies, you.. you.. FLAMER YOU!

THECheeseTurkey: RFLOL! You have no clue how much your reviews cracked me up... mwahah... Thanks :-D

Irishobbit: FWIENDIE TIME! hehhe... -comforts sobbing Iris- now now, fwiendie... it's supposed to be FUNNY! -huggles-