AN: Thanks for reading!
"Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad..."
--Blink 182
"Coffee," Jimmy Cooper's voice broke through his doze. Sandy sat up and accepted the mug. Kirsten was already dressed but was sitting in bed beside him.
"Thank you," he said.
"No problem," Jimmy smiled.
"I've only been up a few minutes. You were talking in your sleep," Kirsten said.
Seth was dead. "What did I say?"
"Something about protocol in negotiating rights to unclaimed property," she smiled.
"Sorry." His subconscious really needed an enema.
"Your mom's on the way," Jimmy said.
His mom. God, he wanted to see her. He needed his mother right now.
"Sandy?" Caleb stepped in. He was flushed. "Can I see you a moment?"
He didn't recognize her immediately.
"Mr. Cohen?"
Dawn Atwood looked traumatized. Her blue eyes were desperate and serious as she stepped forward.
"Dawn?" Kirsten gasped.
"I just wanted to offer my condolences…is my boy here?"
"He's fine, he saved us," Kirsten replied. He recognized the anger on her face. He wasn't sure what was going on with his wife. She couldn't see Ryan by her own admission but she seemed incensed at Dawn Atwood's presence.
"Ry does that sometimes…is he here?"
"She doesn't believe me," Caleb said quietly, looking at Sandy guiltily.
"He's not here," Sandy admitted.
"What?" Kirsten asked, turning to him.
"Sandy, I can take her," Jimmy said.
Sandy nodded. Jimmy closed the door and left him with Kirsten.
"Sandy, what…" Kirsten was visibly upset and confused.
"Ryan's at Lindsay's."
"What?"
"Caleb…"
"Sandy, tell me the truth," she insisted.
He sighed. He didn't have the energy to lie to her. "He didn't want to upset you. Caleb agreed and Renee offered. I didn't know. It wasn't my decision."
"He hates me…" Kirsten whispered.
"No…he's…he's trying to do what he thinks is…"
"It's my fault…and no his mother's back and he'll go with her and we'll lose him and Seth will hate me, too…" Kirsten said.
"Kirsten, stop. Ryan doesn't hate you and we aren't going to lose him," Sandy said.
"Get dressed."
"Kirsten…" he started, unable to read her.
She was steady. "We have to go see him. We have to keep the family that we have left."
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Renee opened the door. She didn't recognize either of the couple. The man was tan and unshaven and the woman was wearing non-fitting faded jeans and a stained t-shirt.
"I'm Jimmy Cooper, Marissa's dad. We're here to see Ryan," the man introduced himself.
Caleb appeared between them. "Sandy said it was okay."
"I need a court order or something to see my own kid?" The woman asked quietly.
"You are?" Renee asked, blocking the door. She wasn't sure what was going on.
"Dawn. Dawn Atwood."
"Ryan's mother," Jimmy said quietly.
"Ryan's resting. Come in," Renee stepped aside.
Jimmy stayed beside Dawn as they walked in. Caleb paused beside her.
"Ryan's mother…is she okay to be here?" she asked Caleb, unsure of the relationship between her daughter's boyfriend and the woman that just arrived.
"Unfortunately, I never bothered to find out. I never asked about the boy or his family."
Renee realized that Caleb seemed genuinely apologetic. "Come in."
"Mom?" Lindsay's voice was urgent.
Dawn had her arms around Ryan when they walked in. Lindsay was worried beside him on the bed. It was clear that they'd both just woken up.
"Oh, baby, I'm so glad you're okay, I was so scared when I heard…" Dawn was saying.
"I'm okay, Mom…" Ryan murmured.
She didn't know Ryan very well but she knew that her daughter loved him. She could recognize the raw emotion on his face. Ryan was surprised but he clearly loved his mother.
"You could've died…I'm so sorry, baby…I'm so sorry…" Dawn started to cry and Ryan's face flashed with anguish.
"No, don't cry, Ma, please…"
Renee was pissed. The kid had been through enough and didn't need to have to comfort his mother, too.
"Lindsay?" Ryan pushed the woman away and turned toward her daughter. "I can't be here…"
"Okay," Lindsay said immediately, taking his hands.
"Ry…"
"No, I'm fine, Ma, I just can't…"
"I'm sorry…I'll stop crying, don't go…" Dawn said immediately.
"Ryan?" Caleb's voice was urgent.
Dawn stared pleadingly at her son and Ryan glanced between her and Lindsay, upset.
"Mrs. Atwood? Come into the kitchen. There's coffee and Ryan's not even awake yet," Renee said, taking charge.
"Ry…" Dawn started.
"I'll be out in a little while, Ma," Ryan replied, turning into Lindsay's embrace.
Dawn nodded and stood up. Renee took her arm and led the woman into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry," Dawn said, once they were alone.
"It's okay," she answered automatically.
"That's your daughter?" Dawn asked.
"Lindsay. She's been seeing Ryan."
Dawn nodded. "She's a lucky girl. He's a good boy…I never told him that enough."
"When's the last time you saw him?"
The woman's eyes flashed but Renee didn't care. She'd never lose track of Lindsay. She'd never leave her daughter with strangers. Her daughter was everything.
"I won't lie. I couldn't handle him. I'm not a real 'maternal' person. Ry…he's smarter than anyone I've even known and I couldn't deal with him…The lawyer, Mr. Cohen, he knows how special Ryan is…"
"You left him?" Renee asked.
"I gave him a life. You don't know me…"
"Mom. Stop it," Ryan said, stepping in. "Let's talk. Outside." Lindsay was beside him.
Dawn nodded and stood up.
"I'll bring your coffee out," Renee said. Lindsay gave her an appreciative look.
Ryan accepted Dawn's arm around him as they walked out.
"Mom…" Lindsay started.
"Give them a minute, honey. Go change. I'll take care of him."
Lindsay hesitated.
"Go."
Lindsay nodded finally, trusting her. She disappeared upstairs.
She poured 3 cups of coffee and walked past Caleb and Jimmy, both men on their phones.
Dawn and Ryan were sitting on the steps. They didn't register her presence.
"I'll take you home," Dawn was saying.
"Ma, I'm fine, Sandy and…" Ryan started.
"You're not even with them…"
"You don't understand," Ryan whispered.
"Coffee," Renee said, interrupting them.
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Kirsten had to see Ryan. She had to see him. He had to know that she wouldn't let him go. She loved him, Sandy loved him, Seth loved him and there was no way she'd let him go.
He'd done everything in his power to save them. He'd gone back into the fire for Seth. It wasn't his fault that he'd been too late. So no matter how upset she was right now, she had to talk to him.
Sandy stopped the car behind Caleb's.
She could see Dawn sitting with Ryan on the porch, Renee standing behind them.
She stepped out without listening to Sandy. "Ryan."
He jolted, startled. His eyes were wide with surprise.
"Ryan," she repeated, desperate.
Dawn's eyes were on him as he stood up and took a couple of steps toward her.
She pulled him close. "You know I love you, I'm sorry…" she started. She had so much to say to him…
"I know, it's okay, it's fine…" Ryan said.
She didn't care that he was devastated. She didn't care that he was just a boy. She needed him. Sandy and Ryan were hers. She wouldn't share. She squeezed him, his chin on her shoulder. "I love you, I don't want to lose you, too…"
"I'm here…" he whispered, but she couldn't read his voice.
"I want to take him home," Dawn said suddenly from the porch.
"No," Kirsten replied immediately, tightening her embrace. She wouldn't let him go.
"Dawn…" Sandy gasped from behind her.
"He's my son. You almost killed him…" Dawn snapped. Ryan shuddered in her arms and tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him.
"He's mine," Dawn added.
"Excuse me? Didn't you leave him here?" Renee's voice startled them all. "Ryan's 17. He's old enough to make his own decisions."
"Kirsten…" Ryan's whisper was almost inaudible but she heard him.
"I'm here…"
"Can you ever forgive me?" he whispered.
She didn't know what he was talking about, was he talking about Seth or did he want to leave with Dawn?
"Ry. Let me take you home." Dawn's voice was serious.
Ryan's eyes flashed with turmoil. He loved her, she knew, but Dawn was his mother.
"Ry?"
He broke away from her grasp and turned toward his mother. Going to Dawn. His mother.
Kirsten wasn't his mother. She loved him but she wasn't his mother. She was Seth's mother. But Seth was dead…
She couldn't fathom losing Seth, it was tearing her apart so she couldn't fathom how Dawn could have walked away from Ryan. Dawn didn't deserved him.
"Ma. I need you to go…" Ryan said quietly. "You're upsetting them and…"
"I'm here for you…" Dawn said.
Kirsten felt like she was going to collapse. Sandy's arm wrapped around her waist and she leaned against him.
"This isn't about me," Ryan replied sadly.
"Bitch!"
Summer Roberts ran across the lawn and grabbed Dawn by the arm. "Get your paws off him!"
"Summer…" Marissa called, but it was too late.
"He doesn't need you here, you'll only hurt him, Cohen wouldn't want you here!" Summer said, almost shrieking. And Kirsten thought she'd been overreacting… Summer started to pelt her with her tiny fists.
"Summer, stop, she's my mother, get off!" Ryan said, shielding Dawn with his body.
Marissa finally managed to pull Summer away.
Everything was out of control.
"Come on, Ma…" Ryan walked with his mother to the curb away from everyone.
"Let's give them some time. Come inside," Renee said calmly. Sandy led her to the house.
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Lindsay came out of her room and was startled by all the people in her downstairs living room.
Kirsten and Sandy were talking quietly with Caleb while Jimmy was sitting with Marissa and Summer. Her mother approached her.
"What happened? Where's Ryan?"
"Outside. With his mother…"
She didn't wait to hear any more, she had to be with him. He was being torn to pieces in front of her eyes and she couldn't let it happen. She stopped cold on the porch. She saw a taxi pulling away and Ryan was sitting on the steps with his head between his knees.
"Ryan."
"I can't do this, Lindsay," he said quietly when she sat down beside him. She put an arm around him and he sat up slowly.
"How can I help you?"
"I don't know…" he sighed. "I don't think that I'll ever be okay again…"
"Come back inside. I won't make you see anyone, you can lie down and I'll sit with you. As long as you need."
He nodded. "Thanks. This is all just…too much…with Kirsten and my mom and then Summer just flipping…"
Lindsay didn't know what Summer had done but it didn't matter. She helped Ryan to his feet and they turned to find Caleb behind them.
"Ryan. Take this." He held out another blue pill.
Ryan shook his head. She knew that he wasn't comfortable taking orders from the man, her father, but he'd obeyed so far, accepting that Caleb was speaking for Sandy and Kirsten. Lindsay had allowed her mother to medicate him but that was when they wanted him to sleep. It was daytime now.
"It'll help. You need to rest," Caleb said sternly.
"Because of Dawn?" Ryan asked. Lindsay stared at Caleb, too, unsure of his motivation.
"No. Because of Kirsten," Caleb replied.
Ryan took the pill and swallowed it. "Every time she looks at me it's a reminder that Seth's dead."
"Ryan, that's not what…" Caleb gasped, startled.
"Sorry. You got what you wanted. I'm going to lie down." Ryan walked away quickly and she followed him to the guest room.
"I'm sorry, Lindsay. Thank you for everything…" Ryan sighed, sitting down.
He was still scaring her. In the hospital, it was like he wasn't even there, he was desperate to escape. But now…he was just shattered. She realized that she hadn't even scratched the surface of him. She had no idea who Ryan Atwood really was and she doubted if he even knew under all the masks he wore. Seeing him with his mother had been like watching a stranger.
"Lie down, baby, I'll stay with you. You don't have to talk…" she urged.
"Thanks." He stretched out and she was relieved when he closed his eyes.
"Lindsay?" Her mother's voice was a whisper from the doorway.
"He's resting," Lindsay replied, rubbing his back.
"His family wants to see him."
"Give us a little while, please?" Lindsay looked at her mother desperately. They'd been best friends forever and she knew her mom would do the right thing.
"Take your time," she replied finally.
"Thanks," she told her mom.
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"Cohen wouldn't want her to be here," Summer said suddenly, breaking the silence.
"Summer…" Coop started.
"No." Cohen hadn't said much…actually, he had. She'd accused him of being in love with Chino as much as he'd talked about him. Cohen had said that Ryan's mom was an alcoholic junkie that hand allowed her boyfriends to hurt him. She'd never known where Cohen got his information from but she knew he believed it. It was her job now to protect Chino.
And Chino didn't need his mother.
Seth had wanted Kirsten to be Ryan's mother. He'd loved his mom and wanted Ryan to be her son, too.
"Ryan's in bed. He needs a few minutes but he's not going anywhere," Renee announced, returning.
"Can we see him?" Summer asked immediately.
"I'm sorry, but Lindsay asked for some time alone. He's a little overwhelmed," Renee replied.
"We'd like to take him back with us," Kirsten said. "To Dad's."
Summer wondered how awful she must look because Kirsten had to look worse.
Cohen was dead and there was nothing anyone could do except flip out.
"Summer, let's take you back to Marissa's. That way, you can see Ryan when he gets there," Jimmy said.
"That's a good idea," Sandy told Kirsten. "We'll all go back to Caleb's and once Ryan's ready, we'll be ready too. We have to stick together…"
"Which is why we should stay," Kirsten replied quickly.
"Kirsten. There are things we have to start taking care of," Sandy said calmly.
Summer felt Coop's arm tighten around her. She was going to have to watch them put him in the ground. Cohen.
"There are people we have to call. Hailey's coming and she's going to want to see you," Sandy continued.
Kirsten sighed. "Okay." She stood up with her arm around Sandy's waist.
"Summer? Come with us. I'll heat you up a bagel," Sandy said, turning toward her.
"You should be with us," Kirsten added.
Summer nodded. She loved Seth's parents. They'd always shown their love for each other and for Seth. She loved her daddy but he'd never understood how much she loved Cohen and she didn't know if she'd ever be able to forgive him for that. But the Cohens knew.
"Come on, Sum," Marissa said, pulling her to her feet. "Sandy makes great bagels."
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Jimmy was loading boxes with the same men he'd stolen money from. Newport Beach was coming together. Almost 50 people had turned out to help them salvage things from the charred remains of Sandy and Kirsten's home.
Everything reeked of smoke, the scent so stifling that Jimmy couldn't imagine what it must've been like in the fire.
The entire first floor's contents were basically ashes but they'd found a lot of intact items from the second floor in the rubble.
Jimmy and Caleb were the men in charge because they knew the house best. Caleb was still wading through the debris but Jimmy had felt compelled to escort the boxes of comics that Seth Cohen had stored in fire-proof boxes to the truck. He'd also found a fire-proof lock box that he'd locked in his trunk.
The kid had been an eccentric one so it didn't surprise him that he'd locked up his valuables. But what Seth Cohen would have considered 'valuable' would probably surprise them all. Caleb had found the key and had it laced around his neck beside the cross Julie had given him this morning.
Julie had given him a cross, too, the moment he'd arrived. She was taking Seth's death hard under her impeccable mask. They'd almost lost Marissa, once by her own hand and twice with Oliver. They were damned lucky.
Sandy and Kirsten…they didn't deserve to lose their son. Not like this.
"Jimmy."
He turned and saw Caleb hurrying up to him, covered in soot.
"Take this, now. Give it to Sandy…"
"What is it?" Jimmy wiped off the figurine with his sleeve.
"It's the Captain," Caleb said, as if Jimmy should know.
"The Captain." It was a plastic horse.
"The Captain," Caleb nodded. "Sandy will understand. Take it to him. I'll stay and oversee things."
"You sure you shouldn't be getting back, too?" Jimmy asked.
"I loved Seth but his grandmother's in town. He'll understand if I'd rather be here," Caleb replied with a shiver.
"Oh. The Nana," Jimmy nodded.
"Go with God, Jimmy," Caleb said.