Written: 6/8/05
Word Count: 100, 100, 300
Rating: K/ T for boys kissing, attempted murder, and vague references to suicide and mass murder.
Notes: Drabbles inspired by my first drabble in the community (which can be found in the first Saiyuki drabble collection, chapter 18, entitled Sleep Habits), in which Hakkai is a sleepwalker.
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Hakkai sleeps more peacefully nowadays.
I dunno if it's because we've been sharing a bed for so long, or if--maybe--the bloody nightmares of the past are starting to fade.
When he first came to me, as Cho Gonou, he used to have horrible nightmares. He'd wake up thrashing, drenched in a cold sweat, calling her name.
He still wakes up like that sometimes, shivering and scared. I'll wake to find him curled around me, whispering my name in the dark. All I can do is hold him, usually through the night. The next morning he's exhaused but masks it with that infuriating politeness and hollow smile.
It's heartbreaking.
He never deserved such torture.
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The first night he sleptwalked, it scared me shitless.
Of course, that might have had something to do with the knife.
At least his aim was off.
In those days, he was still in the castle, killing those monsters that took his sister. He reopened his wound, and was out for two days.
Now whenever he starts to sleepwalk I just pull him closer and wait for him to calm back down and drift off. Thankfully, I'm a light sleeper.
He still calls out her name in his sleep.
But he calls out mine too, now.
And on he sleeps.
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The sheets rustled, waking me up.
" 'Kai?" My voice sounded groggy in the dark.
No answer. I could see his outline in the starlight, sitting on the bed, his back to me.
"Hakkai."
Again, no response. I sat up and touched his shoulder.
He finally turned towards me, and the emerald gaze was cloudy with what I now recognized as sleep. "I'm gonna go find her."
Now, I know they say it's dangerous to wake up a sleepwalker, but it's more dangerous to let Hakkai roam, thinking he's looking for Kanan.
"Tomorrow, man, right now we'll sleep." I pulled him back down, slinging an arm around his waist and holding him close.
His protests grew weaker and more incoherent as he slipped back into deeper sleep. When I was sure he was asleep, I began my own quest for sleep.
The search was interrupted when he rolled over, his arms snaking around my neck. I was torn between groaning from lack of sleep or cheering because he was awake. Either way, I kept my eyes closed as he spoke.
"I'm sorry."
"Forget it."
"I still love her."
Damn it. He remembered his dream. Here we go again. "I know."
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"No."
"But--"
I cracked one eye open to look at him. "She was loved by Cho Gonou. I am loved by Cho Hakkai."
"Gonou and Hakkai share the same memories."
"I'm not telling you to forget all about her. I don't think she'd want you to wallow for all eternity," I replied, shutting my eye.
"I don't think she'd like that either."
"So shut up and go to sleep."
I felt soft, sweet lips press against mine.
"I love you, Gojyo."
"Right back at 'cha."
I don't think he knows I heard him whisper a goodnight to Kanan.
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