You Oughta Know

by nina90

Sara gets drunk at a bar and ends up singing, completely unaware of her audiance. GrissomSara

Title: You Oughta Know

Author: Nina90

Rating: T

Classification: Grissom/Sara Romance

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, and The song, "You Oughta Know'' belongs to Alanis Morissette

Spoilers: none

Summary: Sara gets drunk at a bar and ends up singing, completely unaware of her audiance

Status: Finished

Sara swallowed the last of her beer. The bar she was sitting in was full of other people who shared the her reason for going to drown out their sorrows. She wasn't happy at all that Terri Miller, the forensic anthopologist, was back in town. She had apparently got a divorce from her short time husband and was back. Sara looked to the bartender who looked back at her with raised eye brows. He walked over to him, his grey eyes questioning, and he ran his hand through his short brown hair.

"Another one?" He questioned, reaching in the small frigde and pulling out another beer bottle.

"Thanks, Tom." She said, opening it with the bottle opener that sat in front of her.

"Your welcome, Sara. Just let me call you a cab when you're ready to leave." Sara smiled at the bartender, and gave him a nod. Sara focused her attention back at the small stage where 'open microphone night' was taking place.

One of the reasons she loved this place. All the people who sung songs were drunk, therefore making their performace hillarious. And Sara needed to laugh.

Ever since Terri had come back, Sara's life had been a living hell. Not that Terri wasn't a nice person or anything, Terri had always been polite to her. What bothered Sara is what she took away from her.

Gil Grissom had always been interested in Terri Miller. Sara had known that, but when they had started a personal relasionship Sara just figured that Terri ment nothing to him. Sara took a swig of her beer. Their breif affair had been wonderful, even though it was three months ago, and lasted only two months. Sara remembered what it was like waking up to see Gil's blue eyes staring into her eyes. It was wonderful to talk to him, get to know him, let him know her. But when he decided that they shouldn't be together, that they were risking more than they were gaining, she wished non of it had ever happened. Sara took another long drink as the memories flooded back to her.

Sara woke up to feel strangly at loss. Her arm extened to find the other side of the bed was empty, the place where he had fallen asleep was cold to the touch. Sara swallowed hard, and pushed herself off the bed, picking up Gil's discarded shirt from the chair. She pulled the shirt that smelled so much like him over her head, and left her bedroom, in search of him.

Sara found her way to her dark living room, to find him looking out the window. He obviously didn't hear her enter, he had his arms wrapped around himself and he was wearing his robe. She made her way around her coffee table and couch until she was behind him. Her arms wrapped around him and she rested her chin on his shoulder. His arms covered hers and she felt him relax.

"I woke up and you were gone." She said in a very child like manner. She could feel him smile. He turned around in her arms and pulled his arms around her.

"Never again, Sara. Never again." She smiled widely, showing off the gap in her teeth, though when it wasn't returned, her eyes shown confusion.

"What's wrong?" She asked bringing her hand to his face, caressing it lovingly. Sara looked into his eyes, trying to see emotion, but was only met by sadness and regret. Her heart sunk, and her breathing quickened nervously. "Gris, what's wrong." She asked, growing even more worried.

"Nothing." He said, letting go of her and turning around. Sara let out a sigh, and grabbed his arm, forcing him to face him.

"Don't do this." She said, holding his face in her hands, "Don't shut me out." Gil looked down at her, he could feel her worry. He raised his hands to his face, and gently pulled her hands from his face. Sara looked up at his face, wondering what was going on in his mind.

"Sara, I'm sorry." He said letting go of her hands. Sara felt tears welling up in her eyes. What was going on?

"Sorry for what, Gris? What's going on?" Gil walked back to her bedroom and started collecting his clothes from the floor. Sara followed, her heart not trusing her eyes.

"You're going now?" She asked, feeling like a helpless child. He continued picking up his clothes, and was evidently looking for his shirt. Sara slid it off her body, then handed it to him. He looked at her, then quickly averted his eyes, almost like a six year old would do if they were caught staring at the cutest girl in school.

"Yeah." He said, walking into her bathroom. Closing the door with a snap. Sara sat down on her bed, covering her body with the white sheet that was thrown on the floor during their love making. Sara looked around the room, he had been with her an hour ago, whispering how he loved her...what was happening?

The door to the bathroom opened, and Gil stepped out fully dressed. Sara stood up, and wrapped the sheet around her then followed Gil as he walked down the hall. He reached the door, and was in process of unlocking it when Sara spoke up.

"What the hells going on?" She said loudly, causing him to turn and face her, his eyes full of sorrow. "You regret it." She said breathlessly after a moment, feeling as if she'd just been punched in the stomach. The tears that were threatening to fall, fell freely then.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I never ment for this to get this far. I know it won't work out between us." Sara walked over too him.

"What do you mean, 'I never ment for this to get this far'? What? You just wanted to sleep with me, then leave? What, I was so tempting you had to come back for seconds and thirds!" She yelled, her voice wavering.

"Sara, it's nothing like that, I neve-" Gil started but was interupted by Sara's barely audiable voice.

"Then why are you leaving?" Gil gave a small sigh, looking at the woman in frount of him. God she was beautiful. And he loved her, but he knew it was just a dream...nothing more.

"It's something I have to do."

"Bullshit!" She yelled. "You wanna leave?" She asked giving a fake chuckle, "Fine. Then get the hell out of here!" Gil looked at her, then at the door. "Well, what are you waiting for? Do you want one last screw before you go?" Sara cried threw clenched teeth. He left silently. Sara ran to the door, still holding the sheet, and kicked it. "What the hell did I do!" She screamed, as her back hit the door, she slowly slid to the ground, her violent sobs taking over her. "I can't do this anymore!" She screamed threw her sobs.

Sara finished off her beer. That was exactly why Sara disliked Terri, she had perfect timing showing up. Gil hadn't had a second though when he said he'd date her. He still saw Sara around the lab, still had to be in the same room with her, but he had acted like nothing happened.

"Sara, maybe you should hed home." Tom said, taking away the bottle.

"I will...maybe I should go sing a song first." She said, followed by a drunken laugh. Tom smiled as well.

"You'd be better than all these assholes." Sara's smile widened.

"You better keep an eye on the stage...I'll be on it soon." With that Sara got up and left the bar. Tom shook his head. He knew Sara because her frequent visits to this bar, he knew that something was majorly troubling her.

Tom continued making drinks when another party of six walked threw the door, they took a seat in the back corner, and one of them came to place an order for the drinks.

When Nick came back after ordering the drinks, he sat down in his place between Warrick and Greg. Cathering sat on the other side of Warrick, followed by Gil, Terri, and Greg.

"So where is Sara?" Warrick asked, he never knew Sara as the one to decline an invitation to a bar.

"I don't know man, she's been acting wired." Nick said. He turned his attention to Terri. "Glad to be back in Las Vegas?" He asked loudly so she could hear him. Gil sat back. He was happy that Nick changed the coversation. He knew why Sara was unhappy, he knew that he could easily stop it, but he also knew that he was fifteen years older than she was and her boss. He knew that it couldn't work. Though he couldn't denie that the time that they did spend together was great. And, God, it broke his heart to leave like he did.

His trian of thought was inturrupted by Terri grabbing his arm.

"Hey," She said, "You looked lost there." He gave her a small smile. He didn't know why he had accepted her invitaion to dinner, he saw how Sara looked after she found out. Her face went deathly pale, and she looked as if she was going to be sick. But Gil had told himself, it was for her. She may not understand it now, but she would later.

"Naw..." He said, reclining in his chair, "I was just thinking." A moment later, all their drinks came, Gil drank a gulp of his dubble burban on the rocks. Causing the table to stare at him, he casually shrugged it off, when a voice came over the speakers.

"Our next preformer tonight will be singing "You Oughta Know"." The bar got considerably quieter, as the table turned to face the stage. Who they saw made all their jaws drop.

Sara Sidle stode out on the stage with a half empty beer bottle and a michrophone in the other. She had a wide smile on her face, as she took another swig of beer.

"Alright, people." Sara said, stopping in the middle of the stage. "I just want to let you all know, that I am drunk off my ass, so if my voice isn't pretty, I apologize." At that half the bar laughed. Gil felt the color drain from his face, he was happy they had sat in the back, but his thoughts were interrupted by Sara's voice over the speakers.

"I want you to know, that I''m happy for you,

I wish nothing but the best, for you both.

She sang softly, then drums and a guitar filled the silence as she continued.

An older version of me,

Is she perverted like me?

Would she go down on you in a theatre?

Does she speak eloquently?

And would she have you baby?

I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother.

Gil's heart stopped. The song was for him, he could feel it.

"Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no.
And every time you speak her name,
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me,
Until you died, till you died?
But you're still alive!

Gil sighed sadly, he had told her never again would she wake up without him, he left her later that morning.

And I'm here, to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you went away!
It's not fair, to deny me,
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me!
You, you, you oughta know!

Sara started dancing around the stage, she smiled brightly, but her eyes held so much sadness. She was clearly operating off the beer.

You seem very well, things look peaceful.
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know.
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.
It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced!
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her!

Catherine looked back at Gil, and seen his pale expression, she knew this song was to him.

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able,
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no!
And every time you speak her name,
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me,
Until you died, til you died!
But you're still alive!

Her voice had steadily became stronger, as the anger spilled out.

And I'm here, to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you went away!
It's not fair, to deny me,
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me!
You, you, you oughta know!

Gil took another drink, as the song got slower, seeming like it was over. Sara took a long drink, and held the microphone to her lips again.

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed, that was me,
And I'm not gonna fade.
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it,
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back,
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it!

Sara had yelled the last part, she ment it with every emotion in her. No one but Gil seemed to noticed the tear that fell down her cheek.

And I'm here, to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you went away!
It's not fair, to deny me,
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me,
You, you, you oughta know!

And I'm here, to remind you,
Of the mess you left when you went away!
It's not fair, to deny me,
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me,
You, you, you oughta know!"

The last line came out in gasps, she was crying openly. After another swig of beer, and the applause that rang threw the bar stopped she raised the microphone to her mouth once more.

"Thanks guys, for being a great audiance. I'm going to go home and pass out on my couch now." Everyone at the bar laughed as Sara disappeared. Nick was the first to speak,

"Well, she...um, has a good voice." Catherine looked at Gil, who had drowned down the rest of his drink.

"Excuse me." He said, standing up and walking towards the bathroom. Terri's eyes followed him uncertinally. The group remainded quiet as Sara appeared, and walked to the bar, she still didn't see them.

"You did great Sara." Tom said, causing Sara to smile.

"Thanks Tom." She said, setting down her empty beer bottle.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" He asked. Sara smiled,

"I'll call one. I'm going to hang out here for a little while more." Tom pulled out a water bottle, and handed it to her. "Thanks." She said opening it and taking a long drink. "How much do I owe you?" She asked, reaching for her wallet.

"On the house." He said. Sara sighed,

"Tom, I must have drank your entire stock of beer...how much?" Tom smiled,

"Preformers get free drinks. And yes, I did have to go to the back and get more." Sara laughed. "So this guy really pissed you off, huh?" Sara sat down on the stool.

"Trust me, pissed off is an understatment. I hate men. Only not you." Tom laughed,

"That's only because I work at a bar." Sara nodded,

"That is true." She said with a laugh.

"So," Tom asked after a moments silence, "What makes Sara hate men...what did this guy do to you?" Sara snorted and answered,

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Sara, I hear people come in here all the time with their problems, maybe I could help you."

"Alright," Sara said with a chuckle, "You want to hear my reason for hating men. We made love, he told me he loved me, and he'd always be there for me, then he left an hour later, telling me that he never expected it to go this far."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sara." She shrugged, apparently trying not to care.

"I think I'll call my cab now." Tom nodded.

"See you later, Sara."

"Bye." She said, then turned and walked out of the bar. Greg looked at everyone at the table before finally asking,

"Who was Sara dating?" They all shrugged.

Gil was surprised that Sara didn't see him when she stepped outside. He moved into the shadow, trying to hide from her. He couldn't believe that he had hurt her so much. When she was on the stage, she sung her heart out. She had to hate him. He didn't know how she couldn't have. He watched as she picked up the phone and apparently called the cab company. He was going to go back into the bar when she picked up the phone and tried to call someone. Gil felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket. He was deciding on whether or not to pick up but decided against it. He watched her as she waited, then his voicemail came on. She slammed the phone back down on the reciver, and tears fell from her eyes. Gil felt so helpless. He wanted to go to her, hold her, whisper that everything would be ok. He wanted to kiss her, tell her that he loved her and he was sorry. But he couldn't.

She was too young, she had her whole life ahead of her, if they would end up together he could only guess how long it would take for her to get bored with him, then leave. He was protecting himself. He knew she didn't understand, but one day when she fell in love with a man that was younger than Gil, she would understand. He watched her for minutes, then a cab drove up, and she climbed inside. Gil stood there.

He had two chocies, he could go back in the bar, and end up dying alone...or he could follow her, beg for her to take him back, and have a second chance at life. The worst that can happen would be she would turn him away. But that would go against everything he wanted...

"Hey." Catherine said from behind him.

"Hi, Catherine." She walked and stood next to him.

"The song was to you, huh?" She said, looking out into the late afternoon air. Gil shrugged, he didn't know if he really wanted to talk to Catherine about this. "You know, I had no idea you guys were involved like that."

"Catherine..." Gil said, still thinking if he should follow Sara, he knew he was running out of time.

"But, I've known Sara for a long time, and I know that she dosen't give up easy...maybe you shouldn't."

"Cath, I don't know if she'd ever forgive me..." Catherine turned to him, and he looked at her.

"You'll never know if she will, if you don't go. I don't know what went wrong with you guys...but if she does forgive you, you better not let her down." She gave a small smile, "I was talking to a few weeks ago and she feels that casteration is an understandable punishment for a man." Gil gave a small chuckle. "You'll know you'd regret it if you don't go after her." Gil nodded. Catherine sighed, then gave him a small push. "Well, go!"

Sara was dropped off at her apartment. She really didn't want to go inside. Everything reminded her of Gil. She made her way to her door anyway. After she pulled open the door she was met with her darkened living room. She closed the door, and sleepily made her way to her couch. She fell on, as tears stung her eyes, they had made love on the couch, she angrily pushed herself up. She didn't know where to go...everywhere reminded her of him. Why did he have to do this to her? Why did he have to make her feel so loved, then take it all away? God! She gave a small scream.

Why couldn't she get over him? Why did he tell her he loved her? Why did he leave right after? She pushed over her cd rack, the plastic cases fell to the floor, and some broke. She kicked them and went to the bathroom, slaming the door. Sara angerly brought her fists to the mirror, making it cumble, the shards of glass were fixed in her skin, the pain didn't bother her.She leaned against the wall, slowly falling into the darkness that the small room held. She somehow felt safe there, she rested her head against the wall as hot tears spilled down her face.

"God, why can't I stop loving him?"

Gil walked up to her apartment. He was now sure that he was insane. He knew what Sara was like when she was angery, she had an awful temper. And to top it off, she was drunk. He took a deep breath as he knocked on her door. A few moments later...not answer. He reached out and tried to handle, surprisingly it turned.

"Sara?" He asked, poking his head in her apartment. He quickly took in the fallen cd rack. Gil walked in.

"Sara, you here?" Then panic stuck him. Maybe the house was broken into...maybe it was broken into when Sara was here...maybe she's hurt! He entered her living room, looking around. His attention turned to the bathroom, the door was closed. She never left the door closed. He walked over and tapped on it. He didn't hear an answer, just a small cry. Dear God, she's in there crying. He pulled the door open, and turned on the light, to find Sara sitting next to her bathtub, legs pulled up to her chest, her elbows resting on her knees, blood dripping down her arms. "Sara!" She looked up at him, he saw that her hands were bleeding, but she had blood on her face.

"What are you doing here?" She said angerly.

"Sara, you're hurt." He stated.

"Oh, you need to see blood to know I'm hurt!" She said louder. He reached out to touch her. "Don't you touch me!" She screamed, pulling her body back as far as she could, to escape his grasp.

"Sara, you're bleeding, let me help you." He reached out to touch her again.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" She sobbed. His hands that were going to her cuts changed direction and landed on her face.

"Because I care about you." She was looking at him threw tears, she had stopped sobbing, the tears just kept coming from her.

"Don't lie to me." She said teeth clenched, the coldness stinging Gil.

"I'd never lie to you." He said, using his palms to wipe away tears.

"You told me you loved me." She said, his eyes softened.

"I never lied to you." His hands left her face and grabbed her wrists, pulling her up.

"Grissom, you can't do this to me...you can't act like this now." She said as he lead her to sit on the toilet seat. "You can't give me hope." She added quieter. Gil looked in the small closet behind the door, and pulled out a washcloth. He wet it and saw Sara lower her head. He knew she thought that he didn't hear him.

"I would never give you false hope." He said, kneeling in front of her, taking her hand in his, and carefully wiped the blood away.

"Why do you do this to me?" She asked, so quiet that Gil wondered if she had even spoke. He looked in her eyes, to see that they were staring at her own hands.

"Because, Sara, I love you." She looked into his eyes, she found he was telling the truth,

"The why did you leave? You broke my heart." She said, getting lost in his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry that I did. I didn't know how to handle 'this', and I thought...you're just so young." Sara chuckled, and said,

"I'm not as young as you think. And if that's the reason you left...why are you back? You didn't get younger, and I didn't skip ten years of my life." His right hand made its way to her face again, his thumb caressed her cheek lovingly.

"Because I realized how much of an ass I was. Because I can't see you going on like this. Because I love you too much to let our age difference step between us." Sara tilted her head into his hand.

"As much as that sounds like a giant leap for you, what about Terri?"

"I only went out to dinner so I wouldn't be at my empty home, in my empty bed, remembering when I shared it with you." Sara averted her eyes.

"You..." She started, then stopped and took a deep breath and continued, "You're not just with me because I'm good in bed...right?" Gil dropped the cloth on her lap and raised his other hand to her cheek.

"Sara, I could never think of you only like that. I missed your smile, our conversations, the way you brush your teeth five minutes after you wake up to get rid of your breath, I've missed the way you told me that you loved me." She gave a small smile, that brought hope to Gil, and looked back in his eyes.

"It's sad how you're already using passed tense." He brought his face closer to hers.

"I can only pray you still do after what I put you through."

"Well, you can stop praying." She said, breathlessly. Their lips met in a timid, shy, kiss. He felt her smile. "I love you." Sara said, their lips still lingering close together.

"You oughta know, that I love you, too."

The End.

A/N Leave me a review, let me know if you liked this story, hated it...just give me some feedback! Please!