Disclaimer: Me? Own The OC?
Author's Notes: Wow. I'm jumping on the Trey/Seth train like there's no tomorrow.
---
Chapter One: Enmity
"Are you having sex with Seth?"
"Who, me? Well…hold on just a minute." Trey leans back in his hair and tilts his head, looking underneath the countertop. He searches furiously, swaying back and forth in his chair, furrowing his brow, straining his eyes to see. "Nope," he answers nonchalantly, returning his attention back to his bagel and morning paper.
Ryan continues glaring at his brother until he finally turns around.
"Oh, did you mean now?" Trey questions, appearing genuinely confused.
Ryan takes a little breath before adjusting his seat in his chair, turning so he can face Trey. "What do you think?" he asks, voice jagged with anger and annoyance.
It was the kind of tone in Ryan's voice that Trey had gotten used to back in Chino. It was this tone that had always tipped him off to when Ryan was really pissed. Not just sort of pissed, not just moderately pissed, but insanely pissed. Back then, Trey just ignored it and did what he wanted anyway. And if Trey had really learned anything from his time in jail, he would have learned that now was the time to do the opposite of whatever he did back in Chino.
But Trey hadn't really learned anything from his time in jail, so he keeps on ignoring Ryan.
"No, Ryan, I'm not having sex with Seth."
"Bull shit."
"You shouldn't curse," Trey informs his little brother as he hops down from his chair, picking up his plate. "It's not polite."
"You shouldn't lie, either," Ryan retorts. "It's a sin."
Trey almost blanches, but doesn't. Trey almost gives into the urge to turn around and slam Ryan up against a wall and ask him what the hell he knows about sins, but doesn't. Instead he just walks over to the trash can and drops in the rest of his bagel, then heads over to the sink and starts rinsing off his dish.
Trey knows about sin. He knows about politeness, too.
And he's not going to discuss either with his little bother.
Apparently, though, Ryan has other ideas, because he too pushes off of the chair and walks over to where Trey stands. His facial expression is determined and Trey nearly sighs in exasperation, because he's seen that look so many times he can practically feel it.
Instead of turning to talk to him, Trey just concentrates on washing his dish. Because that's the way you learn to live once you've been in prison for eighteen months. You live day by day, action by action, breath by breath, and you can't concentrate on anything else but that or you'll have your jello stolen and some guy will start humping you in the shower.
Not that any of that really applies to washing dishes in the middle of a posh almost-mansion in Orange Country.
When he's finished rinsing, he picks up a paper towel and dries the plate. He continues ignoring Ryan's death glare, because, seriously, Trey taught him that glare. It doesn't faze him.
Not much does. Not anymore.
Trey puts the plate in the dish drainer when he's finished and then turns to see that Ryan has schooled his features into an expressionless, stoic kind of look. And again, that's just something else he picked up from Trey.
"Okay, seriously," Trey tells him. "I'm not having sex, or any kind of relations, with Seth."
Ryan seems to process the information, because his features change. First into denial, and yeah, Trey's a little hurt to see that his brother's first reaction is to strongly distrust whatever he says. Then it's understanding, and now Trey's feeling a little relieved. And, finally, there it is. Belief. Because no matter what Trey does, he's still Ryan's big brother, and the naive kid who watched Power Rangers and played Snoopy in the Christmas pageant wants nothing more than to be able to believe his big brother.
It's kind of sad, really, Trey thinks. He's never given Ryan a reason to trust him.
He's probably never going to, and he doesn't feel a damn bit of guilt for it.
"Really?"
Trey gives Ryan this look, the one that says stop being a fucking moron. Ryan, picking up more from Trey, ignores it.
"Really," Trey assures him. "You know, what would even give you that idea?"
Ryan shrugs, turns so he can lean his back against the counter. "I don't…know," he says, lamely.
Trey raises an eyebrow. "You don't know?" he repeats. "So, what, you just assume that being in prison made me a fag, or something?"
"No-" Ryan begins.
Trey cuts him off. "Well then why else would you think that I'm fucking your little friend?" he asks, sounding more curious than angry. "Did you think that once I stepped out of jail and saw some Newport virgin ass I would just jump on him, or something? Is that what you think of me?" Which would, of course, be a very correct assumption. But Trey isn't going to tell Ryan that. And maybe if he makes Ryan feel awkward and guilty enough, Ryan won't figure it out.
"No," Ryan says, more urgent now. "Christ, Trey, no. That's not… I wasn't thinking…" He sighs, letting his head fall a bit. "I don't know what I was thinking."
"Then why would you ask me something like that, man?"
That's it. Play the hurt brother. Play the part of someone who knows guilt and rejection. Ryan will fall for it, just like Ryan always does, and Trey will let him, just like Trey always does.
"I…" Ryan pauses, hesitant, unsure of what to say. Unsure of what could possibly make up for accusing your brother of sleeping with your best friend. "It's stupid."
Trey watches Ryan for a moment, wondering if he should push this or let it go now. He should probably drop it. Probably just slap Ryan on the shoulder and send him back to the pool house, let Ryan think that everything is as it should be and maybe things will turn out all right this time. But the compulsive need to hurt everyone around him presses at back of his mind, and he realizes that he's a horrible person, and he's most likely going to burn in hell just for this. The words come out though, and he's moving in front of Ryan, and his face is forming a look of genuine concern, and he just.can't.stop.
"What's stupid, Ry?" he asks smoothly.
Trey didn't realize what a total bastard he was until he saw the look of tentativeness pass over Ryan's face.
And, still, he really can't bring himself to care.
He should probably be worried about that.
"It's just…" Ryan starts, then shakes his head. "You were, I don't know."
"What?"
"When I went over to yours the other day, there was a copy of Legion on your bedroom table. You had this stack of Deathcab cds in your truck. And you, well yesterday at breakfast I could have swore that you…babbled."
Trey just blinks at him.
"… Right."
Ryan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I told you, stupid," he says. "It was just little things. Stuff people don't pick up unless they've known Seth for a while."
"And since I've only known Seth for a few weeks, you automatically assumed I was sleeping with him." Trey's voice is unbelieving. "Of course. I can't believe I didn't come to that conclusion."
Ryan hesitates for just a second before saying, "Sarcasm. You weren't sarcastic in Chino."
And Trey doesn't miss the way Ryan calls it Chino and not home. He gets that this is Ryan's home now. This palace. These people.
"Picked it up in prison," Trey replies, not to quickly.
It's an easy lie, just like everything is now.
Because it's so obvious that he got the comic and the cds and the sarcasm from Seth. Almost painfully so. Really, where else would Trey have gotten it? Where else, if not from hours just lying bed after another round of quick fucking, or slow fucking, or just plain fucking, with Seth.
"Summer and Seth have been having some problems lately, but Seth hasn't burst into the pool house at one in the morning because he can't sleep, talking about those problems. In fact, he's been acting like everything is fine. Which, it's obviously not."
"And this would lead to sex with Trey…?"
"I just thought if Seth didn't talk to me, I mean…" Ryan trails off, and Trey clenches his jaw a little.
Yeah. Right. Because if Seth didn't have one Atwood to go to, he could just run off to the other. Substitution and all. Seth just thinks that Trey is another older, more rugged version of Ryan. Seth doesn't actually see Trey for his own person. No, no, Seth just sees Trey as another Ryan.
Trey tells himself to let out a breath, because he knows that isn't right. Seth certainly knows that Trey isn't Ryan, and Seth likes it that way. Seth needs it that way. Because Seth doesn't need Ryan, whose too afraid and too God damn self righteous to ever do anything for himself. Seth needs Trey, who will never be too afraid or too righteous or too anything to just screw all consequences and do whatever he wants.
"No," Trey says. "He hasn't said anything to me about Summer."
Huh. The first thing he's said tonight that isn't a lie.
Good for him.
Ryan nods. "Oh."
Trey wonders if Ryan is jealous, and the thought seems so ridiculous and so good he almost laughs, because Ryan has never been jealous of Trey. It's always been Trey whose envied his little brother, Trey whose wished that he could bring home report cards with all A's, Trey whose wanted to have the girl next door give him those longing looks. But now, the tables have turned. Ryan thinks that Seth is talking to him, Ryan thinks that maybe Seth is sleeping with him, and now Ryan is the one whose jealous and hurt and angry over something he has no control over.
Only, he does. Or, he did, anyway. Because Trey knows that if Ryan hadn't gotten distracted by Marissa Cooper in the very beginning, that if Ryan had went after Seth with the same sincerity and promises as Trey had, that Seth wouldn't have looked at him twice.
Although, Seth does seem to kind of get off on the fact that Trey's sincerity and promises are complete and total bull shit, that Trey isn't trying to be the good guy and do the right thing, that Trey still does drugs and still drinks and will never wear a tux to one of those damn Newport parties.
"So if, Seth and I were together," Trey starts, and he watches as Ryan's head snaps up in attention. "It would bother you that much?"
Ryan doesn't even bother trying not to look angry. "What?" Ryan asks.
So Trey repeats his question, even though he knows Ryan's just stalling because he doesn't know how to answer. "If me and Seth were sleeping together, would it upset you so much?"
"What the hell… How can you even ask me that?"
"Probably the same way you could accuse me of fucking your best friend in the first place."
"Trey, look man…"
"It's your best friend and your brother," Trey says, angered more than he thought he would be by Ryan's obvious protest to this idea. "If we were like, together, wouldn't you be happy for us?"
Ryan stares at him, his jaw clenched. "So you're with him."
Trey shakes his head. "I didn't say that," he replies quickly. "I just… Man, Ry, what the hell has gotten into you? First your jumping to all these conclusions about me and Seth and then you're acting like…" And, this is the kicker, because Trey lets his eyes drop to the ground.
"What?" Ryan asks, prodding him. "What? I'm acting like what?"
"Like a fucking jealous bitch!" Trey yells, with just the right amount of anger and hurt to make Ryan jump back just a little.
Trey doesn't understand why he just can't stop manipulating and lying and trying to lash out and make everybody around him hurt, but he's never tried to stop before, and now as Ryan gives him this look of sadness, he wonders if maybe, after this, he will. Maybe this time will be the last. Maybe being with Seth and staying with the Cohen's and living in Newport will make him a better person, a person who doesn't try to destroy anyone or anything around him.
Of course, if he was a better person, then he wouldn't get to do coke or drink vodka or have all this sex with Seth, and what fun would that be?
"What?"
Trey sighs and shakes his head. "You heard me, Ry. You're acting like a jealous ex-girlfriend. I mean, you start jumping to these conclusions, just assuming that I-that I what? That I seduced Seth? And now that we're having sex, he's just stopped talking to you because he can't get enough of me? That now he won't follow you around, being your little side kick anymore, because he's with me?"
"No-"
"Really?" Trey says, and he thinks he's having a little bit too much fun stringing Ryan along like this. "Because that's the way your acting."
"I'm not…jealous."
"Could have fooled me."
"Seth isn't like us, Trey," Ryan tells him, sighing, sounding almost desperate. "He's…fragile."
And Trey wants to say, like hell Seth is fucking fragile. Seth wasn't fragile last week when Trey handcuffed him to the head board and played a little cops and robbers with him. And Seth wasn't the least bit fragile the other day when Trey nearly bent him over back wards fucking him on the kitchen table. And there were no traces of frailty when Trey wrapped his hands around his neck and gave him bruises while Seth gave him a blow job in the back of the Crab Shack.
But Trey doesn't say any of these things. He just remembers them, in full Technicolor detail, and wonders where Seth is now, and if Ryan would notice if he hauled Seth down here and started fucking him on the table again.
That was fun.
The splinters were a bitch, though, but it was worth it to see Seth in that many positions. Trey had been meaning to ask him how he-
"Seth wouldn't understand your actions and reactions to things," Ryan continues explaining, drawing Trey back to the here and now. "And he… He gets hurt, really easy."
Trey nods. "So, you think I would hurt him?"
"Why are we even having this conversation?" Ryan wonders aloud.
Shrugging his shoulders, Trey merely answers, "Hey man, you brought it up."
"Don't, Trey," he says softly. "You don't understand Seth. He's had it rough. Not Chino rough, but rough enough."
"So your saying…Seth is too good for me?"
And this is the part where Trey fully expects Ryan to back down. To turn around and just say forget it before heading out to the pool house and pretending this conversation ever happened.
"Yes."
And it's the most honest, smooth, easy thing that Ryan has ever said to Trey. It hurts a little, more than it should, because Trey has known that from the first time he kissed Seth. But he hasn't ever heard anyone say it out loud.
He guesses things are just different when their said out loud.
Ryan looks down, and Trey is surprised to see, to realize, that Ryan isn't going to deny anything. Words and feelings that Ryan has probably pushed away and protested since the second he stepped into this house sound so weightless and easy, and Trey wonders if maybe Newport has been a little bit good for his baby brother.
"We're from Chino, Trey. We grew up in dirty trailers with our mom's drunk boyfriends kicking our asses every other day. The only relationships we understand are abusive and dysfunctional, and he's already got enough of both of those with Summer, who he's completely, obsessively in love with. We would hurt him more than he can afford and he wouldn't forgive that, and…and… Would you ever want to give what you have with Seth up for a little bit of good, even though you know it would turn out to…"
Trey doesn't want to listen to Ryan list all the things that he already knows. He doesn't want to just stand here and pretend to be hurt or nonchalant or keep lying to Ryan. He doesn't want to let Ryan keep going on and on, because the only thing it's doing is pushing Ryan deeper into that mind set of, no, their not good enough for Seth and, no, they could never have him.
Trey wants to tell Ryan that Seth doesn't care about trailers or the scar on his knee that he got from AJ or how Trey doesn't really care about anything except himself. Which is actually kind of pathetic, because most days, Trey can't even bring himself to do that.
So Trey just shakes his head and decides it's time to end this. It's not fun manipulating or lying to Ryan anymore. It's not easy telling Ryan that he's not sleeping with Seth and pretending like he could care if Ryan was hurt.
"I don't have anything with Seth, Ry," he says, and Ryan trails off very, very quickly. "I've only known him for a little while. We're just…getting to be friends, now." Yeah. Friends is a safe lie.
Ryan stops talking and closes his eyes, just for a second, trying to re-evaluate how he got here, standing in the middle of the kitchen, telling his brother why they will never be good enough for someone he knows neither of them can have.
Trey watches Ryan and when his eyes open, fresh pain once again caused by one of the only people he's ever really trusted, Trey wonders if maybe he could feel guilty for this. If maybe he could just get Ryan's face, this very look, imprinted into his mind so deep that the next time he was pushing someone, he could remember his little brother and all of the hurt, and be able to stop himself.
Trey decides that later, maybe, if he's not busy, he'll sit down and think about that; about feeling remorse for all these things that he's done.
"Just, don't, Trey," Ryan says. Trey wonders if Ryan thinks that if he says it enough, if he puts enough emotion, if he just explains how much it would twist things between them, that the words might actually mean something. "Even if you and Seth never become friends, don't. It's selfish and it's…" He shakes his head and clenches his jaw. "I love you, Trey. You're my brother. For almost sixteen years you were the only person I could count on. You were stupid and cruel, and you probably still are, a little bit, but I could forgive you for it then." There's a pause as Ryan raises his gaze, meets Trey's, and doesn't back down. "I can still forgive you for it. But if you ever hurt him, or the Cohen's, or Marissa, or anybody else here that I love, I won't."
"Ry," Trey begins, feeling like he should say something, try to pull Ryan up a little bit. He's pushed and broke his brother down more times than he can count, but their conversation's have never been this honest, this close to home, this dangerous.
Besides, if he makes Ryan think that he wants to try to get some semblance of a brotherly relationships back, the more it will hurt when he's get caught.
At this thought, Trey gets the urge to smirk, and sincerely can't wait to see the look on Ryan's face. He realizes that even trying to feel guilty is going to be a complete waste of time; time he could be spending lighting up and making out with Seth.
"If you hurt him," Ryan says, voice dark and angry, "then I don't think I can be your brother anymore, Trey."
And, wow, Trey never realized how much of a dick he was or how much he really did care about Ryan until that sentence.
Trey doesn't say anything, doesn't try to stop Ryan when he turns around and walks back to the pool house, because he doesn't know how much more he can take of all this honesty. It's always been fun – in a really, really messed up way – to hurt Ryan, because Ryan never showed his feelings or let out his anger or tried to get back at Trey.
But that, right there, with Ryan telling him he couldn't forgive him, couldn't be his brotherthat wasn't fun, messed up or not.
That was real.
Trey doesn't know if he's ever had anything real with Ryan. It's always been him trying to get at him, yank him around, and Ryan believing and forgiving and holding it all in. That's the way it's always been, with everyone.
No, not everyone.
Not Seth.
Because when Trey lies to Seth, Seth will just smile at him and kiss him. Trey knows Seth realizes that he's lying. Trey knows that Seth doesn't really give a damn. This whole thing between them means that Seth has an outlet to just be, without having to care or worry or feel guilty for stupid things like making Trey bleed or giving Trey bruises. Seth gets that Trey is a horrible person, that Trey doesn't care about anything, that Trey is completely lost and has no intention of ever getting his life together.
And Seth doesn't care.
Because fucking doesn't have anything to do with salvation or love or good. Not the way Trey does it, and not the way Seth wants it to be. All fucking has are moans and mumbled names and a distraction from the pain. That's what they both want, that's what they both need, and that's what they both give each other.
Trey wonders if that's how it would have been between Ryan and Seth. If maybe Seth would have finally gotten Ryan to just give in and stop trying to be so…so damn Ryan. Maybe Ryan would have gotten Seth to understand soft touches and smiles instead of being so dependent on pain and roughness.
But then, well, Trey realizes he's wondering about his brother's sex life with Seth, and that's kind of weird, so he stops.
Instead, he thinks about what Ryan said. About not being able to be his brother.
Trey contemplates it, wonders how much Ryan has changed and how much Seth really means to his brother, before he realizes that he's really, really angry.
It's one thing to call Newport, this place, Ryan's home. It's one thing to think about Chino as the past, a past Ryan's never going to go back to. It's one thing to smile at Kirsten like she's really Ryan's mother or play video games with Sandy like he's the father Ryan's never had.
But thinking that Ryan could just not be Trey's brother is completely different.
Their family. Their blood. Ryan shouldn't be able to turn his back on that, even if he does have a pool house and a gorgeous girlfriend and a different tux for every night of the week.
Trey clenches his fist and wonders if he's really angry that Ryan thinks he can forget about him, or if Ryan has the opportunity to forget about him.
He pops his neck and thinks, if he weren't him, if he were Ryan or Seth or anyone really, he would want to forget about him.
Trey decides that he's not going to push Ryan anymore, not about Seth, anyway, because that was way too much honesty, way too much recognition of the things that lie between them.
He turns to his side, rolling his shoulders, trying to relieve some of the tension he's gotten built up. His gaze strays towards the flight of stairs, the ones that lead up to Seth's room, and Trey wonders if he should go home and leave it alone, or go upstairs. He wants to go home. He wants to feel sorry for himself and drink it all away. He wants to swallow some pills and go to sleep for the next eight hours and be way too dazed when he wakes up to remember this whole non-fight with Ryan.
But right now, he wants Seth more.
So he trudges towards the stairs. Before reaching the first one, he glances back at the sliding doors, wondering if Ryan is standing out there, watching him, waiting for him to screw up. Then he asks himself if he really cares if Ryan catches him or not. He thinks about it, just for a second, then he turns and heads up the stairs.
Trey reaches the top of the stairs faster than he thought he would. He walks towards Seth's door, stalking to the room with a kind of careless grace that he was keenly aware of. He stops outside the door and puts his ear to the wood, listening for anything, some type of movement inside. When he doesn't hear any, he figures that Seth must still be asleep.
He pushes the door open, steps inside, and sees that Seth isn't anywhere in the room.
Disappointment and frustration flood through him but he keeps his composure, even if there's no around to see him break it. He wanted Seth to be here. He wanted a chance to just forget about Ryan and his non-existent morals and just touch someone. And the only someone worth actually touching isn't even here.
Trey knows that he could always go find Jess. Some other random girl, some other random boy, because a body is a body and it's never mattered before what name or face is attached.
But right now, he doesn't want to deal with Jess. He doesn't want to put up with her game, what ever the hell her motives are, and he doesn't want to spin another web of lies to get someone to follow him home right now. He wants the simplicity and understanding and twisted comfort that is Seth's skin and Seth's kiss.
He's ready to turn around and head back to his place, probably just watch some TV or take a shower and go to sleep, anything to distract him from the guilt he's not feeling and knows he should be, when Seth steps out of the bathroom with a loosely tied, fluffy blue robe.
It doesn't take two seconds before Seth looks up and sees Trey standing in his doorway, and it doesn't take five seconds before a little red is on his cheeks and he's giving that awkward wave he does when he's nervous or surprised or just not quite sure what to do. Trey doesn't know whether to be amused by the fact that Seth is blushing, or annoyed, because it's not like Trey hasn't seen him naked before.
"Hey, dude," Seth says, letting his hand drop to his side.
"Hey," Trey echoes.
Trey thinks that maybe his just showing up in Seth's room is somehow breaking the rules that were never set, and Seth is going to feel uncomfortable, or ask him to leave. For a second, he wishes that this morning, he would have just kept eating his cereal and ignored Ryan's questions, he wishes that he wouldn't have come up to Seth's room expecting the boy to make him forget that he was a bastard and make him feel like he was caring about something for once.
But of course, Seth isn't uncomfortable, and he's not going to ask Trey to leave, because if he was, then he wouldn't be walking towards Trey.
"Hey," Seth says, more softly than the first, when he reaches Trey and slips his arms around Trey's neck.
Trey wraps his arms around Seth's waist, pulling him forward, feeling the urge to smile a little as he runs his fingertips over the fabric of the robe. "Hey," Trey also repeats in a whisper. "You know, that's funny."
Seth pulls back and looks up at Trey, curiosity sparkling at the edges of his eyes. "What's funny?" he asks. Before Trey can answer, there is an indignant look passing over Seth's face, and he begins to speak. "Wait…are you disusing The Robe?"
"The Robe?"
"Yes, Trey, The Robe," Seth answers, snappily.
Trey shakes his head. "No. It's just…"
"What?" Seth questions, tilting his head to the side.
"I was just thinking about how we've never done it in the shower." And as Trey says this, he makes sure to drag his gaze up and down Seth's body, gaze lingering on the smooth planes of his chest, the few drips of water still rolling down the skin.
Seth grins. "Yet," he adds cheekily.
Trey smiles back. "I was just thinking we should remedy that."
"Totally," Seth agrees. "So totally."
Trey feels at ease for the first time today when Seth slides his hands up Trey's chest, back around his neck, and kisses him. Trey feels the tension drain out of him when Seth pushes himself up so he can deepen the kiss. Trey really doesn't think that there's anything more stress relieving than just kissing Seth, feeling the warmth and the comfort and tasting someone that he knows will never be kissed like this again. Well, other than maybe touching Seth, or blowing Seth, or fucking Seth, or getting touched by Seth, or getting blown by Seth.
So it's really just Seth, in general, that relieves the stress, the tension, all the bad vibes and feelings Trey picks up along the way towards this boy.
His boy.
Trey starts walking them towards the bathroom, because he wasn't joking when he said they should try sex in the shower. Trey would never joke about something as serious as sex in the shower, especially where Seth is involved. He can already feel the hot water pounding down onto both of them, his mouth and the heat making Seth flush, the sound of rushing water on the tile drowning out whimpers and screams. He wonders how Seth will taste with water clinging to his skin, if it will linger on his tongue like it usually does.
Seth tangles his hands into Trey's hair and yanks backwards, and Trey lets him. Lets him because he knows that this is how Seth wants it to be. Trey's touch didn't hurt or violate him, make him want bruises and blisters and abandon. No, this is the way Seth has always needed it, and Trey's the only one whose selfish enough to let him have it.
This is why Seth doesn't mistake him for Ryan, Trey reminds himself.
Trey lowers his mouth back down to Seth's, because right now, he just needs to feel warm lips and teeth. Seth sucks Trey's lip into his mouth and bites down, hard, and Trey groans, because he knows Seth won't let go until there's blood.
Seth breaks the tender skin and tugs at Trey's hair, trying to get him to deepen the kiss, make it harsher, make it hurt.
And God, sometimes Trey thinks that he needs this just as much as Seth.
"Missed…you," Seth pants when Trey moves to start biting – not nibbling, because there's no nibbling between Trey and Seth – down on his ear lobe.
Trey grins against his ear. "The last time you saw me was about –" he glances at the clock "thirteen hours ago."
"Missed this," Seth says, and whimpers a little when he starts pushing his hips against Trey's.
Yeah, Trey thinks. Trey missed this, too, because despite what some people think, thirteen hours is like fucking torture when he knows he's got Seth waiting right here.
"Come on," Trey murmurs, mouthing warm, sloppy kisses across Seth's jaw.
Seth grips Trey's shoulders, hard, making sure there isn't an inch of space between them. Trey presses back, and his hands slide down, cupping Seth's ass through the fluffy blue fabric. Seth pushes against Trey's hands, still trying to keep their bodies pressed together.
Seth dips his hand down and starts kissing and biting any skin he can find. He murmurs inaudible things and moans and whimpers and Trey isn't sure if he can make it to the shower.
Pulling back, Trey puts his forehead against Seth's, waiting until the other boys eyes open. They hold each other's gaze, and Trey is the first to speak. "Come on," he says again, almost breathless.
"You weren't messing around about the shower, were you?" Seth asks, an almost drunken smile on his lips.
Trey smiles and shakes his head. "Fuck no."
"Yay," Seth whispers before pressing his lips against Trey's again.
Double yay, Trey thinks, and slides his hand underneath Seth's robe. He feels the water slicked, kiss heated skin, and starts rubbing Seth's hip bone.
"Trey," Seth says, bucking forward. "I need to… We gotta…"
"Yeah, I know," Trey says, sliding his hand back and forth, feeling like he's touching anywhere and everywhere all at once.
Seth shakes his head. "No, no," he murmurs, pulling back. "We need to…talk."
Fuck no.
Trey doesn't want to talk. Trey wants to drag Seth to the shower and have insanely kinky sex.
Trey doesn't want to get into another honest conversation.
"That came out sounding bad," Seth says, reaching up to stroke Trey's neck.
Trey doesn't want to, but he grabs Seth's wrist and pulls it to his chest, and he glares at the boy in front of him. "That's because talking is bad," Trey informs him, his tone even. He pulls Seth forward, tightening his grip on Seth's arm, making sure it's painful and making damn sure that Seth enjoys it. "But touching," he whispers, bringing his hand up to Seth's face, before running his thumb over a red and bruised lower lip, "and feeling," he adds, and slides Seth's hand down right between his legs, "and kissing," he murmurs, leaning forward to brush his lips over Seth's, "are good."
Seth nods his agreement. He takes in a few shallow breaths, trying to get in control of himself. Trey watches, waiting for a moment before he starts moving Seth's hand. Trey groans and Seth closes his eyes, trying to shut out Trey's face and Trey's mouth and remember why they stopped a few seconds ago. Trey knows Seth will eventually remember and stop, but until then, he's just going to keep pressing against Seth's hand.
"Trey," Seth says, drawing out his name. "Please..." he pants, eyes opening and closing a few times before he can actually focus on Trey's face. "Two minutes to talk, and then it's all the dirty shower sex that is humanly possible."
Trey seems to consider this for a moment. He knows he could probably just hoist Seth over his shoulder, take him to the shower and make him forget whatever he wants to talk about, but then Seth would be offended later and talk about how Trey doesn't respect him. Which they both know is true, but Seth still likes to nag about it, only because Trey has some of the most interesting ways of shutting people up.
"One minute," Trey huffs, releasing Seth's hand and pulling away to sit on the edge of the bed. "And it better fucking be important."
And it better be. Trey needs Seth, needs distraction and hurt and someone who knows who he is, and he needs it now.
Seth sighs and walks over to the bed, plopping down right beside Trey. He remains silence for a few moments, making no move to do or say anything. Annoyed, Trey leans back and gives Seth an uninterested look.
"You'd better hurry. You've only got forty five seconds to-"
"So, do you think this would hurt Ryan's feelings?"
Irony is such a fucking bitch.
Trey resists the urge to slap Seth. He knows that Seth isn't bringing it up to deliberately make Trey remember his earlier conversation, the one that led him here, because even though Seth doesn't care that Trey plays at hurting people, Seth doesn't. But that doesn't change the fact that right now, Trey wants to slam someone's head into a wall. Seth is just the nearest victim.
"Um…you know. I was thinking about-"
"What does this have to do with Ryan?" Trey snaps, turning to him.
Seth stops speaking and looks at him, and for a second he looks half afraid that maybe he's actually getting to Trey by bringing up the subject of Ryan. But then, Seth remembers that this is Trey, and even if they are sleeping together, Trey won't think twice about trying to play on his insecurities and avoid any real questions.
"Ryan's my best friend, and you're my best friends brother," Seth says. "Even though that's not how I always see you, you are."
Trey narrows his eyes, but the anger in his eyes is dying down. Because Seth just re-affirmed one of the only reasons Trey is with him.
Seth sees Trey for him; not another Atwood, not Ryan's brother, but Trey.
"You don't care who you hurt," Trey says, trying to keep his voice conversational. "If you did, you wouldn't let me fuck you."
Seth flinches, just a little, and Trey is perversely glad to see that even though Seth prepares himself for the comments, they can still sting.
"I care who I hurt," Seth says, softly, no longer looking at Trey. "I hurt Summer everyday, whether I'm trying to or not. I love her, I do, you know but she…she doesn't love me. Not like…not the way I love her. And I know that being with you, if she found out about it… You know, I don't really know what it would do, but I assume it would be bad," he muses, sounding so young and so guilty, and Trey just wants him to stop. "But she's not going to find out, because she's not paying attention to me, not right now, anyway. And…and I think we broke up. I just didn't get the memo, or something."
"Right. So, you don't care if you mess with your little…Summer, but you care if you hurt Ryan's feelings?"
Seth turns to him, and glares, trying to look angry, when in reality, all he does is make himself look…cuter. Hotter. Much more fuckable than usual.
Or maybe that's just Trey's dick talking.
"Don't," Seth tells him, soft enough to be Seth but strong enough to get Trey to let him talk for a bit. "I love Summer more than anything, and sure, this would…this would hurt her and she would hate me and it would be horrible. But you know, she would survive it. And I don't think that it matters what I do anymore…nothing works for her. But…you're Ryan's brother. He loves you, and he looks up to you. If he finds out that you and me are…like, sleeping together, he's gonna flip. Well, on the inside, because he's Ryan, and he doesn't…"
"Don't you think he'd be happy for us?"
"No," Seth answers honestly, and Trey is so tired of honesty right now. He just wants safe lies, the kind he can get caught playing pretend in. Not this. Not this truthfulness and bravery and feeling. It's too much of something Trey has never had and he doesn't understand what to do with it, except for to push it away. "No, I really don't think he would be. He would be mad at you and he would be mad at me and nothing between you and him and me and him and me and you would be the same again, and I don't want that to happen. Because I…I like having Ryan as my best friend. I like having him as my brother, as the guy I can rely on, as the person I know I'd do anything for. And I…I really, really like having sex with you. A lot. I don't want to stop, being friends with Ryan or the sex with you."
Trey shrugs. "Then don't," he says, as if stating the obvious will solve anything.
Seth stares at him for a moment, then looks back down at the floor. "Ryan… I'm not stupid and I'm not blind and I'm not as innocent or oblivious as everyone thinks I am. I know how you work, and I know how Ryan works, and I know how you guys both feel, about each other and…and me." Seth pauses, and takes in a little breath. "Kind of. I mean, it's weird. It's…it's complicated and it…this shouldn't be so complicated. I don't want it to be. I want to have a friend and I want to have a boyfriend, and I want-"
"Boyfriend?" Trey interrupts.
Trey's never been anybody's boyfriend before.
"You…know what I mean. Person I have sex with…and stuff."
"Good," Trey says. "Because that's all this is. Sex and…stuff. It's not-"
Seth nods. "Yeah, I know."
Maybe Seth sounds disappointed, or maybe it's just wishful thinking on Trey's part.
"I love Ryan," Seth says. "I love him like I love Captain Oats and my dad and really bad Japanese movies. He's the only friend I've ever had and I would do anything to stay with him."
Trey doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say. He could tell Seth that Ryan loves him too, but Seth already knows that Ryan loves him, and it's not in the same category as plastic horses and foreign films.
"And I…love…ish you. Like, like candy, and video games, and The Valley."
Trey tilts his head to the side. "I make you hyper…your addicted and…obsessed with me?"
"I'm not obsessed with The Valley."
"If you really loved-ish me, then you would let me have sex with you in the shower."
Seth sighs and stands up, turning to Trey, his eyes narrowed and determined. "Look, Trey, I'm just asking you this, okay? For once, can you stop trying to fuck everything up and just be honest!"
Trey doesn't want to be honest, because Trey doesn't know how anymore.
He doesn't say anything for a very, very long time. He's not hard anymore and he's kind of loosing the overwhelming desire to push Seth up against the tiles and make him cry. He doesn't want to go home and drink and sleep. He just wants…
Fuck. Trey doesn't know what he wants.
Seth's eyes have never left him, and now they remind him of Ryan's earlier: brimmed with tears and hurt, all that he caused.
"Will this hurt him?"
Trey knows the answer, because Ryan told him not thirty minutes ago. Trey knows that right now, it counts. Lying isn't going to solve it, won't smooth things over for now. Telling the truth, just this once, just for Ryan's, for his brother's sake, will prove that he has at least a little bit of a soul.
But he doesn't understand how not to lie.
"No."
Seth looks wary, kind of like a frightened animal, and Trey's answer is the trap that's going to cut off his leg. But it's hidden underneath sweet smelling flowers, and just maybe, if Trey can get through this, he'll be able to survive when the trap finally shuts.
So, Trey sighs and he looks down and he runs his fingers through his hair. Seth knows all his tricks, Seth can tell when he's lying, but he's not going to try any harder with this one. Because even if Seth knows that Trey's not telling the truth, Seth wants to believe that he's not hurting Ryan more than he wants the truth.
"I mean, it will," Trey says. "At first, it would. But then he would understand… Ryan loves you, and he loves me. He wants us to be happy."
Seth looks like he's going to laugh. "We're not happy," he murmurs very quietly, and Trey pretends not to hear him.
"You're his best friend and I'm his brother, and that's what Ryan's gonna focus on."
Seth doesn't believe him, but Seth wants to, and in the end, that's what's going to save Trey.
"You know him, Seth," Trey says. "You know that he…that he would be happy for us."
Ryan wouldn't, of course. Ryan would be crushed. He would disown Trey and he…Well, Trey isn't sure exactly what Ryan might do to Seth, but he knows that it wouldn't be pretty.
But Seth believes it when Trey tells him that Ryan would be okay, because Seth wants to.
"We'll tell him," Seth murmurs, almost to himself. "One of these days we…we will tell him. And he'll be okay with it."
"Yeah," Trey sighs, not even pretending to be telling the truth anymore. "Yeah, it'll all be okay."
Trey doesn't wait for Seth to say anything else, because he knows if he does, it will delay the shower sex at least ten more minutes, and right now, he's not in the mood for delays, or honest conversations, or obsessing over the fact that he may in fact be humanly incapable of feeling guilt. What Trey wants, right now, is Seth, slipping down on hands and knees to the bottom of the shower.
He stands up, pulls Seth against him, and kisses him, hard and fast and brutal, just like it always is. He pulls at the ties on Seth's robes and rakes barely there, blunt fingernails down Seth's abdomen, all the way down, until he stops, right below Seth's navel. Seth pushes forward and kisses Trey, pushing his tongue and teeth and lips against Trey's, and uses his whimpers and quick touches to plead with Trey, to beg Trey, to move, to take him to the shower, to touch him, to do anything.
Trey grabs Seth's upper arm and leans up, biting down on the muscle of Seth's shoulder before he growls, "Shower. Now."
"Can't argue with that," Seth agrees, eyes drifting closed in pleasure as Trey drags him to the bathroom. "You know," Seth whispers. "We've never had sex in the pool, either. Or the pool house. Or the Imax. We should definitely, definitely try those places, too."
Seth barely gets the words out before Trey pushes him into the shower, up against the tile, hard enough to leave bruises and make Seth want this that much more. Seth licks his lips and starts pulling at Trey's clothes, pushing the wife beater off his chest, grabbing his belt, dropping to his knees as he pulls down Trey's pants. Trey wraps his hand around Seth's curls, and it's so easy to let his mind go blank when he feels Seth's lips on his thigh, going higher.
Trey groans and pushes Seth off. Seth, unprepared, falls onto his back. Trey reaches down and pulls the robe off of him.
"This," he says, indicating the robe. "makes you look ridiculous."
Seth scowls, but Trey kisses it away, and feels all the anger and non-guilt flooding out of him, into this boy.
Maybe, one day, they will do it in the pool house. Maybe Ryan will walk in and pretend he doesn't see it, go on living like nothing happened. Maybe Trey could feel guilty, then.
But he doubts it.
And that's okay.
Because right now, Trey doesn't care about Ryan or all of his constant need to hurt anyone or his lack of sympathy.
Because right now, with Seth, Trey isn't thinking, Trey isn't lying, and Trey doesn't care about anything at all.