"Still no answer, what is going on in there?" The Doctor was annoyed as the sound of B'Elanna wailing was still apparent through the closed door. "Computer open the door. Auth……"

"Computer, belay that order." The computer chimed its consent to the Captain's order and the Doctor turned to face her with outrage and concern lining his face. She held up her hand to stem the protest that she knew was coming. "Computer is the com system in this office working?'

"Affirmative" came the reply

"Are the occupants in any danger?"

"Negative"

"Are their life signs normal?"

"Affirmative."

"We're leaving doctor."

"But…."

"I think both of us know what's going on inside there, and I'm going to leave Chakotay to deal with it as he sees fit. And before you say anything else, that's an order."

The Doctor still looked uncertain, "Even though he's not a physician, you trust him that much to deal with this. This is not just a passing phase, B'Elanna is clinically depressed and has been self mutilating, she needs professional help."

"True, but we don't have that professional help right now. I know you want to try your hand at this doctor, but there is a reason no one has ever thought to build an emergency psychological hologram. There are just some things that need a person with human experience and training to relate to. B'Elanna also needs her friends and especially one who has been with her for a long time. You may not think it, but it is more than enough, in fact I think that it is exactly what she needs right now."

"You trust the Commander that much with B'Elanna's emotional health?"

"As I do with mine, yes." The Doctor's eyes widened with shock with that revelation. "And now…" Kathryn took his arm and steered him down the corridor, "We're leaving."

This time he didn't protest.

The knocking had stopped and there was silence.

'Thanks Kathryn'

He could almost swear that hear her answer

'Anytime Chakotay'

Finally after a time, B'Elanna was spent and her cries came down from shrieks to moans and finally to quiet hiccups. Still Chakotay held her. B'Elanna eventually pulled away from him and looked at him puzzled, as if she was trying to figure out why he was there. Then as if she remembered, she looked embarrassed and focused on point on the carpet.

"I don't know the answer to that." Chakotay almost didn't remember what she was talking about and he had to think for several minutes to realize that she was trying to answer his question. She sniffled and Chakotay reached up on the table and got her a tissue.

"Just like a real counselor's office huh?" Chakotay looked at her and grinned. B'Elanna blew her nose violently and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. She looked a lot better than when she had started crying. He explained, "They were left over from that flu I contracted on our last away mission. The doctor took some time to develop the antidote and I had to suffer the old fashion way for a couple of days.

B'Elanna smiled at the memory, he had been miserable for those days.

"I guess I wanted to fight along side them to see if my being there would have helped, but it didn't…… I couldn't save them……….and then the pain…………it was too much……I shut down the program. Over the next couple of days, the images from the program kept playing over and over in my head and I found myself just getting more and more detached trying to shut them out, and keeping the pain from overwhelming me. At one point I wanted to run the program again and say good bye the Klingon way as they died, but I couldn't go back."

"I didn't realize it at first, but that was when I started to withdraw from everyone. First I didn't feel like doing things I would normally do and then I started turning down invitations, I just wanted to be by myself ………………. on the Holodeck. I made sure I didn't get too close to anyone…….and then ones I was I was already close to……I started to pull away just so I wouldn't grieve again like I am grieving now. But I couldn't control it. In distancing myself from people……..I just and shut them out so completely that I stopped being able to feel something about the most important things, and people in my life. The Holodeck was just so much safer."

"I started running my calisthenics program trying to make myself feel angry. After all that was my most dependable emotion. During one part, I was killed so the computer stopped and I found I felt something at the point I realized that I would have been dead if it had been real, so I began running programs with the safeties off." During her narrative, B'Elanna had put her hand on Chakotay's while telling her story. He held it giving her strength to say what she needed to.

She looked at him suddenly, "I tried to say something to Tom and Neelix, especially Neelix, I figured after what he had gone through, he would be able to relate. But I couldn't. I was so scared and then I felt stupid for being scared and then I made myself feel nothing at all." Her voice had gotten quieter and again she looked away from Chakotay again. He raised their joined hands and shook it to get her to look at him.

"I know you're scared to lose me, to lose Tom, Neelix, Harry the Captain and everyone else that you have been close to on this ship, but tell me even if you knew that you were going to lose us tomorrow, is that worth missing out on loving them and giving them your best now?"

B'Elanna thought back to how much of a misfit she had been when she first came to the Maquis. She thought of the changes that being part of that family had brought on her. She thought back to the beginning of their journey in the Delta Quadrant, what she was like then. The fact that she could sit here now with Chakotay, talking about things that terrified her and the things that she would have never faced five years before, far less talk about, was testament of what kind of life she was living here on Voyager and the effect of serving on that ship in that family was having on her. They had never turned their back on her even when she was at her worst. When he put it like that, the only answer she could give was

"No, it's not. And I think you knew that was my answer to that, otherwise you would have never let me go on the Shuttle Mission" B'Elanna looked squarely in Chakotay's eyes and gave her answer with as much conviction as she could muster. She could see from his smile that it was enough.

"I'm still afraid though." She continued

"Of what?"

"Feeling. You know that I'm not exactly good at controlling my emotions. I think I just proved that with my little crying episode I'm afraid that someone will get hurt if I just let it out."

Chakotay made a show of examining his body. "I think I'm alright." She pulled at him playfully and a bit shyly.

"You and Tom are the only ones who have ever seen my tears, I'm talking about my anger." Chakotay looked at her in amazement.

"I'm honored that you trust me that much." B'Elanna inclined her head as if to indicate that it was nothing, but Chakotay knew better than that. It was a great honor to be so treasured and respected by this amazing person.

"And as for your fears B'Elanna, we beat the Borg and species 8472, I think we can handle one half Klingon's temper."

B'Elanna finally stood up and Chakotay with her, "I'll remember you said that and the next time you chew me out the next time I lose it."

"There is one more thing I want to ask you. Actually it was the reason that I came in here. Believe me I didn't plan to have a breakdown."

"Planned or not, it looks like you needed to have one." Chakotay said gently.

"It does look that way."

"I know I don't have Holodeck privileges but I wondered if you would help me do a memorial service for our friends who died. I would like to say goodbye, the right way this time."

Chakotay scrutinized her and was satisfied with what he saw. He went around to the desk and released her programming privileges.

"Get started on it now. I'll look over what you have later, but for now, I need to speak to the Captain."

"The Captain! Oh Chakotay, it will have to wait, Captain Janeway needs to see me." B'Elanna was walking so fast towards the door that Chakotay almost had to run to catch up with her. Putting his hand on her shoulder he said. "Why don't you get started on the program and I'll speak to the Captain."

"But I'm still on duty."

"No you are not, I'll stop and let Seven know that she needs to finish your duty shift."

"But we're in the middle of……"

"No buts Lt you're relieved and it's for medical reasons, now go." His eyes twinkled at her and a small smile tugged at his lips. She gave him a short fierce hug and kissed him on the check. When she looked in his eyes, she said "Thank you" with all of her heart. Chakotay received her gift and with a playful small push towards the door. She left with a smile on her face.

Chakotay stood there for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and leaving this current mode of being and taking up the mantle of First Officer. By the time he decided to go out, the persona was firmly in place. He walked through the corridor with a determined look on his face.

" I need you to go and finish off Lt Torres shift in engineering."

"I am working on something for the Captain, send someone else."

Chakotay sighed, Seven had to be in one of her moods today. How the Captain dealt with her during those times was a mystery to him and a skill he did not want. He was in no mood for her temper tantrums today. Chakotay planted himself directly in front of her.

"I don't want anyone else to go down there, I want you to go."

"Now."

"Surely there is someone else who could run engineering at this time, while there is no one else who can perform these calculations for the captain."

Chakotay lost it. "Seven of Nine, tertiary adjunct of Unimatrix 1, when I give you an order on this ship I expect it to be obeyed, with no questions or running commentaries, now if you are not on your way to engineering within the next five seconds, you are going to find yourself relieved of duty and spending the next month in the Brig." His voice was quiet and Seven knew that if she didn't have her Borg implants she would have to strain to hear him. Because of this when shouted the next word she flinched.

'UNDERSTOOD!"

Chakotay's face was black and Seven had to admit she was feeling apprehensive about dealing with him. The way that she would be when she was dealing with the Captain.

"Yes sir" She said it flatly, upset that he would talk to her like that. She started moving towards the door and stopped. Will you tell the Captain that I am no longer carrying out her explicit instruction?"

Chakotay sighed. "Yes I will." Why did she always have to get the last words in? It was a petty game of one-upmanship and the sad thing about it was that she didn't realize that in actuality, he had gotten the last word in, she was on her way to Engineering at his command.

Without a word, Seven left Astrometrics. Chakotay waited until she had gone and went to find the Captain.

"Come."

"Chakotay…." Kathryn turned off her computer as he came into the Office. He extended a PADD to her and she took it.

"What's this?"

"The final modifications for the Slip Stream drive, B'Elanna dropped it by my office about two hours ago.'

"How did it go?" Chakotay sat in a chair in front her desk and Kathryn came around and leaned on the desk studying him. He sighed deeply.

"OK, I think she's through the worst of it"

"I hope so, that was some racket she made in your office."

Chakotay frowned, "You were outside the door?"

Kathryn smiled, "The Doctor and I were. Several crewmembers reported the incident to Sickbay and the Doctor contacted me on his way there. I had a good idea what was going on from earlier conversation, but I wanted to be sure as well as dissuade the Doctor from entering your office and interrupting you."

"Thanks, I think that would have really done more damage than good." Chakotay looked at her gratefully. In the back of his mind he wondered if she had received his thought. 'Course not. Shaking his head he dismissed it.

"She wants to have a memorial service in the Holodeck for our friends just as her way of saying goodbye to them. I've given my permission for her to start the program. I didn't want her to put it off so I've put Seven in charge of Engineering and gave her the rest of the day off." Chakotay made a face, Kathryn caught and had a good idea why he had done so.

"Let me guess, Seven thought that her skills would be wasted in Engineering and wanted you to rescind your order."

Chakotay gave an exasperated snort and rolled his eyes "How do you deal with her when she's in a mood?"

"With an iron fist," came the bemused reply. He chuckled and she joined him. "Well be prepared for a grievance report" He said.

"Sometimes, she can be infuriating, if the First Officer tells me I have to wait for a report due to personnel matters and I have to wait, who does she think she is?"

"You didn't have to wait. You could have ordered Lt Torres to report to you, you're the Captain."

"And you're the First Officer and in charge of personnel. We weren't at red Alert, it could waited."

"Thank you Kathryn." Chakotay sighed, it was deep. All of a sudden he felt tired……and cold. He looked down and realized that he hadn't even changed his jacket and B'Elanna had thoroughly soaked it with her tears. Kathryn followed his gaze and guessed what that dark spot was on his shoulder. Her tone softened.

"I meant what I said about taking care of yourself. It's 19:00 hours, how about we catch an early dinner at my place and you take the rest of the night off."

"Kathryn I appreciate the offer, but dealing with B'Elanna has prevented me from doing a lot of work that I need to get done, especially on the Slip Drive project."

"Well I'm sure, that I'm not going to talk to B'Elanna until in the morning, so we may as well get a good night sleep and pull double shifts in the morning to make up the time."

"Sounds like a plan." Chakotay got up and Kathryn joined him. As they got to the door, she stopped him and asked. "Can I close this incident with B'Elanna medically?"

Chakotay thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I'll write up the report tomorrow. The only thing I'm a little concerned about is the memorial service, if she will have a relapse after that. I'll talk to the Doctor and schedule a weekly routine check-up for a month after that. But I don't think that we'll see anything. I won't let her perform the ceremony by herself and I won't fully restore her Holodeck privileges until the final check up."

"As you wish Commander."

She sounded so formal that he looked at her quizzically. She smiled at him. Chakotay yawned. "I don't know if I'll be great company tonight Kathryn."

"Doesn't matter, we've been through too much to feel that we have to entertain each other. Besides," Kathryn continued clasping him on the shoulder, "I get the feeling that you don't want to be alone right now, as much as you don't want company."

"You know B'Elanna told me that she had never known me to let anyone get as close to me as you are Kathryn. Sometimes it scares me how well you know me." His look was haunted and longing, and ….fleeting. A small sad smile came on his face as he touched the side of her face briefly, cupping her cheek with his hand if only for a moment.

"Chakotay" she intoned softly, "What is it?"

He shook his head as a larger smile met her puzzled look. 'Sorry Kathryn long day, I'll see you in about half an hour."

"My Replicator, or yours?"

"Mine, I still have those rations you gave me a few weeks ago." With that he was gone.

Leaving Kathryn to wonder.

The End.

Part 13: One Moment in Time