The Future

"How did she react?"

"She's angry, but with B'Elanna what else is new"

Chakotay looked at Kathryn sitting on her couch in her ready room. He was standing by the separator in front of it watching her with his palms flat down on the rail. During their discussion in the Ready Room she was calm as she heard both sides of the story, but somewhere between dealing with B'Elanna and now, she had thought a little bit more about one thing in particular and started stewing. He could see now that she had worked herself up to a state. B'Elanna was not the only one who was angry, Kathryn looked as if she would spit nails.

"She'll get over it, but will you?" His smile was faint and she almost didn't see it. The fact that he was laughing at her infuriated her even more.

"What's there to get over?" Her face was deadpan and got even more set in anger. Chakotay was resisting the urge to laugh out loud. "It was a command decision and I make them all the time."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"What then?" Kathryn almost snapped.

All traces of a smile were gone off of his mouth as he matched Kathryn's expression in its intensity.

"The fact that I was willing to let Torres die over a principle and she is one of our most trusted officers, a member of our bridge crew and part of our immediate family of the Senior Officers."

Kathryn gave him one of her stares. That's when he started giggling out loud.

"Trying to intimidate me Kathryn, it wouldn't work, I'm not Harry and even if you meant it, you and I both know that I wouldn't back down nor tremble because of it."

Kathryn focused the intensity of her gaze. Chakotay lost it and began laughing outright. After he had recovered somewhat, he joined her at the couch. He did however give her a wide birth.

"Kathryn, firstly, I had to give the opposing view point, that's what a being a contrary means and it's easier when you believe in the position that you're taking. Secondly, I believed the Doctor would have come up with some way of helping B'Elanna on his own without Moset and that's exactly what he did. Thirdly, I could take that viewpoint without any fear because there was no way in hell you were not going to authorize the Doctor to continue treatment. You've done worst in the name of protecting your crew. And last and by no means least, I have no idea what I would have done in your shoes." Kathryn looked at him as if he had just beamed into the Ready Room disguised as a Bolian in a Tutu. Nothing really wrong, but you weren't sure what to do.

"That's one good thing about being First Officer after being the Captain. Most of the tough decisions are not on my shoulders any more. The toughest part of this job is saving Captains from themselves."

Kathryn was still looking at him strangely. He sighed and got off the couch. "I was going to ask you to dinner, but I think I'll wait, you might throw your plate at me. Let me know when you're not mad at me anymore."

Chakotay did not look back as he walked toward the Ready Room doors.

"Commander" He turned and it was his expression that was now inscrutable

"I will not be mad at you tomorrow night."

"Then we have a date." He said simply

"Stay out of my way until then, else I will throw something at you."

"Why?"

"Captain's prerogative. It comes with having to make the tough decisions."

Chakotay stood at attention and saluted her.

"Yes Ma'am"

He was rewarded with a smile from Kathryn as he exited.

Be Boop

Instead of calling for the computer to let the person in, Chakotay got up and answered his door. Kathryn stood there. She looked different. She was different after the last couple of days. What she had to do took a toll on her and she rode on an adrenaline rush of anger for the past week. The disappointment ate at her constantly and it was apparent to everyone who came into contact with her.

He did his job, quickly and quietly as did twelve other department heads and the third in Command of Voyager, their Security Chief. Everyone was on tip toe and best behaviour for the last week. It didn't help. Kathryn was on the war path. Everyone knew about it and the reason behind her behaviour so everyone tried to make up for what had happened. Except that they couldn't. Only one person could do that and right now he was sitting in the Brig.

Chakotay did not say a word, but stood aside and allowed Kathryn to come in. She did so without any comment. She stood and her gaze pierced him. He shifted on his feet for a couple of minutes. Finally he sighed; Kathryn was still glaring at him.

"Captain, is there something wrong?"

Kathryn's head snapped back a little when he called her Captain. Lately whenever they were alone together, he called her Kathryn. This was a bit formal, but given what had happened lately, maybe this was for the best.

"Commander there is an error in your report" She held out the PADD to him.

He did a curious thing then, he came around the back so that their shoulders were touching and using his right hand he grasped the PADD. Kathryn hadn't let it go.

"Show me." He gave the PADD his full attention.

"Here." She did and he scanned it, it was a minor error, one that she could have corrected and one which anyone could see was a typo. But pettiness could exasperate the situation so he simply said,

"I apologize Captain, I will fix it now." He tapped three buttons and corrected the problem. Kathryn had been holding herself rigid when he first touched her, but now he felt her relaxing a little. He moved away to face her and he saw that as he did this, she tensed again.

"Very well Commander, and in the future please don't hand in shoddy work, it's beneath you."

"As lashing out at me when you're still angry with Tom Paris is beneath you?"

"How dare you?" Kathryn's voice was like ice; lesser men than he had fallen just by the sound of that voice.

"It's my job to dare you as your First Officer. As you best friend, I do it because I care for you." Kathryn stared at him.

"You're mad at Tom, not so much for doing something that he believed in but for disappointing you. Up until now, his redemption was perfect and now you're wondering if everything that you went through with him was for nothing. And you're also mad at him for putting you in the position where you would have to possibly hunt him down and destroy him. For that you almost can't forgive him. But you have to and you will. Because that's what family members do when one of theirs screws up; they forgive and give them another chance."

"Surely you don't think that I should have gone easier on him, he broke the Prime Directive………" Kathryn gestured with her hands as she tried to complete her sentence signalling her impatience of having to explain the perfectly obvious to the Commander.

"No, I don't think that. Paris has got to learn that he cannot be lucky all of the time, and that all actions have consequences, even the ones done for the noblest of reasons. He also has to learn that he cannot be rescued all the time from those consequences. He'll be a better man for it when he's done."

"The question for you Kathryn, or rather the decision that is in front of you now; is will you let go of the anger and accept that Tom did what he thought he had to do even though it went against all of Starfleet principles, or do you let your anger consume you and stunt the growth that he is experiencing now, the growth that you've been cultivating ever since he was stranded here in this Quadrant?"

Kathryn's expression of anger had softened a bit. There was a look of thoughtfulness about her now. The edge was still there, but there was nowhere near the intensity that it once had. He put his hand briefly on her arm and left.

Kathryn sat on the couch lost in thought.

About half an hour later, she got up and was halfway to her bedroom when she ran into the wall. Then she began laughing. Little giggles at first and then she began tearing and shaking from side to side. She was in Chakotay's quarters. She was so lost in everything; the anger, the disappointment and the frustration that she had simply forgotten where she was and acted as if she were in her own quarters.

When she finally sobered up, she smiled for the first time in a week. They were that comfortable with each other that Chakotay just left her in his quarters. She had used that time to think about what she said and come to her own resolutions on the matter. He on his part trusted her not to snoop, though she had to admit, it was very tempting. He also trusted her to keep whatever she discovered about him to herself.

It was a great gift.

"I'm sorry Kathryn"

"It's alright, in my gut, I knew that he was going to betray me. But I had hoped…….."

"You had hoped that he would be sincere."

"It's been a long time since I had hope in that direction."

"Did you enjoy the game?"

"You know I did. And I had a great player as a companion. The sparks that flew Chakotay, it was all I could do sometimes. And once it wasn't enough"

"Oh!

"Don't worry, nothing happened. We just kissed."

"So I you decided to take up my suggestion and date outside of your species?"

"Let's just say that the opportunity presented itself and I took advantage of it in more ways than one."

"But not in the big way?"

"Never in that way, never risk your heart in a love game until you're absolutely sure and the other person is as serious as you are."

"Is that a hard and fast rule with you?"

"Yes it is"

"Then I will have to remember that."

"I wonder what it would have been like if he had decided to take me up on my offer. I do wonder if I would be able to be as good as a Captain if I were involved."

"I know you would be. The thing is that it would take a strong man, a very strong man to be with you in the day to day activities of your Captaincy. And don't know if he had such a good sense of self. If his arrogance was any judge, I would say no."

"Oh?"

"You would not hesitate to send him to his death to save the ship. The in the paradoxical nature you would not be able to live with the guilt of doing just that and will end up losing the ship anyway."

"And what about you, would you be able to send your wife to her death Commander?"

"No I would not. My Captain would have to do that for me."

"And risk you being mad with her forever, now would she do that?"

"For my good and the good of all the crew, she would risk it. She would love me enough to do that for me."

"Love!"

"Yes, love. There is a binding commitment of love when you captain a fine crew when you've been with them for a long time that you have become a family, when members pass up promotions so that they would not have to leave. They get to love their Captain and in turn, the Captain loves them. It is a love that is deep and not only does the Captain go down with the ship, the Captain and the crew function truly as one. One family committed to one goal and death cannot hold a candle to that. Whatever ensues, even if it's hate over a decision made, the love will always remain stronger, even if it isn't openly manifested.

"And what about the First Officer, what is he in this family, what is his role?"

"He is a conduit"

"Really!"

"He communicates, mitigates, balances and holds that love between Captain and Crew. It's an awesome responsibility in its own right."

"Did you sit down and think about this one day?"

"Nah, I just made it up"

"Good, because you've just given me a headache."

"Tell you what want to join me at Las Cuevas in the Caribbean for a swim. It will help your headache."

"You know, I think I will."

"But you know even if you just made it up there is some truth………….."

"Kathryn……"

"What Chakotay?"

"Lighten up."

"How is your patient doing?"

"I think we finally reached the turning point. I'm off to bed."

"Is anyone with him?"

"No, he asked to be alone. I trust that he can do that without doing harm to his program now"

Kathryn yawned as she reached the door to her quarters. Chakotay reacted as if on cue.

"I know you're tired, so sleep tight Captain." He turned to leave. Kathryn reached out to stop him.

"I'm not that tired Chakotay, come in." She yawned in the middle of a sentence.

Chakotay looked at her, "Repeat after me: Got a minute to talk Chakotay? It's easy if you try." His face was deadpan, but his eyes twinkled.

She gave him a look, he chuckled and followed her in. She went to the replicator.

"Want anything?"

"No, I had something in my quarters."

Kathryn ordered hot tea and as Chakotay got comfortable, she sipped the tea. He studied her for a bit and then picked up the book on her table.

"One Minute Wisdom?"

"20th Century book. Tom Paris gave it to me of all people. It is a collection of thought provoking anecdotes about the nature of life for human beings. Somehow it feels appropriate to read it now. It's actually very easy to read and very good. What really fascinates me about it is it is as relevant today as it was 300 hundred years ago. I guess the more we change……." Kathryn let her sentence trail as she took another sip of her tea.

"I'm thinking of replicating it and giving it to the entire bridge crew."

"Year of Hell continues Chakotay; Neelix, myself, B'Elanna, Seven, Tom, the doctor. That leaves you, Harry, Tuvok before the year finishes."

"Don't put a hex on me Kathryn."

"hmm" She continued sipping her tea.

"It's funny how much he has changed since we first activated him. He has a personality now and a bedside manner. We didn't think that he would ever get that. He has friends and he has really grown outside of his defined parameters of operation."

"It's as you said. We've watch people evolve along this journey. Sometimes it seems that the strange new worlds that we discover when we're exploring are within ourselves."

"Perhaps that's the real reason that we Federation citizens explore space. Maybe it's in order to chart the possibilities of our existence."

"Maybe," Kathryn continued, "but sometimes I think the price may be too high."

"Discovering yourself and being true to who you are can never come at too high a price" Chakotay responded. "Kathryn….." He leaned over and gave her his full attention. "Why did you change your mind this time around?"

"Seven asked me if I would reprogram her if she were malfunctioning."

Chakotay whistled. "She's learning how to be human very fast. Her very first guilt trip; laid on the person who has functioned as her parent. I'd say she's graduated."

Kathryn gave him a stare before she continued. 'She was right you know, but I must admit there have been times the past week where I was beginning to doubt if he was going to make it through. There was something else that Seven told me that made me pause. She told me that if she could erase the past year, her time becoming human, that she would not."

Chakotay's smile was large. "Congratulations. You did it"

"Thanks. Don't ask me if I would ever do that again." Kathryn yawned through that statement. Chakotay got up and took the empty cup for her.

"On that note, bedtime." He helped her up and placed the cup in the replicator to be recycled.

"See you tomorrow 0:800 on the Bridge?" She asked as she walked him out.

"I've got first watch with the Doctor, I just want to check up on him to see if he wants to talk a little more. I'll see you at 10:00"