"May I join you Chakotay?"

He was startled out of his thoughts by her words but he nodded his reply and gestured to the chair next to him.

Kathryn sat down and as she did so she turned her attention on the viewport in the Messhall. It was one of her favourite solitude spots in the Messhall early in the morning and by chance months ago, she found out it was also his.

The stars streaked through their viewport as Voyager continued on their long journey home. Was it just yesterday that they were supposed to be home? It seemed like such a long time ago. They had found another wormhole….again. That had promised to take them into the alpha quadrant…..of course. And instead it turned out to be a large space dwelling organism that wanted to destroy them. A deception…what else was new.

If it had just stopped there, Kathryn would be in bed at 0:300 hours, she had been through that type of hope and disappointment so many times in their journey that another occurrence would not have given her pause except to see what she could do ensure that she was not deceived again. But this encounter had a random element in it that was great cause for concern in her.

The organism had tapped into their consciousness and had brought out their deepest desires about getting home as a way to deceive them into flying into the anomaly. It was what was portrayed to her that was causing her unrest. Mark was married, and yet she conveniently portrayed it as an engagement in her deepest desires. A marriage was harder to break away from emotionally, but an engagement was another matter all together. And that is exactly what her desires had manifested to her. Mark's broken engagement at the announcement that she was getting home.

Why was this her greatest desire? Wasn't she over him? Then why would she be so excited that he would break an engagement to be with her? Why would she even want to be with him if it were that easy for him to break commitments? And it was what followed that was truly puzzling. She was genuinely upset that Chakotay would take up a position with Starfleet Academy teaching. Why did his desires make her feel as if he was abandoning her?

The questions kept going round and round in her mind because of what they brought up about her relationship with Chakotay. They shared a level of intimacy that she knew few married people shared yet they were still uninvolved. Sometimes she thought that if they had been romantically involved from the beginning, they may not be as close as they were now. Sexual involvement with its accompanying feelings of jealousy, possession and monogamy may have inhibited instead of deepening their level of intimacy. With the refusal of the sharing of their bodies, it was a little less threatening to share their minds and souls. Just a little. But then in its nature, the relationship was incomplete, and unless the cycle was broken by him or her it would lead to it. They could only hold off the inevitable for so long.

And she knew that one or the other would break it. Too many lives were at stake here in the Delta Quadrant and no matter what Chakotay thought; she didn't know if she would be able to order her lover or even worst her husband to his death. Kathryn's face reflected a sad look. She was so lonely and it would be so meaningful, so self-revealing so easy to be truly one with him………

Something in front of her shifted and the colours of black, red and grey came into quick focus. Startled, Kathryn realized that she had stopped looking at the viewport and had been staring at Chakotay in the dim light. He had been turned away from her in the beginning, but sometime during her musings, he had turned back and he had been observing her, seeing her expressions as her thoughts were ran through her mind.

"We'll get home one day Kathryn, know that." He said it with conviction and this brought a smile to her face. He had mistaken the source of her sorrow and she was glad for that.

"I know that we will. It's not that, I was just thinking about the desires that the creature manipulated."

"So was I. It's just when I saw you look of sadness, I thought that there could be only one doubt that would cause it."

He stopped there and did not take the logical next step. And neither did she ask about his desires that were made manifest during the encounter. She knew in her gut, that as close as they were this was not something that they discussed for fear of making it all too real; at least on her end. She had no idea besides teaching anthropology what his deepest desires were, but she did know that they were his and his alone, until he decided, or if he decided to share them with her.

After some time, he got up.

"I think I've been going around in circles enough, time to let it rest."

Kathryn joined him and she clasped him on the back and smiled

"You know Chakotay, I agree. Let's just be grateful this is over and let it go."

He put his arm around her waist and gave her a brief side hug. They moved off together as they normally did; she in front, he slightly behind.

He had known what she was about to do from the moment that she beamed back with fire in her eyes. He had seen the plan being formulated in her eyes in the morning and he had known that the sense of failure loss and bewilderment would make her turn back the minute that she knew that she could. He knew it just as surely as he knew that from the moment he saw her fidgeting with her combadge they were in for something risky and extraordinary.

He had argued, because it hurt to see her so disappointed. As far as he was concerned, Seven had made her choice. As had they all.

When they had first stared to encounter Borg cubes it was easy for the Captain to turn around and get out of harm's way. But the detours kept adding up and he knew that with each month added to their journey the Captains guilt was mounting and her patience was diminishing. He knew it was inevitable that she was going to come up with something to even the score between Voyager and the Collective. So she made her choice. And as much as it would have never been a course of action that he would have taken, he had chosen not to accentuate the risk involved with what she was purposing and had worked diligently to get the mission correct down to the minute detail. And now after pleading with the Captain to go on the mission, Seven had decided to stay behind.

He was angry with Seven for what she had done to the Captain.

But that anger disappeared when he realized that Seven may have been coerced by the Queen to leave Voyager. Then she became part of their crew again. Someone who needed the entire crew to rally behind her and rescue her from the life that she had embraced so that they may be spared assimilation. But they had to be careful, they were spared assimilation once. They could not afford to lax in their preparation believing that luck would prevent them from being assimilated again. One person in particular could not be so mad at the Collective that she became careless.

He had to remind her of that.

And she hadn't. She got Seven back safe and sound.

Her whole demeanour had changed and now Kathryn was back to normal. Looking at her across the table at dinner he could see that. She hadn't given him too hard a time about abandoning Seven in the beginning, because he suspected that she knew it was his reaction to how she was feeling about the situation. They just picked up where they left off, as if the whole incident and the days building up to it had never happened.

Sometimes, it's best that way.

"So it seems like we're now extended the Year of Hell for the Senior Officers."

"What are you talking about?"

"How's Harry?" Kathryn looked sad as Chakotay asked the question.

"In pain."

"As you were a year ago, when you got that letter?"

"Worse" Kathryn turned away from him. "He really loved Thal" Her voice was a whisper and he had to strain to hear her.

"I've left the reprimand in his file but I did go to talk to him. You were right, I just couldn't believe that this was my model bridge officer that had disregarded protocols and disobeyed my orders al because he was in love, there had to be another reason and he being under the influence seemed to be a thing to blame it on."

"Kathryn, would you have violated protocol to be with Mark?"

"Everyone in the book, Commander; I would have even resigned my commission."

Chakotay was in shock. He would have bet everything he had that she wouldn't for the love of a man. But she had considered it………for one man.

He concentrated on the viewport through which she was staring when she turned away from him. In the reflection cast by the Ready Room lighting, he could see the tears beginning to form. And he could see her fighting it as she always had, even in front of him. Maybe this was part of the reason that she was so hard on Harry. She wanted him to learn what falling in love could do to your Starfleet Career and how much it could cost. There were very few Starship Captains who were married and fewer had their wives stationed on Starships with them. The protocol book for dealing with that particular living situation was the same size as the one dealing interspecies protocols; three centimetres thick.

But Kathryn hadn't had time to even find that out. He wondered how they had planned to handle her career when they got married. But then this three week turn 70 year journey made it a mute point.

Kathryn stared at him through the viewport and because of a passing planet, he was able to see her looking right at him and caught her almost silent pleading.

"Sometimes it feels as if it will never stop hurting." She said quietly and with that he saw her control slip momentarily.

"When the time is right, it will. There is no cure that the Doctor can give you for what you're feeling right now, only friends to stand by you however you need them to, for as long as necessary."

She spent a moment in silence reflecting on the offer that he made.

"If you need me Kathryn, you only have to ask."

Chakotay stood a little while longer in silence and solidarity with her. Then without touching her, he left her in the Ready Room. He headed towards his quarters on his way to his office. He wanted to contact his spirit guide and ask her to be there with Kathryn in the way that he couldn't, because he knew instinctively that this time, Kathryn was going to need to face this on her own.

Kathryn's lower lip trembled and she allowed the tears to cascade down her cheeks as she mourned the loss of her life with Mark anew. It happened infrequently, and it was subsiding, the hurt was not as much as it was before, but it was still something she dealt with privately. Beside the night when she got the news, she let neither Chakotay nor Tuvok see her mourning Mark. She was glad that Chakotay instantly understood this; and she knew that he had by the way he left her alone. In the midst of the pain, she felt a profound gratitude. She may have lost her fiancé, but she gained a crew that was steadfast, a First Officer that she wouldn't trade for anyone and a best friend who knew her better than anyone else in her life.

She tapped into that feeling of gratitude and slowly the tears abated.

"Chakotay, you are alright. You are in your quarters and I am here. No one is hurting you, please listen to me, no one is hurting you." Kathryn spoke loudly in his ear to get his attention as he had been yelling throughout it all.

He stopped, out of breath as the words seem to sink in as he focused on her.

"Kathryn?" He asked confused, finally seeing her for who she really was.

"Yes it's me."

"I'm still delusional aren't I? The last thing I remember was the doctor injecting me here in my Quarters."

Relief flooded through Kathryn's body. His delusional fever was breaking.

"I can still hear them coming, they are hurting me. Make them stop. Don't let me become like my grandfather, don't let me lose my mind. MAKE IT STOP!"

"CHAKOTAY! It IS going to STOP, fight a little longer, you've past the worst of it.

That voice, he had found it once and lost it, now that he heard it again, he clung to it with all of his might.

'Kathryn, I'm scared, don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere." Kathryn's tone was resolute. Right now, the Borg Queen would have to materialize right there in his quarters for her to leave his side.

And when it seemed that he was sure of that, he stopped fighting and began sobbing, lost in his madness.

She held him and didn't let go. Her tears were flowing freely from her face. He was so confused and because of what he was experiencing, he was scared. It was one thing to know that aliens were manipulating your genes and that's why you were seeing and hearing things, but it was quite another thing to know that they had departed and your mind was still rebelling against you. Even knowing what it would entail when he began, did not prepare him for this. He had assumed that he could have done it by himself. She was glad that she had encouraged him to do otherwise. He did need constant supervision and the two women who loved him the most on the ship, even though they would be witness to this craziness, had volunteered to be with him during this period of time while his body began to deal with the overload needed to deactivate the gene.

While Kathryn couldn't speak for B'Elanna, she knew that she was finding out a lot about the man who is her first officer and about the things that made him the who he is, the journey that they had been through together and what he felt about her and their relationship, their friendship and their love. And in doing so she was finding out a lot about herself.

Eventually she realized that he had cried himself to sleep and since she had the full night shift watch with him, and they were on the bed already, she decided to get some sleep too. She carefully shifted and brought him down with her until they were lying side by side. She got as comfortable as she could without letting go and soon was fast asleep.

When Chakotay awoke, his eyes focused to Kathryn in his arms. He almost jumped out the bed in panic.

What the hell is going on?

Slowly realization came to him in snapshots of events…..awaking in sickbay….making a decision……being injected in his quarters with B'Elanna and Kathryn….screaming with Kathryn not to leave him……and the madness.

'Oh good, she's dressed'

That thought eased his mind somewhat that nothing inappropriate had happened. But suddenly out of the blue he was struck by how blessed by the Spirits he was to her as a captain and a best friend and he held her closer carefully, conveying his thoughts and gratitude for her. After a little while he released her a little and let her fall to the position that she was in before.

"You're welcome." Came the soft reply with a sly smile on her face.

"You could have indicated that you were awake you know?" Her eyes opened fully and she saw the smile on his face

"I wanted to see how you would react, waking up with a strange woman in your arms."

"Did I act the way you would expect?"

"Of course."

Chakotay sat up and swung his foot to the edge of the bed and stood up. Kathryn did the same on her side and walked around the bed to join him.

"How are you feeling, are you still delusional?" Chakotay concentrated. "I can still hear strange noises and voices, but I'm not seeing things" He scanned around. "Everything looks OK."

"Bee, Boop"

He went to answer the door.

B'Elanna stood at the other end of it.

Chakotay looked up and was surprised to see the Captain there.

"Sorry Chakotay, but you did invite me here at 12:00 hours for lunch"

"Computer what is the time?"

"12:07"

"You're early." Chakotay said in a deadpan voice.

Kathryn sat next to him on the blanket. There was a picnic basket next to him, so she knew that he was going to have lunch with her. He had been in meditation when she came in, that much was evident by his posture and by the fact that his medicine bundle was open. Kathryn realized that his was the perfect site for it. In front of her was an ocean, she couldn't place where exactly they were but the water was very dark for being close to the shore, so she figured it was the Atlantic Ocean. There was a small stretch of beach and sand, but the blanket was on the grass right before the sand. It was about mid-day in the simulation also. It wasn't hot, but it was warm although the sea breezes were no doubt keeping the temperature down. Kathryn followed Chakotay's example and took off her jacket and her shirt leaving only her vest on. As she put her jacket down near the medicine bundle she noticed that the Akuna was not there.

"What are you talking about? You did tell me at noon didn't you?"

"Yes, but you're always about 10 mins late to eat."

"Well, I'm glad to have broken the habit." Kathryn peered in the medicine bundle and saw a carving which she had never seen there before; it looked Klingon. And in the bundle were the usual stone and blackbird's feather.

"I didn't know that you rearranged the items in your medicine bundle" Kathryn said to Chakotay gesturing to the open bundle at his feet."

"Well, depending on what I want to focus on, who I want the spirits to embrace, I may put some things in the bundle and leave some things out."

"Still Worried about B'Elanna?" Kathryn gave a small smile and shifted her gaze to the Klingon icon.

Chakotay sighed deeply and he didn't smile. "I don't know Kathryn, sometimes it's hard to be B'Elanna's Commanding Officer and her friend. There is always something or someone that she's fighting against."

"I don't know, but I think she did an excellent job keeping her temper in check today."

"I'm surprised that you didn't send Tuvok down there to lead the mission."

"He was taken aback as well, but I felt it important that she be trusted to complete the mission even thought she has a short fuse and that she knows that I had faith in her. My faith was well placed. She completed the mission with no mistakes being made."

"I know….I guess, I worry too much."

"Because you care." Kathryn was smiling at him

"It seems there is no middle ground with B'Elanna, beginning of this year, she felt nothing and was trying to hurt herself, now she feels everything and reacts to most things in anger."

"Give her time Chakotay. I think the meditation sessions are helping if today is any indication."

"I agree, and I guess, I'd rather have an angry B'Elanna than one who didn't feel anything at all and was trying to hurt herself."

"So would I. So..." Kathryn shook him playfully on the knee and reached for the picnic basket, "I suggest we give B'Elanna some space, trust her to do right by us, stop worrying and eat lunch. Now do I have to make it an order for you comply?" Kathryn's eyes were twinkling.

Chakotay's stomach rumbled as if on cue.

"I think the answer to that is no Kathryn," And he joined her in taking out lunch.

The Present

"Happy Prixin" He raised his champagne glass

"To the journey" She joined her glass to his with a resounding clank

"Where did that come from?"

"From the heart. Want to open your present?"

Chakotay took the small parcel and shook it. It made no noise. He opened it.

"One minute Wisdom"

"I wanted you to have your own copy of it." Kathryn said. Chakotay opened the and read the inscription

To my companion on the most extraordinary journey that I have ever made

Food for the Spirit as

Energy for the journey

There was something sticking out of it, a small piece of card and Chakotay pulled it out.

"That's a bookmark. It stays in the last page you've read in order to keep your place, kind of like a pause button." Kathryn had uttered these words because she observed that Chakotay was looking stunned at the book mark

"I know what it is Captain, I'm just stunned at the image." Indeed he was, it was an image that he had seen just before entering her quarters.

"Is this a control for a recording?" Chakotay almost missed the flat control on the bottom right hand of the book mark

"Yes it is." Chakotay pressed it and at once Kathryn's voice came on; strong, sure, confident and always in control.

Know this Commander, no matter what, no matter where,

As your Captain,

As your best friend,

I am there for you Chakotay

Always.

"Thank you Captain,….Kathryn."

The response was very soft, but as Chakotay looked in Kathryn's eyes, he found not her usual look of determination, but openness. She let him probe her and his eyes softened and his dimples jumped as he did so and read her commitment towards him.

"Where's my gift?" Kathryn said after a moment.

Chakotay laughed. "What if I didn't get you one?"

"Oh you did, here it is." She went over and picked it up from the table on which he had rested it.

"Well go ahead and open it." She did and when she saw what it was she burst out laughing and he joined her. The same image of the senior officers on 'Ancestor's Eve' that adorned his bookmark, was framed in an antique Victorian Frame with one slight adjustment.

"This is a control for a voice recording?"

"I believe you know the answer to that." Chakotay was smiling

"I guess all great minds do think alike…"

"Or all fools seldom differ." Chakotay retorted.

"You know the saying?"

"My father and mother used it enough times in my presence for me to know it by heart."

Kathryn was smiling as she pressed the control.

Together we will make it remember that

But do not miss the journey for the destination

And know that as I have promised you, I am with you.

Always

"You were saying something about all fools seldom differ?" Kathryn asked quietly as she gave him his glass and she took hers

"I think the better adage would be……

"Two people committed to one cause share one mind." Kathryn Volunteered.

It was stretching it, but appropriate and it fit.

"To Home." Chakotay raised his glass.

"To Home." Kathryn's glass met his.

The End

Part 14: Terra Firma