Chapter 43

Josh took the seat that CJ vacated as the orderlies installed the cot in the room. Taking Donna's hand in his, he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, trying to take comfort in the fact that her fingers were warm.  Unable to stand seeing the bruises on her face he stared sightlessly at the wall across from him as he tried to keep his emotions in check once again.  Blinking back tears, he forced himself to listen to the beeping of the monitors around him, his own experience in a hospital bed a few years before making him adept at it.  "She's always been so much stronger," he said softly.

Turning her attention away from the orderlies who were just completing the task of making up the cot for Josh, Abbey frowned slightly as she walked over to him.  "What was that?"

"I was just thinking aloud," he shrugged as he shifted in the chair as that his legs were straight in front of him and his head lulled against the back of it.

"Josh?"

Sighing, Josh sat up straight again and shifted to face the former First Lady:  "I'm just trying to figure out how she did it, you know?"

"Did what?"

Shrugging, Josh got to his feet and started to pace, his eyes on his feet as he tried to come up with the words to express what he was thinking and feeling, well aware that the eyes that watched him were full of concern: "I was just thinking. . . remembering. . . not that I remember a whole heck of a lot from that time, and we all know that most of what I do remember. . ." he paused in his pacing as he ran a hand through his hair and looked at Abbey.  "I don't know how she did it.  How she just sat there hour after hour, day after day and waited.  How any of you did."

Abbey's brow knitted in confusion at his words: "are you trying to tell me you don't want to be here?"

"No.  That's not. . . I just. . ." he threw his hands up in frustration before slamming them onto the back of that chair and gripping it tight.  "I'm not good at this waiting.  At not being able to do something.  I hate being so. . . so helpless. . . Of feeling like. . . I don't even have the words for it. . ."

Understanding dawning, Abbey moved to stand behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, watching him out of the corner of her eye as her gaze landed on Donna, "it's hard to have to stand by when someone you love has been hurt.  To wait for them to wake up and let you know in their way that everything's going to be OK," she started in a voice thick with remembered emotions.  "But you are doing something.  You're letting them hear you.  I know there's no proof, hell, you boys wouldn't help fund the study that might have added some," she teased on a sniffle, "but I believe she knows we're here.  That from whatever place her mind is resting, she's aware somehow."

Josh exhaled the breath he had been holding as he nodded, "Guess I really do need that babysitter after all," he sighed as he straightened. 

Smiling slightly, Abbey allowed her hand to drop, "Joshua, for as long as I've known you, you have.  Guess I should be glad you finally admitted it."

"Yeah, well for most of that time I've had one," he defended half heartedly as he retook the seat, "although it looks like she could've used one recently," dropping his head slightly he scratched his forehead, "think I'll get a smack upside the head if after she wakes up and I let her know how happy I am for her being ok, I ask what the hell she's been thinking?"

"Oh, I'm sure sooner or later you'll get that smack, I'm just not placing bets on what idiotic phrase will cause it," she answered with a shake of her head as she patted his shoulder.  "I'm going to go finish some paperwork and then head back to Jed.  Lord only knows what mischief he's found for himself."

"And here I thought I wouldn't be left without a sitter," Josh remarked as he took Donna's hand back in his.

"Well, if you're complaint is going in the other direction. . ." Abbey started, but then stopped as movement caught her eye: "I don't think you'll have to worry."

"You've lost me."

"Not very hard to do," she laughed as the cause of the movement stepped into the room.  "Dr. Ramsey, didn't I hear you were going to be leaving?" she asked the new arrival.

Chris shrugged: "had a couple of things I wanted to do."

"Doubling as a moving man one of those?" Josh asked as he took in the other man.

"Well, I know from the on-call room that hospital cots aren't the most comfortable, so I figured I'd lend you a couple of things I found to be necessities," he said indicating the pillows under one arm and the quilt that was draped over it.  "And, well, I know how Donna needs background noise, and since I figured that even you could keep up a steady stream of conversation," he shrugged.

"I'm not that much of a talker."

Snorting at that, Abbey shook her head, "on that note, I think I'll take my leave. Behave yourself, Josh.," she reminded as she walked out the door.

"I swear, you'd think I was a four year old or something," he muttered as he watched her and then stood to move to Chris.  "I'll finish making up the cot if you want to set up that CD player of yours.  I mean, I wouldn't want to screw up something."

Chris laughed slightly at that, "sure.  But are you certain you'll be able to straighten up if you bend down?"

"Guess we'll find out," Josh replied as he took the items from Chris.

For a couple of minutes they worked in silence till the sounds of Alanis Morissette's 'Not the Doctor' filled the room.  Raising an eyebrow, Josh looked over his shoulder at Chris: "let me guess, Donna made you a mix cd?"

Chris nodded: "has one hell of a sense of humor when it comes to them, doesn't she?"

Rolling his eyes, Josh put his hands to his back as he forced himself to straighten up, groaning slightly as it clicked: "not quite as bad as Deena, but yeah."

"You ok?" Chris asked.

"Depends on your definition of ok," Josh shrugged as he moved back to the bed, his right leg dragging a bit. 

"You have anything for the back because. . ."

"I've taken something already, tried wall sitting, and the other techniques. . ." he answered with a shake of his head as he rolled his shoulders, "it's just one of the reminders of that night I live with."

"That ni. . ." Chris started then at the look in Josh's eyes, stopped. "Stupid me.  I guess I never thought much of it after the initial news coverage," he admitted as the music switched to the Dixie Chick's doing an Irish Medley.

"Why would you?" Josh asked tiredly as he tried to find a comfortable position in the chair, and stared up at the ceiling.  "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess?"

"What was the deal with you and Donna?"

Chris shook his head at that, "not much.  Why?"

"I'm just trying to get a picture of this. . ." he paused and let his hand flutter in the air. 

"This meaning my friendship with her, or this how she got here?"

"Both I guess," Josh admitted as he watched Chris sit on the edge of the bed, and forced himself to sit up a bit.  "Donna and I used to be so close and yet she didn't say a damned thing. . ."

"If it makes you feel any better she didn't to me either, and I was around."

"Would you have. . ." he started, but then stopped himself.

"Done something? Hell yeah," Chris finished for him, watching as Josh nodded.  "And looking back.  I did, just not enough."

"I don't understand."

Chris sighed: "there were just a couple of. . . incidents. . . the night of the Nurse's Ball. . . a time we went to a concert at the Recovery Room. . . another when we had drinks with some others at Luke's. . ."

Josh closed his eyes as he forced himself to breathe deeply, his hand clenching and unclenching: "what type of incidents?"

"Just what we thought of as AJ being AJ.  That's what Karen called it, and I figured she knew.  She had dated AJ's younger brother in high school.  Knew the family longer than anyone, and I guess from things I heard from others here. . ." Chris shrugged.  "He just gave her a hard time about being at those places with someone other than him.  I told him off.  My brother Jack did, so did his friend Jamal. . .Claude, the bartender at Luke's threw him out.  I don't think we ever thought much of it.  Figured he was jealous."

"How did Donna. . .I mean. . ."

"She'd just tell me she could take care of herself," Chris filled in as Destiny Child's 'Independent Woman' started to play, causing Chris to laugh at the irony of it: "guess she still is."

Josh nodded at that as he closed his eyes and reached for Donna's hand, "you know," he started after a moment of silence, "when I first heard about the Nurse's Ball, I was going to try to find away to come for it.  It was the beginning of the campaign and I figured. . ." he paused as he thought of the missed chance, "I mean, Donna had sounded so excited about it, but she didn't want to go without a date and. . ."

"Then I asked her."

"Yeah."

"Well, I know it's not much, but I'm pretty sure she would've preferred to have gone with you."

"Why would you say that?"

Chris shifted uncomfortably on the bed for a moment: "you two. . .man, and I thought Eve and I were bad."

"You two a couple?"

"No, but for a while I wished," Chris shrugged.  "That probably wasn't the best way to answer that," he admitted as he saw Josh deflate slightly.  "See the difference was she only saw us as friends.  And I've gotten used to that.  You and Donna should have really talked about it."

"Opportunities missed."

"Maybe, maybe not," Chris responded.  "You know how I find out about her working in the White House?"

"No."

"I picked her up for the ball.  Jax had kept her bit later than she had anticipated so she wasn't completely ready.  While I waited for her to finish I, being the curious soul that I am, looked around her room.  Saw a picture of you two.  As she came into the room I teased her about it.  As I'm sure you know your fan club has an interesting reputation,"

"Yeah, I know.  Seen lemonlyman.com."

"Anyway, she said that since she had worked for you. . ."

"She couldn't be counted as one of my many fans," Josh inserted, to Chris's amusement.  "Yeah, I've heard it a time or two myself."

"Apparently.  In any event, I thought she was just joking, until she told me to take a closer look at the pictures.  I did, and started to realize just who was in those group shots, and that there were quite a few of you two alone."

"She worked a lot of parties for me.  Kept me grounded and on target."

"And from what she said you did a lot for her.  Donna and I. . . we decided pretty quickly that we'd be better off as friends. I mean, she's not the type of girl I'm looking for right now."

"Really?" Josh asked, not sure if he should jump on the other man or not for that.

"She's the type to settle down with, I'm still. . . well, I'm still pining after my late wife and. . . I'll deny it if you tell her. .. Eve."

Josh laughed slightly at that: "and what was Donna's excuse."

Chris smiled slightly at that: "she understood how I felt when it came to Eve.  Seems she thought she was also in the 'friend' zone with the person she was in love with."

"Toby was right.  I'm an idiot," Josh muttered as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"When it comes to women, I think we all are," he replied as he rose to his feet. "I better get going. I'll talk to one of the nurses about bringing in a hot pack for that back of yours."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"And Chris?"

"Yeah?" he asked as he paused in the doorway.

"Her loss."

Chris nodded slightly at his words, his eyes drifting to Donna and then back to the older man: "Nay. Definitely mine in both cases.  Oh, and Lyman,  you screw up I'm going to have to hurt you.  Comes with being in the friend zone."

"Gottcha," Josh nodded turning his attention to Donna with a slight laugh, which turned into a groan at the timing of the theme from Friends filling the room.  "Still making sure you're heard huh?" he asked with a shake of his head.  "And find, you got me.  You finally dated a guy who might not have been a gomer, just don't expect me to admit it when you wake up. . ."