Chapter 49

Chris slid the key into the door of his condo and then pushed it open.  Stepping into the darkened living room, he automatically reached over and flicked on the light as he dropped his briefcase onto the floor and kicked the door shut.  Tiredly he walked over to the couch and dropped onto it. Leaning his head back on a sigh he stared up at the ceiling.  This, was his lot in life.  Work and an empty house.  A life led alone.

While many of the people he worked with assumed this was what he wanted, they couldn't have been more wrong.  He missed the days when it was him and Eve against the world--- or at least the other interns. When he could come home and share a drink and conversation with someone.  Even more, he missed the times he had with Julie.  The dreams of a family.

Shaking his head, he pushed himself to his feet and moved to the bar behind the couch to start mixing martinis.  As he did, he scanned the room and couldn't help but remember the last time he wasn't alone in it only days before. . .

Chris smiled as he stepped away from the martinis he was mixing and went to answer the door.  His dress casual for him ( a polo shirt and pair of kakis )but in keeping with what he hoped to be the mood of the evening.  As the bell chimed a second time he laughed and jumped the steps.  "I'm coming," he yelled just before pulling open the door.

Out of habit he gave his guest a once over, noting the black camisole and blue jeans she was wearing and how they showed off her body.  "You want to stop giving me the once over and take these bags before I drop them?" Donna asked, nearly thrusting the bags she carried into his arms.

"Would it at least help if I said that I like what I see?"

Donna rolled her eyes as she pushed pass him and made her way into the living room: "maybe, maybe not."

"Well, it was worth a shot," he replied as he kicked the door shut and carried the bags to the coffee table. 

"For whom?" she shot back as she started to take containers of Chinese food out of the bag and placed them on the table.

"Well, you're certainly in a mood.  Want a drink?" he asked as he went behind the couch.

"It's been a long day," Donna shrugged as she started to fold the now empty paper bags. "And I'll take a beer."

"So what made it so long?" Chris asked as he opened the small refrigerator under the bar and pulled out a beer before pouring himself a martini.

"You really don't want to know," was her only response as she turned and reached back to take the bottle from him.  "What? You don't have a bottle opener?" she asked as she pulled up the edge of her shirt and used it to help her turn the top.

"Oh, I have one.  But I wanted to see some skin," he teased as he recrossed the room to sit on the couch next to her.

"Keep dreaming Ramsey," she answered before raising the bottle to her lips and taking a swig. 

Shaking his head, Chris turned his attention to the table that was now covered with food.  "I take it you're hungry?"

"Not really, why?"

"Just that this is enough to feed an army."

"Just used to ordering for a lot more people," Donna shrugged as she turned the bottle in her hand and started to tear off the label.  "I didn't even realize what I was doing till I got the order.  Don't worry though.  I'll take leftovers off your hands if you need me to."

"I can handle some, you've seen the state of my kitchen of late and since it's no fun cooking for just one. . ." he let his words drift off as he watched her.  "Hey what's really going on with you?"

"Nothing."

"You sure?'

"Yeah, of course I'm sure.  Everything is just okey dokey."

"I didn't know you used that term," he responded, his tone teasing over his concern.

"You don't know everything there is to know about me, Chris, even if you think you do because you know a few things that others don't," she snapped as she rose to her feet and started to pace.

"Hey, I didn't think I did."

"Yeah, I know," Donna replied while fighting back tears as she simultaneously pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and took a swig from the bottle.  "Let's just chalk this up to having been a long day, ok?" she asked as she looked at him.

Although concerned, he nodded: "Yeah.  Sure.  How about you and I try to put a dent into all this food and watch a movie."

"My pick?" she beseeched.

"Sure, why not?"

"You're a good guy Ramsey," she said softly as she moved back to the couch and perched on its arm.

Chris laughed as he stood and started to head for the kitchen: "a hell of a lot of people in this town would disagree with you."

"So? I've been told my opinions have been wrong lots of times on lots of things," she replied as the doorbell chimed.

"Get that would you?" Chris called from the kitchen.

"And you being so damned bossy couldn't be the reason people have differing opinions on that?" she called to him as she set her beer on the table and rose. 

"You're a brat you know that?"

"I know you are but what am I?" she called back in a childish voice as she opened the door as he stepped back into the living room.  From where he stood he could see her suddenly stiffen.  Curious, he put the dishes and silverware he was carrying on the table and hurried to the door.

"My boss said to tell you that the order came from someone else, Ma'am.  But if you want we can just stick to the usual routine," the delivery man was saying softly.

"Hey, is everything OK?" Chris asked as he came to stand next to Donna as he put a hand on her shoulder.

Pulling away from his touch, Donna swallowed hard:  "No, no.  Everything's fine.  Just wondering how he . . . um. . . found me that's all.  Seems Jax told him I'd be here," she answered shakily.  "Ummm, Chris can you tip him.  My purse is by the couch," she added as she reached out and took the floral arrangement from the delivery man and carried it to the bar without waiting for an answer.

Shrugging, Chris reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and handed the guy a five before closing the door and turning.  From where he stood on the landing he could tell that her hands were slightly shaky as she reached for the card.  "You ok?" he asked as he took the steps and crossed to stand next to her.

"Yeah," she said weakly as she reached out and took the card, not really wanting to.  Donna stared at it for a moment, well aware that Chris was watching her, but still slightly afraid.  She had thought she had found away around the arrangements that AJ sent her, but what if he had found away around her scheme to make sure that she accepted them? Well, she supposed there was only one way to find out.  Taking a deep breathe she turned over the card and used her nail to flip the tab before pulling out the card.  She read it quickly, her nerves turning to a smile than the smile falling slightly to a frown as she slipped it back into the envelop and placed it in the arrangement.  "So, how about showing the movies I have to pick from?" she asked through forming tears.

"Donna? Are you sure that you're ok? That they're not from. . ."

Donna turned sharply, her tone icy: "They're from Toby Ziegler.  Or at least his secretary.  A birthday gift."

"Shit.  Sorry, I didn't realize. . ."

"Or what? You would've made a cake?" she asked sarcastically.

"Well, bought one at least," he answered evenly, wondering about what exactly was bothering her.  Why the delivery man would've made the comments he had.

"It's not like you knew the date anyway," she shrugged, brushing away his apology.  "Hell, at least he had his secretary send something.  That's more than the rest. . ." she stopped short and cursed.  "Let's just forget it ok?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll forget it.  The movies are this way. . ."

"I should never have let it drop," Chris muttered as he brought a martini glass to his lips and took a long drink.

"You can't save everyone, Chris," a voice said from the hall near his bedroom.  At the sound he turned and stared.  He didn't know what he felt at that moment as he looked at the woman standing there.  Her long, dark hair was a mess of curls; her slacks were white and her blouse a riot of colors all making her seem more vibrant that he could remember her being before. 

"Yeah, well, I've never been much of a hero, have I?" he asked as he toasted her before take another drink from his glass, setting it down, reaching for a second, and pouring her one of her own.

"You don't seem too surprised to see me," she said simply as she crossed to him and took the glass he offered.

"With all the vampires, angels, and other undead things running around this town lately, I had hoped it would only be a matter of time before I saw you.  Didn't think it would be for this though."

She only shrugged: "Ed's weird about what he sends us for."

"So why now?'

"Why not now?" she shot back as she sipped her drink and watched him over the rim of her glass.  His expressions were somewhat easy for her to read, at least easier for her to read now than during their all too short marriage.  She sighed as she put down her glass and reached out to take his hand: "there's a lot of guilt floating around right now, and there's nothing anyone could've done.  There are things that are about to happen, all for reasons that all of you are not ready to see.  Destiny always takes a hand, Chris."

"So what? You're destiny?"

"No.  Just think of me as one of her handmaidens."

Chris pulled his hand away from hers and stepped back: "Really? Then I really don't get a damned thing about destiny, Julie.  Because I don't understand how it would let Cooper do the things he did.  Let Lucy take Christina.  Let you give up your daughter and then die alone. 

And even more I don't get how it would allow a sweet, caring person like Donna be hurt and possibly die because of an asshole like AJ.  How it would not give her a chance at love with a man who would do anything for her.  How it would just keep kicking those people. How it keeps kicking me.

I tell you, I'm sick of it.  Yeah, I have money.  I have some semblance of power, but what the hell good is it doing me when I couldn't save you? When I can't make sure that the little girl I helped to bring into this world is safe and healthy? When I can't even help a friend? When my skills as a doctor just aren't enough!"

Julie smiled sadly: "learned a few new things there, Ramsey?" she asked.  He stared at her angrily, his breathing harsh after his tirade.  "Drop dead," he muttered as he threw up his hands and stormed past her towards the bedroom they had once shared.

"You forget, I already did," she shot back, watching as he froze, his shoulders slumping.  Shaking her head, she walked towards him and placed a comforting hand on his back as she leaned into him and rested her chin on his shoulder.  "Oh, Chris.  That. . . that's part of destiny's plans for all of you.  Things don't just happen without teaching us something.  There's something in this for everyone to learn.  Destiny isn't something that's written in stone.  Its course changes based on decisions that we all make, but its destination is always clear.  The people who are meant to be together will be.  The lessons we need to learn we will.  And the time for us to depart will arrive when it needs to, despite modern medicine's best efforts to the contrary."

"Why are you here?"

"To remind you why you can't give up.  That you can't let them or her give up either."

"Is she going to live?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why the hell not?" Chris asked as he pulled away from her and spun around to face her.

"Because I don't know. I just know that you need to think about what you've learned.  That you need to let go.  Be ready to move on."

"From what?"

"From me.  From what was nothing more than a dream.  I was a detour, Ramsey."

"You were more than that Julie."

"What was I then?"

"A lesson," he said softly as he reached out and cupped her face, a shy smile on his own.  "You taught me to love."

"Then hold onto that and let me go, Chris," she entreated sadly as she placed one hand over his and wiped a tear off his cheek with the other.

"I thought I had.  I mean, I know you're not going to really come back.  But. . . you had so much unfinished business that I thought maybe. . ."

"You are my unfinished business, Chris.  Let go now."

Chris nodded slightly at that, "I loved you Julie.  More than you know.  More than you realized.  But you're right.  I need to move on.  From you.  Hell, even from Eve.  I just didn't want to.  It's not like there's anyone here. . ."

Julie reached slid her hand over to cover his mouth and silence him.  "There's a reason you met Donna."

"We're just friends," he protested as he reached up and removed her hand from his mouth.

"And I'll share this much, since I'm sure you already are aware of it: that's all you should be.  That doesn't mean that her presence hasn't put you on a crash course with destiny."

"What does that mean?"

"When the time comes, you'll understand," Julie said simply.

"I already told you, I don't understand much when it comes to destiny."

"No one does, Chris.  No one does," she said softly as she stepped back from him.  "I need to go now? You going to be ok?"

"I'm not going to give up on her, if that's what you mean?"

"And the guilt?"

"I thought you planned to specialize in oncology not psychiatry."

"I picked up a few things at Ferncliff."

Chris laughed as he shook his head:  "Go on and leave, I'll work through it and learn from it."

"You better," Julie laughed as she started to fade away.

"It was supposed to teach me a lesson, huh?" he asked as he shook his head and then stopped for a moment.  "But what if it's more than that.  She had an arrangement about flowers sent to her.  Ziegler had flowers sent so he'd be able to find out where and maybe just maybe. . ." Smiling he started back down the hall and grabbed the portable out of its phone stand as he moved to the couch. Before sitting down, he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and started to look through it for the numbers he had been given to get in touch with Donna's former colleagues should the need arise.  Within seconds he held Toby's in his hand and had dialed the older man's cell. . .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Toby stepped out of the synagogue and started down the steps, his mood still somber, but his hope restored after the time he had spent there in silent prayer and in conversation with the rabbi there.  As he started down the street back towards the studio as the rabbi had directed him to as his cell started to ring.

"Ziegler," he said shortly, then stopped short as the caller identified himself.  "Has there been a change in her condition, Dr, Ramsey?" He paused as the other man responded his jaw tightening slightly as he did.  "Yeah. . .I'll call my secretary in the morning and find out who she used and then tell Ron so he can look in to it.  Thanks for the heads up," he added as he ended the call and dropped it into his pocket. Inhaling, he looked up to the stars and shook his head before continuing down the road muttering to himself about stubborn, independent woman. .